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It’s really warm.
Obviously it’s always warm, it’s the Caribbean. He grew up in Barbados, he knows heat.
Maybe he’d forgotten how to navigate it though, while living at sea. It was different out there, almost always a breeze coming through to keep things cool. Here, in these early days of true summer, the heat seems to fall on him like a blanket he can’t remove. It’s stifling and sticky.
Now, he sits on the porch that faces the same sea, but it feels like all the air has been removed from the world. It would be nice to take a deep, fresh breath, but it just feels more suffocating every time he tries.
Ed is out there somewhere, in the sea or maybe on the beach. He’s angry with Stede, he thinks, after this morning.
They haven’t got any guests currently at the maybe-inn, it isn’t ready for that, but they have neighbours, or as close as it gets to that around here. Just a little village slightly more inland than them, a half hour’s brisk walk away. They’d not exchanged much more than a friendly hello, or the occasional purchase of goods from those who kept livestock or grew plants. With the weather as it is today though, everyone came down to the beach first thing.
Stede likes to think of it as ‘their’ beach, but of course it isn’t really. It’s not attached to the inn, they have no ownership over it. Still, he’d gotten used to the solitude over the cooler months. It had been jarring to be woken up by the sound of shrieking and shouting as the people played in the water. He was already not really sleeping in the heat, and had only drifted off half an hour before.
Ed had been delighted, of course, when he woke up. He loves being in the centre of a group of people. And he always is the centre, immediately, whether they’re friends or strangers. Stede cannot imagine having his level of charisma; it feels like it should be exhausting, but Ed seems to thrive on attention, and he deserves to.
Naturally, Ed had wanted to go out right away and join them, but Stede made them breakfast first. The temperature of the room had risen unpleasantly as he toasted the bread over their makeshift fire, but it couldn’t be helped. He couldn’t handle the texture of plain bread, soft and too chewy without the crispiness, on top of everything else right then.
Ed managed to encourage Stede to join them at first. Well, he’d do pretty much anything he asked. As he’d expected the people instantly welcomed Ed into the fold, but to his surprise they were just as happy he was there too. Some children immediately kicked the ball they had been playing with towards him, though he’d nearly fallen over trying to kick it back. Some of the women then grabbed his arms and gently encouraged him towards the sea, so he’d taken off his stockings and shoes and joined them.
And it had been nice, at first. The water wasn’t cool, but it was cooler than the air. It was pleasant to stand in.
And then he’d been caught in the crossfire of a passing game of water splashing. A huge wave aimed by one teenage boy at another hit him full pelt, knocking him into the water. He’d flailed and floundered until he’d managed to drag himself to the shore, coughing up what felt like his whole lungs full of sea.
And he’d looked up for Ed, as he always did. And Ed had been looking back at him, laughing alongside some of the men.
It wasn’t that Ed never laughed at him. He did, frequently. Their little games and jokes often had them both in stitches. But this felt different. He was wet and uncomfortable and he wanted to go home, but Ed just thought it was funny.
“Ed?”
“Yeah love?” he’d said between the giggles. Not even asking if he was okay then.
“I think I want to go home now.”
“Oh. Yeah, sure, you go on ahead and get dry.”
“You’re not coming?”
“What? Stede, I’m having fun!”
“Well, don’t let me spoil it for you.” And he’d left without another word.
That had been a few hours ago, and Ed hadn’t returned. Stede had peeled off his wet clothing and hung it over the porch fence to dry, which it almost had already in the sun. He’d changed and then sat for a while just looking at the wall to try and get his brain back in sorts. He needed this sometimes, always had. It had worked somewhat. He still felt a little distant, but he'd manage. He always did.
He had been intending to join them again, maybe make amends somehow, but the minute he got outside the noise had hit him. It was just the sound of people having fun, he knew, and he knew it made him a bad person to hate it so much. He couldn’t help it. He’d always been like this, over sensitive, ruining everyone else’s good time. He should’ve gone back inside, hidden away, but he couldn’t. Instead, he sat down, and his hands went over his ears of their own accord. Staring down at the sand covered steps under his feet, his vision went a bit blurry as his mind started to drift.
“Stede? Hey, Stede, can you hear me?” He isn’t sure how much time has passed, but his legs feel numb as he becomes aware of them again. With more effort than it surely should take, he slowly lifts his gaze up.
“Ed?” He smiles just a little less widely than he usually does. Something is different in his eyes, a hint of sadness maybe, that Stede really isn’t up to interpreting right now.
“Hey. You’ve been out here a while. Everyone’s gone home.”
“Have they?”
“Sure have. Little while ago, in fact.”
“Oh.”
“I was going to do the same, but you’re kind of blocking the door mate.”
“Oh. Oh! Sorry, hang on, I’ll…” he tries to stand, but it doesn’t feel like there is enough blood in his legs to allow it. He staggers and grabs for the bannister, but warm hands grip him around the arms.
“Whoa there! Slow down, it’s fine. Let’s just sit here a while and watch the sun go down.”
“The sun?”
“Yeah, big yellow thing in the sky.”
“I know that, Ed. But it’s that late?”
“It is.”
“I think I must have been sat here a while.”
“I think so, yeah.” Ed lets go so he can sit back down, and does the same beside him. “Want to tell me about it?”
“It’s fine.”
“See, the thing is, people don’t usually lose track of time sitting on some steps.”
“No?”
“No. So I reckon it might not actually be fine, love.”
“Maybe.” They both look at the sea for a while. It is rapidly turning orange as the sun strikes it on the way down.
“Was it the water? When that kid splashed you? He was sorry, by the way. He practically begged my forgiveness. Think maybe he knows who we are.”
“Shit, do you think that’ll be a problem?”
“Nah. Think they’re all from pirating stock round here, we’ll be fine.”
“It wasn’t the water. Well, it was a bit the water. It was wet and unpleasant. I wasn’t expecting to go under like that. But then when I got out, all I wanted was you.”
“I was right there.”
“You were laughing at me.”
“I was laughing with you.”
“I wasn’t laughing.” Ed is quiet for a second.
“Shit. I’m sorry. I thought we were having fun.”
“You were.”
“Yeah, but I wouldn’t have been if I’d known you weren’t.”
“I would’ve liked a hug, maybe, but you were laughing at me, and so were those men.”
“They’re just some of the neighbours. Anyway, they weren’t just laughing at you, as you were getting out the kid who hit you got hit, went down like a sack of potatoes.”
“It felt like being back at school, Ed, a bunch of people laughing at me when I was upset. Only it was you.”
“Stede. I didn’t know.”
“And then you were mad at me.”
“I wasn’t mad at you!”
“You didn’t come home.”
“I lost track of time a bit out there, yeah, but not because of you.”
“And it’s not just that. It’s this heat. I haven’t really been sleeping, it’s so uncomfortable.”
“You never said.”
“Well it wasn’t bothering you.”
“I didn’t think it bothered you either! It never seemed to on the ship.”
“No, well, it’s cooler out at sea.”
Ed is quiet again for a little while. When Stede looks at him, he is staring out across the water.
“You miss it, don’t you? Being out at sea.”
“Sometimes. Some of it anyway. I don’t miss being gut stabbed, or tortured.”
“Do you think it was a mistake, coming here, leaving it behind?”
“No. I’m happy with you, with us.” Ed looks at him now with a real smile on his face, which is returned. Their hands find each other.
“How can we make it more comfortable for you then love? How about leaving the bedroom window open at night?”
“I didn’t think you’d like that, the sea noise.”
“Why? I lived at sea for decades.”
“Exactly, I thought it might have bad memories attached.”
“Stede, would I be living this close to the sea if I hated it? Open the window.”
“Alright.”
“So that’s the temperature and the sleep sorted. What else was bothering you?”
“The noise - I think I’m not used to big groups of people any more. And I just wanted it to be us this morning, but you wanted to go down to the beach with everyone.”
“You could’ve said no! I would’ve stayed here if you asked me.”
“But you wanted to. I don’t want you to change for me, Ed.”
“Same for you, Stede. I love you, all your quirky ways. I love that you get overwhelmed and can’t talk sometimes - wait, no, that came out wrong, I don’t love that it happens, I just…”
“You know about that?”
“Stede. Babe. We’ve been living together for ages. Reckon we know everything about each other by now.”
“You never said.”
“It’s not really the sort of thing you just bring up. Besides, it’s fine. It’s part of you.”
“No one else ever thought that.”
“No?”
“Mary hated it when I got like this, I think she thought I was doing it on purpose. As was her right. I did leave her alone at quite a few big parties when I couldn’t handle it any more.”
“She should’ve left with you.”
“She didn’t know. Neither did I. My father...well, my whole family, both our families, they didn’t really like anything that wasn’t normal.”
“And why do those dickfucks get to decide what normal is?”
“Oh, you know what I mean. Useful. Befitting the Bonnet heir. I should have been able to command any group of people and win them over, like you can.”
“Clearly not good at knowing what people need though, am I?”
“You are! You’re here aren’t you?”
“Yeah, hours too late after I made you feel like those rich fucks did.”
“It’s fine, Ed.”
“It’s not fine! We should talk about these things as they happen, Stede. Talk it through, like you always said.”
“Is that not what we’re doing?”
“Yeah. Yeah, we are. Let’s do more of it.”
“I agree.”
The sea is darker now, the sun too low to reflect off her, and the colour of the sky isn’t far behind. The air has cooled to a more comfortable temperature, and the evening is quiet. Stede feels himself starting to drift off to sleep, so they should really head inside soon, but for now it’s fine. It’s all fine.