Chapter Text
It didn’t stop happening after that. Or more like, Wei Wuxian kept initiating, and Lan Zhan, for one reason or another, just let him. Didn’t snitch him out to Lan Qiren for inappropriate behavior, and instead just watched Wei Wuxian make his clumsy insinuations, grinning and flushed, and then let him have it after getting angry enough.
They spent a lot of time in the library together, all alone, unsupervised, so it was probably too convenient not to. Or at least that is what Wei Wuxian thought it must’ve been about.
If one were to look at Lan Zhan, they wouldn’t be able to tell he was someone who liked doing that. He still sat primly and collected in each class, face revealing nothing but distant tranquility, removed from the carnal needs of the common man. Except then they would be sitting in the library again, Lan Zhan’s eyes lingering on the curve of his neck, and something in his eyes would become just as mortal as the rest of them.
Wei Wuxian could not get enough. He was starting to understand the warnings of their elders, now. How such a thing could consume one if they weren’t careful about it, and Wei Wuxian had never been one to not throw himself fully into something he enjoyed.
So he kept making moves, and Lan Zhan would become someone who desired, and the rule-copying would be forgotten for a moment.
It would’ve been enough. It would have, but then Wei Wuxian was greedy in a way that surprised even himself, and somehow it wasn’t enough to just get those fleeting moments of Lan Zhan’s concentrated attention.
Outside the library, things stayed much the same. Lan Zhan, existing on a separate plane, uncaring of Wei Wuxian. In fact, as if to compensate for the way he spent so much time between his legs in the evenings, it seemed that Hanguang-jun cared for Wei Wuxian’s presence even less any other time.
His greetings over the courtyard got ignored. His smiles and quips and questions before and after class might as well not have been voiced at all, what with the lack of response. Lan Zhan did not spare him a glance, a thought, a friendly gesture.
He sparred with Jin Zixuan again, the next time he showed up to practice. Wei Wuxian wanted to punch the both of them – instead, he poured his frustration in mock-flirting with the Jin disciple he himself was fighting. Lan Zhan, whose sense of propriety was unfaltering outside the walls of the library, showed his displeasure over this first by snappishly iterating the rules of the sect to them, and then afterward, when they were alone, by taking Wei Wuxian’s mouth harshly, hand in his hair.
Lan Zhan would say his name like he was pleading. Wei Wuxian liked all of it too much to stay resentful.
Jiang Cheng, weirdly perceptive despite almost constantly misinterpreting everything around him, knew that something was up with him immediately, but only brought it up after it had been going on for a while.
“What are you doing after the punishment with Lan Wangji?” the tone was not necessarily accusing, but it came from Jiang Cheng, so it still sounded kind of curt and angry.
Wei Wuxian glanced up from where he was washing his face, trying to get his swollen, red lips to look a little less like they’d been bullied for hours. He’d taken the less popular route back to his room to avoid eyewitnesses. Everyone in the Cloud Recesses was a tattletale.
“Wha – I’m not doing anything with Lan Zhan, what do you mean? What would I be doing with Lan Zhan?”
Jiang Cheng scowled at him. “Stop playing dumb, I meant what do you do after you’re done doing the punishment that Lan Wangji oversees?”
Wei Wuxian had not been playing dumb, and the relief of knowing that his shidi didn’t suspect a thing between him and Lan Zhan was palpable. The tense line of his shoulders relaxed. “What do you mean? I always come straight here.”
Not a word he said was being believed, judging from the narrowed eyes. But in the end, Jiang Cheng only scoffed. “Fine, lie then. It’s not like I care.
His shidi left in a huff, but there really wasn’t anything Wei Wuxian could’ve done to stop that. It wasn’t like he could just go and tell Jiang Cheng. The thought was laughable, actually. Jiang Cheng would first kill him for acting in such an unseemly way, and then he would try to kill, and fail at killing, Lan Zhan, for being partly at fault too.
So it really was better this way, with Jiang Cheng not in the know. Besides, Wei Wuxian needed to get Lan Zhan to acknowledge their friendship, and he really couldn’t do that while being dead.
-
“No, no, don’t stop on my account,” Wei Wuxian said, sitting down next to Lan Zhan, close enough to earn a glare and stilled fingers on the guqin strings. “It sounded very beautiful. There really isn’t a thing Hanguang-jun doesn’t excel in.”
The magnolia above them was in bloom, the light, elegant smell of it enveloping the air around them. Lan Zhan looked at him from the side of his eye, stiff and uncomfortable as always. Like Wei Ying’s presence was a bad sign in and of itself.
“Visiting disciples are to stay in the public areas.”
“You can add that to my punishment, then,” Wei Wuxian said easily, flashing Lan Zhan a pointed smile. “Either copying or the one where you –“
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan warned, sounding way too scandalized for someone who’d spent a lot of time in the past few weeks balls-deep in Wei Wuxian.
“What? Didn’t you say that people are not allowed to come here? Who’s going to hear me talk nonsense?”
A slow exhale through the nose was a Lan Zhan equivalent of a frustrated sigh. In the end, he merely turned back to his guqin. Wei Wuxian watched him carefully, chewing the inside of his cheek in thought.
Lan Zhan really had a tendency to escape from him, whenever he tried to catch him outside the places where he was forced to spend time with Wei Wuxian. Sitting next to him like that usually resulted in Lan Zhan stopping whatever it was he was doing and moving away, like spending another second in Wei Wuxian’s company would cause him great pain or something.
Lan Zhan did look like that though, sometimes, when he met Wei Wuxian’s eyes. Pained. It was mostly whenever they were in the library, and Wei Wuxian would tease him a little, or compliment him, or mention a fun thing he’d gotten up to.
Now he didn’t look pained, at least, but that didn’t necessarily mean he wouldn’t escape at any moment.
Wei Wuxian wondered if it was just his preference for solitude, or if Lan Zhan truly disliked him that much for some reason. It wouldn’t be – well. In Wei Wuxian’s opinion, it was kind of unfair. He was very sociable, and in his own opinion, a very agreeable company as well.
It would’ve been unfair for Lan Zhan to solely hate him because their first meeting happened to be a bit of a catastrophe! Lan Zhan hadn’t really even given him a chance to show what benefits being a friend with him would bring!
Ah, then again, maybe he had. Wei Wuxian had a bite mark on his shoulder from yesterday, aching a little whenever he absentmindedly pressed on it.
“What, are you really not going to play?” he asked when Lan Zhan still only just sat there.
Unsurprisingly, he did not get an answer. Wei Wuxian huffed. “I wish I had my dizi with me, I could join you.”
Lan Zhan blinked, head tilting a little towards him. “You play?”
“A little, and very badly,” Wei Wuxian replied. He wasn’t truly atrocious, or even all that bad, really. But Jiangs didn’t cultivate through music like the Lans.
The line of Lan Zhan’s mouth spelled doubt, but he merely turned back to silently stare at the guqin in his hands. The skin at the end of Lan Zhan’s long fingers was calloused, shaped by music. Curious contrast to the way his skin otherwise felt, smooth and soft and hot under his touch.
It was strange that he knew this about Lan Zhan. Strange that Lan Zhan could sit there so distant, as if they were mere strangers, when his mouth had left marks on Wei Wuxian the day before.
It had started to become so easy, now, to provoke Lan Zhan in the library. A shameless litany of words, a provocative posture, robes that were not properly tied. ‘Er-gege’, over and over, voice getting whinier each time he said it.
Maybe it was the fact that they were forced to share space like that, Lan Zhan too dutiful to leave his task and storm out when Wei Wuxian got difficult. Maybe he found it easier to just give in.
Here, outside, he was not duty-bound. Wei Wuxian didn’t want him to be.
“What were you playing just then?” he asked, suddenly. It really had been something exceptionally beautiful.
“Nothing,” Lan Zhan said, and then at then when Wei Wuxian made a face, continued: “...It is not ready yet.”
“You were composing?”
A nod. Wei Wuxian couldn’t say that he was astonished, really. Lan Zhan was exceptional in all things. Of course his head would be full of gorgeous notes just waiting to be put in an order for the rest of the world to enjoy.
Well, perhaps not for the rest of the world. Lan Zhan’s hands were still resting steady, unwilling to move when Wei Wuxian’s eyes could catch them. Unsurprising, but it still made Wei Wuxian feel a little bit like he was slamming his head against a brick wall in the hopes of making said wall soften for him.
“I’m impressed.” He relaxed further against the grass. “Although I did know Lan Er-gege is very skillful in forcing nice sounds out of things.”
The tiniest flare of red in the tips of Lan Zhan’s ears was gratifying. The way he made to stand up was not.
“Hey, hey, Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian’s hand shot up to catch the sleeve of Lan Zhan’s white robes, stopping him. “Don’t be like that! I promise I won’t make jokes like that again, won’t you stay?”
The sleeve was jerked out of his grasp. His tone was indifferent when he replied: “I have tasks to attend to.”
“Right,” Wei Wuxian replied, acrid feeling filling his chest. “Don’t let me keep you.”
Lan Zhan, without a glance his way, did not. And Wei Wuxian couldn’t really pretend to be surprised, either.
-
It didn’t get to Wei Wuxian most of the time. He just wasn’t the type of person to take it personally, when someone found him intolerable. He had many good things in life, and people were generally very nice to him, excluding a few people whose names Wei Wuxian had a hard time remembering anyway.
He had many friends. He didn’t have to be alone at all if he so wished. He didn’t have to care about the people who were jealous of him or found his general being intolerable.
He attempted to not care a lot, with Lan Zhan. The esteemed Hanguang-jun really did have this dislike of him, and mostly it was very funny to get him to show that when the man was so obvious in his attempts to shroud it in aloofness. But sometimes, when Wei Wuxian was surrounded by people, having a good time in general, there was this nagging feeling in him.
It would’ve only been fair, wouldn’t it, for Lan Zhan to hold him in high regard as well? It didn’t make sense for him to be so intent on keeping Wei Wuxian at an arm’s length, making sure he would never be under the illusion that they were anything but acquaintances at best to each other. They could’ve been such good friends!
But it was obvious that the feeling was not mutual.
The first time their group of visiting disciples went on a night-hunt, Lan Zhan came with them. It was probably to supervise, though none of them were children anymore, and the rules of the Lan did not matter outside the Cloud Recesses.
Lan Zhan ignored his attempts to converse, as usual. Wei Wuxian, in turn, ignored the warning look Jiang Cheng sent his way.
The assignment they were on had to do with a simple ghost menacing a village. Scared uncles and aunties, fainting maidens. Three young men had thrown themselves into a well and broken their necks, so it was certainly a real problem. The village happened to be a little out of the way, so they had to stop in the evening to make a camp.
After annoying Jiang Cheng for a hot minute and helping the other disciples out a little, he went off to find some wood for the fire with a quiet kid who he hadn’t talked to before. Wen Ning had that kind of unassuming look that made him really easy for most people to ignore. Wei Wuxian had seen him shooting a bow, once, and had been about to go and offer his advice, but then he’d spotted Lan Zhan and had annoyed him instead.
Wen Ning was pretty good at finding good fire fuel, though. Wei Wuxian would’ve been, as well, but he kept getting distracted by feeling eyes on his back and then when turning back to look, didn’t catch anyone’s eye. They were close enough to the camp for everyone to still see them.
“Is something wrong?” Wen Ning asked, a hint of concern in his voice.
Wei Wuxian, kind of embarrassed by his head swinging back and forth when he should’ve been actively looking for sticks to burn, let out a laugh. “Don’t mind me, I get easily distracted!”
The other looked thoughtfully back at the camp for a moment, then turned to give him a small smile. “I think you are wanted back there.”
“Haha, by whom?” Jiang Cheng had kicked him in the shin and told him to be useful. “I think everyone’s just hungry. We should hurry up about it, right? Or I should. You’re doing great, Wen Ning, that’s so much wood!”
Wen Ning, clearly not used to compliments, gave him another small smile, this time a little embarrassed. In the end, they both got enough sticks to burn, once Wei Wuxian started focusing only on the task at hand.
They made a fire. Well, one of the Nie disciples did, and Wei Wuxian praised him for it, which in turn made him feel that prickly feeling again, someone’s eyes on him. But when he turned to the likely culprit – why was he likely, he kept ignoring Wei Wuxian – Lan Zhan was staring off, stand-offish as always.
They put their food on sticks above the fire, letting them warm up. It had been hours since they left the Cloud Recesses, and they hadn’t eaten since. Flying had mostly distracted him from it – it had been a while since the last time he’d been able to travel long distances just by sword, so he’d thoroughly enjoyed that. Even if Lan Zhan had ignored him.
Now, Lan Zhan was checking the way someone had put up their tent a little lopsided. Always the corrector. Jiang Cheng had called Wen Ning away for some reason or another, and the Nie disciples were very invested in some sort of argument about sword forms, so Wei Wuxian was practically alone by the fire, staring at the steadily darkening sky and thinking.
Then, there was a thud and the sounds of sizzling meat. Wei Wuxian turned back to the fire, almost letting out a loud groan. Wen Ning’s portion had fallen off the stick right into the fire. Now it was dirty, and would soon look more like coal than anything edible.
Glancing quickly towards Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning to make sure they hadn’t noticed anything, he switched the places of his own food and Wen Ning’s now-empty stick. He had to be careful about that – he didn’t want another meal to go to waste. Wen Ning had worked hard, so it would’ve been too unfair for him to go to bed unfed.
He relaxed back, then, away from the sticks. Just in time, too. Wen Ning and Jiang Cheng appeared behind him.
Jiang Cheng frowned at him. “Smells burnt.”
“They’re not.” They weren’t. Most were just about ready, in fact. Not even slightly overcooked. “Already ate mine, and it was just perfect.”
“And you couldn’t let us know?” Jiang Cheng sat down next to him, despite the annoyed tone. “The rest of us are hungry, too.”
“Sorry, sorry,” he said and gave Wen Ning a wide grin over Jiang Cheng’s shoulder. The smile he was given back was just as kind as the earlier ones.
The emptiness in his own stomach didn’t growl, thankfully, but it made sitting still a little uncomfortable. The delicious smell of warm food around him didn’t exactly help. Wei Wuxian turned his eyes away from the fire, at least, almost reflexively turning towards where he’d seen Lan Zhan last –
And the man was already watching him, an unreadable expression on his face.
Wei Wuxian held that gaze for one long moment, before turning back to his brother, heartbeat thundering in his chest.
He could forget the hunger for the next hour, while they talked and laughed around the fire. They’d get to the village tomorrow, and Wei Wuxian could buy himself some dumplings. Something filled with meat and spices and all the things Gusu Lan sect’s diet lacked. Those thoughts kept him in a good mood, even when his stomach protested.
Though in the end, when they turned in, Wei Wuxian saw that there were two loquats placed inside his tent, plump and round and smelling so sweet that Wei Wuxian would’ve immediately devoured them had he not been so surprised.
He glanced at where Lan Zhan was getting ready for bed as well, disappearing into his own tent.
Something warm spread in Wei Wuxian’s chest as he only stared at the dark outline of Hanguang-jun’s tent for a moment or two before going inside his own and biting into one of the loquats. It was just as sweet as it looked.
-
“You are too friendly with people,” Jiang Cheng told him the next day, apropos of nothing.
They were close to the village already. Supposedly. Lan Zhan was the one who’d been traveling around Gusu the most, so he led them, and whenever Wei Wuxian asked whether they were there yet, Lan Zhan only gave him one of those ‘I’m very unimpressed’ looks.
“How can you be too friendly with people?” Wei Wuxian asked. “You’re too mean to people, Jiang Cheng. I’m just picking up the slack.”
“No, you just–“ Jiang Cheng seemed to have a hard time verbalizing his thoughts. He looked a mix of constipated, annoyed, and embarrassed. “You’re making yourself seem like –“
“Like what?”
There was a fleeting moment where Jiang Cheng clearly wanted to say something, but in the end, he only turned to glare at Wei Wuxian. “What reason did Lan Qiren give for your punishment?”
Ah. He willed any redness of stay off of his face. He definitely couldn’t let Jiang Cheng know about that. “I was distracting class. Fidgeting. You saw it.”
“And there was nothing else?” Jiang Cheng asked, insistent.
“What else would there have been?” Wei Wuxian didn’t meet his eyes. “What’s with this interrogation? Are you already so bored you need to make up problems?”
“Who’s interrogating? You’re just –!” Whatever it was that Wei Wuxian was, Jiang Cheng muttered so quietly that he couldn’t hear it.
A bit ahead of them, Lan Zhan’s hair gently swayed in the wind. It was almost unreal how he could look so ethereal during something as mundane as walking on a dirt road. Wei Wuxian kept his attention on him rather than on the conversation with Jiang Cheng.
“And why do you keep doing that?” said shidi continued, ever relentless.
“Doing what?”
There was a downward curl to Jiang Cheng’s mouth. “Staring at Lan Wangji with that look.”
“Well, Lan Zhan is pretty.”
“Do you hear yourself?” He sounded almost incredulous.
“Why shouldn’t I say it? It’s true! I’m handsome as well, and so are you, and so is Wen Ning, and so are many other people,” Wei Wuxian stated. “Why is it so wrong to say that? Don’t I have eyes, can’t I tell?”
This was evidently the breaking point to Jiang Cheng’s patience. The man cursed and stomped off, making distance between himself and Wei Wuxian like acknowledging other people’s good looks was contagious and he was in grave danger of having to think positive things about fellow cultivators.
Wei Wuxian felt kind of bad, still. He didn’t want to keep things secret from Jiang Cheng. But his shidi had a tendency to blow things out of proportion, and maybe blame Wei Wuxian a little bit more than was warranted, so this was the safer option for everyone involved.
Free of Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian moved on to bother Lan Zhan instead.
Hanguang-jun’s entire demeanor stayed unmoved when Wei Wuxian appeared next to him. The steps still steady, the expression placid.
“Did you sleep well, Lan Zhan?” he asked.
The answer came a little lagging, but Wei Wuxian didn’t get completely ignored, which was always a win. “Mn.”
“Me too! I suppose traveling makes anyone sleep like a rock,” Wei Wuxian mused. “My back is kind of killing me, though! Who would’ve thought I would miss the Cloud Recesses’ mattresses? They’re almost as hard as the ground itself.”
Lan Zhan’s eyes flickered to him, something almost like a concern in them.
Wei Wuxian snorted. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m used to my back hurting a little.”
The concern vanished. Wei Wuxian was granted a view of Lan Zhan’s sullen profile again, again for no visible reason. For someone who was definitely entirely at fault for Wei Wuxian’s back pains nowadays, Lan Zhan certainly hated to be reminded of it.
It was fine; Wei Wuxian would just change the topic on the fly.
“It’s very pretty here,” he stated. General small talk couldn’t go that much wrong, could it? “Have you been traveling here a lot?”
“Mn.”
“And not only in Gusu, I guess?”
“Mn.”
“I thought so. People say that Hanguang-jun shows up where the need is the greatest,” Wei Wuxian said. “Where there is chaos, there is Hanguang-jun. That’s very admirable.”
Lan Zhan’s long lashes twitched, his face turning just the tiniest bit away.
“With me, it’s the other way around. I bring the chaos,” Wei Wuxian stated, and because he was terrible and unable to help himself, continued with a glint in his eye: “And sometimes the great need, too.”
A slow exhale, almost a sigh for Lan Zhan. No immediate fury, though, which was probably good.
“Traveling a little bit around and helping out sounds nice, though,” he mused. “Getting new experiences. Oh, I have never actually been to Qishan, that could be a fun place to visit.”
This, for some reason, made Lan Zhan give him a sharp look. “You wish to visit the Wen sect?”
“Sure,” Wei Wuxian replied. “Wen Ning said their food is pretty spicy there as well.”
“You would go there for the food?”
He snorted. “Well, obviously I’d go there for Wen Ning. The food is just a bonus!”
Lan Zhan didn’t look very pleased about this, for some reason. But instead of further continuing the conversation, the man only looked forward now, closing off like he was wont to. Wei Wuxian didn’t know how he had managed to step in the wrong again. Conversations with Lan Zhan were like a particularly difficult game of weiqi.
A thought occurred to him as Lan Zhan’s silence grew longer. He wasn’t…jealous, was he?
Lan Zhan had never shown interest in spending time with Wen Ning, but he wasn’t the type to show any kind of interest in anything, usually. What if Lan Zhan had been the one who wanted to visit Wen Ning in Qishan? Could Lan Zhan really want to befriend Wen Ning?
Wei Wuxian was the furthest from Wen Ning, personality-wise. And Lan Zhan had time and time again shown his aversion to many of Wei Wuxian’s prominent traits. He was loud and abrasive and liked to be the center of attention. Wen Ning was soft-spoken and quiet and really polite. He was the complete opposite of Wei Wuxian.
Something unpleasant churned in the bottom of his stomach as they continued on in silence. Wei Wuxian must’ve still been hungry.
-
They arrived in the village by midday and were done dealing with the ghost in the well by sundown. Most of the time they spent just waiting for the thing to appear, and after Lan Zhan had a pleasant guqin-translated conversation with it, finding out the spirit was pretty much a lost cause, they exterminated it.
At the inn, they were faced with the task of pairing up for rooms. Before Wei Wuxian had even had the time to make eye contact, Jiang Cheng, still pretty mad about their conversation earlier, had moved next to one of the Nie disciples.
It was fine. If Wei Wuxian were to decide, he would rather share the room with Lan Zhan anyway. But he felt like he’d been making all the wrong moves with him lately, so instead of pushing his unwanted company on him, Wei Wuxian turned to Wen Ning.
“Want to room with me?” he asked, and while Wen Ning had at first looked pretty happy at the thought, opening his mouth, he suddenly looked a little bit pale.
“U-um, uh, I think – the next time?”
Wei Wuxian frowned, ready to ask if Wen Ning was alright – he hadn’t upset him, had he? But then Wen Ning had already turned to the other Nie disciple to ask him to share, and the Nie disciple said yes, so Wei Wuxian was out of options.
Lan Zhan’s gaze was pretty intense when he turned to him. Like he was trying to pin Wei Wuxian down with only a look and was doing a good job of it. Wei Wuxian wondered if he was mad about him asking Wen Ning. He wondered whether Lan Zhan had wanted to ask Wen Ning instead.
“Guess we’re sharing, then,” Wei Wuxian said, like everything was normal and Lan Zhan’s glare wasn’t hostile enough to choke him.
“Mn.”
He tried to feel normal while they ate, then, talking casually with everyone. And a while later, when they all turned in, Wei Wuxian acted like there weren’t a million little butterflies fluttering in the bottom of his stomach, making him feel all kinds of weird things.
They hadn’t been alone with Lan Zhan for three days. Which meant that they hadn’t touched each other for three days.
The moment the door closed behind them, Lan Zhan turned back to look at him. The act of indifference had somehow almost melted away, the look in his eyes pure heat. In an instant, Wei Wuxian was reminded of the burn of that tall, fit body on him, pinning him to a place with more than just a look.
There was a loaded moment of silence. Lan Zhan stared, and Wei Wuxian stared back, shoulders against the door. He felt seen, again. Lan Zhan, when he so wished, could make anyone feel like the center of the world with just one look. Right now, everything circled Wei Wuxian.
And then, like nothing, Lan Zhan’s eyes fell away from him, the moment broken. The frustration Wei Wuxian felt was unlike any other.
“We should bathe,” Lan Zhan said, the absolute demon.
Pushing himself from the doorway, Wei Wuxian promptly marched to him, taking him by the collar. Slipping a few fingers against the skin under it. “Why bother yet? Won’t you just be making me dirty again in a minute, Er-gege?”
Lan Zhan’s throat bobbed as he swallowed. Didn’t reply.
Wei Wuxian pulled them closer to each other, draping himself over Lan Zhan’s front like an especially bold courtesan. He could feel Lan Zhan’s heartbeat through his chest. Just as fast as his. “We have a bed, Lan Zhan. Are you really going to deny me?”
Usually, it took Lan Zhan a bit of goading to really get him frustrated enough to fuck Wei Wuxian. Now, like the promise of a bed and the three days between their last time were enough of a reason to discard the usual foreplay, Lan Zhan jerked him closer and kissed him.
Finally, thought Wei Wuxian, melting into the kiss. He knew he was greedy when it came to Lan Zhan. He knew he wanted things that Lan Zhan wasn’t willing to give him, but this one thing he could get. This one thing he was allowed.
Lan Zhan took him by the waist and lifted him in an effortless show of strength, throwing him on the bed. Wei Wuxian let himself loosen up against the mattress, spreading his thighs, making space for Lan Zhan between them. He was hastily tugging at his robes, trying to get them off.
Before he could do much more than untie his belt, Lan Zhan had already caught his wrists in a hold, forcing them above his head. He was so close, their shaky breaths mingling, and Lan Zhan’s pupils blown, burning. With the loose belt, Lan Zhan tied his hands on the headboard.
Wei Wuxian was warm all over, but that particular move made heat pool into his lower body, blush flare over his cheeks. “So dirty, Lan Zhan,” he said. “Trapping me like this.”
Lan Zhan didn’t reply. He was too busy opening Wei Wuxian’s robes, revealing a vast expanse of skin, eyes roaming unashamedly. When he tugged Wei Wuxian’s pants off, it was clear how much Wei Wuxian didn’t mind the treatment at all.
“Like what you see?” he asked as if Lan Zhan’s bulge wasn’t pressing on him. As if the way Lan Zhan’s hands skimmed against his skin was anything but appreciative.
Gently, Lan Zhan placed a kiss at the junction of his neck. Then a little lower, a little harsher. When he got to Wei Wuxian’s nipple, the gentleness was gone, and he bit down.
“Ah, Lan Zhan, what are you, a beast?” Wei Wuxian hissed, squirming under him, chest throbbing. Lan Zhan’s hand wrapped around his cock, but it didn’t do anything, just rested there, making Wei Wuxian swell further. It felt like a warning. “Be a little nicer to me!”
“Why?” Lan Zhan asked, and the fact that he replied was already something so out of the ordinary that Wei Wuxian couldn’t find anything to say immediately. And then Lan Zhan’s hand left his cock and slipped down, testing his hole, and Wei Wuxian’s head was empty anyway.
He hadn’t even known this was something that could be done, before. He hadn’t known that having someone inside could make his veins burn and his breath hitch. Now, after Lan Zhan, he couldn’t touch himself without being painfully aware of this.
Sometimes, on the days they did not do this, Wei Wuxian would slide his fingers inside, fuck himself on them like Lan Zhan would, and pretend they were Lan Zhan’s hands on him, opening him up.
But it never compared to the real thing. Lan Zhan’s fingers were longer and could hit an angle Wei Wuxian couldn’t. They were also less careful than his own, rubbing around the entrance with something slick before forcing two fingers in, eyes intent on Wei Wuxian’s face as the stretch of his hole made him let out a desperate groan.
Wei Wuxian, ever the prodigy, had quickly learned how to relax into it, how to move his hips in rhythm with whatever Lan Zhan chose to give him. He knew how to make it worthwhile for both of them.
He leaned up to kiss Lan Zhan, and for his effort, got Lan Zhan’s teeth biting into his lower lip. Normally, his hands would’ve already found their way to Lan Zhan’s hair. Now they were tied up, and Wei Wuxian was unable to do much else but wait for what Lan Zhan wished to give him.
It was the usual thing, thankfully. Fingers were replaced by the wet head of his cock, always seeming way too big to fully sheath in. Somehow, Wei Wuxian’s body opened for it anyway. He moaned into the kiss as Lan Zhan kept his hips still with an iron grip and slowly sunk in, bit by bit.
An eternity or a second later Lan Zhan started moving his hips. Both of their hips. Slamming into Wei Wuxian while pulling him back onto it, going deeper than usual, making Wei Wuxian feel the movement through his entire body to his throat.
Helpless to do much else but take it, Wei Wuxian threw his head back and groaned. Lan Zhan moved his lips to his jaw, kissed gently down his throat, all the while ruthlessly fucking into him.
“Too mean, too mean Er-gege!” His whole lower body was going to go numb from the way it was being treated. “You’re too deep!”
Uncaring, or just completely used to Wei Wuxian running his mouth, Lan Zhan kept on thrusting intensely, his beautiful face placid. If not for the color of his ears, the sped-up heartbeat, and the dark eyes, he would’ve looked completely normal. Unbothered, while making Wei Wuxian lose his mind.
Perhaps Lan Zhan was venting the frustrations of the past few days. Perhaps this was retaliation for all the fun little comments Wei Wuxian had thrown his way and forgotten. At least, Lan Zhan was showing him no pity, taking him roughly like this.
Wei Wuxian, barely able to catch his breath, wanted to touch on the line between Lan Zhan’s eyebrows. Smooth it out. Apologize for being such a bother to him, but then keep being that anyway, just to get Lan Zhan to do this to him.
The belt around his wrists was digging into his skin every time Lan Zhan’s thrusts moved him up on the bed. He knew he would be sore later, in multiple places. His legs were wrapped around Lan Zhan, but then the man took him by the knee and pushed it up and found a new angle, and Wei Wuxian could not think about anything for a while.
Good angle. Very good angle.
He might’ve babbled this to Lan Zhan, and other things as well. Teary-eyed, sweating, unable to keep his mouth shut. Lan Zhan didn’t shut him up either, merely fucking him like the noises were just egging him on.
“Mercy, Lan Er-gege,” he whined. “Show some m-mercy, alright? Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, this is way too much!”
“If you want mercy,” Lan Zhan replied, voice hoarse, “then be quiet.”
Wei Wuxian didn’t want mercy. He wanted Lan Zhan to fuck him so hard he would pass out. And then he wanted Lan Zhan to fuck him again until he woke up, and again, and again.
“We should rent this room for the whole week. You could, ah, keep me here, and, and –“ Lan Zhan changed the angle again, hitting straight at some spot that made Wei Wuxian see fireworks.
It went on much like that for a longer time than they were used to. In the library, it was often quick and dirty, both of them aware of the semi-public setting and danger of getting caught. Here, they had a bed and the whole night. Lan Zhan, while being ruthless from the start, clearly was in no hurry to stop.
It turned out that the esteemed Second Master Lan had an endurance so inhuman that by the time it started cracking, Wei Wuxian’s thoughts were a jumbled mess of pleasure, his mouth still going on and on, saying things like ‘too deep’ and ‘mercy’ and ‘Lan Zhan, please’.
In the end, he did pass out when the orgasm hit him.
Lan Zhan looked worried when he blinked his eyes back open. At least as much as someone without much expression could. There was the line again, between his brows. Wei Wuxian was swimming in bliss, head a little hazy. Lan Zhan was beautiful.
His hands had been freed at some point, clearly, because now he could lift his hand and cup Lan Zhan’s smooth cheek in his palm.
“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan asked, and Wei Wuxian smiled at him.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian replied, and that was probably enough because the tiniest bit of tension disappeared, and Lan Zhan leaned against his hand.
They were both sticky and uncomfortable, Wei Wuxian extremely aware of the wetness pooling between his legs. Then he realized, with a flash of heat, that Lan Zhan was still hard against his stomach.
He couldn’t help himself from reaching out. If it were anyone but Lan Zhan, they would’ve probably let out a strangled noise. Instead what he got was a warning look.
“What, ah? Has Second Master Lan already grown bored of me?” Wei Wuxian asked, innocence itself. “Don’t we have this room for the entire night? Am I not here under you still, helpless?”
Lan Zhan looked at him for a long moment, eyes roaming over his face. And then, Wei Wuxian was being flipped over onto his stomach.
It was very, very late when they called for the bath.
-
Coming back to the Cloud Recesses was only a little bit suffocating. Having spent the last few days in relative freedom with slightly better food than what was offered here, the contrast was obvious.
But then, Lan Zhan didn’t try to outpace him on their way back, letting him talk his mouth off and even sometimes nodding and ‘mn’ing as a reply. Of course he wasn’t especially talkative back, nor did he much look at Wei Wuxian still, but at least this was some kind of progress, right?
It made him feel a bit giddy, the thought of Lan Zhan maybe warming up to him a little bit.
That feeling quickly evaporated back at the Cloud Recesses. They followed the usual routine again, only ever having long conversations in the library, Wei Wuxian getting ignored outside of it. He didn’t understand it. He didn’t know what were the things that made Lan Zhan more tolerant of him, and what were the things he despised.
Because when Wei Wuxian teased him, that led to fucking when they were in private. But that wasn’t all that Wei Wuxian did. He did say nice things to Lan Zhan! He did ask him to come spend time with him and his friends, and he did seek out Lan Zhan’s company.
He wasn’t all bad, he thought. Most people would’ve been flattered. Just not Lan Zhan.
Maybe it was something about him being so used to the flattery, and the praise, and everyone loving him. He said this to Jiang Cheng, one time, but Jiang Cheng told him it was literally only him, and could he shut up about Lan Wangji for once?
Wei Wuxian vented out this frustration by goading Lan Zhan into fucking him against the wall of the library, teeth in his neck, robes almost torn in Lan Zhan’s rush to get to his ass. It was fast and dirty and careless, and Wei Wuxian loved every second of it.
He should’ve known things were never going to turn out very well for him when he was reckless like that.
When he came back to the room he shared with Jiang Cheng, he didn’t think anything was that amiss. He could explain the swollen lips away, and nowadays he was pretty good at hiding the slight limp as well. He wasn’t overly disheveled, either – Lan Zhan often righted his collar and smoothed down the untidy folds of his robes before letting him leave.
But Jiang Cheng gave him one look when he got inside, and froze completely.
His face went from white to purple to red in quick succession, and then, when his inner emotional state finally settled on anger, he spat through his teeth: “So it’s true.”
Wei Wuxian, stiffened right before the door, gulped. “What’s true?”
“Who is it?” Jiang Cheng demanded. “Are there many of them?”
Wei Wuxian flattened himself against the door, thoughts racing. He was supposed to look fine, so how could Jiang Cheng know?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lied, trying to sound light and casual and failing spectacularly.
Jiang Cheng scoffed, clearly furious. “Sure you don’t. That bite mark just appeared on your neck out of nowhere. Or did you run into a dog and forgot to tell me?”
Wei Wuxian let out an offended noise, hand flying up to his neck to cover it, but Jiang Cheng continued before he had the time to protest.
“I didn’t want to believe people when they said – just do you know what it looks like, you limping around and disappearing for the evenings and looking like – like that –do you know what it looks like?”
Something dropped in his stomach. “I wouldn’t –“
“You wouldn’t what? It’s obvious you would, are you stupid enough to deny it now?” Jiang Cheng snapped, waving his hand towards the evidence on Wei Wuxian’s skin. “Do you even realize what this does to your reputation? Do you understand what people think about you?”
Flushed with sudden embarrassment, Wei Wuxian scowled. “What does it matter what they think?”
“Of course it fucking matters, are you an idiot? Who’s going to marry you when they think you’re being – immodest, just bedding people left and right?”
“I don’t care,” Wei Wuxian replied. The thought of his marriageability was not his main concern, since it wasn’t with Lan Zhan. If he were to marry, he would just –
His head drew a blank. Jiang Cheng kept glowering at him. “Of course you don’t care, of course you don’t! You never think these things through, you just go with the first instinct and let just anyone –“
“’Let’?” the louder Jiang Cheng got, the lower Wei Wuxian’s voice went. “Don’t say it like I’m not an active participant.”
“Oh yes, I can see how active you’re being, running after people like you’re desperate for it,” Jiang Cheng hissed.
Wei Wuxian grit his teeth. He turned away from his shidi, then intent on ignoring him. Ignoring the anger that was – unfounded, completely unfounded, what right did Jiang Cheng have to judge him? It wasn’t like he didn’t know he was in the wrong.
Uncaring of Jiang Cheng being there, now that he already knew, Wei Wuxian started making a bath for himself. It didn’t matter if he saw the rest of the marks. The way Lan Zhan had ravaged his skin.
Jiang Cheng just wasn’t done with him. “Who is it?”
“None of your business,” Wei Wuxian replied. The bathwater was scalding when his hand touched it. Good.
“None of my business? You’re still a Jiang disciple, you’re our head disciple.” Something cold went down Wei Wuxian’s spine at that. “You don’t think this is going to reflect on our sect, too, if the rumors are proven true? You don’t think this has already made us look bad?”
Wei Wuxian didn’t reply. He couldn’t. Something deep inside him had frozen, terrified, suddenly realizing the full weight of his actions. Doing something like this, when it only affected him, was fine. He did not care what people thought about him. He wasn’t seeking anyone’s approval. But...
Not forcing Lan Zhan to marry him was one thing when it was just about them. But what if someone were to find out, someone other than Jiang Cheng, and it was not only about them anymore? He would not demand Lan Zhan marry him, no matter what. But when the whole thing was tied to the reputation of Yunmeng Jiang, what choice would Wei Wuxian have, other than to –
He would leave, wouldn’t he? Cut the ties between his actions and those of the Jiang sect. Make it seem like it was only one rotten apple, instead of the whole tree.
He did not answer Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian shook himself out of his robes and slipped into the water, the guilt gnawing at him.
In the end, Jiang Cheng only said, voice gloomy: “At least you’re not siring any bastards.”
Wei Wuxian stared at the surface of his bathwater, his body underneath. Lan Zhan’s fingerprints on his thighs.
“How do you know?”
“You are limping, idiot.”
Wei Wuxian put his head under the water. Jiang Cheng had left when he resurfaced.
-
He found Lan Zhan not by conscious effort, but rather by happening to hear the sound of his guqin, echoing in the forest around him. It was the same beautiful melody he’d heard in fragments before, only now it seemed like it had been finished.
The man himself was seated by a big ginkgo tree, looking serene, proper, and all the other things an esteemed Hanguang-jun was supposed to look. Beautiful, mainly, like the song he was playing. Tugging at Wei Wuxian’s tender heartstrings.
The long fingers, once again, stilled on the instrument as Wei Wuxian sat down next to him. Said nothing. He merely rested his head back on the tree behind him, looking up. Sunlight shone through the light green leaves. Gusu was really too pretty.
Lan Zhan’s eyes were on him, then. Searching. For once, Wei Wuxian didn’t feel the need to send him a shameless comment or meet the gaze. He just wanted to sit there, next to Lan Zhan’s warmth, and try to forget the feeling of failure for a while.
He hadn’t seen Jiang Cheng today. He didn’t know what he would’ve said if he had.
He wondered how long it would take for Lan Zhan to stand up and leave him this time. If the hourglass was already turned and running out of sand. Lan Zhan’s tolerance of him came in slow bursts, a limited amount of time Wei Wuxian had to use well to get to enjoy it to its full extent.
There was a shocking little moment, his heart beating in double when instead of rushing away from him, Lan Zhan asked: “What is wrong?”
“Nothing,” Wei Wuxian said easily, flashing a smile. Lan Zhan’s golden eyes were too intelligent; he avoided them. “Your song’s ready, I take it? It really does sound amazing, Lan Zhan.”
A short silence, one where Lan Zhan’s eyes stayed on him. Then, “Mn. It is ready.”
“Play it for me?” Wei Wuxian asked because that was always something he did with Lan Zhan. Asked for things he shouldn’t, always too much and too audacious.
To his utter surprise, Lan Zhan’s eyes stayed on him for a heartbeat or two, before the man turned to his guqin and started playing again. Slowly, carefully, like every note was to be perfect.
Wei Wuxian released tension he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, turning to look at Lan Zhan again. His eyes were cast down, watching the strings as he tugged them into the shape of a melody that both tore Wei Wuxian’s chest open and mended it back together.
He liked this song. It sounded like Lan Zhan, and deep feelings, and yearning. He didn’t know much about any of those things, but perhaps something inside of him did, because it hurt a little less, sitting there by Lan Zhan’s side and listening to it.
He thought he could duet it with his dizi. It might even sound good if he made an effort.
Lan Zhan deserved the effort. Perhaps Wei Wuxian would practice a little bit alone before surprising Lan Zhan with it. He imagined something pleased in Lan Zhan’s eyes if he were to do that. A wistful little fantasy, where Lan Zhan would be happy with him.
Perhaps happy enough to finally acknowledge Wei Wuxian. Become his friend.
The final notes of the song lingered in the air long after Lan Zhan’s hands had stilled. Wei Wuxian watched his head tilt downward, a ray of sunlight hit the crown holding his hair. Then his eyes found Wei Wuxian’s, holding the gaze, unhurried.
Wei Wuxian didn’t smile anymore. He didn’t know what Lan Zhan found in his eyes, with his gaze so intent, so searching. Whatever it was didn’t seem to please him.
“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian said before he could stop himself. “Why do you hate me so much?”
It did not feel too strange a question to him. After all, had Lan Zhan not avoided him at every turn, called him ‘shameless’ and ‘pathetic’ and every kind of trait his sect might deem irredeemable?
But it was obviously something like a shock that flickered past Lan Zhan’s eyes, even when his face stayed neutral, his gaze still on Wei Ying. Another difficult expression appeared to deepen his frown, this one impossible for Wei Wuxian to read.
“I do not hate you,” Lan Zhan replied, a little delayed.
Something ached in Wei Wuxian’s chest. “That’s probably forbidden in your rules, too, right?”
“Yes, but that is not – Wei Ying.” The line between Lan Zhan’s brows deepened as he looked at Wei Wuxian.
”Aren’t I bothersome? Shameless, impudent, pathetic? Annoying?” Wei Wuxian listed, willing his voice not to crack. Keeping it light, so light, and casual. ”...Easy?”
It shouldn’t have mattered, what Lan Zhan said. This Second Master Lan was boring, intolerant, petty. He was also the best person Wei Wuxian knew, and if he thought Wei Wuxian truly was bad, then what did that say about him?
But Lan Zhan’s expression was difficult, as he kept his gaze on him. It was like he was trying to find the words, and in the end, only repeated: ”I do not hate you.”
Lan Zhan didn’t lie, so was there even a choice for him to do anything but believe him? Wei Wuxian let out a long breath through his nose, the ache in his chest persistent.
Wasn’t he just too good, his Lan Zhan? Saying these words to him, even though it must have been terribly unpleasant to him. Staying like this with him when he had seen Wei Wuxian was upset.
He looked at Lan Zhan’s eyes, the question in them he could not understand, and suddenly realized just what he had been doing. It wouldn’t matter what people thought of Wei Wuxian. That would never be important when Wei Wuxian himself knew his own thoughts and motives.
But he could bring the same negative attention on Yunmeng and Lan Zhan both. Lan Zhan, who was pure and righteous and who would’ve been honorable, had Wei Wuxian just let him, that first time. But he did not want Lan Zhan to ruin his future for him. He had not realized how much this, what they were doing, could affect Lan Zhan’s life as well.
People already thought Wei Wuxian to be promiscuous. And he was constantly running after Lan Zhan, trying to get his attention – just what would they think if Lan Zhan were to allow those overly familiar greetings? The flirting, the touches? Never mind return them.
Something twisted inside him each time he thought of Lan Zhan’s future marriage, but it was even worse to think about the possibility that Wei Wuxian could take that from him. That he could ruin Lan Zhan with his thoughtlessness.
Hadn’t he already taken so much, with this constant provocation and teasing?
It felt almost laughably obvious now, how wrong he had been. When had there been a time Lan Zhan made the first move? There hadn’t, of course there hadn’t. Lan Zhan was good. Lan Zhan knew what was wrong and what was right, and he had let Wei Wuxian drag him down with him so many times without complaints.
Lan Zhan’s eyes were burning him, and Wei Wuxian wished he could keep that look. He wished Lan Zhan would look at him, and find him pleasing, and easy to spend time with. He wished Lan Zhan didn’t have to feel obligated to make Wei Wuxian feel better when he saw him upset like this.
He wished so many things, but he had been so terribly selfish so far. Lan Zhan’s attention was not for him to keep. In wishing that, he had only put both of their reputations at risk.
“Okay, Lan Zhan,” he replied, the smile real on his face, if a little thin. “I’m glad you don’t.”
“Mn,” replied Lan Zhan, eyes still searching his face.
Too kind, this Hanguang-jun. Making sure he was fine. It was entirely too unfortunate that Wei Wuxian couldn’t stop the sting under his ribs at will. He already missed Lan Zhan’s hands on him. He could never let that happen, again.
It had only ever been about controlling himself, hadn’t it? Lan Zhan’s control of himself had been fabled before Wei Wuxian showed up and ruined that for him as well.
“Why don’t you play me another song, then, Hanguang-jun? I love it when you play,” he said, trying to smile wide enough to crescent his eyes, to mask the feeling under the surface.
Lan Zhan’s eyes were keen, but he was not the type to argue over nonsense. What could he ask, what could he say? Wei Wuxian was stubborn in his show of nonchalance.
So Lan Zhan turned to his guqin once again and started tugging the strings, playing music that felt like healing and calm and the sound of rain. Wei Wuxian let himself dwell on the picture before his eyes; Lan Zhan’s serious face framed by sunlight.
He was going to do better by him.
-