Archive of Our Own

Kaveh blinks up at the ceiling, her mind drifting ever so slightly. She thinks over the events that lead her to this moment, and how different her life might’ve been had she chosen not to make a single choice. If she’d never agreed to that project back in the Akademiya, she wouldn’t be here. If she hadn’t agreed to work on that building for Dori, she wouldn’t be here. If she hadn’t gone drinking at the Tavern that night, she wouldn’t be here.

If she hadn’t gotten drunk a few nights ago with Alhaitham, she wouldn’t be here.

Her thoughts are rapidly cut short by a flick of a tongue and a curl of fingers, stroking over that spot inside of her. Pleasure sparks up her spine, and she blinks again, letting out a quiet gasp. Her hips roll down, chasing the feeling, and there’s a pleased hum from between her legs. Reverberating against her most sensitive spot.

Lips seal around her clit, sucking lightly, and Kaveh moans, head falling back into the pillows. She can barely think anymore, too distracted by the sensation of slowly being taken apart. A second finger presses in, curling up and making her thighs jerk open from where they’re pressing into the sides of Alhaitham’s head.

“Is it good, Senior?” Alhaitham lifts her head to speak, her other hand coming to rub over Kaveh’s clit in place of her tongue. A whine, desperate, leaves Kaveh as she turns to press her face into the fabric below her head. Hiding against it as best as she can. There’s a disapproving click of a tongue, and Alhaitham’s fingers inside her withdraw slightly only to thrust back in. Kaveh gasps again, eyes flying open as she bucks into the touch. “I asked a question, Kaveh.”

“Y-yes, fuck, it’s- it’s good. Keep- keep going please,” Kaveh rushes out, her hand flying down to thread through the short silver locks of Alhaitham’s hair. Tugging her head back down to where it belongs. Alhaitham goes with a soft laugh as she buries her face back into Kaveh’s pussy, lapping almost lazily over her clit. It’s not enough, and Kaveh longs to be taken apart and fucked breathless. “Alhaitham, please-”

“Yes, Senior, I’ve got you,” Alhaitham murmurs against the slick flesh, and finally begins to pick up the pace. Fucking her hand in and out of Kaveh ruthlessly, lewd and wet noises filling the air. Her lips wrap around Kaveh’s clit again, sucking and flicking the bud with her tongue. Electricity races up her spine, leaving her writhing in the sheets as she hurtles closer and closer to her oncoming orgasm.

Finally, at last, the heat inside her surges, washing over her whole body, and she squeezes around Alhaitham’s fingers as she cums. Chest heaving for air. Her back arches, head thrown back and thighs shaking as she moans Alhaitham’s name. Cunt twitching as she’s ravished. Alhaitham keeps going, pushing her through it until it’s nearly unbearable, Kaveh’s noises becoming more frantic and high-pitched.

“Alhaitham- oh- fuck!” Kaveh cries, as a full body shudder races through her. There’s another groan from between her legs, but her ears are ringing too loudly for her to really be aware. Alhaitham relents, however, finally slipping her fingers out as Kaveh collapses back down into the bed. Muscles twitching as she comes down.

Alhaitham’s tongue lazily laps over her, cleaning up the cum that leaks out of her. It makes Kaveh whine softly, too sensitive after cumming.

“‘S enough, Haitham,” Kaveh whispers hoarsely, her heart racing as she tries to calm down. Alhaitham huffs as she lifts her head, but there’s a smug smirk on her face as she leans her head against Kaveh’s thigh.

“Are you sure? You don’t want another one?” A slide of a hand up her thigh accompanies the words, creeping back towards her core. Kaveh glares at her, squeezing her thighs shut and dislodging her roommate’s head from her thighs. Alhaitham frowns now, leaning back to sit up.

“Yes, I’m sure. I need to take a break sometimes you know,” Kaveh retorts, slowly pushing herself up. She feels a little shaky still and has to blink a couple of times to clear her mind. Alhaitham watches her carefully, before she rolls off the bed to stand.

“I’m going to go get something to eat,” she says abruptly, and Kaveh moves to look up at her. Just like that? There’s an odd twinge in her chest, but she’s too tired to really argue.

“Oh. Okay,” Kaveh replies, and Alhaitham shoots her a weird look. They both pause for a moment, before Alhaitham spins on her heel and leaves the room.

It stings a little, Kaveh won’t lie. Sure, she knows that they’re just… relieving stress with each other. Getting out the tension, but she thought Alhaitham would at least stay for more than five minutes after making Kaveh cum. They’ve done this a few times, and usually Alhaitham hangs out for at least a few more minutes.

Whatever. It doesn’t matter. None of this really meant anything, Kaveh supposes, so why should she expect more? Especially from Alhaitham of all people.

Kaveh sighs, and rolls off the bed to go get herself a glass of water. No point dwelling on it.

—

Kaveh drags her hand down her face, pushing her shoes off her feet one by one and delicately placing them next to Alhaitham’s haphazardly thrown ones. Annoyance twitches in her at the sight as she reorganizes them, but at this point she’s used to this. Picking up after Alhaitham and her messes.

She’s had a long and hard day, exhaustion wearing her down as she walks from the entryway to the kitchen, feet dragging over the floor. Kaveh rifles through the cupboards, pulling out a glass to fill with water, and she drinks it standing at the sink.

“Finally home I see,” a voice says behind her, and if she had the energy to spare, she might’ve been startled. Instead, Kaveh just sighs, turning to face Alhaitham as she enters the kitchen. “Were you with a client?”

“Yes. They wanted to go over some changes in the design,” Kaveh answers. She doesn’t mention how they spent hours picking at each change until they finally decided to just go with the original idea, effectively wasting Kaveh’s entire day. She had planned to be home hours ago, but now the sun is setting and she’s hungry and tired.

“Hm. Well, it’s your turn to make dinner,” Alhaitham says, reaching to get her own glass for water. Kaveh’s jaw twitches, and she sighs again. She really does not feel like cooking dinner. She had hoped Alhaitham might’ve taken mercy on the fact that Kaveh is home late and cooked for them, but once again, she expects too much from her.

“Can I take a pass tonight? Can’t we just… order in or you cook something?” Kaveh asks, and Alhaitham raises an eyebrow at her.

“Order on who’s dime? The deal is you cook on Thursdays,” Alhaitham replies, voice monotonous and emotionless. Kaveh’s anger spikes, and she grinds her teeth together. She does not have the energy nor the patience to do this back and forth with Alhaitham today.

“I know that, but I’m just asking if it’s possible I don’t tonight. I’ll cook tomorrow night.”

“And who will cook the next night? You again? Or will we just reorganize the entire schedule for the sake of your one-day break, because you couldn’t say no to a client’s hundred minor changes?” Alhaitham shoots back. Kaveh huffs, rolling her eyes and throwing her hands up in the air. She doesn’t know why but Alhaitham seems especially bull-headed today, and she hates that she hit the nail on the head.

“You know what, whatever. I’m just going to go to sleep, you can sort yourself out for dinner. I’m too fucking tired for this shit,” Kaveh snarls, spinning on her heel to stalk back to her bedroom. Alhaitham says nothing more beyond a soft sigh, and Kaveh is perhaps a little too aggressive in the way she slams her bedroom door shut. She feels a little guilty about the loud noise echoing through the house, knowing Alhaitham wasn’t wearing her headphones, but Kaveh is still too angry and tired to really care.

She changes slowly, taking deep breaths to calm down the simmering anger inside her before she goes to lie on her bed. Nearly moaning in relief at the feeling of the soft sheets over her skin and the cushioning underneath her weary bones. Realistically, Kaveh should continue working on some of her projects. She still has enough time in the day, but dealing with Alhaitham and the day’s events have left her exhausted. And hungry, but she’s petty enough to ignore that. Stretching languidly, Kaveh nuzzles her face into her pillows, and lets her eyes slip closed. She can just have a big breakfast tomorrow.

—

Kaveh is woken by knocking at her door, and a voice calling her name. She blinks groggily, dragging herself back to consciousness. She takes a few seconds to gather what is happening as she yawns, and the knocking continues.

Groaning, Kaveh stumbles out of bed, pulling open her bedroom door, only to come face to face with Alhaitham holding a plate of food.

Kaveh blinks in surprise, half-asleep brain still slow to catch up. ‘Is Alhaitham… offering me dinner?’

“Huh?” She mumbles, and Alhaitham rolls her eyes in response. She presses the plate forward, and Kaveh slowly reaches up to grab it. It’s fatteh, lazily plated, but it’s still fatteh and it’s still dinner, cooked by Alhaitham.

“Don’t skip dinner. Eat,” Alhaitham says, and Kaveh watches her carefully. Her expression is unreadable, giving Kaveh no hints as to what she might be thinking. Begrudgingly, Kaveh mutters a thank you, and retreats backwards into her room. Alhaitham closes the door behind her.

Kaveh eats the fatteh cross-legged on her bed, plate balanced precariously, and wonders if she’ll ever truly understand Alhaitham.

—

The days pass languidly. Blowing into one another like a leaf caught in a breeze. Kaveh cooks dinner the next two nights to make up for skipping Thursday. Alhaitham doesn’t thank her, but neither does she jab at her, which is as good as it’s going to get between them.

When they are not arguing or fucking, there is a quiet sense of coexistence between the two of them. The warmth of familiarity and comfort that allows Kaveh to stretch out on the couch and nap her day away whilst Alhaitham reads peacefully on the other side of the couch.

Of course, it can never be too peaceful for too long in their house. They are always bound to collide, two celestial beings forever gravitating towards one another. The tide goes out, and the tide comes in.

Alhaitham is angry this time. People who barely know her would argue that Alhaitham doesn’t get angry, that she is always calm and emotionless. They don’t know her like Kaveh does, intrinsically linked through the years. They don’t know how to read the fine lines of Alhaitham’s features to see what she is truly feeling. The furrow of her brow, the clench of her jaw, the aggravation in her sighs.

Kaveh is drunk, however, so she doesn’t care. This is a normal occurrence, one she knows well how to navigate between them. Part of her wonders if she can goad Alhaitham into fucking her again.

“Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to constantly have to drag you home from the tavern? Have some decorum, Kaveh. Not to mention the bill you left this time. You still owe me rent from last month, yet you find it perfectly acceptable to rack up more debt at the bar,” Alhaitham scolds, her arms crossed over her chest. It lacks the usual teasing tone it usually does, and that’s how Kaveh knows Alhaitham is truly angry. Over what, she doesn’t really know. It has been a normal night, so why is Alhaitham so mad?

Kaveh had gone to the tavern, gotten pathetically drunk, and just as she was talking to a handsome young scholar who was interested in how she came up with the Palace, Alhaitham had swooped in. Whisked her away back home with a tight set jaw.

“I’ll pay you rent, I’m getting paid from my commission in the next few days,” Kaveh shoots back, her words slurring ever so slightly. Her head is spinning slightly as she lowers herself to the divan, dragging a hand down her face. She hunches over to pull her shoes off, kicking them into the living room. She’ll collect them later. Alhaitham lets out an irritated scoff at the action.

“And I suppose that you’ll pick those up later, when you’re throwing up in the toilet for the umpteenth time tonight?” Alhaitham snaps, earning a frown from Kaveh. She’s not that drunk.

“I’m perfectly capable of caring for myself, Alhaitham,” Kaveh sneers. “Why are you so angry? If anything, I drank less on the tab tonight.”

“Oh, because that junior was plying you with drinks all night? Hoping to get a taste of the Light of Kshahrewar?” Alhaitham’s voice turns sharp and pointed, and it clicks.

Ah. She’s jealous.

A smirk grows on Kaveh’s face and she pushes herself to stand, tilting her head to look up at Alhaitham. Teal eyes stare back down at her, unyielding and fiery.

“Is that it, Alhaitham? You’re jealous? Thinking about how easy it would be for me to sleep with anyone else?” Kaveh croons, sickly sweet and mocking. Alhaitham’s nostrils flare as she straightens up her posture, looming over Kaveh suddenly. “Who knows, maybe he would’ve fucked me better. You might’ve heard me screaming his name through the streets of Sumeru, knowing that it wasn’t you.”

“Kaveh,” Alhaitham snarls, and Kaveh’s smirk only grows.

“What? I thought you might like me out of the house for a night, even if it’s just to spread my legs to some scholar. Archon knows he was more pleasant to be around than yo-”

Kaveh can’t finish the sentence or the thought before her back slams into the wall, one hand braced on her hip and the other bracketing her head.

“I wouldn’t continue if I were you,” Alhaitham hisses through her teeth, and warmth stirs inside Kaveh’s stomach. She flicks her gaze over Alhaitham’s features, relishing in the flush of her cheeks and the way her breathing starts to become ragged.

“Why? What are you going to do me, Alhaitham, that I couldn’t get from anyone else?” Kaveh keeps going, arousal pooling low inside her. The fingers on her hip tighten to almost bruising.

“Do you want me to show you, Senior? Is that what you’re goading me for? You want me to fuck you until you’re screaming my name like the cheap whore you are?” Kaveh’s heart picks up at the words, and she feels dampness grow between her legs. Yes. Yes. That’s what I want.

“If you even can.”

The next few moments happen in a flash. Maybe Kaveh is still too drunk to really follow the chain of events. A hand in her hair, tugging fierce as a warning. Another on her wrist, dragging her along. A hard shove into a mattress that makes her bounce, before a body descends on her.

Teeth catching at her neck, biting into the vulnerable flesh. Kaveh gasps, blinking up in surprise at the ceiling as deft fingers make swift work of her pants, tugging them down. Alhaitham pulls back and lets out a cruel laugh.

“If you wanted to spread your legs for someone so much Senior, you need only ask,” Alhaitham mocks, two fingers coming to press against the damp fabric of her panties. Rubbing over it, teasing her through the barrier of cloth. “Look at you, already wet and waiting to be fucked. So easy. You really are cheap, aren’t you?”

“You still can’t afford me,” Kaveh bites back, and Alhaitham’s eyes flash with anger. She yanks down Kaveh’s underwear, leaving her exposed, before she flips Kaveh over onto her stomach.

“I don’t want to have to look at you whilst I do this. Lift your hips,” Alhaitham commands, and the sting of the insult makes Kaveh squirm, heat rising inside her. She does as she’s asked still, lifting herself up onto her hands and knees. There’s a hiss of disapproval before a hand comes to her shoulders, shoving her face back down into the pillows. Leaving her chest down, ass up. “Stay like that, or you’ll regret it.”

‘Regret it?’ Kaveh thinks, drunken mind whirring with excitement and the threat looming over her. Defiantly, she lifts her head back up, turning to look behind her. She only gets halfway through the action before there’s a crack of a palm against the skin of her backside, and stinging pain radiates through her.

Despite that, Kaveh feels herself clench in excitement, slick beginning to trail down her thighs at the action.

“I said to stay. Can’t even listen to a simple fucking request. You truly are pathetic.” Alhaitham’s voice is like a knife, cutting into her, and Kaveh relishes in the burn of the insults. She shoves her head back down into the pillows, spreading her legs a little wider, suddenly desperate to be touched. “You would enjoy being spanked, wouldn’t you? You’d take anything I’d give you, you’re that fucking desperate.”

‘Yes, yes, please,’ Kaveh thinks, but does not say. She’s filled with the urge to be good despite Alhaitham’s harsh words, to be pliant and behaved in hopes of getting what she wants. Fingers come to press back to her entrance, rubbing over the wet flesh, teasing over her clit and sending a spark of pleasure up her spine.

“If you behave, I might give you what you want. For now, I’ll take what I want, understand?” Kaveh doesn’t answer, swallowing around the dryness in her throat. Nearly shaking with excitement.

There’s another crack against her ass, and a moan escapes her as she rocks forward with it. The offending hand comes to grip her hip, keeping her still.

“I asked a question, or are you really that stupid?”

“I understand,” Kaveh murmurs against the pillow. She’s so fucking wet it must be dripping out of her now. Each barbed word strokes a fire inside her, leaves her craving more and more.

“Good.”

At last, two fingers push into her. They meet with little resistance and an easy glide, and Alhaitham hones in on that spot inside of her immediately. Leaving her no room to catch her breath or adjust to the feeling before she’s moaning and rutting backwards into the hand fucking her open. Alhaitham strokes over her g-spot harshly, just edging on the side of too hard. If anything, it makes Kaveh shake more, legs quaking where they hold her up.

“Look at you. We’ve barely started and you’re already fucking yourself on my hand like a bitch in heat. Maybe I should’ve let you whore yourself out to any scholar that so much as passes you by. Maybe then all of Sumeru will know just how filthy you are.” Alhaitham’s voice is deadly calm as she speaks, fucking her fingers in and out of Kaveh at an overwhelming pace. It makes her head spin, face pressed into the pillow, mouth open to let all the needy noises pour out of her.

“A-Ah… Haitham–” Kaveh chokes out, a full body shudder passing through her. She rolls her hips backwards, crying out when Alhaitham’s fingers fuck deeper into her. Alhaitham makes a low scoffing noise, before she presses a third finger in, making Kaveh keen over the stretch. Her thumb comes to rest just underneath Kaveh’s clit. Not moving or giving her anything more than just the pressure over it, making her chase the feeling.

“Are you going to fuck yourself on my fingers?” Alhaitham asks mockingly, stilling her hands motions. Kaveh lets out a sob, her stomach clenching at the loss. Almost immediately, Kaveh starts to fuck herself as best as she can into Alhaitham’s hand, the slick noises punctuating the air. It’s mortifying to be reduced to such a state, a desperate and needy whore, but it makes Kaveh burn with arousal and need. She cries out again, legs trembling with the effort of rocking herself back and forth.

“Alhaitham, please– please, can you-” Kaveh babbles. It’s not enough, she needs more, she needs to be fucked until she’s a drooling sobbing mess sprawled out over the mattress. She doesn’t want to even remember her name. Tears begin to leak out of her eyes when Alhaitham’s hand doesn’t move at all, and a sob escapes her as she grinds into her hand. “Please, please fuck me, please!”

Behind her, Alhaitham takes in a shaky breath, and places her hand over Kaveh’s tailbone to steady her.

“Since you begged so nicely,” Alhaitham mumbles, but she sounds dazed. Kaveh sighs in relief, only for it to choke off into a moan when Alhaitham starts to pick up the pace. Slamming her fingers into her over and over again, digging into her most sensitive spot. Her thumb rubs over her clit, fast and everything Kaveh needs. Her orgasm builds embarrassingly quickly, and she whimpers sharply as her eyes roll backwards. The pillow underneath her head is knocked away in a flail of her limbs, cheek coming to press down into the mattress. Mouth open and panting, saliva pooling into the sheets.

She feels herself clench again, squeezing around Alhaitham’s fingers as she hurtles closer and closer to her impending orgasm. Kaveh can feel wetness trickling down her thighs, streaming down to stain the bed.

“‘M gonna– ‘m gonna cum, Haitham–” Kaveh slurs, her mind fogging over. She feels nothing except raw pleasure shooting up her spine, extending out to her limbs. Every thought she has is whisked away as soon as it comes, leaving her dumb and desperate.

Alhaitham lets out a grunt of acknowledgement, and uses the tip of her thumbnail to scrape over Kaveh’s exposed clit, which proves to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Her vision goes white, and her hands scramble in the sheets for purchase as her entire body is lit on fire. Crashing over her and dragging her down as she lets out a hoarse scream, something resembling Alhaitham’s name. Her body goes rigid, hips stiffly jerking back and forth like they’re undecided on where to go. She thinks Alhaitham might be speaking to her, but she’s not entirely sure as she’s hit with each shattering wave of her orgasm. Pulsing through her until it’s almost painful, stomach cramping.

Finally, the fog in her mind clears a bit, and her body sags down into the mattress. No strength left to really hold her up. A pathetic keen leaves her when Alhaitham’s fingers slip out with a wet noise, her thighs squeezing together to abate the feeling of emptiness.

Through the haze, she’s vaguely aware of a back pressing into hers, a heavy weight pushing her down.

“Do you think we’re done just because you’ve cum once? A whore like you is never satisfied with only one,” Alhaitham hisses in her ear. Kaveh moans weakly in response. Her head spins when she’s flipped onto her stomach, hands coming to shove her legs up to her ears.

Something cool and hard presses into her fluttering entrance, and Kaveh’s head falls back into the mattress with a sobbing cry as Alhaitham pushes the faux cock into her. Kaveh already feels wrecked beyond belief as she’s left to tremble in the sheets, stretched over the silicone that sits snugly against Alhaitham’s hips. She hadn’t even noticed her putting the strap-on on, but she has no time to dwell on that.

Alhaitham leans forward, sinking her teeth into the meat of Kaveh’s shoulder bruisingly hard. She groans, snapping her hips forward and leaving Kaveh little to no time to adjust. The strap-on curls inside Alhaitham too, so she’s more chasing her own pleasure as she fucks in and out of Kaveh’s dripping entrance. Kaveh curls her arms around Alhaitham’s shoulders, scoring her nails down her back and earning a low moan from the Scribe.

She tries to speak Alhaitham’s name, but the word comes out unintelligible, her legs jerking where they splay in the air. It’s all too much, too overwhelming, she’s just cum, yet Kaveh would never ask to stop. This is what she wants. This is what she needs.

“Gods, you’re fucking ruined,” Alhaitham snarls as she lifts her head to look down at Kaveh, eyes dilated as she slams in again and again. Kaveh can’t even argue with her, she certainly feels ruined.

Alhaitham pushes up her shirt, exposing her breasts to the warm air. Kaveh never wears a bra, especially not at home, and the realization she had been out the whole night like that clearly hits Alhaitham. Her features crease with anger and jealousy as her fingers pinch at a pierced nipple harshly, tugging on the sensitive bud until it turns firm and hard. Kaveh lets out a keen, cunt clenching around the strap-on.

“Do you show your tits to any of your clients hoping to get a raise? Is that why you never wear a bra? Whoring yourself out in hopes of just the slightest bit of attention?” Alhaitham growls, and Kaveh’s eyes roll backwards again, her chest arching up into the touch.

“N-No– I–” Kaveh slurs, but the words escape her and die on her tongue. She’s close again, she can feel it rolling through her. Flashes of hot sensitivity that begin to boil over.

“So obscene, Senior. Look at you now, crying on my cock. Getting off on being insulted. Pathetic.”

Kaveh gasps wetly, turning to hide her face in the pillows. Her eyelids flutter, hands reaching down to squeeze at the sheets erratically. Her mind is completely scrambled, and she’s left floating aimlessly. The only thing she knows is Alhaitham right now and the pressure that builds inside her core.

“Fuck–” Alhaitham hisses under her breath, bucking her hips in hard. Her rhythm turns sloppy and hard, and her hand reaches down to slide between Kaveh’s slick folds. Fingers searching until they find what they’re looking for, pinching and rolling at the oversensitive bud there. Kaveh jerks harshly, legs stiffening as she’s overwrought with sensation, her whole body breaking out in convulsive shivers and spasms. “I’m close,” Alhaitham pants, and Kaveh wishes she had the mental capacity to say the same.

Instead, she feels drool leak out of her mouth into the pillow, too fucked stupid to answer. Alhaitham groans louder, before she pulls out, leaving Kaveh to sob pathetically as her empty cunt drips and clenches over nothing. She doesn’t remove her hand from Kaveh’s clit however, picking up the pace as she rubs at it until Kaveh’s body turns electric, and her mind goes black.

She’s vaguely aware of her screaming, wetness splattering out of her to coat her thighs and stomach, soaking the sheets underneath her. Kaveh writhes in the sheets, babbling incoherently as she cums all over the two of them, the strongest orgasm she’s had in a long time. It comes in waves, leaving her shaking apart and delirious as she squirts everywhere, pussy pulsing. Alhaitham keeps rubbing her through it, until Kaveh is begging through her choked cries for her to stop, eyesight going dangerously dark as her back arches into the air.

Once Alhaitham pulls away, Kaveh collapses down into the sheets, twitching in the aftershocks. Even untouched, she feels a weak spurt of cum trickle out of her, hole fluttering in the absence of something filling her up. Her limbs go weak and heavy, as she blinks dazedly at the ceiling. Distantly, she hears the slick noises of Alhaitham fucking her own hand, and the moans that leave her as she cums.

Kaveh is too far gone to be aware of much else, her consciousness drifting. Her legs are splayed open still, exposing her used and soaked cunt to the air. Her cum rapidly cools on her thighs, and she shivers in her delirium at the sensation.

“Kaveh. Kaveh. Kaveh, look at me,” Alhaitham’s voice calls, and groggily, Kaveh drags her gaze to look at her junior. Her face is flushed, and her eyes are wide, and Kaveh registers the droplets splattered over her stomach as her own cum. A giggle leaves Kaveh at that, airy and half-conscious. Alhaitham’s eyebrows crease with concern at that, as she places her hand on Kaveh’s hip, thumb stroking over the bone in what could be an attempt at soothing her. “I think that’s enough for tonight.”

“Mmmm… ’m… ’m sorry for ruining the sheets…” Kaveh whispers, her voice hoarse. Her eyelids droop, exhaustion dragging her further down into the darkness. Alhaitham frowns deeper, but Kaveh is already drifting.

The next few moments register slowly in her mind. She’s vaguely aware of being picked up into muscular arms, body heavy and limp. She’s placed down into soft and dry sheets, a bed that doesn’t smell like hers. A hand brushes hair behind her ear, and a blanket is pulled over her half-naked body.

“Are you back with me now?” Alhaitham says, as Kaveh blinks heavily, coming back down to Teyvat. Alhaitham’s hand comes to rest in her hair, stroking through the sweat-slicked blonde locks. It feels nice, and Kaveh lets out a pleased little hum, tipping her head into the hand.

“Mm, yeah,” Kaveh answers, still feeling a little out of it.

“Well, that was all new,” Alhaitham remarks dryly, and Kaveh feels a flush grow on her face. She isn’t sure if she’s referring to the squirting or the degradation kink, but Kaveh can’t help but feel embarrassed by it, regardless. She ducks her head back, pulling the blanket up to cover her face slightly. Alhaitham shoots her a scolding glare at that, and shuffles closer to resume her petting of Kaveh’s hair. “I didn’t say that it was bad. It was… hot,” Alhaitham continues, and Kaveh can’t help but notice the slight red tinge to her ears as she says it.

Kaveh’s chest squeezes suddenly at the inexplicable cuteness and snuggles herself a little closer to Alhaitham’s side. Pressing her face against her naked thigh and breathing in the muted scent of her skin.

Their peace only lasts for a few more minutes, before Alhaitham sighs. She moves to slide off the bed, and Kaveh almost lets out a protesting whine. She stops it before it can truly escape her, lifting her head to stare up at her roommate in confusion.

“I’m going to go shower,” she says abruptly, and Kaveh’s stomach drops. Her face must fall, because Alhaitham shoots her an odd look. As if she were expecting more of a response.

Neither of them say anything, and Kaveh’s stomach sinks more. She had hoped that Alhaitham would at least stay for longer, allow Kaveh to cuddle her more or something. Or at the very least invite her to go shower with her. Instead, the silence weighs heavy between them. Alhaitham’s face twitches, almost unperceivable, before she sighs and spins on her heel.

“You can sleep here, if you’d like. I’ll wash your bedsheets,” Alhaitham says over her shoulder as she walks out of the bedroom. Kaveh shifts against the sheets, heart aching at the dismissal. She knows Alhaitham isn’t obligated to stay with her after sex, but she’d thought… She’d hoped that after the clearly strenuous round that she’d at least cuddle her a bit longer.

“Okay,” Kaveh answers, voice meek. She doubts Alhaitham even heard her as she swings the door shut. Leaving her alone in the bedroom's darkness.

Kaveh swallows thickly, pushing down the bitter feeling arising in her chest, and lies her head back down to sleep. Mind as well make the most of this.

—

Kaveh isn’t angry at Alhaitham. She’s not.

Maybe she’s a little upset about being dismissed and left right after sex, but she’s not angry. That would be ridiculous. It’s not like they are dating, so she doesn’t have a right to be angry.

She thinks Alhaitham might be a little bit upset with her too, however, and that annoys her. She’s the one who left, so what right does she have to be annoyed with her?

Their shared annoyance culminates into a tense and silent evening the next day in the home. Kaveh has once again returned home late from another irritating client meeting, but this time Alhaitham doesn’t comment on it. Kaveh doesn’t bother asking Alhaitham if she’ll cook dinner tonight. For some reason, she knows that asking that will only turn into an argument between them.

So, Kaveh drags herself through the task of cooking dinner, keeping it to a simple dish of meats and breads. She doesn’t have the energy to put in too much effort. Alhaitham appears the moment she’s finished cooking, and there are no words exchanged between them as they sit down at the dining table in their respective seats.

The air is only punctuated by the clink of their cutlery on their plates, and with each silent minute Kaveh feels her irritation growing more and more. Alhaitham hasn’t said a word to her since she got home, and it’s not like she expects a warm welcome every day but she expects something. Even if it’s just a hello.

Once again, however, she’s expecting too much of her. Alhaitham didn’t even sleep in the same bed as her last night. She slept on the couch after washing Kaveh’s sheets, leaving Kaveh alone on the bed. It stung more than Kaveh cared to admit.

“I’m going to go work on some designs,” Kaveh says, the first words spoken between them that evening, as she moves to place her dishes in the sink. Alhaitham is still eating her dinner and simply raises an eyebrow at her as she moves past.

“Don’t overwork yourself,” she replies, but says it in some kind of mocking tone. Belittling Kaveh. It makes her bristle, anger swelling inside her. “I don’t want to deal with your complaining about a sore neck when you inevitably fall asleep at your desk.”

An indignant squeak leaves Kaveh as she huffs, stalking towards her bedroom.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you with my presence, so don’t worry about that,” Kaveh snaps back and doesn’t wait for a response before slamming the door to her bedroom shut. Her heart thumps in her chest, anger simmering under her skin.

Why is it they can work so well together in the bedroom, yet they can barely hold a conversation together? Why is it that every time they argue, Kaveh is left aching and sore? She misses her cute junior from their Akademiya days, who would look at her with stars in her eyes. She misses the way they used to be before everything fell to shit. It’s too tall of an ask, however, to want all of that back. Too much has changed between them irreversibly. The Alhaitham she knew from the Akademiya is no longer around, and the Kaveh Alhaitham knew is also long gone. They are left with just the memories that sour between them.

Kaveh will be lying if she said it didn’t hurt. It hurts every time they fight, every time she gets a glimpse of the Alhaitham she once knew. Sometimes, even when Alhaitham is in the same room as her, she misses her. Misses her so much it feels like she can’t breathe, like Alhaitham took all the air from her lungs when she left. No matter how close they are, Kaveh always feels like she’s reaching across an endless chasm. Watching from a distance. She can touch Alhaitham, yet she cannot have her.

With another irritated sigh, Kaveh makes her way over to her desk. There’s no point dwelling on these things. She pulls out her latest design and immediately settles in to begin working on it.

—

The tension comes to pass. Kaveh gives up on feeling hurt, accepting that this is just how it is between them. They argue, then they fuck, and then Alhaitham leaves and they both pretend it never really happened. At least, in sex, they still work well together. Kaveh is never left unsatisfied when it comes to that at least. Even if Alhaitham leaving hurts every time.

Tonight, however, is not one for arguing and sex.

Tonight is quiet, and tonight is peaceful. Nights like these are when Kaveh can look at Alhaitham and see the person she once knew.

The person in question is reclined on the couch, book held in one hand as she reads. Kaveh is on the other end of the couch, sketchbook and pencil in hand. Their legs press together, sharing warmth in the coming winter chills. It’s oddly domestic, and Kaveh’s chest feels fuzzy with contentment.

The window is open, casting golden rays of sunlight across their living room as the sun sets. The curtains billow in the wind, and here, Kaveh feels at home. At peace. With only the sound of a page turning or the scratch of a pencil to break the silence between them.

After working on her sketch for another hour or so, the sun having set by now, Kaveh stifles a yawn as she stretches her arms above her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she can spot Alhaitham lifting her gaze from her book to eye Kaveh.

Still, no words are said between them as Kaveh places her sketchbook down on the floor, shuffling down on the couch to lie down. Her legs extend, entangling further with Alhaitham’s, and she lets out a soft sigh as she rests her head against the armrest. Surely, Alhaitham will not mind if she takes a brief nap.

Kaveh curls up a little tighter, tucking her hands into her chest as she lets her eyes slip closed. It’s not the most comfortable of positions, and it’s a little cold, but it’s enough for now. She can bask in the peaceful evening and all of its simple pleasures.

Kaveh lets out a deep exhale and lets herself slip away into blissful sleep.

When Kaveh’s eyes flutter open some time later, the living room is still dimly lit by the light of lamps. Something cloaks her, and her head is pillowed under something soft. Directly in front of her is none other than her roommate, hand resting on Kaveh’s shoulder. Perhaps she has shaken her awake.

“Finally awake? Dinner is ready,” Alhaitham says, but her voice is gentle in the way that nightfall always makes you. Kaveh blinks slowly and groggily, trying to gather her bearings. Gradually, she pulls herself up into sitting upright, and Alhaitham’s hand slips away from her shoulder. Almost immediately, she misses the warm touch.

A blanket falls to her hips, and Kaveh looks down in surprise. Had Alhaitham placed a blanket on her whilst she slept? Another glance beside her tells her that at some point, she’d also wedged a pillow underneath Kaveh’s head. Probably to prevent her from getting a crick neck.

Something warm and fuzzy forms in her chest, something that yearns. ‘Oh,’ Kaveh thinks, staring up at Alhaitham. The lamplight makes her eyes look beautiful, teal and orange blending together like a stained-glass window. There’s a soft smile on her features, relaxed as she gazes at Kaveh and watches her slowly come to.

‘Oh.’

“Are you just going to stare at me, or are you going to come have dinner?” Alhaitham speaks once more, and her hand reaches out towards Kaveh’s face. Her fingers come to tuck a stray piece of blonde hair behind her ear, and Kaveh feels her heart rate accelerate at the touch. Has Alhaitham always been this… this softened? This kind? Kaveh is almost certain it was her turn to cook tonight too, yet here she is. Waking to a blanket carefully placed over her and dinner prepared fresh.

“I’m coming,” Kaveh says at last. Finally, finding the words to speak. There are suddenly other words that come to mind, the shape of them sitting on her tongue. She doesn’t say them. She doesn’t let them come to truth. Doesn’t even try to think on them too much, even when they scream at her. A cacophony inside, three simple words banging around and throwing everything else inside her brain out.

Alhaitham smiles again, and Kaveh has to swallow dryly at the devastation that it causes. She extends her hand and Kaveh takes it, even when the touch feels electric.

“I made fatteh, your favorite,” Alhaitham tells her.

‘I love you,’ Kaveh thinks, and then goes to have dinner.

—

The revelation changes nothing between them. Why would it? Kaveh has felt this way for years and only now can she put a name to the emotion that unfurls inside her at the sight of Alhaitham. She gives herself an afternoon to freak out, and then she continues on. The way it has always been. Nothing changes because nothing can change. Kaveh fears losing whatever tentative balance they have so greatly that she would never dare rock the boat.

‘This,’ Kaveh thinks, as she’s pushed down into the mattress, hands tied, ‘this is good.’

If the only way she can keep Alhaitham by her side is by being a glorified sex doll, then she’ll take it. It’s not as though she gets nothing out of it, after all.

“Focus on me. I can see you getting distracted.” Alhaitham suddenly interrupts her thoughts, combining the words with a harsh slap to the underside of Kaveh’s thigh. The sharp pinpricks of pain make Kaveh moan, tipping her head backwards into the pillows. She’s stuffed full already, one of their thicker dildo’s stretching her open and keeping her wanting. Her legs are tied open, forced into a wide splay that should be more uncomfortable than it is. She’s sensitive all over, having cum once already from Alhaitham eating her out prior to pushing the dildo inside her.

Alhaitham lets out a huff as she brings her head down between Kaveh’s legs. Breath ghosting over slick flesh, making her shiver all over.

“Look at you. Dripping with just a cock inside you. I should keep you like this forever, shouldn’t I?” Alhaitham murmurs, turning her head to bite at Kaveh’s thigh harshly. It goes right next to an already existing bruise, either from tonight or from one of their many other nights spent like this.

“Mmm…” Kaveh hums, legs twitching. How nice it would be to be kept like this, tied all the time for Alhaitham to use. She would like that. Getting fucked all the time sounds nice. Her head feels heavy in the way that it usually does whenever they engage in play like this, and it’s good. Keeps all the thoughts she doesn’t want to think away.

“You’d be too needy though, wouldn’t you? Crying all the time for me to touch you,” Alhaitham continues as she brings her hand to tug on the dildo. Pulling it out slowly just to push it back in. A torturous pace that has Kaveh squirming. “Desperate little slut begging to be fucked. Isn’t that right?”

Kaveh is too dazed to realize that it’s a question, her head drooping as she pants over the slow stretch, eyelids fluttering. She must take too long to answer, because there’s another stinging slap to her thigh, a soft cry leaving her mouth at the pain.

“I said, isn’t that right?”

“I’m sorry, please– please fuck me, I’ll be good,” Kaveh drawls, the words feeling strangely heavy on her tongue. Alhaitham laughs quietly, and leans down to plant a kiss just over Kaveh’s clit. The whisper of a touch is enough to make Kaveh moan again, hips twitching forward in an attempt to seek more.

“I’m sorry, I know thinking is a little beyond you right now. It’s too much to expect from a precious dumb thing like you. I’ll take care of you, though,” Alhaitham croons softly, earning a needy keen from Kaveh. She shifts her legs wider as best as she can, trying desperately to display herself properly. Alhaitham hums in approval, and leans down to seal her lips around Kaveh’s clit. Sucking firmly and making Kaveh twist and cry out, legs tensing. Her head is spinning so badly she feels barely awake. Usually she takes a bit longer to get into this headspace, but it’s not like she’s complaining.

Alhaitham whispers something else to her, but Kaveh can’t quite make the words out. She’s lost in the foggy haze, floating aimlessly.

It doesn’t take long for her to cum. Not when she’s like this, not when Alhaitham’s tongue is flicking over her clit and her hand is fucking a dildo in and out of her. Kaveh is hardly aware of the build of it, just knows when it comes. Clenching down around the cock and arching her back as she cums, cunt twitching underneath Alhaitham’s mouth. There are scathing insults thrown her way for how easily she came, and Kaveh can’t help but agree with them. Still, she wants more. Wants to be touched all over, to be held and to be fucked stupid.

A hand touches her cheek, shockingly gentle. Guiding her face to look forward into teal eyes. She pants, coming back down from her orgasm, body trembling, and tries to focus on Alhaitham. Fingers pet through her hair, drawing her back in if only for a moment.

“Color?” Alhaitham asks, patient and kind. Kaveh swallows dryly, blinking drowsily at her. Color? Green. Green. It’s always green. She never wants Alhaitham to stop touching her, even for a second.

“Wanna come again…” Kaveh mumbles, in lieu of an answer. Her head lolls into Alhaitham’s hand, weary and heavy. Alhaitham taps her cheek again, bringing her attention back to her.

“That’s not what I asked.”

“‘M sorry… g-green…” Kaveh murmurs, and this time Alhaitham smiles. She leans forward, pressing her lips to Kaveh’s forehead, an inexplicably sweet gesture, before she leans backwards. Reaches up and unties Kaveh’s hands and legs, letting them drop heavily down into the bed. Pulling the dildo out of her. Kaveh doesn’t move, because she hasn’t been given permission to.

Alhaitham slides her hands to Kaveh’s waist, gripping it and flipping her over to her stomach. Yanking her hips up. Shakily, Kaveh lifts herself up onto her arms, swaying where she’s hunched over.

“Good girl. Stay like this for me,” Alhaitham praises, and Kaveh shivers at the words, eyelids drooping. She does what she’s told, keeping herself as steady as she can until there’s a blunt press of another cock to her already loose entrance. Sliding in easily with how fucked out she already is. “You take my cock so easily, like you were made for this,” Alhaitham croons, finishing the slide with a snap of her hips forward.

Kaveh jolts with it, arms giving out underneath her and making her collapse back down into the bed with a sharp cry. There’s a click of a tongue in disapproval, and then a palm lands on her backside, making her jerk from the pain.

“Get back up. I told you to stay like that. Can’t you listen?” Alhaitham snarls, and Kaveh mumbles out an apology. She lifts herself back up, but she feels too weak all over. She barely lasts a second before she’s sinking back down, tears beginning to well in her eyes. Alhaitham spanks her again, harsher than before. The pain makes her moan, cunt clenching around the strap-on wedged inside her. “Again. Get up.”

Kaveh does as she’s told, locking her elbows out underneath her this time. Her entire body feels alight with nerves and sensation, but her brain feels like it’s been filled with water. Alhaitham seems to take it as good enough though, beginning to thrust her hips in and out of Kaveh’s pussy. Slick squelches fill the air with how wet she is, her arousal and cum dripping down her thighs as she’s fucked hard.

It shoves her forward, and she shakes in the effort it takes to remain hunched like this. Her forearms are trembling so badly that she’s surprised they haven’t already given out. A wounded sob leaves her when her elbows buckle momentarily, not wanting to disappoint Alhaitham again. There’s a hiss of disapproval behind her, as Alhaitham starts to slow back down. It makes Kaveh sob again, panic welling in her.

“N-no… I’m– I’m sorry…” Kaveh slurs, rolling her hips backwards to chase the feeling. The tears that have been brimming in her eyes start to pour over, streaming down her cheeks.

A hand comes to grip her hair, pulling harshly. It stings and it only serves to make Kaveh cry more, even as she moans from the sensation prickling across her scalp. Her upper body is pulled upright so that her back comes to press into Alhaitham’s chest, the cock inside shifting to press in at a new angle that has her jerking.

“I suppose I’ll just have to hold you up myself then since you can’t even follow simple fucking directions,” Alhaitham snarls, moving to grip Kaveh’s chin harshly. Digging her fingers in until it aches, forcing her lips to part around a cry. Alhaitham’s eyes dilate, staring at her, and she leans in to smash their lips together, hungry and devouring. Kaveh moans weakly into the kiss, too wrecked to really be able to respond to it. Just letting Alhaitham use her.

At the same time, Alhaitham starts to thrust in and out again, the new angle making Kaveh’s eyes roll back into her head. Tremors break out across her body, scrambling to cling to Alhaitham’s arm in order to keep herself upright.

Once they break apart for air, Kaveh gasps wetly, head lolling in Alhaitham’s hand still gripping her jaw. Her body jumps with each thrust, the strap-on curving against her g-spot in a way that makes her feel like she’s falling apart.

Her eyelids flutter weakly, before there’s a sudden stinging pain across her cheek. Kaveh’s head falls to the side, and it takes her addled brain a moment to realize Alhaitham just slapped her.

And then, heat explodes from her core, spreading out through her limbs, and she screams as she cums, spasming against Alhaitham’s torso. Her body locks up tight, white blinding her vision as she’s fucked through it. Consciousness wanes from her, darkness threatening to encroach on her vision.

Alhaitham does not stop, just groaning behind her. Shifting her arm to wrap around Kaveh’s chest, biting into her neck. Kaveh’s head falls backwards into her roommate’s shoulder, wrecked and choked noises being fucked out of her. Her stomach clenches and jumps with each thrust, too sensitive.

Alhaitham says something to her, but Kaveh’s ears are ringing far too loudly for her to be able to hear. Her other hand comes to slide over Kaveh’s stomach, where it bumps out from the cock buried deep inside her, deft fingers parting her folds to pet the slick flesh there, fingers rubbing over where she’s stretched open. It makes Kaveh twist against her, babbling out a delirious cry, hips jerking back and forth.

The scribe’s rhythm falters, her grunting becoming louder, until she’s pulling out completely. Leaving Kaveh open and dripping incessantly down her legs, creamy white cum leaving her in streaks. There’s labored breathing behind her, as Alhaitham suddenly releases her grip and lets Kaveh slump down into the mattress. Muscles too weak and lax to hold her up. She’s flipped over immediately, legs shoved up into the air, and Kaveh screams when a tongue is pushed into her. Lapping at the cum that’s still beading out of her.

The sinful mouth moves up to her clit, tongue flicking and teeth scraping over the oversensitive bud there. Kaveh bucks into the mouth, her entire body feeling like it’s been thrown into a pool of electro-charged water. She’s making an awful lot of noise, keens and sobs and whimpers as she writhes against the over-stimulation.

It’s barely another minute or two of that before Kaveh is seizing up once again, legs shaking where they’re held aloft in the air. Drool leaks out of her mouth, and Kaveh is distantly aware of the feeling of liquid splattering over her thighs as she squirts. There’s a heady groan from between her legs as Kaveh cums all over Alhaitham’s face, tongue lazily lapping up the liquid. It’s too much over her sensitive cunt though, and Kaveh wails as she clenches over nothing, another spurt of cum leaving her.

Alhaitham pulls her head away at last, resting her cheek against Kaveh’s soaked thigh. She’s panting and moaning, the vibrations carrying up Kaveh’s overwrought body, before she’s turning her head to bite into the supple flesh, muffling her moan. Kaveh is too out of it to notice Alhaitham’s hand buried between her own legs. She’s too out of it to notice anything other than the pulses of pleasure still wreaking havoc on her body, hole fluttering as she leaks into the towel underneath her. The only thing she can hear is the sound of her own labored breaths, wet and desperate for air, interrupted by quiet whimpers.

Her head lolls to the side, spit still sliding down her slack jaw as she shakes all over. She feels barely conscious, like she’s floating through space. She doesn't know how much time passes before there are hands stroking over her waist, sliding up to cup her breasts. Thumbs trace over her nipples, and in her sensitive state, Kaveh can’t help but squeeze her eyes shut, jerking from the sensation as there’s another weak spurt of cum down her legs.

There’s a gentle hushing, and she feels her torso be lifted slightly, leaned against a pile of pillows. Her hair is petted soothingly, as a pair of arms wrap around her shoulders, tugging her into a warm chest.

Slowly, her hearing starts to come back to her, but all of her energy leaves at the same time. Kaveh slumps against Alhaitham, body too heavy to hold. It still feels like every noise she hears is coming through a thick fog.

“I’ve got you, it’s alright,” Alhaitham whispers, pressing her lips into the crown of Kaveh’s head. “I’m going to get you some water and a cloth, alright?”

Kaveh’s voice is shot, so she just lets out a quiet hum of acknowledgement as she’s laid back against the pillows. She blinks heavily, drowsy and out of it, and it seems like Alhaitham is returning all too quickly. Her face looks pensive, like she’s thinking something over, but she doesn’t speak.

She cups the back of Kaveh’s neck as she guides the glass of water to her mouth, and wipes the stray droplets of water away from her chin with her thumb. The towel soaked with her cum is removed and thrown aside, and a damp cloth delicately wipes over her legs and pussy. The rasp of the cloth is still too much for how sensitive she is, and Kaveh lets out a quiet whimper from the touch, flinching slightly. Alhaitham hushes her again, leaning forward to place a kiss on her stomach.

Once she’s finished cleaning Kaveh up, Alhaitham helps her ease back down into the sheets. A hand cups her cheek, tucking stray hairs behind her ear. It’s comforting, and it’s everything Kaveh needs right now as she comes back to her body, albeit far slower than usual.

And then, Alhaitham speaks, and it ruins everything.

“Kaveh, I have to go take care of something at the Akademiya. I won’t be long. I’m sorry, but it’s- it’s urgent,” she says, and Kaveh’s stomach drops out from underneath her.

‘What? She’s leaving… again?’

Kaveh had been certain that Alhaitham would stay this time. It was the most strenuous scene they’ve had in a while, and she’s still just… going to leave?

Her hurt must show on her face, because Alhaitham frowns, tracing her thumb underneath Kaveh’s cheek.

“I’m really sorry. I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay? You should just rest.”

Kaveh feels like crying. She feels like wailing and begging for Alhaitham to stay, but she knows it’s redundant. Alhaitham never stays, why would she start now?

“Okay,” Kaveh whispers instead, voice scratched raw and hoarse. Alhaitham at least has the sense to look guilty as she stands up.

“Will you be alright?” Alhaitham asks, as she fishes her clothes out from where they’re strewn across the floor. A lump grows in Kaveh’s throat, choking words from her, so instead she nods, shuffling underneath the blankets some more. Hiding the tremble in her lips. She feels cold, and all she wants is to say no, I need you to stay. I need it more than ever right now, but you can’t see that. “I’ll be as quick as possible. Rest up,” Alhaitham says, as she gets changed.

And then, she leaves, and the tears start to pour immediately. Kaveh breaks out in shivers, the chill extending from her chest out to her limbs which ache. Her whole body aches. There’s no foggy pleasure to be had here, just the throbbing pain left now. A wet breath leaves her as she tries to remain composed, inhaling and exhaling shakily.

Why isn’t she good enough for Alhaitham to stay? Why does she always leave?

Does she regret it? Does she regret ever sleeping with Kaveh, ever indulging her? Or does she only care for it?

That must be it, maybe.

Alhaitham doesn’t truly care for Kaveh or her feelings. She’s just a good fuck, why should Alhaitham hang around to care for her? It doesn’t mean anything. It’s never meant anything.

It’s Kaveh’s fault for getting feelings. It’s Kaveh’s fault for expecting more, for wanting something she can’t have.

She’s always been too greedy, reaching too high for too much. She wished for the diadem from the Interdarshan competition and condemned her father. She wished for her mother to stop grieving and love her once again. She wished for her mother to stay with her even when it hurt. She wished that Alhaitham had understood her back in the Akademiya. She wished to be famous, to soar to the skies in the glory of the Palace.

She wishes Alhaitham understood her now.

A sob leaves Kaveh, the first noise she makes since Alhaitham left. And once it starts, it doesn’t stop. They pour out of her, shaking her frame as she curls in on herself. Still freezing cold but unable to get up to go put warmer clothes on or get more blankets. She feels nauseous too. Stomach swirling with thoughts of how she isn’t good enough and never will be to make Alhaitham stay.

She’s pathetic even now. Crying nearly hysterically because Alhaitham didn’t stay to what, cuddle her? How desperate can she be?

Kaveh pulls one of the pillows down underneath the blankets, pressing it into her arms in an attempt to gather some kind of warmth from it. It’s not enough, she’s still shaking violently and everything still hurts.

Kaveh has never felt this awful. Except for maybe after her father died, or when Alhaitham and her fought in the Akademiya.

Her breath catches in another sob, as she presses her face into the pillow in an attempt to muffle them. She feels so small and vulnerable here, curled alone on her bed. Kaveh just wants to be more than a good fuck to Alhaitham, but it’s all she is and it’s all she’ll ever be. She’s never been worth anyone’s time. Especially not Alhaitham’s.

Slowly, Kaveh finds the energy to drag herself up out of bed. Legs shaking like a newborn lamb. She can’t have Alhaitham come home and see her like this. A pathetic mess. Alhaitham would take one look at her and never want anything to do with her again.

Kaveh stumbles her way to her door, pushing it shut and flicking the lock over. At least this way she can just suffer alone like she’s meant to.

Weak and upset, Kaveh drags herself back into her bed. Nestling under the covers in an attempt to abate the shivers and sobs that wrack her. She buries her head into a pillow, and there she stays.

—

Kaveh doesn’t leave her room for days. Alhaitham came home later that night, and had knocked on her door. Kaveh had simply pretended to be asleep, and Alhaitham had left without saying anything.

She still doesn’t say anything when Kaveh refuses to leave her room. Even when two days have passed. It just further cements the idea in Kaveh’s head that Alhaitham doesn’t really care, she never has. She’s barely bothered to check on her beyond telling her once that dinner was ready.

On the second night, Kaveh cries so hard, curled on her bathroom floor, that she throws up.

Alhaitham doesn’t check on her, although Kaveh guarantees she heard her. The walls have never been particularly thick.

Three days pass before Kaveh stumbles out of her bedroom, finally too hungry to keep herself locked away.

Alhaitham is on the couch, reading, and her head shoots up at the sound of Kaveh’s bedroom door opening. She stands immediately, beginning to step around the divan in an attempt to reach Kaveh. It’s enough to make her flinch away, and Alhaitham freezes where she stands.

“Kaveh. Are you okay?” Alhaitham asks, face pinched tight with concern.

‘What a good actress she is,’ Kaveh thinks sarcastically, as she rifles through the cupboard. She supposes she must look like a mess. She certainly looked terrible when she saw herself in the mirror earlier. Unbrushed hair a mess, dark bags underneath her eyes which had been rubbed raw from crying. Cheeks blotchy from all the crying.

“I’m fine,” Kaveh answers, keeping her voice carefully neutral. She refuses to let on just how awful she feels. Kaveh finds a granola bar hiding in the cupboard, and quickly unwraps it to shovel into her mouth immediately. “Just tired.”

It’s a lie and they both know it.

“Kaveh,” Alhaitham starts in that tone of hers. The one that means she’s about to call Kaveh out on her shit or lecture her. “Did something happen? You can talk to me.” There’s a hint of desperation there that isn’t usually.

Alhaitham’s words are almost enough to make Kaveh laugh though. ‘Talk to you? Like we’ve ever been able to do that. Nothing happened. I’m in love with you and you only use me for sex. Nothing is ever going to happen.’

“Nothing happened. I said I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie–”

“Alhaitham please. Just– just drop it. I don’t have the energy to argue about this with you,” Kaveh snaps, before she takes a deep breath. Dragging her hand over her face. “Sorry, I’m just… there’s been a pile up of work from clients. Nothing is wrong, I promise.”

Alhaitham stares at her, face conflicted. Like she knows Kaveh is lying, but also knows she isn’t going to get any information out of her. It’s silent for a long moment, before Alhaitham sighs. Turning away from Kaveh and moving back towards the couch.

“Fine, if you insist.”

“I do,” Kaveh replies, as she starts to make her way back to her room. She’s almost there, when Alhaitham cuts her off again.

“Wait. You can’t seriously think that a granola bar is enough food? You need to actually eat something. You haven’t eaten in days,” Alhaitham calls out, making Kaveh tense up. Her heart accelerates in her chest, and for a brief moment, she can actually believe that Alhaitham cares.

Gradually she turns back, watching carefully as Alhaitham walks into the kitchen.

“Go sit down. I’ll bring you something.”

Kaveh’s heart squeezes, and she follows the direction. Sitting down on the couch and folding her hands into her lap. She picks at the hem of her shirt, not really knowing what to say or do as she hears Alhaitham mess around in the kitchen.

Finally, a small plate with an array of breads and dips is held out in front of her, and Kaveh gingerly takes it, placing it down into her lap. Kaveh mumbles her thanks, and lifts her head to watch Alhaitham sit back down at the opposite side of the divan, picking her book up.

Not wanting to waste her roommate's kindness, Kaveh picks at the food, eating it slowly. She’s not really hungry, appetite still recovering, but she is aware that she does need to eat. She nibbles at the bread, and more often than not she catches Alhaitham watching her carefully over her book.

Kaveh forces herself to two-thirds of the plate, before she stands up to go put it in the kitchen. Alhaitham seems displeased, frown evident on her features. Still, she doesn’t say anything as Kaveh covers the plate and puts it away and starts to head back to her room. It seems Kaveh has exhausted her compassion and caring for the evening.

Kaveh shuts her door behind her, and takes in a shaky breath. She hates how much her chest hurts as she drags herself back under her covers.

It doesn’t matter. Kaveh will come to terms with it eventually. She’ll take whatever Alhaitham is willing to give to her.

—

The tension is palpable for a few days, both of them dancing silently around each other. Of course, it never lasts, and soon they fall back into their old routine. Kaveh goes back to normal, although she can’t help the lingering thought that Alhaitham only puts up with her for sex. It makes their petty arguments leave an even sourer taste in her mouth, and makes her feel all the more vulnerable. Alhaitham, at one point, asks her why she’s acting strangely, and Kaveh comes up with some lie about work once more.

The subject drops, and Alhaitham doesn’t bring it up again.

They haven’t had sex since, but now Alhaitham’s hand is resting on Kaveh’s thigh and she has that coy smile on her features. Kaveh knows exactly what she wants, what she’s after, but her stomach is swirling with nerves and she feels sick at the thought of it.

‘Is this all I am to you?’ She wants to ask, as Alhaitham’s fingers start to push up her skirt. Kaveh’s heart is pounding in her ears, her blood racing and screaming at her to stop this.

“Won’t you come to bed with me, Senior?” Alhaitham asks, tipping her head to the side as she smirks down at the architect. If all was well, if Kaveh was well, this would be the point where Kaveh melts into the touches and the words and lets Alhaitham have her way with her.

But she just can’t. She can’t bring herself to do it. She can’t spread her legs for Alhaitham again like a pretty little toy. Not right now.

“I-I–” Kaveh starts, before she has to swallow thickly. Her mouth feels dry. Alhaitham’s hand pauses on her thigh, and her features change. Eyebrows crease, and Kaveh feels even worse. “Maybe not… maybe not tonight,” Kaveh strangles out at last, and Alhaitham frowns, disappointment evident. It stings more than Kaveh cares to admit.

‘All you’re good for is sex yet you can’t even do that anymore,’ her brain snarls at her, and Kaveh feels the odd urge to cry. She blinks rapidly in an attempt to dissuade the tears, a lump forming in her throat.

Alhaitham’s hand withdraws from her leg, and Kaveh bows her head.

“Sorry, I think I’m just… I’m just going to go to sleep early tonight,” Kaveh mumbles, the words coming out thick. Alhaitham makes a short noise of surprise in the back of her throat as Kaveh stands, brushing past her in a hurry to get back to her bedroom.

“Hey, Kaveh, wait-” Alhaitham calls, reaching out to quickly grab her wrist and stop her in her tracks. “Is everything alright?”

‘No, no it’s not. I’m in love with you and it’s killing me,’ she thinks, but does not say.

“I’m just really tired, I’m sorry. M-maybe tomorrow we can?” Kaveh offers, silently begging for Alhaitham to just let her go.

“That’s not–” Alhaitham starts to say, before she lets out a frustrated sigh. She releases her grip on Kaveh’s wrist, and that hurts too. “Okay. Fine. Just– just rest up.”

Kaveh nods, subtly biting the inside of her lip in an effort to keep it from trembling. She stumbles back, inhaling sharply through her nose as she makes her way back to her bedroom.

She half-wonders what Alhaitham had been going to say. That’s not good enough? That’s not soon enough? Thousands of thoughts come to mind, as Kaveh presses the door shut behind her, and none of them are good. Her legs shake as she sinks to the ground, back pressed against the wall. Her hands clasp over her mouth and gods she feels like throwing up.

‘You can’t even do this one thing. You’re pathetic. What use are you?’

—

Despite Kaveh’s hesitance to initiate sex, it still ends up happening again a few days later when Alhaitham tries again. Kaveh doesn’t have the heart to say no twice, even if it makes her feel sick.

So here she is now, sprawled on the bed, three of Alhaitham’s fingers buried inside her and fucking her towards her third orgasm of the night. She’d been eaten out through the first two, and now Kaveh can find comfort in the foggy space she goes to when they’re like this. Drifting aimlessly in the warm embrace of lust and pleasure.

“Such a pretty little doll, aren’t you?” Alhaitham says, her voice cutting, and for a second, Kaveh blinks in surprise. A pang of hurt shoots through her at the words and no, that’s not right. She’s meant to like this. She’s meant to enjoy Alhaitham’s scathing insults in the bedroom. She’s not meant to be hurt by them.

“Mmm…” Kaveh responds with, deciding it’s simply easier to push the feeling down and let herself go limp. Her body is buzzing all over, pleasantly warm. Alhaitham is being a bit gentler with her tonight, not as rough as the other day, and Kaveh is finding she enjoys it more. The simple pleasure.

Alhaitham works her fingers inside her, scissoring them apart to stretch her open before stroking over her g-spot. Her thumb is lazily rubbing over her clit, gradually building up her next orgasm.

When it comes, Kaveh arches her back and moans Alhaitham’s name, legs trembling around her sides. Her chest heaves with her breath, taking in as much as she can.

“Mm, you were made for this, weren’t you? Such a good little fuck,” Alhaitham croons, turning Kaveh onto her stomach to pick up her hips. She’s too dazed still from her orgasm to really be aware of the words, just whining as she feels the tip of the cock pushing into her.

Alhaitham finishes the slide with a snap of her hips, Kaveh crying out with it as she falls forward. It’s good. This is good. Losing herself to pleasure is good.

Alhaitham thrusts shallowly in and out, keeping Kaveh wanting for more and more. Her hands smooth over her back and hips, digging in ever so slightly as the air is filled with the wet slap of skin on skin.

And then, she speaks.

“Mm, this is all you’re good for, isn’t it? Such a pretty little doll to fuck.”

It’s like a bucket of ice-cold water is thrown over Kaveh, and she drops back into her body hard. Her breath hitches, and her throat closes over. Of all the things Alhaitham could’ve said, that is the worst one she could’ve chosen.

Her whole body feels freezing cold now, and her heartbeat picks up.

‘I was right. I was fucking right,’ she thinks, head spinning. Alhaitham’s still fucking her slowly, but it’s lost on her now. Tears start to well in her eyes despite how much she tries to hold them back and no, she can’t cry now, she can’t– she can’t fall apart right now.

A sob escapes her, and she bites her lip so hard afterward that there’s a hint of blood in her mouth. Alhaitham comes to a stop, and Kaveh shivers. ‘Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. Can’t even keep it together during sex. Pathetic.’

“Kaveh?” Alhaitham asks, and Kaveh’s shoulders hitch. ‘Please don’t look at me.’

“K-Keep… keep going it’s– it’s fine,” Kaveh chokes out, but it’s a weak attempt at best. Her voice comes out wet and thick, and Alhaitham immediately pulls out. It makes Kaveh sob again, hand flying to her mouth to muffle the noise.

‘No no no no no no no,’ her brain chants as she shrinks in on herself, curling forward to cover her face in an attempt to make herself even smaller.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Kaveh, look at me,” Alhaitham calls, but it sounds distant. Kaveh’s brain is too busy screaming at her about how useless she is and how she was right. Pain is radiating out from her chest to her whole body, and combined with the chill she feels, she can’t stop trembling all over. Wet cries start to bubble past her lips, unbidden and unwanted. No matter how much she tries to stop them she can’t.

Hands roll her onto her back and immediately Kaveh tries to hide away, tucking her legs up into her chest and burying her face into them so that Alhaitham can’t see, can’t watch her break apart over something as stupid as fucking dirty talk.

“Did I hurt you? Kaveh, what’s going on? I need you to talk to me,” Alhaitham keeps pushing, rubbing her hands up and down Kaveh’s arms in what could be an attempt to soothe her. It just makes her feel worse. Everything makes her feel worse.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,” Kaveh babbles, and she hates that she’s naked. She feels so fucking exposed and she’s so fucking cold and it’s awful. Everything feels awful. Gods, why can’t she stop crying?

“Why are you apologizing? Talk to me, Kaveh, hey, hey–” Alhaitham says, suddenly turning frantic when Kaveh pitches to the side. Her hands flutter to catch her, tugging her into Alhaitham’s chest and this should make her feel better, shouldn’t it? Being close to Alhaitham should bring her comfort. And in a way it does, a sickening sense of relief that only serves to make her cry harder, and isn’t that just terrible? Alhaitham probably thinks she’s so needy and disgusting, crying like this in the middle of sex.

Desperately, Kaveh tries to pull away. She can’t impose on Alhaitham’s kindness like this. Alhaitham’s grip tightens, not letting her go, and panic wells in Kaveh at being restrained like this. A cry weeds its way out of her throat as she yanks herself backwards, so fast and so hard that the friction from Alhaitham’s hands being pulled off her chafes her wrists. In her current state, the pain ten folds, and she lets out a sharp whimper, tucking them into her chest. Alhaitham looks pained, regret flitting across her features.

Guilt wells in Kaveh, but she can’t bear to look at Alhaitham now, covering her face with her hands as she shudders through another sob, turning away as best as she can.

“I’m sorry, please just– just–” Kaveh weeps, and a hand rests on her shoulder. It makes her tense, and immediately the hand disappears. ‘No, please, please touch me.’

She can’t decide what she wants. Each touch feels like it burns, but she can’t help but crave it desperately, mind warring over what she needs.

“Tell me what to do, Kaveh, tell me how to help you,” Alhaitham asks again, voice fraught with concern. “Was it something I said?”

“No,” Kaveh cries immediately, even though it’s a lie. “I don’t know, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m so sorry, I don’t know–”

“It’s alright, it’s alright. Take a deep breath okay? I’m here with you,” Alhaitham coos, shuffling closer on the bed to Kaveh. “Can I touch you? You’re shivering.”

“I don’t… I can’t…” Kaveh can’t decide what she wants. Alhaitham makes a comforting noise in the back of her throat, and she suddenly bundles up the duvet, tucking it around Kaveh’s shaking body. She’s careful to avoid touching her as she does so, pulling it around the front of her.

“I’ll be right back, okay? You stay here. I’m coming back, alright?” Alhaitham says, but all Kaveh can focus on is the fact that she’s leaving again.

“W-Wait– no, I’m sorry–” Kaveh chokes out, shakily reaching forward to grasp at Alhaitham’s wrist. It’s the first time she’s lifted her face, and she can feel the fat tears that roll down her cheeks. Gods, she probably looks disgusting right now. Snotty and sniveling over something absolutely ridiculous. Alhaitham pauses, staring at her, and her face twists with pain.

Tenderly, she cups Kaveh’s hand with her own, lifting it to her mouth to place a kiss over the knuckles. It’s such an oddly sweet and romantic gesture that it pierces Kaveh’s heart, making her grit her teeth against another sob. Her breath hitches again.

“I’m going to get you some water and a bit of food. I promise I’ll be back as soon as possible, Kaveh,” Alhaitham reassures and Kaveh wants to beg her to stay some more, to ask her to never leave her, but instead, she withdraws her hand, tucking the blanket around her tighter.

True to her word, Alhaitham leaves and comes back very quickly. She’s holding a bowl of some fruit with a knife, and a glass of water, and she places both onto the bedside table. Kaveh has calmed down a little, no longer sobbing hysterically, and instead just letting the tears roll down her cheeks silently.

“Is it alright to touch you?” Alhaitham asks as she kneels on the side of the bed by Kaveh’s side. Kaveh swallows dryly, before she nods, unfurling herself a little from the duvet. The second the fresh air hits her naked body, she shivers again, goosebumps prickling over her skin. Her teeth chatter for a moment, and it earns a heavy frown from Alhaitham. She turns, looking towards Kaveh’s wardrobe, and leaves the bedside for a moment. First, she puts back on her underwear and shirt. She then rummages through Kaveh’s clothes, pulling out one of her thicker and oversized hoodies reserved for the coldest winter nights, and comes back, gesturing for Kaveh to come closer.

Shakily, Kaveh wiggles forward, and she feels so drained that it feels like just that simple movement takes all of her energy. Still, she lets Alhaitham lift up her arms, slipping the hoodie over her so that it covers her small frame. Once she’s done, Alhaitham cups her cheeks, smearing away the tears on them with her thumbs and catching the ones that still fall, albeit slower. She reaches for the glass of water, and moves one hand to brace the back of Kaveh’s neck, letting her head tip back into it as she holds the glass to her lips. Kaveh drinks the water greedily, her throat parched from all the crying.

Once the glass is empty, Kaveh feels her energy drop again, sagging to lean to the side. Alhaitham steadies her immediately, and gently pushes her back towards the center of the bed, wrapping the blanket back around her body. This time, she stays next to her, letting Kaveh’s head fall into her chest, arm curling around her shoulders to keep her tucked there. Her hand rests in her hair, petting through the blonde locks.

“Are you feeling better?” Alhaitham asks quietly, moving her hand slightly to tuck the duvet back over Kaveh’s bare legs. Keeping her fully covered and warm, even when her shivering starts to subside. Her eyelids droop, and she lets out a heavy sigh as she snuggles into the warmth of her roommate some more.

“Mmm,” she hums, and she feels a pair of lips press into the crown of her head.

“Do you want to eat something, or do you want to go to sleep?”

“Sleep,” Kaveh answers drowsily. She doesn’t have any appetite, she never does after sex. Alhaitham hums too, and shifts the two of them so that they’re laying down. She rearranges the blanket, letting it fall over both of them, and curls around Kaveh once again. Tucking her into her chest. It’s almost enough to make her start crying again. It’s everything she’s wanted from Alhaitham since they started this.

Somehow, it just makes her feel more guilty than anything, even as she nuzzles her face into the crook of Alhaitham’s neck.

“Then let’s sleep, Senior.”

—

Alhaitham is gone.

When Kaveh wakes, Alhaitham is nowhere to be seen. She’s alone in the bed, sheets cold without the warmth of another person.

‘Oh. So it really was just pity then,’ Kaveh thinks, body turning numb.

She doesn’t cry. Not this time. Maybe she’s cried it all out by now, as she rolls out of bed. There’s a note on her bedside table, and for a moment Kaveh contemplates not reading it. Her curiosity gets the better of her though, and she picks up the note, scanning it over.

‘Emergency at the Akademiya–’

Kaveh stops reading the note there, even though there’s more to it. Quite a lot more. Instead, she scrunches it up, and throws it in her bin. She’s growing weary of Alhaitham’s excuses. Tired of chasing after something that she’ll never reach. She’ll never be more than a pitiful easy fuck in her eyes, and Kaveh just has to learn to accept that.

Kaveh leaves the bedroom, and the note stays crumpled at the bottom of her waste bin.

—

When Alhaitham comes home, Kaveh is sitting on the couch sketching. She could be spending her time wallowing in self-pity and grief, but she’s finding it rather tiresome by now. There’s not much point anymore expending her energy on something that’ll never change.

Kaveh loves Alhaitham, and Alhaitham does not love her. It’s a simple and irrefutable fact. Locking herself away in her room and crying about it will not make it any easier to deal with.

Still, she can’t help the swell of bitterness inside her when she hears Alhaitham unlocking the door and stepping inside. She listens to her set down her keys, take off her cloak and shoes, and then walk to the living room.

“Oh, you’re up. How are you feeling?” Alhaitham asks, voice a little softer than usual. It makes Kaveh even angrier. What right does she have to act concerned now after she’s left so many times? Left when Kaveh was at her most vulnerable, when she needed her the most?

Out of the corner of her eye, Kaveh sees a hand extend towards her hair, and she immediately ducks away from it, turning to face Alhaitham. Her junior’s face drops just the tiniest amount, and her hand falls back to her side.

“Fine.”

“Did you read my note?” Alhaitham says, walking around the couch. She sits next to Kaveh, and Kaveh tucks herself in a little tighter to move away. There’s a flash of something akin to hurt in Alhaitham’s eyes, if she were even capable of feeling that.

“I read it. Some of it.”

Alhaitham sighs, and then turns to look at Kaveh. She’s upset, Kaveh thinks. There’s a pinch in her eyebrows and a tension to her jaw, but her eyes are softened. She’s not angry. Kaveh would rather her be, because then her anger would feel more justified.

“Are you angry with me?”

“No.”

“Don’t lie to me, Kaveh.” Now Alhaitham sounds angry, frustration creeping its way into her words. Kaveh’s jaw twitches, and she slams her sketchbook shut. Pushing herself to stand up.

“I’m not. I’m tired,” Kaveh answers, her voice still short and clipped. Alhaitham makes a frustrated noise in the back of her throat, and stands as Kaveh starts to walk back to her bedroom.

“Are you just going to keep using that excuse every single time I try to talk to you?” Alhaitham calls, voice sharp and accusing. Kaveh feels herself bristle, her shoulders bunching up behind her back. “You can’t keep leaving every conversation–”

“Me? Leaving? Oh, that’s fucking rich coming from you,” Kaveh snarls, spinning on her heels to face Alhaitham. She knows she shouldn’t argue with her now, not when she’s still hurting, but how dare Alhaitham. How dare she accuse Kaveh of leaving when Kaveh has always been the one to stay behind. Always left alone. Alhaitham blanches at her words, before she stands up straighter, anger crossing her features. “You don’t have to pretend, Alhaitham. It’s fine. I don’t care anymore.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Pretend what?” Their voices are raising now, and Gods, the rush that it gives Kaveh is blinding. They haven’t fought like this in so long and a sick part of her craves it. She craves the screaming insults and barbed words. She craves to feel her throat burn with how loud she yells at Alhaitham and she craves to be yelled at. She craves the sting of it, the draw of a knife over her heart.

“Pretend you care! I know I’m just some quick easy fuck for you but now I’m not even that. I’m sorry that I got too caught up in my own head and I ruined what was just some easy stress relief for you. You don’t have to pretend to give a shit just to get back in my fucking pants,” Kaveh snarls, and despite her anger, she feels tears prickle at her eyes. She’s always cried when she gets angry and she hates it, but what’s the point in hiding them now? “I know you only keep me around for sex and now I’ve gone and ruined that. I’m back to just being your useless fucking roommate who can’t do anything right. I can’t even be a glorified sex doll for you without getting upset about it. Always so emotional, aren’t I?”

Alhaitham at least has the gall to look horrified. Anger drains from her features, leaving her pale. Eyes wide. ‘Hit the nail on the head, did I?’ Kaveh thinks, with a sickening sense of triumph.

“You don’t have to fucking pretend anymore. I’m over it. I’m over this. I’m tired of you fucking with my feelings,” Kaveh hisses, pouring as much venom as she can into her words. The tears in her eyes brim, threatening to spill over, because as good as it feels to finally say it,it hurts. It hurts to see Alhaitham pained, it hurts to speak the terrible truth out loud and let it become known. Let it become real.

Kaveh stares at Alhaitham for a long time, waiting for her to say anything. She opens and closes her mouth like a gaping fish, but for once, she seems at a loss. As if Kaveh has said everything right and Alhaitham doesn’t quite know how to lie her way out of it. After another few seconds, Kaveh scoffs, running her hand through her hair. She turns on her heels again, and stalks her way towards the front door. Snatching up her keys where they hang.

The jingle of them seems to be the thing that spurs Alhaitham into action.

“Kaveh wait, where are you going? Where is this– where is this all coming from?” Alhaitham calls, desperation weeding its way into her voice. “I’ve never– I’ve never thought that about you, can we just–”

“Don’t you dare start lying to me now, Alhaitham. Don’t you dare,” Kaveh seethes, but she doesn’t turn around. She can’t quite bring herself to face the woman she loves so violently one last time. Something is cracking and breaking between them and Kaveh doesn’t know if they’ll be able to fix it, and she doesn’t know if she wants to. She’s so tired.

“Don’t leave–” It makes Kaveh laugh again, a hurt and half-crazed thing.

“Oh please, because you always stayed? Even when I needed you the most? You think I can’t get the fucking hint when you can’t bear to be around me after you’ve finished using me?”

Alhaitham goes silent behind her, and that’s all Kaveh needs to yank open the front door.

“I’m going to stay with Tighnari. Don’t come after me. Not like you ever have, anyway.”

And with that, Kaveh slams the door to their home shut.

—

When Kaveh shows up on Tighnari’s doorstep, she’s crying. She’d lasted until she stepped out of the city before the waterworks started, and by the time she gets to Gandharva Ville, she’s sobbing in near hysterics.

Tighnari takes her in, wraps her in blankets and makes her tea. She listens to Kaveh blubber about her problems, and then prepares a cot for her. She’s as kind and understanding as she’s always been. She doesn’t offer Kaveh advice, nor does she try to convince her to return. She just holds her and lets her cry it out until there’s nothing left.

Kaveh stays for two days. She didn’t bring any clothes or any of her work with her, and she can only put off her commissions for so long. Eventually, Kaveh has to return home.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay? I can send Cyno over to get your things if you want?” Tighnari says, her long black ears drooping. Her hands rest on Kaveh’s arms, warm and soothing.

“It’s fine. I can’t stay away forever. I’ll just… work through it,” Kaveh responds, and forces what she hopes is a reassuring smile. It doesn’t appear to work from the way Tighnari frowns, but she acquiesces regardless. Stepping forward to hug Kaveh goodbye, before she lets her leave with her parting gift of some food and herbal teas.

Kaveh takes her time walking back home. She drags her feet, stops and sight-sees. Watches fungi play in the water and rishboland tigers doze under a tree. When she reenters the city, she stops and talks to people who wave at her, and hopes they can’t see the anxiety that swells underneath her skin.

By the time she’s stepping onto the front porch, the sun has set and it is dark outside. There’s one light on in the house, in the living room.

Heaving a sigh, Kaveh unlocks the front door, begging her heart to calm down. Her hands are shaking as she fits the key in the lock and turns it, pushing the door open.

The second she steps inside, there’s a scramble from the living room, footsteps on wood. Kaveh turns away, focusing on taking off the cloak Tighnari has lent her and her shoes. Hanging up her keys. She can see the shadow of a figure move to stand behind her in the entryway.

“Kaveh,” Alhaitham says, and her voice sounds shaky. Kaveh inhales deeply, steeling herself for whatever may come. Will she be kicked out? Who knows. Kaveh doesn’t have the energy to care anymore. She doesn’t have the fight left in her to be angry. She’s exhausted, emotionally and physically.

Slowly, she turns around, and isn’t quite prepared for what she sees.

Alhaitham looks terrible. There are bags underneath her eyes and her hair is a mess. She looks pale and fraught, teal eyes wide with concern. It makes something in Kaveh’s chest stutter, heart clenching tightly at the sight.

“I’ve had a long day, Alhaitham. Can we save it until tomorrow morning, please?” Kaveh sighs, weariness evident in her voice even to her. She wants to crawl into her bed and forget any of this ever happened. She moves to brush past Alhaitham, but a hand on her wrist stops her in her tracks.

“No. I want to fix this now. We need to fix this now.” Alhaitham’s voice is firm, and her grip tightens ever so slightly. “Please,” she adds, desperate in a way Kaveh has never heard from her before.

Kaveh wants to say no, but her heart has always been weak to Alhaitham. She exhales slowly, shoulders slumping, before she nods.

“Okay, let’s sit down then.”

Alhaitham seems hesitant to let Kaveh’s wrist go but eventually does. They both walk over to the divan. Kaveh sits on one side, and Alhaitham sits on the other. She tucks her legs up under her and she looks small in a way Kaveh hasn’t seen from her in a long time. She’s reminded then, here, that Alhaitham is her junior, and her heart aches.

“You don’t have to say anything to make me feel better, it’s–”

“I want to talk. And I want you to listen,” Alhaitham cuts Kaveh off almost immediately. It surprises her, and she blinks. Folds her hands in her lap and turns to face her fully. Alhaitham’s voice is firm and full of conviction, but she can see the way her hands tremble where they rest on her knees. As if she’s nervous.

Kaveh stays silent, and waits. Alhaitham takes a deep breath, and closes her eyes for a moment. She reopens, and stares directly at Kaveh. Intensely.

“I want to talk about what you said the other day. About me only using you for sex, or thinking you’re useless, or that’s the only reason I keep you around. About you… ruining things.” Kaveh winces at that, but Alhaitham keeps going. She shuffles closer on the couch. “I don’t think any of the things you said. I never have. I don’t know if you got that idea from… things I’ve said during sex, or elsewhere, but it isn’t true. It never has been. And I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you think that way about yourself. I thought… I assumed we were on the same page about things, but I was wrong.

“I thought… I don’t know why but I always thought you didn’t want me to stay after sex. Maybe I thought you regretted it every time. Maybe I was just nervous about the concept of spending time with you like that. I’ve always, always wanted to stay. And… when I had to leave the other day, in the morning, it was the hardest choice I’ve had to make. The time before that too. I hated it. I never wanted to. I’m not making excuses about why I had to, just know that I regretted every second. I’ve been… a bad sex partner. A terrible one. I should’ve always stayed. You needed me to stay, and I know that by me leaving I could’ve… fostered some ill thoughts about our relationship. About how I might perceive you. That has never been my intention.”

Kaveh feels a lump grow in her throat, and Alhaitham smiles at her, a wavering thing. She pulls herself closer so that their legs are brushing now, and slowly, she reaches her hands forward. Kaveh swallows thickly, before she places her hands in Alhaitham’s. She squeezes them, and then runs her thumb over the back of Kaveh’s knuckles. Over the scars left from building models and whatever other incident has befallen Kaveh.

“I’ve never thought you useless or a waste of my time. I’ve never thought about you as only good for sex. You are so much more than that to me that I don’t even know how to put it into words. You… you’re my closest confidante. You’re my perfect mirror. I would change anything if it meant not losing you. Kaveh, I…” Alhaitham trails off, blinking down at their joined hands. She swallows herself, and shifts a little. The tips of her ears grow red, and she squeezes Kaveh’s hands. “Kaveh, I love you. I always have.”

All of Kaveh’s breath leaves her, and her shoulders hitch. Part of her, an ugly and insecure part, wants to scream at Alhaitham that she’s lying, but she knows Alhaitham. She knows she doesn’t expend her energy on things like lies and half-truths. Most importantly, she has never lied to Kaveh. Kaveh’s chest grows tight and warm, and she squeezes Alhaitham’s hands back, tight. A tear streaks its way down her cheek before she can even really consider its existence, and Alhaitham’s head shoots up in alarm. Her face changes, worry and concern evident on it. Gods, she’s never seen Alhaitham look so open with her.

“Did I… did I say something wrong? You don’t have to return my feelings, I just… I wanted to let you know. I’m sorry if I upset you,” Alhaitham rushes to apologize, releasing Kaveh’s hands in favor of leaning forward to cup her cheeks. Palms warm over them. Kaveh laughs, a watery and trembling thing, and she places her hands over Alhaitham’s, intertwining their fingers. She presses her cheek into them, and turns her face just slightly to kiss the palm of Alhaitham’s hand. Tension leaves Alhaitham like a massive breath, and a smile eases its way onto her face.

“You haven’t upset me. I should’ve… I should’ve talked to you about this. A long time ago. It’s partially my fault for letting this turn so ugly. Archons, we’ve both been so stupid,” Kaveh laughs, and Alhaitham smiles wider, crows feet crinkling at the edge of her eyes. Kaveh leans forward, letting their foreheads press together, listening to the way Alhaitham takes in a deep breath.

She pushes closer, pressing their lips together, and Alhaitham sighs into the kiss, tilting Kaveh’s face to allow a better angle. Their mouths move slowly and languidly against each other, as if there were never a need to rush between them. It feels like a burst of fresh air into Kaveh’s lungs, as she shifts to intertwine her fingers with Alhaitham’s hair. Tugging her closer. She wishes she could carve a hole inside of her chest for Alhaitham to crawl into, so that they could never part.

When they break apart for air, Alhaitham tilts Kaveh’s head further back. Peppering kisses over her cheeks and jaw as if she can’t bear to be apart from her physically. It earns another laugh from Kaveh, as she drags Alhaitham back to her mouth to kiss her once more.

“I love you too,” she whispers there, and lets herself be loved.

—

Lips ghost over her stomach, feather-light. Kisses are planted all the way down, from her sternum to her navel, and then down to between her hips.

“Beautiful,” Alhaitham murmurs against her skin, sliding her hand up Kaveh’s thigh. She’d insisted on showing Kaveh just how much she loves her, and it had ended up with the two of them here. Kaveh, sprawled naked on the bed, and Alhaitham above, lavishing her. “Especially here,” Alhaitham continues down, placing a kiss just above Kaveh’s pubic bone.

It makes her flush and squirm, arousal warring against embarrassment. She huffs, reaching down to tug on Alhaitham’s hair, pulling her up to her face so that they can kiss. Alhaitham seems all too eager to follow through, and breaks away to pepper kisses over Kaveh’s throat. She nibbles on the skin there slightly, before sucking a dark mark underneath Kaveh’s chin, humming pleasantly. Kaveh swallows a whine, her legs spreading apart to abate the ache in her core.

Alhaitham notices, and looks up at Kaveh with a coy smile, pressing a kiss to her jaw.

“Does my pretty girl want me to take care of her?” Alhaitham whispers, and Kaveh’s stomach clenches tight in response to the words. She swallows and nods, far too flustered to be able to speak. My pretty girl. Kaveh’s heart accelerates, and she squirms again. “How do you want it tonight? We can do whatever you like,” Alhaitham asks, sitting up a little to look down upon Kaveh. She brushes her hair from her face, before cupping her cheek. Thumb stroking underneath her eyelid. Gods, she never knew Alhaitham could be so tender and caring.

“Gentle, please,” Kaveh replies, voice meek. As much as she likes their sex hard and fast, tonight she wants to be loved. Alhaitham smiles easily, and leans down to kiss Kaveh again.

“Of course, anything for you,” Alhaitham croons, and starts to slide her way back down Kaveh’s body. She stops over her breasts, hands coming to squeeze at them gently. She traces her thumbs over Kaveh’s pierced nipples, toying slightly with the metal balls there. Alhaitham kisses over one breast, before sucking a mark into it, just beside her nipple. Once she’s done that, she takes the bud into her mouth, laving her tongue over it until it’s hard and sensitive, a quiet moan escaping Kaveh’s lips. She moves to the other breast, giving it the same treatment, and Kaveh feels herself grow wetter and wetter by the second.

“Haitham,” Kaveh whines, earning a laugh from her lover. She acquiesces, moving further down her body to nestle between her legs, planting a kiss to the inside of Kaveh’s thigh.

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll take care of you now Senior,” Alhaitham says warmly, pushing Kaveh’s legs further apart. She brings her face closer to Kaveh’s damp folds, breath fogging over them in a way that makes the architect shiver.

With one hand, Alhaitham parts her labia, and then she slowly drags her tongue up from her entrance to her clit, lapping up the wetness that grows there. It makes Kaveh gasp, hands flying to squeeze at the sheets beside her. She’s always loved when Alhaitham ate her out the most, and judging from the frequency at which she does it, Alhaitham loves it too.

“You always taste so good,” Alhaitham mumbles, sounding a little half-drunk as if to confirm Kaveh’s thoughts. She takes Kaveh’s clit into her mouth, sucking lightly on the sensitive bud and forcing a moan to leave Kaveh’s chest. Her fingers leave Kaveh’s folds to rub at her entrance, a finger teasing it. She finds it open and wanting, and there’s a quiet moan reverberating against her flesh as Alhaitham slides two fingers in with little resistance. She pulls off Kaveh’s clit with a pop, wetness glimmering on her chin. “So wet and ready. Is this all for me, baby?” Alhaitham coos, resting her fingers inside Kaveh.

Kaveh flushes again, rolling her hips down into the touch. She bites her lip as she nods, and Alhaitham’s eyes gleam with satisfaction as she plants a kiss on Kaveh’s pussy.

“Good girl, you’re always so good for me, Kaveh.” The praise warms Kaveh’s stomach, makes her head and chest feel all funny, and she lets out a quiet whimper, spreading her legs impossibly wider. She feels like she’s about to go insane if Alhaitham doesn’t pick up the pace, but at the same time she doesn’t want this to ever end.

Alhaitham dives back down, flicking her tongue over the little bundle of nerves as she starts to pump her fingers in and out. She rests her free hand on Kaveh’s hip, thumb tracing over the bone, and in a surge of need, Kaveh reaches up to intertwine their fingers. Alhaitham’s gaze flicks back up to her, face still buried in her cunt, eyes crinkling with what could be a smile as she squeezes Kaveh’s fingers back. It makes everything feel more intimate than usual, just the simple act of holding hands.

Alhaitham curls her fingers upwards, pressing against that spot inside Kaveh, and it has her throwing her head back with a moan, thighs trembling ever so slightly. She’s not going to last like this, not with Alhaitham treating her so gently.

The scribe in question dips her head further down, slipping her fingers out just enough to stretch Kaveh open and allow her tongue to slip inside. Kaveh keens at the slippery wet muscle entering her, her hips twitching in response as Alhaitham starts to fuck it in and out of her. The noises that it makes are obscene, wet squelches and slurps as Alhaitham drinks her up, wiggling her tongue as deep as she can inside.

Kaveh’s chest arches with another moan, the sensations quickly becoming too much. She tightens her grip on Alhaitham’s hand, a high-pitched whine leaving her throat as pleasure sparks up her spine.

Alhaitham fucks her cunt with her tongue for a little longer, until Kaveh is shaking all over, broken noises and desperate pleas pouring out of her. She pushes her fingers back in, pumping them slowly back and forth. Kaveh is loose enough that Alhaitham can push in a third finger easily now, pressing it up with the other two.

“You look gorgeous. So beautiful. Do you want to cum, baby? You’re doing so well,” Alhaitham says as she continues to slowly fuck Kaveh, brushing her fingertips against her g-spot now and then.

“Mmm… p-please…” Kaveh drawls, turning to hide her face into the pillow underneath her head. She gasps against the fabric, thighs twitching erratically as she edges closer and closer to her orgasm.

Alhaitham hums in approval, burying her face back in between Kaveh’s folds. She sucks on Kaveh’s clit again, teasing it with her tongue at the same time. It makes electricity shoot up her spine and Kaveh cries out, heels digging into the sheets and toes curling as she hurtles closer and closer to her orgasm.

“Ooh, H-Haitham, I’m going to– I’m going to cum,” Kaveh warns, eyes beginning to roll back. There’s a pressure in her stomach, and Kaveh realizes with dawning horror that she’s going to squirt. Usually it takes at least two orgasms before she does so, but something about the way Alhaitham is treating her makes her all the more desperate. Her hips kick up, and Alhaitham pushes them back down with their joined hands, holding her steady as she picks up the pace with both her hand and tongue.

The pressure inside Kaveh snaps just like that, and she shrieks out Alhaitham’s name as her thighs tense, warmth gushing out of her and into the sheets. Alhaitham moans, loudly where she’s buried in Kaveh’s pussy, as she fucks the cum out of her with her fingers. She dips her head down to lap at it as it leaks out of her, slurping it up with a lewd noise.

Kaveh lets out a wretched cry, body alight with singing nerves as she grinds her cunt against Alhaitham’s face, chasing the last dregs of pleasure. Her cum soaks the sheets and Alhaitham’s face, as she writhes on the bed, legs seizing against the mattress in the throes of the waves of pleasure.

When it starts to become too much, she lets out a sharp whimper, eyes stinging with overstimulated tears. Alhaitham pulls away, albeit reluctantly, and starts to slither her way back up Kaveh’s body. Planting kisses on her path up.

“So good, so good for me. You’re so perfect. Good girl, Kaveh, I love you,” Alhaitham whispers over and over against her skin, until she’s pressing kisses along Kaveh’s jaw as she comes down. Kaveh twitches with a whine, shifting to close her legs and grimacing at the wetness there. She wraps the arm not holding Alhaitham’s hand around her junior’s shoulders, holding her as close as possible as she shudders through the aftershocks.

“W-what about you?” Kaveh manages to say once she’s caught her breath, Alhaitham still kissing over her face and neck. Alhaitham lifts her head back up, and smiles easily.

“I just want to take care of you tonight. That’s all the pleasure I need, darling,” Alhaitham replies. She releases Kaveh’s hand and wraps it around her waist, before rolling them onto their sides so that they can face each other. Kaveh flushes, squeezing her legs together when she feels a rivulet of cum slide down them at the movement.

Alhaitham tucks a piece of hair behind Kaveh’s ear, and leans forward to kiss her cheek sweetly.

“We can stay here together for as long as you want.”

And that’s all Kaveh has ever really wanted, in the end.