Chapter Text
Silverwood curse made Qifrey unable to have normal heats.
His hormone-drugged mind was too receptive of comfort, to the point when he was completely forgetting about dangers of it. The sheer idea of Silverwood taking over while he was unaware terrified him.
He never, ever had a luxury of control over his life. At the very least, he wanted to choose time and place of his death.
Qifrey's first heat was awful. It hurt, he was barely conscious, and from Beldaruit's words, clingy. And it being awful was likely the reason why he was still alive.
He couldn't afford to put his guard down.
Qifrey remembered secretly visiting medical spire after that. How he asked to make him never have heats again, head hung low. The healer looked almost judgemental, or maybe it was only his imagination.
"Suppressing early heats has risks, and there's no need to take them since according to tests, you're developing normally," the healer said. "Don't worry, you've already gone through the worst one. It'll get better with time."
But it'll kill me, he couldn't say.
Qifrey has woken up to pain.
This was not something unusual. He was often in pain, be it another pounding headache or throbbing behind his empty eye socket. Now, though, his entire body hurt, and his stomach was the worst. There was a disgusting burning sensation behind his eye, as if it was about to burst.
Qifrey couldn't remember what he was doing yesterday. His thoughts were slow and sluggish, head felt stuffed with wool.
And he was really hot, and sweaty. His skin badly itched from the salt. There was something warm and soft on top of him, blanket, as he soon realized. Qifrey wanted out. Kick it away, anything to cool off- but when he tried, his body didn't listen.
He didn't know what was happening, or where he was. He couldn't see. Qifrey's vision was covered by a blurry white film.
Sudden dread washed over him. What if he was taken back to that place, what if they-
Qifrey shied away when a hand touched his forehead, or he tried to. There wasn't enough strength in his limbs for anything more than a flinch.
He couldn't escape. He was trapped here, and there were hands on him, hands on-
It retracted, and Qifrey was shaking. He didn't notice when he shrank into himself. He wasn't in the coffin. It was dry and warm, except for his own sweat, too warm, yet terror has settled inside him.
When he finally opened his eyes again, his vision has finally cleared up enough.
Qifrey saw Beldaruit's blurry face.
Oh, it was only Beldaruit.
He was safe. Everything was alright, Beldaruit was here.
But he was still in so much pain.
His master's lips seemed to be moving, but Qifrey couldn't process what he was saying. He was just looking at him with bleary eyes.
"Master," he croaked.
Suddenly, Qifrey felt his stomach contract, and he was hit with the worst wave of pain he felt today. Beldaruit moved, leaving his vision. No, where was he going? Was he leaving him?
With all remaining strength in his aching body, Qifrey reached out to Beldaruit from under his blanket. A weird sound escaped his throat. Don't leave, he wanted to say, but the words were stuck behind tightness in his chest.
And a moment later, his hand was taken in a bigger hand. Beldaruit was back as quickly as he left. Qifrey didn't flinch, this time, and relaxed again.
As long as his master was here, he was going to be okay. If only it didn't hurt so much.
Later he found out that during early heats, children seek comfort in their parents. It made him sick.
And unfortunately for Qifrey, healer's words proved themselves true. Only his first heat was as painful, which meant it was risky to spend them with someone.
He locked himself out of the rest of Great Hall whenever he felt familiar ache and writhed in his tiny, pitiful nest. Despite how lonely it felt, delirious mind, no more distracted by pain, once dreamed a pillow he was hugging as Beldaruit's arm, and his awareness returned to a branch growing out of his socket.
Grief from realization that it was just a figment of imagination, and that Beldaruit wasn't actually here, was enough to make it retreat. He threw up and cried himself to sleep that night.
But the terror from possibility of sprouting when he was unconscious was enough to force him to take drastic measures. Since then, he decided to spend heats on the floor.
Qifrey looked haunted for days everytime he finally emerged from his room, and it wasn't unnoticed.
"My boy, talk to me," Beldaruit once approached him, "Why do you hide during such delicate time? Are you in pain?"
Yes, he wanted to say. And it's so cold. My whole body is sore from sleeping on the floor. I want to feel safe, and I want you to tell me that it's going to be okay, and I want Olruggio to hug me, too.
"No," he said instead. "I just prefer to be alone."
Qifrey knew that Beldaruit didn't believe him. Nobody did, yet they didn't press further.
At least for that, he was grateful.
Two years passed, and he was finally allowed to take suppressing herbs. It was still early, from healer's words, but not as dangerous, and Beldaruit has told her about the hiding. Qifrey still remembered how sad he looked.
He didn't know that hiding during heats meant something was wrong. Which wasn't far from truth, but the real reason behind that was currently devouring Qifrey alive.
Devouring things that he wanted to say and wanted to do.
Ability to say that it hurt.
That he was lonely, and that he only wanted to be held.
***
Things got worse when people started paying attention to Olruggio being an alpha, and Qifrey being an omega.
Qifrey and Olruggio, stuck to each other's sides, inseparable. If you see one, chances are that the other is nearby.
Rumors began to spread. They must've been future mates, blooming young love, the one they write about in books.
Truth be told, as much as Qifrey was annoyed by these, it sometimes made him feel giddy until he was reminded about impossibility of wanting anything, everytime.
The curse felt like planning future while stuck in the gallows.
They were in library that evening. Surrounding ocean was already dark, and the Great Hall was only illuminated by spells. To Qifrey, looking outside felt like staring in the abyss.
This whole day Olruggio looked like he had something to say, but was too embarrassed. He was nervously glancing at Qifrey, sometimes with a blush dusting his cheeks.
Despite how he acted, Qifrey wasn't dense, he just pretended not to notice things. Whatever it was, he hoped Olruggio would keep it to himself, for both of their sakes.
He felt like the worst person for thinking this way.
"So since I'm an alpha," Olruggio finally cracked, and Qifrey froze in terror in the middle of drawing. "And since you hate your heats..."
No. No, no, no.
"Can't I just scent you?"
Don't-
"I heard it makes them easier."
No. Don't say anything else.
"Qifrey?"
He jumped up from his chair and bolted. Olruggio called after him, but Qifrey hadn't stopped to listen.
There was no air anywhere anymore, and it got only a little better when he reached his room and turned the lock.
His heart was pounding in his chest like a terrified animal trying to claw its way out of its cage. This wasn't meant to happen.
It was so cruel for Olruggio to ask that, cruel to both of them, and he'd never know. He'd think that Qifrey didn't want him, that the idea made him so disgusted he ran away, because that's exactly how it looked.
But he did want it. Olruggio would never find out just how much, to the end of his days. And eventually he'd leave, find someone else, someone who's normal, not broken beyond repair like Qifrey.
He had to do it to survive. That was the only way. They made a promise, and he couldn't break it. Qifrey would have to push everyone away, watch them leave, and die a lonely, miserable death, but at least not as a tree, right?
Each day, letting the curse take what it wanted felt more like mercy.
***
Just like that, it was gone.
This long, long string of lies was finally over. Qifreys was freed from Silverwood.
But he didn't feel happy. Why? Wasn't it everything he ever wanted? His entire life was poisoned by this tiny seed, and yet when it was extracted, everything has lost its meaning.
Olruggio's smile was so wide it could split his face in two, the girls laughed, cried tears of joy and hugged him until they fell asleep. While he was thinking that he's fighting in this war alone, people dear to him were looking for a solution, and they found it. And now Qifrey felt empty.
His body was so heavy and he was so tired.
"Are you okay?" Olruggio asked him.
They didn't leave medical spire since seed extraction. Qifrey's body, according to Sinocia, was in a terrible condition from all the stress and neglect, and now that there was no need to fight off the parasite anymore, it was collapsing.
Maybe the same was happening to his sanity.
His tongue itched to throw another lie to Olruggio, but the least he could do was be honest.
"I don't know," he answered, and looked down on his fidgeting with blanket hands.
"Everything is alright now," Olruggio covered Qifrey's hand with his. "It's a lot to take in. We'll figure it out."
They were interrupted by a door bursting open. Qifrey flinched and pulled away, receiving a puzzled look from Olruggio.
It was Sinocia. She was responsible for supervising Qifrey's recovery.
She looked at Olruggio. "I apologize for interruption, but I need to discuss something personal," she said.
"He can stay," Qifrey replied in a hurry. "It's fine."
"Are you sure?" Sinocia frowned. "It's about your heat cycle."
Oh.