Chapter Text
Tsumugi arrived home feeling proud of herself. It had only taken about twenty minutes or so of Misao throwing insults and random objects at her while she made lattes and heated up croissants for her to pass Narumi’s training. Narumi had told her this was a record and assured her she’d definitely do better than her predecessor.
Poor girl, Tsumugi thought of the previous coffee shop girl as she walked home, rain coat tightly wrapped around her. Tsumugi was lucky she’d already worked in a coffee shop for years, even if it was a much smaller and quainter one. She’d really only needed to get used to how things were arranged and the quirks of new equipment.
Another benefit of the unusual training was that she now felt confident she could prepare orders all by herself at her next shift. She was sure she’d be a reliable coworker.
Tsumugi stopped near her apartment to buy a few groceries. She noticed a paranoid little jump from the shopkeep when the door’s bell rang, and twitchier shoulders than she’d noticed before in the employee restocking the shelves. Was this what it was like in a neighborhood terrorized by ninja?
Atsuo had promised to take care of dinner duties on days that Tsumugi worked. She got up much earlier than him, after all, and she prepared both breakfast and lunch for them both. It was only fair that Atsuo share the burden.
He’s so sweet, Tsumugi thought as she strolled through the aisles. He’d volunteered to cook for her, even, something which none of Tsumugi’s friends’ husbands did. She wasn’t sure he was going to be very good at cooking, but she knew he’d grown up helping his mother and grandmother in the kitchen, so he couldn’t be awful. She’d buy a few things for a simple curry and see how he did.
She paused at the front of their building to gather mail. She loved that Atsuo was so generous and kindhearted, even if he was a little absent minded. She knew he would be a good husband. The only problem was that…
They had two letters from their hometown. Both were from Narumi’s family. He’d given her permission to open his mail, as he often would forget about it if he handled it himself. Tsumugi sighed. They’d only been here a couple weeks!
They’d both been living with their parents before and moved with few of their own things. The low rent in this neighborhood— which they thought was due to being such a long commute from the business district— meant they had been able to get a fairly spacious place, but it felt empty with only a few pieces of furniture.
Tsumugi removed her rain jacket and hung it on one of the hooks by their door. She then found a pair of scissors in the kitchen and sat down on the floor of their empty living area. She carefully cut open both letters, adding “letter opener” to the ever growing list in her mind of things they needed.
The first letter was from Atsuo’s uncle, asking for just a few hundred ryo to help pay for Atsuo’s nephew’s school supplies.
Already? Tsumugi thought, annoyed.
The second letter was from Atsuo’s sister, saying that she and their grandmother were so excited to hear that Atsuo was now rich with a huge apartment, and they were going to come live with him.
I’ll be able to find a rich husband and be out of your hair soon, his sister wrote. And Grandma can cook for you, since Tsumugi is too lazy to do it herself and forcing you.
Tsumugi snorted. She missed her own family, but she was so glad to be on the other side of the country from her future in-laws.
Atsuo came home a bit late, having enthusiastically gone to a grocery store himself. He had a bag of fresh vegetables and a very expensive cut of meat.
“Dear, we’re meant to be saving,” Tsumugi said, biting her lip. She didn’t mind that they’d bought double groceries— that was just a mutual miscommunication about chores— but they hadn’t even bought a table yet.
“We’re celebrating your new job,” Atsuo said with a bright smile. “Look— this is really cool.”
He’d also impulse bought a kitchen torch, a little L-shaped tool with a gas canister that shot flames. He wanted to make vegetable and meat skewers and then sear them with the flame. When Tsumugi pursed her lips at him, he defended himself saying that it was instead of a balcony grill, since the constant rain would make that difficult to use.
Tsumugi calmed herself down, telling herself that it was good that he was so happy to cook for her, and they did deserve nice things every once in a while. She did have to intervene in her poor fiancé setting a tea towel on fire, but the food turned out delicious.
She told Narumi about his letters as they ate, pointing to where she’d neatly placed them on top of a still unpacked box of his things.
“We can definitely help out Hideki-kun with school,” Atsuo said, nodding to himself.
“But that’s not your responsibility,” Tsumugi countered. “Both Hideki-kun’s parents have jobs, so they can support him. We need to focus on our own lives. You promised me a summer wedding.”
Atsuo frowned slightly, but he nodded slowly. “Probably my parents can help them,” he said after a beat. “They’ll have fewer mouths to feed, since Grandma and Kimiko are coming here.”
“You’re not really going to agree to that, are you?” Tsumugi asked. “That’s ridiculous. They can’t just invite themselves over.”
“Why not?” Atsuo said. “We have plenty of space. And won’t you feel better if Grandma takes over all the cooking and cleaning?”
I wanted space because I want to be married and pregnant by the end of the year, Tsumugi thought. She’d thought they’d been on the same page about that.
“If you don’t want to…” Atsuo started, but his face looked genuinely hurt. He loved his family. Tsumugi felt her resolve buckle.
“Tell them they can visit for one week,” Tsumugi heard herself say. “I’m sure Kimiko can find a boyfriend; she’s very social.”
xXx
It actually took over a month for Tsumugi to meet any of the Akatsuki. Apparently they spent a lot of time outside of Ame. Unfortunately for her, the week that she finally met one was the start of week three of Atsuo’s grandmother and sister’s one week visit.
“You can’t keep feeding my grandson these,” Grandma said that morning. She held up a bag of leftover pastries that Tsumugi got free from the coffee shop, waving it as if it were a bag of evidence of some horrible crime. “They’re unhealthy, and they’re not even fresh. If you want to be his wife, you have to do better.”
“I apologize,” Tsumugi muttered.
Both Atsuo and his sister were still asleep. Tsumugi had been sleeping very poorly herself, as they only had two futon for her and Atsuo, and somehow they’d both been given over to their “guests” for their stay.
“I have to go to work now,” Tsumugi said. Grandma was working on breakfast, but there was no way she’d be finished before Tsumugi had to leave. Tsumugi took a pastry instead. “Excuse me.”
So the day started off poor. The usual morning rush at the coffee shop distracted her for a couple hours, but as it died down, a new and inevitable source of anxiety finally made itself known: Akatsuki.
“Canary in the mine,” Misao murmured, which was their code word for Deidara. Tsumugi looked up, and sure enough, she could see his bright yellow hair through the window.
Tsumugi abandoned the cleaning she was doing immediately, locking into barista mode. She had a medium latte in a to-go cup and a warmed ham and cheese croissant wrapped before Deidara even made it to the counter.
“Whoa!” the man who walked in behind Deidara called. “Lightning fast service!”
Tsumugi stared. She had seen Deidara was with another person, of course, but she’d been so focused on getting his order that she hadn’t looked as hard as she should have. The man was wearing the black cloak with red clouds that indicated he was Akatsuki, but he looked like no one she’d been warned about. He had an orange mask that covered his entire face and a crown of spiky black hair. Tsumugi stared at him dumbly, Deidara’s order in both hands.
“Is sempai a regular?” the man asked, stroking his chin.
“You’re new, yeah,” Deidara said to Tsumugi. “Did they tell you my order?”
He sounded… impressed wasn’t quite the right word. But he didn’t sound mad about it. This interaction seemed safe so far.
“We value a good customer experience,” Tsumugi said quickly. “Let me ring you up.”
“Hold on,” Deidara said, then jabbed his thumb at the other man. “He has to figure out what he wants.”
The man steepled his fingers. “Tobi has never had one of these… ‘lattes’ before.”
“O-oh,” Tsumugi said. “Um, do you like coffee in general?”
“Shh,” Tobi said. “Tobi is reading the menu.”
There was a very, very long pause. Tobi leaned further and further back as he looked up at the menu over the counter, until Tsumugi was sure he’d topple over. Meanwhile, Misao finished the mocha she was making for another customer, who fled immediately. Misao cleared her throat at Tsumugi, her eyes darting between Deidara and the clock on the wall.
“Um, Customer-san,” Tsumugi tried. “Is your regular… friend… not waiting for you?”
Deidara’s eyebrows shot up. “Who, Sasori?” he said. “Is that why you’re both all upset? Nah, don’t worry. He died, yeah.”
“I’m sorry for your loss?” Tsumugi squeaked out.
“Don’t be,” Deidara said. “Do you know what that asshole had to say about art?”
Oh no, Tsumugi thought as Misao stepped on her foot in warning. Tobi was still reading the menu. Also there was… something moving… under his cloak…?
“Is this your new partner, then?” Tsumugi said, attempting to change the line of conversation. Tobi appeared to be sounding out every word on the menu, whispering them under his breath. “I can make some suggestions if he’s feeling overwhelmed.”
“Yeah, they gave me this idiot,” Deidara brightly. He looked Tsumugi up and down as if assessing something. Then he said, “Do they make you work with morons here? Look, mine needs all the help he can get, yeah.”
Tsumugi stood there, holding Deidara’s order, as he began a very opinionated rant about the shortcomings of every member of Akatsuki, and how he was the only one with any sense in the whole organization, and how it was so unfair to put such a good worker and elite shinobi like himself with the new recruit. Tsumugi did not know if she was meant to agree with Deidara or if that would trigger something the way bringing up art would, so she simply stared back at him.
“Ouchies!” Tobi suddenly cried, patting the moving lump in his cloak.
Deidara whirled around. “Tobi!” he yelled, making Tsumugi jump. “Did you steal that stupid cat?”
“How can it be stolen, if it hasn’t got a home?”
“I told you not to touch it—”
Tsumugi turned to Misao, pleading with her eyes. She had no idea how to handle this. Judging by her expression, Misao also had no idea what to do.
“I’ll get Narumi,” Misao murmured, and then rushed off to the back.
“It’s probably got FLEAS!” Deidara screamed, lunging at Tobi. Tobi side-stepped, hugging himself to clutch the meowing lump under his cloak.
“Dr. Whiskers just wants love, Sempai!”
Narumi wasn’t in today, Tsumugi realized. Misao was running off to his home. Tsumugi was now alone.
I’ll improvise, Tsumugi decided, rolling up her sleeves. She was going to be good at this job and make herself a good life in this village!
“Customer-san,” she called. “If you’ve never had a latte before, why don’t I make you some samples?”
“Yay!” Tobi cried, dodging under Deidara’s arms. “Tobi wants to know what a flat white is! Is it flat and white like Sempai’s butt?”
“WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?”
Tsumugi set Deidara’s order on the counter, determined to quickly make as many samples as she could as fast as possible. Her hometown sometimes got travellers from very rural places that had never had coffee before at all. She’d guided people through taste tests and helped them pick a new favorite drink more than once. She could do this.
The bell over the door rang. “Welcome!” Tsumugi yelled from the espresso machine. “One moment please!”
When she turned around, she nearly choked on her own spit. Itachi and Kisame were at the counter.
“We’re still ordering, yeah!” Deidara protested, immediately stepping up in front of Itachi. “Coffee girl, tell him you’re still helping us!”
“We can wait,” Kisame said, grinning down at her with his horrible teeth.
“R-right,” Tsumugi said, turning back to her current task. “U-um, Customer-san with the mask, please come here…”
She set out a few different types of coffee on the counter over the pastry display. “This one is just espresso,” she said, “so it will be the most bitter. This one has steamed milk, which will cut the bitterness a bit. And if it’s still too bitter, these two are our most popular flavors, vanilla and mocha…”
Itachi titled his head back, eyeing the menu printed over the counter.
“This menu looks rather short and plain,” he observed. “I thought they did so many specialty drinks to make up for the fact that their coffee is only average and can’t stand on its own. Why only advertise their worst qualities?”
“Please enjoy that while I wait on other customers,” Tsumugi said in a rush to Tobi, then whirled around to speak to Itachi and Kisame. She shoved Deidara’s order at him. “Please go ahead and take that. I can ring you up after your partner makes his decision.”
“Foolish to let someone like him take a product before he has paid,” Itachi said, and Deidara’s entire body bristled.
Offer him something that makes him too happy to berate anyone, Tsumugi remembered from her training. She’d come in every morning prepared for this. She had Atsuo’s kitchen torch in her apron pocket.
“We actually have a new specialty drink, if you’d like,” she said, rushing through her words. “A salted caramel brulée latte.”
“That sounds gross, yeah,” Deidara said.
“Can I get a sample?” Itachi asked, disrupting her plan.
“Uh—” Tsumugi glanced over at Tobi, who picked up one of his four cups and… poured it into the eye socket of his mask. None of the other Akatsyuki reacted to this. “That’s only for first time customers.”
“It’s very clear you just made that up,” Itachi said, and Tsumugi felt the urge to scream.
“Maa, Itachi-san, don’t make this one quit too,” Kisame said. “You know you’re just going to order it anyway.”
I forgive your horrible teeth, Tsumugi thought.
“Alright,” Itachi said after a beat. “One salted caramel brulée latte.”
“And a black coffee,” Kisame added.
Tsumugi made Kisame’s order first, during which Deidara seemed to get into a one-sided argument with Itachi, where he screamed into Itachi’s face and Itachi simply stared off into space. Perhaps Narumi should add that to his pinboard…
“Brulée” was something Tsumugi had once read about in a homemaking magazine. The appeal was not just the flavor, but also the show of charring the top with an actual flame. She’d practiced it a few times at home, but had not yet demonstrated it for anyone in the coffee shop.
She carefully sprinkled sugar over the top and set the cup on the counter in front of the Akatsuki. “Please step back,” she said.
Deidara’s mouth clicked shut the moment the torch was in her hands. She aimed the flame at the top of the latte, and he actually stepped towards the counter, eyes bright.
“Wait,” he said, “we can have our drinks set on fire?”
Itachi reached around him to gather his drink, but Deidara didn’t seem to care. He was looking at Tsumugi with unfiltered, childish excitement in his eyes. Somehow, this did not calm her nerves.
“Now, now, Sempai,” Tobi said, wagging a finger. “Sempai already has a coffee. It is Tobi who will order the fire latte!”
Tobi held up his arms in triumph. A cat fell out of the bottom of the cloak with a yowl.
“Ah…” Itachi said.
“I didn’t order this, yeah,” Deidara exclaimed, dumping his drink and croissant on the counter. “I want the caramel thing.”
“Um, right,” Tsumugi said. If she messed up too many orders, the coffee shop would dock her pay. But perhaps it was worth it to get them all out of here?
“No, Dr. Whiskers!” Tobi yelped, and then knocked Deidara right over as he dove for the cat.
“TOBI, YOU PIECE OF SHIT—”
“Why does the cat have a doctorate?” Itachi asked.
The door bell rang again, and Kakuzu stepped into the coffee shop. He glances around the scene briefly, then marched up to the counter. Hidan sauntered lazily behind him.
“There’s a feral animal in here,” Kakuzu said with no preamble. His eyes were acid green, and he was indeed a million times more intimidating than Misao. “I think I should be compensated for the health code violation.”
The cat bit Tobi, who screamed. Tsumugi didn’t really have a counter argument for this one. She felt herself shrink under Kakuzu’s glare.
“Hold on,” Deidara said, pushing past Kakuzu to get to the front of the counter again. “I still haven’t ordered, yeah. Listen, coffee girl, you can do latte art, right? I want one of Itachi’s face and then you set it on fire, yeah.”
Behind him, Kisame held Itachi’s coffee while Itachi crouched down to pet the feral cat, currently chewing on a screaming Tobi’s arm as he writhed on the floor.
Well, if everyone was just acting insane, why was Tsumugi even trying? She straightened her shoulders and turned to Kakuzu, looking him dead in the eyes.
“We’re test running a cat café day, actually,” she said, sounding much more level and brave than she felt. “Watch.”
She made a latte. She fluffed up the foam into pointy ears and did a very poor job of arranging dark sugar into a cat’s face and whiskers. She set the latte on the counter.
“It’s actually a 20% upcharge to eat in today, on account of it being cat café day,” she said. Then she set the latte kitty on fire.
“Holy shit,” Hidan said. Deidara crowed in delight.
Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at her and ignored Deidara elbowing him as he retreated with his drink.
“That is the worst lie anyone in this establishment has ever told me,” he said.
“Lie?” Tsumugi asked. She imagined finally hitting her goal in her bank account and said, “If it’s not cat café day, then why do we have a cat?”
“Who fucking cares?” Hidan said. He slapped his hand down on the counter, finger splayed open. “Do me next!”
The cat screamed as Tobi’s flailing caused Deidara to drop his latte on it. The cat darted off to hide under one of the benches along the wall, and Itachi went after it.
“Me next!” Hidan was insisting. “C’mon, coffee girl, light me up!”
Did he mean… he wanted her to burn his hand?
“I can get it out,” Deidara announced, and he threw something white at the floor. Itachi finally managed a real expression, and he looked peeved as he threw a kunai at it. There was a small explosion. Everyone started arguing.
“Guys, I like coming here,” Kisame said with a sigh, then grabbed Deidara’s hair to stop him from physically attacking Itachi. There was another explosion.
“U-um,” Tsumugi said, clutching her kitchen torch like a lifeline. She wanted Misao to come with Narumi right now. Surely he would be able to stop this.
“Hey, hey,” Hidan complained, smacking his hand against the table. “Hello? Are the mean ninja scarring the little kitty cat? You know, Jashin teaches us that–”
Tsumugi blinked down at his hand, pale against the counter. Right. She still had Narumi’s training. She couldn’t show weakness to Hidan, and she definitely had to stop his blasphemy against Kami-sama.
Like a bear, she thought, and aimed the torch at his hand.
In her head, she’d imagined mildly singing a finger to make him back off and just give her a normal coffee order. Instead, Hidan shoved the whole back of his hand into the flame. His eyes rolled back in his head and he let out a deeply indecent moan.
Oh my god, Tsumugi thought, dropping the torch entirely. His skin was bloody with black, charred edges. Oh my god, what did I do?!
“You actually did it,” Kakuzu said. There was a hint of surprise buried in his otherwise neutral tone. Then he shoved Hidan out of the way and said, “Cat cafe day wasn’t advertised and I’m allergic. I’m very disappointed in this experience. You should give me a discount.”
Tsumugi stared at him. One of the tables was on fire. She wanted to cry.
“Do you have a damp wash cloth?” Itachi asked. The furious cat was pinned to his side. “I don’t want Dr. Whiskers grooming himself when he’s covered in coffee and sugar.”
“And a bandaid!” Tobi cried, holding up a bleeding finger. His entire sleeve was in shreds, revealing bloody skin, but it was his finger he held up.
Tsumugi turned back to Kakuzu. She was so tired. “I will give you free coffee for a year if you get them out.”
“Deal,” Kakuzu growled.
A window was broken in the process, but he did get them all out. He even grunted in thanks once he received his cup of espresso topped with a single dollop of foamed milk.
After the ninja had left, Misao finally returned with Narumi to find Tsumugi marching around the coffee shop with the fire extinguisher, putting out all the tiny fires left behind.
“All of them at once?” Narumi said, looking shell shocked. Misao grabbed a broom and started sweeping up glass. “That’s never happened before.”
“I apologize I couldn’t keep them in line,” Tsumugi said lamely.
“Don't apologize,” Narumi said. He craned his head, observing the state fo the shop, and whistled. “I’ve had good interactions with just one of them turn out worse. The owner will be relieved. Tsumugi, you’ve got to be employee of the month.”
Tsumugi felt a little flicker of pride, but mostly she just felt tired. She’d briefly felt accomplishment at kicking the Akatsuki out, but now that the adrenaline was fading, she found she no longer cared about being praised by a coffee shop manager.
“Thank you,” Tsumugi said flatly. She summoned a smile. “I want hazard pay or I quit.”
“Er… sure, I’m sure we can arrange something…”
xXx
Tsumugi came home exhausted. She’d had to stay late. The perpetual rainstorm meant that, even if Kami-sama’s omnipresence meant no looters would ravage the coffee shop, the windows did need to be patched up or else rain and debris would get in. They’d had to find and tape up tarps. They’d then spent hours cleaning.
When she stepped into the apartment, Atsuo’s sister Kimiko looked up from where she’d sprawled across the floor, exactly where Tsumugi’s new table would go as soon as she stopped having to pay for these freeloaders.
“Eh?” Kimiko said. “Still no extra soft futon for me? Atsuo said you’d get me one—”
“Get out of my home,” Tsumugi said flatly. She was taking her futon back and having a nap.
“Eh?” Kimiko repeated.
“You and your grandmother have overstayed your welcome,” Tsumugi said. “Pack up your things and get. Out.”
Grandma stuck her head out of the kitchen. “Who are you to kick us out?” she demanded. “We’re Atsuo’s family!”
“And I’m the one whose name is on the lease,” Tsumugi said. “You’ve overstayed your welcome. When Atsuo comes home, you’re going to tell him you have to leave right away to get to your traveler’s lodge by nightfall.”
“But—” Grandma started.
“I’ll pack you a dinner and some snack,” Tsumugi said, summoning a smile. “We didn’t have many customers today, so there was lots of leftover food.”
There were protests, but by the time Atsuo got home, both women had cowed to Tsumugi’s commands. Atsuo seemed sad as they left, but he brightened when Tsumugi set out a plate of breakfast sandwiches for dinner.
“You’re the best!” he said. “Say, Tsumugi, my coworker was telling me that wedding venues here will give you food for free if you tell them you’re getting married. Like a test taste, you know.”
“Yes, I know about taste tests,” Tsumugi replied.
“So I was thinking,” Atsuo continued, “if it’s just us two again, and you’re still into saving, maybe instead of dinner tomorrow evening, we can look at a venue…”
Tsumugi felt a small but very genuine smile spread across her face as she bit into a sandwich.