Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The first thing Shane did with his MLH money was buy the property neighboring his childhood home. His parents had tried to stop him, but Shane had insisted. Their neighbors had been looking to retire and spend their golden years cruising all over the world, so it wasn't like he was cruelly kicking anyone out of their long time home. Or their gorgeous backyard, which included a small but serviceable lagoon that froze over nicely over the winter.

Shane was hardly ever home during winters, but at least his parents got to enjoy it. They also kept the additional home furnished and used it to host friends and family members. Sometimes, Yuna mused about renting it out, but Shane didn't see the need. Both of his parents still worked, though David only part time. Even if they didn't, Shane made enough money that they could both retire and live comfortably without ever having to worry. His parents both prided themselves in their independence, though, and neither wanted to take advantage of him.

Now, it was a sunny summer day. The surface of the lagoon gleamed as Shane and his parents lounged in comfortable silence in the adjacent gazebo. David read one of his fantasy paperback novels, Yuna worked on a contract for one of her clients, and Shane sipped idly on concentrated, unsweetened protein cream. Hungry or not, he had weight to regain for the next MLH season. He was scrolling through social media with his phone screen carefully angled away from his parents, almost an hour deep into Ilya's tag. Ilya.

Shane smiled a little to himself every time the name crossed his mind. They were friends now--close friends with a shared secret--so he was Ilya to Shane. Not Roz, or even Rozy. Ilya.

The smile fell off Shane's lips at the next post that hit his screen. Not a replay of a particularly impressive goal, or gif of Ilya's smirking face, or even a meme. It was a picture of him at some red carpet event, arm around a gorgeous girl with a shock of curls. Svetlana. Sveta. Ilya's childhood friend, lover, and favorite girl. According to the Bears. And to Ilya himself.

"Shane, honey, you won't believe this," said Yuna. "Some crazy guy on SportsBet put up one million US dollars on Rozanov overtaking you in lifetime goals next season!"

SportsBet was an online platform with servers in one those regions that had little to no regulations about gambling. Shane shrugged. "Gamblers gamble, Mom."

Since Rozanov had gotten into a bad accident right before the last playoffs and Shane's team had gone on to win the Stanley Cup, Shane now had a whooping twenty-four more goals than him. Barring some freak accident or a precipitous drop in Shane's skills, Rozanov would not overtake him again. Not on lifetime stats. At least not in one season. Honestly, Rozanov was taking it rather well. Which Shane found annoying. Did their rivalry mean nothing to him?

"It's disrespectful," said Yuna. "There's so many bets about the two of you, and they're all against you. Why? You're more popular than him with hockey fans. The demographic data is very clear on that much."

"Betting for the underdog is always more exciting," said David. "It's actually flattering to be bet against in this context."

"Great," mumbled Shane, scrolling mindlessly through hockey-related hashtags. He wanted to know more about the red carpet event with Svetlana, but that would have to wait until he got home so he could deep dive in private.

He wished there was a way of filtering these things. Already, he'd watched the same highlight compilations several times. Of himself, his friends, players from other teams he liked, players from other teams he hated. . . He was tired of all the claims that he and Merrell were soulmates because they played well together, and even more tired of all the claims that it was amazing that they played so well together despite apparently hating each other. Truly skilled players could put aside their differences and get the job done. Surprise, surprise.

God, Shane was bored. He wanted to get back on the ice already.

A new alert interrupted the monotony of it all.

Patrice Drapeau created Shane's Inner Circle

Shane Hollander
wtf is this

Patrice Drapeau
we have a potential problem

Gilbert Comeau
another secret group chat!
wait he's here

Shane Hollander
another?
what happened to the other secret Voyageurs group chat we all pretend I don't know about?

Jake Merrell
I don't think I'm in the circle

Hayden Pike
dude you definitely are

Jean-Jacques Boiziau
I better be in the circle

Shane Hollander
what is the problem

Patrice Drapeau
i have inside news about the MLH awards

Hayden Pike
these ones coming up?

Patrice Drapeau
no the ones from last year
obviously these ones coming up

Shane Hollander
ok what is the *problem*

Patrice Drapeau
you know the rumors about Xie getting rookie of the year?

Hayden Pike
you mean Hockinator talking bullshit?
we all saw Dylan destroy him on reels

Patrice Drapeau
i don't listen to that self important troll
i'm talking about one of my girls
she's related to the voyageurs' owner and wants to go into the business
thinks i'm a hockey imbecile so she keeps talking said business around me post-coitus

Jake Merrell
sounds like she might be the one

Patrice Drapeau
the things i do for this team
i fuck this hot girl who talks around me like I have brain damage
she seems to think i don't speak english even though i'm canadian

Shane Hollander
get to the point Drapeau

Patrice Drapeau
ok so Crowell and lady Wagner have beef
because lady Wagner wants more money for the women's hockey league and he's saying there's no need to bother because it won't ever be profitable

Shane Hollander
and what does that have to do with us?

Patrice Drapeau
Crowell is signaling to the MLH board to not vote Jamie Wagner as rookie of the year

Jake Merrell
you think it'll go to Dylan?

Shane Hollander
so what if it does?
he's the obvious choice if they're gonna ratfuck Wagner out of it

Hayden Pike
is anyone coaching Dylan on what to say if he wins?

Gilbert Comeau
is he even going to Atlanta for the awards?

Jean-Jacques Boiziau
since when does our boy need coaching to run his mouth?

Shane Hollander added Dylan Xie to Shane's Inner Circle

Dylan Xie
the fuck?

Gilbert Comeau
dude don't invite rooks in here

Shane Hollander
@Dylan_Xie are you going to the MLH awards?

Dylan Xie
yeah sure
free food there right?
and i've never been to Atlanta
and i can write the expense off on my taxes

Jake Merrell
what does your invitation say?

Dylan Xie
.png

Jean-Jacques Boiziau
so the main hall
lmao

Dylan Xie
????

Jake Merrell
there's the main hall where the awards are given out
they give you a cheap steak and some palatable booze
and a second hall for all other players where you get unseasoned chicken and shitty box wine

Gilbert Comeau
cheap motherfuckers

Hayden Pike
@Dylan Xie you need some basic coaching for your 3 minute acceptance speech

Dylan Xie
no way guys
shut up

Shane Hollander
talk to Farah about it
it's not a big deal

Dylan Xie
Nik got the same invitation!
maybe he's getting rookie of the year

Jean-Jacques Boiziau added Nikolai Babikov to Shane's Inner Circle

Nikolai Babikov
what's this?

Jean-Jacques Boiziau
Nikki share a screenshot of your MLH Awards invite

Nikolai Babikov
.png

Dylan Xie
see!

Shane Hollander
that's the same invite I got
.png

Nikolai Babikov
what's going on?

Hayden Pike
maybe that's the generic invite
let me see
i got a different one
.png

Gilbert Comeau
Jake?

Jake Merrell
I got the same one as Hollander and Xiekov

Gilbert Comeau
what the hell award are you up for

Shane Hollander
MVP obviously

Gilbert Comeau
he got it last year!

Jake Merrell
I can't help being this good
if anything I deserve it more this year
this team is shitshow after shitshow

Shane Hollander
go beg to get traded again if you hate it so much

Dylan Xie
guys why do you think I'm getting rookie of the year???

Nikolai Babikov
congrats!!!!

Patrice Drapeau
Crowell-Wagner beef
you're an unsuspecting pawn

Dylan Xie
guys come oooon
hockey bros hate me enough as it is
Wagner fanboys might take a hit out on me if i get rookie of the year
i'm gonna throw up

Shane Hollander
Dylan if you get this award it will be a horrible experience for you
but we trust you'll be able to power through this injustice

Dylan Xie
fuck you Shane
maybe it'll be Nik

Nikolai Babikov
I'd be fine getting it
whatever
give me all the trophies

Patrice Drapeau
anyway bros do not reveal this info outside the inner circle
I can't have this woman discovering I'm a fluent English speaker

Nikolai Babikov
of course
but can we add Jeremy to the inner circle too?

Gilbert Comeau
no way
Jeremy is not inner circle material
he can't keep a secret for shit
remember Everglades

Nikolai Babikov
that was an accident
besides I already told him what's going on

Hayden Pike
Nik wtf

Nikolai Babikov
we're playing videogames together
he asked what's up

Patrice Drapeau added Jeremy McAllister to Shane's Inner Circle

Jeremy McAllister
guys!
i'm so proud to be in the inner circle
I won't let you down

Shane Hollander
there's no fucking inner circle

Patrice Drapeau
Jer if you blab about what goes on in this chat I will personally kill you

"Shane, is everything okay?" asked Yuna.

Shane muted the chat and put his phone down. "Yeah. Just the usual nonsense from the guys."

"You looked worried there, son," said David.

Shane looked towards his childhood backyard and to the mountains in the distance. Should he go out for a long hike to help clear his head? Not about the MLH awards; Shane could not care less about that. He bet Crowell and Mrs. Wagner would finish their pissing contest before it got to the point that Dylan got Rookie of the Year. If they didn't for some reason, then Dylan would deal and prepare a tiny canned speech of gratitude. That would be that.

"Shane," said Yuna.

"It's just about Dylan maybe getting Rookie of the Year, Mom," said Shane, trying to smile at her. The worry didn't leave her dark eyes. "I swear; that's it. Drapeau heard something from--a friend of his."

"Is that a bad thing now?" asked David.

"Jamie Wagner should be the one getting it," said Yuna. "Assuming it'll go to a forward. But there's a fight brewing between Crowell and Sandra Wagner about funding for the women's league. I'm fully behind Sandra, obviously. But Shane, are you sure that's it?"

"What else could it be?"

Yuna and David exchanged a tense look. David squared his shoulders and coughed lightly. Shane tried and failed not to sigh in exasperation. Another lecture was coming. Considering the season was over, it would be about how he needed to date more. Or at all. Put himself out there or whatever. David might add that he needed to relax.

"Son, your mother and I have been meaning to talk to you about something sensitive," said David.

Okay, so not a gentle but tedious suggestion about his disturbingly empty romantic life. They would have just started listing eligible women to him. Shane braced himself.

"Your play style. . . changed this season," started Yuna. "At the beginning of the playoffs, to be precise."

The playoffs required more intense strategies and rougher play, which Yuna knew. Shane prayed for patience. "My team won the Stanley Cup," he pointed out. "I'll be the Exemplary Captain of the season." No way Crowell-Wagner bullshit would get in the way of that.

"Yes, and we're very proud of you," said David. Quickly, like he needed it out of the way. "But your demeanor changed during the playoffs. You got into more fights, and your teammates said more than once that they were. . . concerned about your temper."

"Did they say something to you?" asked Shane. 'They' would be Hayden. He was the only one who was remotely close to his parents. But Hayden wouldn't do that to him. Would he?

"No, of course not," said Yuna. "But many of them made nervous jokes during interviews. And Babikov called you--"

He'd said Shane had terminator aura.

"Mom, guys just talk like that," said Shane. "They're very dramatic, though they like to pretend it's--" something women do. "--never mind. Just don't pay them any mind."

"Shane, like we said, we also noticed something changed." David made a point to maintain eye contact.

"Okay," said Shane, sighing. He'd won the freaking Cup and would almost certainly win EC, but of course even that wouldn't make his parents happy. He hadn't done it with enough smiles, apparently. "So, what can I do to reassure you?"

Yuna and David looked at each other again. David reached out to hold Yuna's hand.

Shane started counting to ten in his head.

"Son, we love you no matter what," David started.

"I swear to God, if you ask me if I'm with Dylan again. . ."

"We accepted your answer to that question, Shane," said Yuna. "Please, listen to your father."

Shane bit back a groan and nodded.

"Son, there's no way to ask this gently, so I'll come out and say it." David took a short breath. "Are you taking performance enhancing drugs?"

Shane froze. Replayed the question in his head, in case he'd heard wrong. A shocked snort made it past his lips. "What?"

"If you did," Yuna started.

Shane jumped to his feet and started walking away, unaware of where he was going. His parents followed him and, as Shane considered running in the comfy sandals he was wearing, David grabbed his shoulder. Shane flinched away from him. He realized he was breathing hard.

"Shane!" Yuna cried.

"You think I cheated?" Shane yelled.

"Son, you may not have meant to--"

"--so I'm a fucking moron?"

"Don't raise your voice like that and do not curse at your mother," David said, in a firm tone Shane remembered from his childhood. "Let's go back inside. We need to have a calm, respectful conversation."

Shane nodded jerkily, because these were his parents, after all. If they thought that he would do such a thing, then. . . well, Shane didn't know. He followed them back home, blinking back tears. Worry could make a person think, say, do irrational things. He wouldn't take this line of questioning personally. He couldn't.

Back in the kitchen, David started making tea while Shane sat at a stool on kitchen island counter and Yuna gently ran her hand through his hair. She explained that they were worried, had been for the entire second half of the season, listening as commentators wondered if Shane Hollander was getting into more fights and racking up penalties because he was one of the many athletes abusing synthetic steroids.

They couldn't be hearing that on ESPN, which meant they'd been worried enough to start digging into the cesspool of online commentary. Accusations and fabricated rumors about steroid use got a lot of engagement, and there was little an athlete could do about them.

"They say that about everyone," said Shane. If an athlete was doing well, it was steroids. If they hit a slump, then they were doing steroids before and had stopped. "They've been 'speculating' about this since my time in juniors."

"But you weren't getting into fights those other times," said David, setting down two cups of tea.

"Or ignoring our calls and refusing to talk to us," added Yuna.

"Mom." Shane rubbed his face. "I'm not doing steroids. The league tested me--a random anti-doping check--a week before the Stanley Cup, if you want proof."

"There's no need for you to prove it," said David. "We believe you."

"Great," said Shane.

"But something is going on," said Yuna. "Or was. Can you tell us about it?"

"It was a hard season. Thompson. . ." Shane trailed off. He'd been shocked at the time, but now he hardly remembered it.

Right before the playoffs started, Voyageur veteran D-man Wayne Thompson had gotten into a fight with one of their younger players, been subsequently suspended, and then driven home and killed his wife and son before committing suicide. It'd been tragedy that shocked the entire world. But it was not the reason Shane had spent the rest of the season on the verge of a breakdown. Which his teammates, hockey fans, and apparently his own parents, had all noted.

The truth was, his disastrous attempted hook up with Ilya the following day had left him more shaken. And then, less than a week after it, Ilya's accident (and the videos of it) had hit the internet.

"Have you talked about what happened with anyone?" prompted David.

"Uh, the guys," mumbled Shane, though he hadn't. He didn't have much to say about it. "Anyway, I'm getting over it. Please don't worry about it."

"We'll always worry about you, son," said David.

"Right." Shane forced himself to nod. "Thank you."

He had to stay for dinner, of course, with Yuna happily gossiping about MLH news and David making silly jokes even though he didn't really care about any of it.

"I can't believe John Beaty retired so early," said Yuna, dipping her sushi into teriyaki sauce. "He'd just started to enter into a more mature style of play."

"He said he made good investments in the six years he played," said Shane, trying to calculate if his macros would be messed up for the day if he added some teriyaki to his salmon. "Plus, his wife got pregnant and he decided he wants to be a stay-at-home dad."

"So Theriault will get an extra rookie in the next draft?" asked David.

"Hm." Shane shook his head. Better not to mess with the macros. His sauteed salmon was fine. "If it was me, I'd try to get a more experienced forward from another team."

"Me too," said Yuna. "With. . . you know, the Voyageurs salary cap is not close to maxed out. And since you're the year's champions, it'll be easier to recruit promising players."

"I hope so," said David.

"Honey?" said Yuna.

"Not all Voyageurs publicity this season was good," David pointed out.

His parents went on to discuss the Thompson scandal some more, including the renewed interest after their dumbass rookies accidentally livestreamed an emotionally charged 'memorial' from the Everglades in Florida. Where they'd cryptically alluded to details that had not been made public while joking about doing drugs and calling each other names. And babbling about how much Shane and Merrell, the Voyageurs' undisputed top forwards, hated each other.

"You know, if Merrell got traded, it would be great for the Voyageurs' salary cap," Yuna said, a little later.

That you be terrible for them. Much as the man was annoying, his skill as a right wing was undeniable. "Mom, I told you, we don't have issues on the ice and that' what matters."

"Off-ice chemistry affects on-ice chemistry," said Yuna.

Shane wanted nothing more than to flee to his condo in Montreal. The secret one, though there was no risk that his parents would show up at his place unannounced. But it was where he went when he wanted to feel truly safe.

Hours later, he stumbled onto his bed and tried to find enough energy to at least shower. Didn't his parents know him? It was one thing for random assholes to wonder if he was cheating. Online ghouls had to fish for engagement somehow and the internet was a cesspool of frustrated, underachieving trolls. But his parents? Yuna? She'd seen how much he'd sacrificed to get to where he was. She ought to know that Shane would not respect himself if his accomplishments were fake. What it would mean to him if he ever got caught doping.
He reached for his phone, eager for a distraction. What was his clown car of a team going on about today?

Voyageurs

Greg Cornick
it's fucking hilarious that the Sportsmanship Trophy is going to Rozanov
Fucking Rozanov
If he didn't spend so much time in the penalty box he'd have cleared 100 goals last year

Aubrey Williams
it should've gone to cancer guy
that's the tradition

Jean-Jacques Boiziau
jumping over a Bentley while bleeding to death is objectively more badass than not dying of cancer
sorry to cancer guy

Jonas Raphael Carmichael III
Sportsmanship Trophy is a fake award anyway

Gilbert Comeau
you'll never get it with that attitude

David Taylor
hey someone asked Jamie Wagner to comment on Xie

Dylan Xie
omg WHY

Nikolai Babikov
he said nice things

Gilbert Comeau
lame
why are all these superstars so fucking lame

Jean-Jacques Boiziau
Wagner's not a superstar
he is 12 years old

Shane Hollander
the smart thing is to be polite and professional when reporters try to bait you
@Dylan_Xie have you talked to Farah about a media strategy for this situation

Dylan Xie
i don't know wtf this situation even is

Patrice Drapeau
looks like the league wants another Rozanov-Hollander duo

Jonas Raphael Carmichael III
and they want Xie and Wagner for it???

Greg Cornick
sounds pretty fucking stupid
no offense Patrice

Dylan Xie
they didn't ask me if I wanted that

Shane Hollander
you think they asked me if I wanted to be asked about Rozanov every single time someone shoves a microphone in front of my face?

Jake Merrell
it's fine Dylan
Wagner's family will make sure he keeps it professional
you do the same
you guys are not in the same conference so this whole thing won't have as much juice as the Roz-Hollander situation

Shane Hollander
and Wagner is a way better player than you so this rivalry would be boring as hell anyway

Dylan Xie
thanks Shane

Boring. The stupid MLH awards were boring. Shane wanted to win EC, of course, but they could just send the trophy to his fucking house and be done with it.

His phone vibrated. It was a message that made a grin split across his face. From Rozanov, Roz, Ilya. Shane liked to think all three names now; all of them belonged to him. Not literally. Just. . . he and Ilya were friends now. Friends who sent each other links to YouTube videos of highlights from their games. A creative fan had made a video of their respective Stanley Cup wins and was asking for opinions about which series had been more exciting to watch.

Ilya Rozanov

Ilya Rozanov
mine was better of course
we were up against the LA Kings
better team than stupid Toronto Knights

Shane Hollander
my final match went overtime

Ilya Rozanov
because Voygeurs suck

Shane Hollander
Voyageurs are the current champions

Ilya Rozanov
until i come back next season and Bears destroy you

Shane Hollander
hey
are you alone?

Ilya Rozanov
yes
should we switch to other chat?
you have other phone ready?

Shane Hollander
no
i mean
that's not what i'm asking

Ilya Rozanov
oh?

Shane Hollander
nvm
are you going to MLH awards next week

Ilya Rozanov
yes have to
never thought i would ever get sportsmanship award
mama would be so proud of me

Shane Hollander
and will you have a plus one?

Ilya Rozanov
Hollander are you asking if Svetlana is coming with me?

Shane Hollander
not her specifically

Ilya Rozanov
who else would be my plus one?
but no
Sveta went back to Moscow yesterday
she has business to deal with

Shane Hollander
oh
can we videocall?

Ilya Rozanov
what?

Shane Hollander
nvm i know we don't do that
sorry

Ilya Rozanov is video calling. . .

Shane accepted the call, immediately covering his eyes. "Hi."

"Kotik, what is wrong?" asked Ilya.

Shane peered at him for a second, then pointed the camera at his ceiling.

"Hollander," said Ilya. "Let me look at you."

Shane sat up and grabbed his phone. He met Ilya's amused gaze for a second, then looked at the little window showing his own blotchy cheeks. Fuck, what was his good angle? He was somehow giving himself a wonky double chin. He held the phone up.

"Hollander."

"Give me a second," said Shane. He had to get this right.

"Look at me," said Ilya.

Shane obeyed, though his felt his face getting hotter. Ilya certainly wasn't giving himself a silly double chin. He laid on his side, casual and confident, blue eyes piercing. "What is wrong?"

"It's just. . ." Shane swallowed. "Do you think I'd ever use steroids?"

Ilya snorted. "You? Steroids? With your special diet? Zero added sugar, no fun ever?"

"What does that have to do with it?"

"Your come tastes like ass, Hollander."

"You would fucking know, wouldn't you?"

Ilya laughed, so hard that his phone toppled over and Shane was left starting at his ceiling while he cackled. A few moments later he mumbled something in Russian, which Shane didn't need to understand to know he was being made fun of.

"Fuck you!" said Shane, falling back on his bed.

"Wait, wait! Kotik, come back! I will be serious; I promise."

Begrudgingly, Shane came back to his screen.

"There you are," said Ilya. "No, malysh. I don't think you would ever do steroids. Would be cheating, no? My rival would not cheat. Why do you ask me this?"

"Everyone's saying I am."

"They say this of every top athlete," said Ilya.

Shane made a vague noise. "Have--would you?"

"What do you think?"

Shane shrugged. "I wouldn't want you to." In fact, it made him sick to think so. One of the best things about Ilya, probably the best thing about him, was how strong he was. If Shane believed in God, then Ilya would be his evidence of it.

"I never have," said Ilya. "I wouldn't want to."

That was an odd way of phrasing it. Wouldn't want to, not wouldn't. "Is it not considered cheating in Russia?"

"'Course it is," said Ilya. "But it's not the same, to cheat in Russia, I think. Maybe. But Sergei Vetrov was. . . how do you say? Very American, by the time he found me. He was clear with my father; if I ever got caught with drugs of any kind, he would not pay for coaches, travel, or tuition at private school. He would leave me for KHL to chew up and spit out. Then, I got drafted by MLH and now they keep asking for my piss all the time, no warning." He rolled his eyes. "Is annoying."

"You went to private school?" asked Shane.

"For junior hockey team," said Ilya. "Not for any other unimportant thing."

"But would you?" insisted Shane. "Steroids, I mean. Would you take them?"

"No." Ilya shook his head. "They say your dick stops working if you do. I need mine to please my Jane."