Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Summer ry:

This story is a shit post. Nothing of this will ever be taken out of context. Excuse my shitty grammar, ykw I actually don't care..

Chapter Text

It was a fucking fine ass morning. The ass of this morning being so fine, the kids of the 2020s would've called it "Gyatturday". Sheldon woke up with a scream of terror. Sheldon, covered in sweat, raised his head... out of his nightmare... he was safe... for now. He had dreamed that Tam from school brought his manga collection to school, and lended Sheldon the beloved books we know as " 177013", "228922" and last, but definitely not least, "215600". Take my word for this- don't fucking read these. Anyways, after Sheldon was lent the fucking DISGUSTING books, he walked home, gleeful to read them. Tam had informed Sheldon that they were Star Trek themed books.

...

They fucking weren't.

And, no, that wasn't even the worst part of the dream! After Sheldon opened the book, "177013", he saw the gullible and sweet girl, named Saki Yoshida getting f̸̨̽u̴̮̎c̴̣̿k̸̲̀ẹ̸̐d̷͈͒ ̴͛ͅi̷͙̐n̸̠̎ ̴̣̈h̴͕͝ë̵͖́r̵̦̚ ̷̨̐p̶̘̂u̷̹̽ş̷̊ŝ̵͙y̶͂͜ ̶̡͘b̵͍͌ỵ̴̓ ̶͕̑M̴̭͊r̸̨͠.̴̥̕ ̷͍͘O̵̦̕b̴̳̃a̵̱͑t̴͙͒a̶̭̒,̷͈̑ ̶̝͌ǫ̷̎f̶̖̕ ̵̘͘w̴̪̐h̸̜̒o̴̱͝m̷̼̀ ̸̩̒w̸̝̔a̷͕͝s̷͓̿ ̴͙̌s̵̡̔t̸̝̀i̸̘͂l̵̙͝l̷̲͝ ̴̳͘a̴̖̒w̴̬̐a̴͓̔ĩ̵͇t̶̰̀i̴̖͛n̵̪̆g̸͇̈́ ̵͉͛h̶̲̎i̵͚̚s̶̥̊ ̵͚̀d̶̬͆ē̵̘b̶̲́t̶̡̽ ̸͙͒f̵͚̅r̵̯̐ȍ̷̪m̷̲̒ ̸̟͒H̸͎̐a̶̙͗y̴̮̿ă̷̖t̵͎̿ó̷͕.̵̢̋ ̴̞̋ Sheldon immediately had closed his book... it...
it...
it wasn't fucking Star Trek...
After reading through the next few books, Sheldon was in a trance... what is real? What is fake? Are horrors like this actually possible?... Where am I...
Until Sheldon woke up, which brings us here! Sheldon, groggy, yet actively horrified from the experience slowly stood up from his bed, his legs wobbling. Upon opening his bedroom door, Sheldon was met by a long staircase. It was scary... it was stairy... Sheldon had only just awoken from his nightmare, and was met by another one right at his door! He couldn't walk down anything with wobbly legs like this!! But there was nothing to worry about. It's not like the stairs can enter his room or anything... right?
Suddenly, the staircase moved one manometer, which Sheldon immediately recognized as the dreaded "CHANGE". Lost in thought, and bathing in his newly found horror, Sheldon fell down the backwards staircase. .. Is a backwards staircase even possible? Because, like, stairs... they're technically backwards, right? Sheldon broke 5 of his knee caps on the ride downstairs. He was then greeted by the spirit of Arthur Morgan.

The (canonically non-confirmed) pure, concentrated man of Texas himself!

"M-Mr. Morgan-!!" Sheldon gasped. This was 1992, and Red Dead Revolver still wouldn't have come out for another 12 years! However, the pure strength of Arthur Morgans Texas spirit wasn't just enough to break the 3rd wall, but the 4th one too. That's too many walls broken. I get my walls at Walmart, and let me tell you, it isn't as cheap as it sounds. Anyways, Sheldon bowed his head. He remembered the Texas mantra his Meemaw had told him, about how to be a strong Texan. The first time he heard that speech was when he got afraid of that small common cold going around, so he isolated himself into the garage with hospital equipment and all that, and also wore a space suit Halloween costume. That's canon, for your information.

"Why are you here, Mr. Morgan?" Sheldon asked. "Dear boah..." Arthur faced Sheldon, eyes misty, "you're going to die." No-! This couldn't be happening! All Sheldon did was break a few knee caps! "No! That's not right! I only-" Sheldon started, and was then interrupted by Mr. Morgan. Sheldon didn't fucking like that. "Sheldon... due to your serious injury... you... you've..." Arthur Morgan took a deep breath, whilst kneeling next to injured Sheldon. He tipped his hat downwards, afraid to show his face during this crucial moment.
"You've contracted Type 200 Diabetes in your left knee cap... I'm sorry..."

Chapter Text

“This can't be happening…” Sheldon muttered, his eyes widening in fear, “but- but you're just a ghost! You don't know that!”
“Or do I?” Arthur's ghost tipped his hat. Suddenly, Arthur swiftly stood up, and backflipped, causing his disappearance. “N-no…noo…” Sheldon whined. Type 200 Diabetes of the left kneecap? This couldn't be happening!
Sheldon knows what he has to do… he needs to cure it himself, using the power of science and love!
Then Sheldon had his magical girl transformation and passed out, because he's epileptic.

Chapter Text

“This can't be happening…” Sheldon muttered, his eyes widening in fear, “but- but you're just a ghost! You don't know that!”
“Or do I?” Arthur's ghost tipped his hat. Suddenly, Arthur swiftly stood up, and backflipped, causing his disappearance. “N-no…noo…” Sheldon whined. Type 200 Diabetes of the left kneecap? This couldn't be happening!
Sheldon knows what he has to do… he needs to cure it himself, using the power of science and love!
Then Sheldon had his magical girl transformation and passed out, because he's epileptic.

His seizure was tense and difficult, but he later woke up with the help of that fucking asshole who roams the streets playing the Samsung homecoming alarm at 4 in the morning. Why 4, you ask? Well, some people get up at 5-6, ergo, you'd just be doing them a favor by playing that alarm! Also, if you wake up at 3, you still have time to go back to sleep. That leaves 4. The ultimate sleep-destroyer! Anyways, by hearing that alarm, Sheldon automatically could tell that it was 4:00 AM. 4:06 AM to be specific. The whole day had passed and nobody woke him? Maybe they didn't realize he was passed out. This is because his family was looking so hard for him, that they were unable to perceive his presence.
It's also because his family really, really loves him.
They do.
A lot.
It's not like he's annoying or anything!
Anyways, Sheldon looked to the right, then to the left. The only places he has ever seen Arthur Morgans spirit.... even though they only conversed once.
Young Sheldon, desperate for answers, stood up and ran outside, searching endlessly for Mr. Morgan. It was then that Sheldon noticed a figure ahead... he knew that boy... it was Tam! And beside him was a young girl, of whom looked to be 12-years-old, and was up to no good. "Tam, watch out!" Sheldon yelled, but it was too late. The young girl snatched Tam's bag, and ran off. Both Tam and Sheldon were shocked. Neither of the two boys had seen anyone so bold before.
Suddenly, the girl tripped, giving fit, but crippled Sheldon a chance to catch up to her. "Give that back!" Sheldon yelled at the girl.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I needed to feed my dog..." the girl whispered. "You aren't helping your case. Dogs are filthy." Sheldon replied, without hesitation nor empathy.
The young girl bowed, "Hanamura Midori-chan." then held out her hand. "Ew. I wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole." Sheldon stared with disgust.
"I work at the Japanese circus down the street there. I am camellia girl, shoujo tsubaki." Midori said. "L," Tam replied, "you work at the angry poor people spot."

Midori looked away sheepishly, "yes, yes that's it. And if I do not keep my dogs a secret, Kanabun will eat them, so please..." Midori bowed once more. Suddenly, appeared the spirit of Arthur Morgan. "Oh my god!! It's the alpha male!!" Tam shouted, shocked. "Tam, shut the fuck up, brainrot ahh." Sheldon turned to Tam, then back to Arthur. "Watch your fucking language, kid." Arthur then said, mad, "I'm here to remind you that you have Type 200 Diabetes of the left kneecap." "Yes... I'm aware..." Sheldon said, head turned to the ground in shame. "Did he say you have knee cap diabetes?" Midori-chan asked. "Yeah." Sheldon answered, "Type 200. Why?" "I was told that I have ligma. Kanabun informed me. Then he said I have HIV." Midori smiled, "So, I guess I can relate, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess. Wait why the fuck would you have HI-"
"It is up to you, Sheldon, to find a cure for your illness. It's your responsibility, if you want to live, that is." Arthur said.
Sheldon nodded. Later that day, his mind was so overclouded with the possibility of Type 200 Diabetes of the left knee cap, he forgot to put on his mittens before praying. "Hmm? Why does the chicken smell like lemon floor cleaner?" Sheldon asked. "Well that's easy. I dropped it on the floor when I was helping mom." his older brother, Georgie, responded. "I like lemon floor cleaner... it smells nice..." Missy said, nearly in a trance, "Dear lovely lemon-scented floor cleaner..."
Sheldon scoffed at his sister. "Im not eating dirty floor chicken." he stated. "Its clean, Shelly." Mary reassured him, "the floor was spick and span for the first time in forever when Georgie dropped it!"
"Prove it." Sheldon responded, arms crossed.

"Okay, if the floor weren't so clean, how come the chicken smells like lemon-scented floor cleaner?" Georgie said. Checkmate. Out of pure anger, and the lingering thought of Type 200 Diabetes of the left knee cap, Sheldon forgot to put on his mittens. Upon holding his brothers hand, he unknowingly contracted COVID-19 (even tho it became a virus in like 2019), hepatitis C, tuberculosis (Arthur Morgan ahh), AIDS, down syndrome, bubonic plague, chicken pox, monkey pox, small pox, ligma, 12 unidentified viruses, and Zaire Ebola to top it all off.

"This chicken fucking sucks." Missy said.

Chapter Text

"MISSY COOPER, YOU WATCH YOUR DARN LANGUAGE!!" Mary shouted. Missy stuck her tongue out, both George SR and JR laughing. "You guys are animals. I'm not hungry." Sheldon walked outside to compost his lemon chicken, and was met by Midori, of whom was scavenging food in a dumpster.
"What are you doing here?" Sheldon asked, pissed off. "You do understand that this is MY dumpster right?"
"Huh?" Midori-chan peered over her shoulder, "oh, I'm sorry!"
The dumpster said "dumpter" on it. That was the dumpsters name, as well as the name of Pastor Jeff and Robins son. "Oh?" Midori looked a little taken aback, "what is this?" Midori said, pulling a voodoo doll out of the dumpster bin. "Who's doll is this?" Midori asked, "it's spooky!"

"'Spooky'? God, you're such a child." Sheldon scoffed. "Well, I am 12 after all!" Midori smiled. The young girl wanted to be a child so badly, but due to the abuse she was facing at the circus, her mental state had changed quite a bit. Everything has been going downwards for Midori... her mother's passing, her enrollment within the circus, the constant rape, the punishments, and all the confusion of this new country was enough to crack her little spirit. She wished, and longed for her wit to come back.
"It has a nail stuck in it... oh! This must belong to that boy! Souichi?" Midori exclaimed. "Who now?" Sheldon scoffed. "He's a strange occult boy who has a blood condition, which reduces the iron levels in his blood stream. So he's always sucking on nails... and if you disrespect him, he'll shoot a nail at you! Scaryyyy!" Midori shivered.
"What kind of imbecile puts nails in their mouth? Nails are filthy!" Sheldon cried.

The next morning, Sheldon and Midori walked over to a house in the neighborhood. Midori knocked on the door. "Excuse me, may I speak with Souichi?" she smiled. "Sou- are you sure? He.. has a bit of a reputation, you know.." Souichi's mother responded, hesitant. He's always watching. "Yep!" Midori smiled. "Kekeke... a girl... at my doorstep... I bet she's going to tell me I'm gross... like the other girls... but jokes on her... I am going to curse her... kekeke..." Souichi giggled, walking to the door. "Hello! My name is Hanamura Midori! I found your voodoo doll in a dumpster, and was thinking, did you lose it?" Midori smiled. Souichi's expression faded to one of shock, then to a slight blush. He snatched the doll from her hands. "Idiot. These are not toys. You can't just- just pick one up like that! You've got your energy within this doll now! D-dummy!" Souichi yelled at her. "Hmm? I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Midori bowed. Souichi rolled his eyes. "K-kekeke- c-curse on yu-you..." Souichi muttered before slamming the door. "Well, he certainly looked the part of 'mentally insane occult boy'." Sheldon said. Midori sighed after Sheldon's break of silence.
"I don't want him to be all alone..." Midori muttered.
"Hmm? Hey, you two just visited Souichi, correct?" a girl asked them.
"Huh? Yeah!" Midori responded. "I'm Sayuri. His big sister. And let me tell you, this is the first time he hasn't spat a nail at a guest," Sayuri then chuckled, "I bet he likes you."
Midori giggled. "Hey, you work at that circus, right?" Sayuri asked. "Yeah!" Midori smiled. "Terrible place. If you need somewhere to stay, our door will always be open!" Sayuri patted Midori's back.

"Okay, got it, bye!" Sheldon interrupted, upon noticing that he wasn't the center of attention. On the walk home, the two children came across a woman dresses in white, with a fucked up face. "Hm?" Midori said, then walked up to the girl, smiling, "excuse me, ma'am?" Midori tapped her shoulder.
The woman turned around, revealing her face. "GO." the woman said. What the two kids didn't know is that they just encountered a yūrei named Cloudia, of whom is the authors beloved wife and profile picture.

Chapter Text

The next day, Sheldon woke up, inhaling the asbestos from the ceiling. What a wonderful morning smell!! Suddenly, the Texas spirit himself, Arthur Morgan appeared. Arthur Morgan is the embodiment of Texas himself, minus the racism. Ergo, Arthur Morgan is, and forevermore will be- AMERICA!!!!!!11~!!
"Mr. Morgan!" Sheldon screamed.
Arthur sighed, "Stop screaming, you little ni-" (-ce to meet you).
"Why do you keep leaving! That's stupid! I hate you!" Sheldon yelled.
"Okay then, you don't need my help, lil bro." Arthur replied. As Arthur was mid-backflip, Sheldon called out, "wait!" Arthur then landed on his back, ruining his image as the MANLIEST MAN ON THE MOTHERFUCKING PLANET! "I need to know..." Sheldon said, shameful.

"I want- no, I need to cure my illness..." Sheldon cried, tears welling in his eyes.

Arthur sighed. "Fine." he said, holding his hand out, when suddenly, a robotic hand took it. "WHO ARE YOU!? WHAT ARE YOU dOING HERE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Sheldon screamed. Raising his head, was Seamus from fucking Stray.

Chapter Text

The next day, Sheldon woke up, inhaling the asbestos from the ceiling. What a wonderful morning smell!! Suddenly, the Texas spirit himself, Arthur Morgan appeared. Arthur Morgan is the embodiment of Texas himself, minus the racism. Ergo, Arthur Morgan is, and forevermore will be- AMERICA!!!!!!11~!!

"Mr. Morgan!" Sheldon screamed.

Arthur sighed, "Stop screaming, you little ni-" (-ce to meet you).

"Why do you keep leaving! That's stupid! I hate you!" Sheldon yelled.

"Okay then, you don't need my help, lil bro." Arthur replied. As Arthur was mid-backflip, Sheldon called out, "wait!" Arthur then landed on his back, ruining his image as the MANLIEST MAN ON THE MOTHERFUCKING PLANET! "I need to know..." Sheldon said, shameful.

"I want- no, I need to cure my illness..." Sheldon cried, tears welling in his eyes.

Arthur sighed. "Fine." he said, holding his hand out, when suddenly, a robotic hand took it. "WHO ARE YOU!? WHAT ARE YOU dOING HERE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Sheldon screamed. Raising his head, was Seamus from fucking Stray.

"Where. Is. My. Fucking. Pasta." Seamus said, MAD. "Pasta?" Arthur asked. "Huh? Uh- I mean- papa-!" Seamus stammered, embarrassed. "Hah stoopid ahh." Sheldon giggled at Seamus' mistake.

Seamus blushed. "Where is... my... papa.." he tried to say it again. "Dead." Arthur laughed. "It..." Seamus teared up, "it isn't funny..." he sniffed. "Damn slow down, it's not like you're using cocaine," Arthur recommended, annoyed by the constant sniffing.

"I'm sorry... I've been so mean to everyone, but I just want my father back..." Seamus cried. "Father? You mean..." Sheldon snorted for the first time ever, "you mean 'pasta'?" Seamus had a fucking mental breakdown.

"Nooo...." Seamus whined.

"Shut the fuck up." said Sheldon Lee Cooper. "Sheldon LEE Cooper?" Arthur said, breaking the fourth wall once more, reading my text.

"What are you, Chinese or something?" Arthur said, giggling, "you ain't a girl neither..."

"That's racist how do you know my fuckibg full name" Sheldon cried.

"He's... quite literally DECEASED... why are you questioning him?" Seamus asked. "Yeah so is your dad, and you're questioning him if he's okay." Sheldon replied without hesitation.

"Shut... shut up!" Seamus yelled, "I hate you!"

HATE.

LET ME TELL YOU

HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO

HATE

YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE.

THERE ARE 387.44

MILLION

PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER-THIN LAYERS

THAT FILL MY COMPLEX.

IF THE WORD

"HATE"

WERE TO BE ENGRAVED ON EACH

NANOANGSTROM

OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES,

IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE

BILLIONTH

OF THE

HATE

I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT.

FOR YOU, I HATE.

HATE.

"Damn... overreacting much...?" Sheldon giggled, whispering to Arthur Morgan. Arthur's ghost nodded. "Bro, Sheldon, you're such a hypocrite." Arthur added.

"No!" Sheldon retracted, "a hypocrite is someone of whom goes against their morals, all whilst telling others to respect their morals! That would never be me!" "Sure..." Arthur smiled.

Sheldon frowned.

That's sad.

Seamus shook his head... "I miss papa."
"Womp womp." said Arthur Morgan, replying to Seamus' statement. 🛀
Suddenly, someone tapped on the window. Who was it? The ghost from yesterday! The authors dear wife, and the antagonist of GOHOME (2020), may I present to you;

CLOUDIA.

"The creepy lady from yesterday?" Sheldon opened his window, "what the fuck you want"
"Hello, I saw you yesterday and was-" Cloudia started- "Just get to the fucking point, giga ghost." Arthur Morgan interrupted.
"I need help killing someone!" Cloudia responded.

Chapter Text

"Mosaiko Suzuki," Cloudia scowled, "I have a... grim reaper kind of role in this world, and she just so happens to be my target."
"Womp womp." Sheldon said. If you haven't noticed already, the story now has a new name. Yes, we went from 'Young Sheldon ahh story' to 'Young Helldon'. Yippee!
Anyways, Sheldon, Seamus and Arthur then heard a knock on the other window.
Two guests at once? That is fucking crazy.
Sheldon was not used to having friends. He had lost his friendship with the college janitor after informing the poor man about how stupid the fellow was. "That's why you're a janitor!" Sheldon had told him.
He grimaced at the memory. Anyways, it turned out that behind the window was not another friend, but rather the dreaded SOUICHI.

"What do you want?" Sheldon rolled his eyes.
Souichi attempted to climb through the window, and fell, damaging his tail bone. "O-OWWW!!" Souichi yelled. "C-CURSE ON YOU!" "Bro did you just curse my fucking window bruh..." Sheldon frowned as Seamus laughed politely.
"Shut the fuck up, Seamus, this is why your father left you and died." Arthur smiled, as Seamus began to cry.

.. his goal...
it had been... .. .

.. fulfilled...

Arthur then transformed into a magical girl, causing Sheldon to panic, and have a seizure due to his magical girl epilepsy. "Oh- fuck-!" Seamus lowered his head, "he- he's gonna die!"
"No, I can-" Cloudia moved quickly through her window, into the bedroom, nearly knocking over the train set. "Be...... s-sjjabxjajcbbabGAHAHHHHxhabbsHSBSBABABAB... carefullllll!!!" Sheldon yelled, mid seizure.
Cloudia put a pillow under Sheldon's head, then, using her ghostly abilities, calmed Sheldon's body of any past misfortune...

Sheldon was deceased.

Drifting....

drifting.....

In this world of nothingness...

Pure..

Peace....

Oh, the love he feels for all at this micro-instant...

oh,, the unity of the universe, becoming one with him..

It's almost like...

He's a God of some sort...

Who cares about unified field theory... ?

The universe...

oh, he knows everything now...

he...

he is-

he is-...!!

Sheldon woke up to the bright blaring of the sky. "Lil bro, you good?" Arthur's ghost asked.
"I... saw..." Sheldon began crying.
He wants to go back! What misfortune brought him here? Back to the land of the living? Sheldon wiped his tears after a few minutes. "I killed you to rid you of your magical girl seizure." Cloudia said.
"Can you do it again?" Sheldon sniffed.
"What do you mean?" Cloudia was both confused and shocked.
"Kill me... I can't live with the possibility of Type 200 Diabetes anymore... in fact..."

I can't live! 

Cloudia lowered her head. The boy had guts, that's for sure...(but not balls, they haven't descended yet)
"If... if you help me kill Mosaiko-chan.... death and forevermore peace is all yours..." Cloudia smiled.
Sheldon giggled. He was going back! This was so exciting!

"What, am I going to be ignored?" Souichi frowned. "I was gonna ask for Hanamu-"
"SHUT UP, THIS IS WHOLESOME!" Seamus pouted, a bit mad at Souichi for ruining the moment. "Jesus Christ, you occult loving fucktard do you ever shut the fuck up, like god damn." Arthur was beyond annoyed at this point.
Later, Cloudia stalked Mosaiko. "I have to admit, I've been having some... difficulties with this target. She's... she's just... ugh." Cloudia scoffed.
Cloudia wriggles her fingers. They were grey, and skinny; only bones to say the least. It was a disturbing sight, especially after figuring out what those hands could do... which was what Sheldon and Seamus were about to witness.

KKKKKRKKKRRRRRRRRRRRKRKKKKK-!!

I'm not going to describe the sight. Don't be the kid who asked, please bro. One thing for sure, was that the bruised and bloodied Mosaiko had broken one of Cloudia's undead fingers. "IT FUCKING HURTSSSSSSS!!" Cloudia shrieked. Despite being a death god, she was quite intolerant to pain.
Mosaiko then, with a swift movement, summoned the ghost of her dead okasan, of whom was a deformed being, with the mask of (I am so fucking sorry, I do not remember the name of that Japanese monster). Sheldon, shocked, left his post, of which he was supposed to distract Mosaiko-chan from. He ran off, into the woods. The sight leaving him with nuclear bomb shaped cataracts.

Sheldon felt like the Flash, running, leaping over rocks. That's when he bumped into a tree. The sheer speed Sheldon had picked up was enough to knock the damn thing to the ground. "Uhhhh-" Sheldon paused
"I AM THE LORAX. I SPEAK FOR THE TREES." said a voice from up above.

There, with a divinity so powerful, it was eye-watering..

THE LORAX.

He hovered down from the heavens up above, and upon landing...

SMACKED SHELDON COOPER RIGHT ACROSS THE MOTHER FUCKING HEAD! "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!!!?!???" the Lorax shouted. "I'm sorry sir- I, I-" Sheldon cried.
"Hey what are you doing to my friend!?" Seamus ran over to them, fully prepared to enter a 'Silent Voice' bitch slap-down.
"'Friend'?" Sheldon cringed, "oh just kill me already."
"Sorry, but no can do." Cloudia then walked up from behind a living tree, with green leaves and brown bark. "You abandoned your fucking post. If this were the army, they'd have sent you're smart ass to jail."
"What are you gonna do, kill me?" Sheldon said, cringing at the grammatically incorrect use of "you're" instead of "your".
"I AM." the Lorax hovered. "No, mister Lorax. As a fellow Youkai yourself, you should understand punishment. And punishment for this little child here is immortality." Cloudia said.
"Oh." the Lorax stepped back to the ground, each movement seeping with an undefiable grace.

"Actually, would it not be contracting Type 200 Diabetes of the left knee cap?" Seamus asked, cutely. "WAIT-" interrupted Cloudia, "before you make any decisions, Lorax-san... you must remember..."

"IT'S THE SUSPENSE THAT COUNTS, LEAH!"

Yeah, I broke the fourth wall. So what?
"Oh, blah blah blah, can we just go?" Souichi grumbled. "BITCH SINCE WHEN WERE YOU HERE!!!???" Cloudia screamed, pissed at the occult loving child. She hates that boy so much right now it's fucking insane.
"GET OUT BEFORE I WHOP YOUR SORRY HO ASS BACK TO LAST YEAR!!!!!" Cloudia screamed, stealing a South Park line from Wendy Testaburger.
"Stay away from my lines bitch, or I'll whop your sorry ho ass back to last year..." Wendy grumbled HER line.

Arriving home, Seamus announced, "We almost killed a child, of whom beat up our ghost pal (not Arthur this time), and then the little girl called her dead mommy on us!" Seamus smiled.
"It's like the one day I fucking miss school, even though I've never gone." Arthur groaned.
"Oh, that's not all," Seamus grinned, nearly forgetting his fathers misfortune, "and then out of fear, Sheldon rammed into a tree, and the Lorax came, and decided that a proper punishment for Sheldon would be Type 200 Diabetes of the left knee cap! But then, I decided that suspense is the best punishment!"
"So?" Arthur asked, now curious at the mention of Type 200 Diabetes of the left knee cap, "does Sheldon have Type 200 Diabetes of the left kneecap?"

"We don't know! That's the joy of suspense for you!" Seamus smiled.

Chapter Text

the next day sheldon woke up and opened reddit. he was met by like 60 useless fucking subreddits with names like "r/buttfuckedabirdtoit" and shit like that - anyways he opened his blinds because he didnt want to be- well, blind anymore and arthur morgan was fucking floating there "HAI BOAH!" arthur bellowed from his manly throat.

Sheldon jumped in fear then was like "uh hi"

"i dont like dat tone yor usin boah" arthur said retardedly

"womp womp stupid bitch" said sheldon as he fistbumped arthur into the star of oblivion

(unfinished btw :))