rachelprobably



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Alternate Title: Shane Hollander: Stanley Cup Winner, Accidental Dog Sitter

    Shane: Is this Ilya Rozanov?
    Unknown number: no
    Shane: Oh, but the dog collar had this number.
    Unknown Number: What? What dog collar? What are you talking about?
    Shane: I'm Shane Hollander.
    Shane: I have your dog.
    Unknown Number: Is this ransom threat?
    Unknown Number: Did you kidnap my dog?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,626
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    519
    Kudos:
    14,741
    Bookmarks:
    2,231
    Hits:
    66,447

    02 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 65

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    In various states of hungover or right-out drunkenness, the Ottawa Centaurs head on to Milan Malpensa airport after destroying the Maranza Milano on their home-rink in a friendly match.

    Unfortunately, their mighty captain Ilya Rozanov accidentally gets down the train at the wrong stop and gets lost in small-town Northern Italy, just as a major public transport strike erupts.

    --

     While the panicked Centaurs desperately try to located their captain, Ilya gets adopted by two Italian old ladies and has the best time.

     

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,030
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    32
    Kudos:
    339
    Bookmarks:
    65
    Hits:
    3,508

    31 May 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    In late 2014, celebrity photos start dropping. Ilya deletes his texts, his photos, a video he should never have taken. It isn't soon enough.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    66,960
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    1,825
    Kudos:
    10,007
    Bookmarks:
    3,325
    Hits:
    150,298

    31 May 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    ⚠ EMERGENCY ALERT

    Effective immediately - due to the presence and spread of EXO-16 in Massachusetts, a State of Emergency has been declared and mandatory quarantine starts Friday, November 18, at 4 p.m. Everyone is required to stay at home except to go to an essential workplace, seek medical care, or do an essential task. Visit exo16.mass.gov for more information.

    OR;

    im probably in love but im in a zombie apocalypse so idrc about that rn

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,213
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    153
    Kudos:
    410
    Bookmarks:
    115
    Hits:
    5,935

    26 May 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    The first sound Ilya hears is a thin, discordant symphony of beeps and whirs. Something vibrating. 

    The next thing he hears is…wet. A sort of shaking, gargling sound, that feels like the ugliest crying he’s ever heard. And through it, Shane’s voice. 

    “I’m with him now, mom. He’s— he’s not fine. He’s not. I know—”

    Ilya wants to ask who's not fine, but he can’t feel his own body, his mouth, enough to ask.

    “Yeah,” Shane is saying, only slightly calmer. “I know. He wasn’t breathing—"

    Ilya knows there's a link, between the clinical musicality of medical settings, Shane’s audible, awful distress, and his own physical incapacity. It’s just, it’s so tenuous, and the air around him is so thick, so heavy. It would be easy, to sleep, a little. 

    -
    Footage of the last game between Ottawa and Montreal is everywhere; it’s breached containment from the sports world, and now it seems like everyone is baying for Montreal’s blood. Except, Ilya is oblivious. Not exactly blissfully so, but as the fight for accountability within the league rages on without him, Ilya just wants someone, anyone, to tell him what happened.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    90,785
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    1,360
    Kudos:
    4,137
    Bookmarks:
    1,509
    Hits:
    98,694

    21 May 2026