posteagle



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    Time travelers who plan to kill Superman never account for Martha Kent in their plans. She may not be the World's Finest, but she's a mother with a shotgun, and all told that might be scarier.

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    12 Jun 2026

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    Forester (Admirals🔛🔝)
    So the true way to combat the Bisexual Russian Terminator isn’t with homophobia...
    It's actually with even more gay
    ...
    You're a goddamn genius.

    ----

    The NHL rookies have joined forces to strategize now that two of the greatest hockey players of all time are on the same team and Ilya Rozanov must suffer from the unintended consequences of making hockey more woke.

    Mainly, the way everyone keeps implying that they want to fuck his husband.

    or: a group of rookies unionize and employ chirping as a form of psychological torture against a one Ilya Grigoryevich Rozanov.

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    09 Jun 2026

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    Cardiac tamponade: pressure on that heart that prevents it from filling and beating adequately.

    Shane thought he knew two things: his move to Ottawa would cause chaos, and that the Ottawa Centaurs were nice.

    As it turned out, he only knew one of those things.

    (Or: the Cens are still a team of professional hockey players. They're going to fuck up.)

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    29 May 2026

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    The Athletic NHL ✅ @TheAthleticNHL
    Shane Hollander was the only player who did not wear Pride Tape on his stick during Centaurs Pride Night

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    23 May 2026

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    The NHL changes the playoff format, hoping for more rivalries, more chaos, and better ratings. Instead, they accidentally create the worst possible scenario for Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov: a legitimate chance they could face each other in the Stanley Cup Final.

    Naturally, Ilya responds by making a bet.

    “If I win the cup this year,” he says, “then I get to kiss you in front of the entire arena.”

    Shane fully expects the universe to stop them before it ever becomes a problem. The universe, unfortunately, thinks this is hilarious.

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    Or: the year after Scott and Kip's infamous Stanley Cup kiss, the NHL just so happens to make it possible for Boston and Montreal to meet in the finals, giving Ilya the perfect idea...

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    22 May 2026