lavenderforluck



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    “She likes to haunt my freezer,” Ilya says, as Shane shuffles out of his Reeboks and into a pair of Ilya’s house slippers.

    It had seemed like a joke, when Ilya first brought it up. Their last morning at the cottage, dropped casually as they scrambled eggs together in the kitchen, a parting gag for the road. Oh, by the way, you know that dead mother I told you about? The one who killed herself and left me to find the body? Yes, okay, so, she is also a ghost and she haunts me. Well, my house, really. No, I am serious, Hollander! I am so serious, Russians do not joke, please! You do not believe me? You do not trust me? Fine. You will come over to my place some time and I will show you. She likes flowers, please bring daffodils.

    Shane brought the daffodils.

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    19 Jun 2026

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    brillant magical realism

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    It is December, and Scott has been out for long enough to pretend to be used to it, and things are not perfect but they’re fucking good, and Ilya Rozanov is at his apartment for dinner—has been for over an hour—and he’s still waiting so stupidly hopefully to introduce a boyfriend who very, very clearly isn’t coming.

    (Or: studies on coming out, learning patience, one-sided conversations, and other absurdist waiting games.)

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    31 May 2026

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    No one would believe it now, but Ilya Rozanov was a shy kid, prone to tears. Small for his age. An easy target.

    After his mother’s death, he threw himself into hockey. He hit a growth spurt. He started lifting weights, became big and strong. Not as big and strong as his older brother, but big enough to make Alexei and the other bullies think twice. Strong enough to fight back.

    (Or: Five times Ilya has to go home to Russia, and one time he chooses to go home to Shane.)
     



    This isn’t what Ilya had in mind when he figured they’d be spending most of their time at the cottage in bed.

    He throws his arm over his eyes and groans. “I am ruining our time together. I am ruining your time off.”

    “No you’re not,” Shane says. “Are you kidding me? I’ve basically been fantasizing about this.”

    Ilya lowers his arm. “About me puking all over your favorite place on earth?”

    “No, you asshole. About taking care of you.”

    Ilya stares at him.

    Shane says, defensively, “What?”

    “I fantasize about you fucking yourself on boring beige dildo,” Ilya says, voice cracking, “and you fantasize about me being sick at your cottage so you can take care of me?”

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    31 May 2026

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    The first sound Ilya hears is a thin, discordant symphony of beeps and whirs. Something vibrating. 

    The next thing he hears is…wet. A sort of shaking, gargling sound, that feels like the ugliest crying he’s ever heard. And through it, Shane’s voice. 

    “I’m with him now, mom. He’s— he’s not fine. He’s not. I know—”

    Ilya wants to ask who's not fine, but he can’t feel his own body, his mouth, enough to ask.

    “Yeah,” Shane is saying, only slightly calmer. “I know. He wasn’t breathing—"

    Ilya knows there's a link, between the clinical musicality of medical settings, Shane’s audible, awful distress, and his own physical incapacity. It’s just, it’s so tenuous, and the air around him is so thick, so heavy. It would be easy, to sleep, a little. 

    -
    Footage of the last game between Ottawa and Montreal is everywhere; it’s breached containment from the sports world, and now it seems like everyone is baying for Montreal’s blood. Except, Ilya is oblivious. Not exactly blissfully so, but as the fight for accountability within the league rages on without him, Ilya just wants someone, anyone, to tell him what happened.

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    31 May 2026

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    Wow this is a whirlwind beauty

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    Ilya tests the limits of domestic bliss.

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    27 May 2026

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    By god