jayxenos



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “I turned the other cheek every fucking time. I still got tossed on my ass the second I went too far over the line, and threatened by the commissioner, and told to kill myself on just about every social media platform because my nightmare that I’d get outed came true. And you, after everything you did, got to come out to a supportive team and fans, get a slap on the wrist, and have your happy fucking ending.”

    Or:

    An exploration of Shane Hollander's struggle against racism and homophobia in hockey, and how others come to understand it

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,151
    Chapters:
    3/5
    Comments:
    502
    Kudos:
    4,456
    Bookmarks:
    1,395
    Hits:
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    17 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark 43

    Words:
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    Works:
    3
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    43

    16 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    The first sound Ilya hears is a thin, discordant symphony of beeps and whirs. Something vibrating. 

    The next thing he hears is…wet. A sort of shaking, gargling sound, that feels like the ugliest crying he’s ever heard. And through it, Shane’s voice. 

    “I’m with him now, mom. He’s— he’s not fine. He’s not. I know—”

    Ilya wants to ask who's not fine, but he can’t feel his own body, his mouth, enough to ask.

    “Yeah,” Shane is saying, only slightly calmer. “I know. He wasn’t breathing—"

    Ilya knows there's a link, between the clinical musicality of medical settings, Shane’s audible, awful distress, and his own physical incapacity. It’s just, it’s so tenuous, and the air around him is so thick, so heavy. It would be easy, to sleep, a little. 

    -
    Footage of the last game between Ottawa and Montreal is everywhere; it’s breached containment from the sports world, and now it seems like everyone is baying for Montreal’s blood. Except, Ilya is oblivious. Not exactly blissfully so, but as the fight for accountability within the league rages on without him, Ilya just wants someone, anyone, to tell him what happened.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    90,785
    Chapters:
    12/12
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    3
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    1,571
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    5,425
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    2,005
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    132,389

    15 Jun 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    "He opens his mouth, trying to find the right words. When he does, he nearly chokes on them. They come up quiet, weak, shameful. But they come anyway.

    'It’s not fair.'"

    or; Luca is young and queer and out, and Shane is jealous. He and Ilya work through those feelings.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,538
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    180
    Kudos:
    3,092
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    593
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    27,204

    14 Jun 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Cliff had to approach this correctly, or Ilya was liable to sock him in the jaw and clam up entirely. Subtlety was his friend here.

    And all of that flew immediately out of his head the moment that Ilya opened his front door, looking sweaty and shirtless and mildly pissed off, which was pretty much his standard look.

    “Are you moving to Canada for some fuckboy?” was how the question came out of his mouth instead.

    AKA the time that Cliff Marleau figured almost all of it out

    Now available in Russian!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,631
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    526
    Kudos:
    21,810
    Bookmarks:
    2,396
    Hits:
    153,199

    12 Jun 2026