WinterPilgrim



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    Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper called it an international emergency in his address to the Canadian public. Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin claimed Russia was devoting every resource to it. The endless loops of crawling chyrons titled it Hockey Held Hostage. Eventually, Wikipedia settled on ‘The Sochi Affair’:

    The Sochi Affair (Russian: Сочинское дело; French: affaire Sotchi) was a multinational hostage and extortion crisis that began on Thursday, February 20, 2014, when Olympic ice hockey players, Shane Hollander of Canada and Ilya Rozanov of Russia, were abducted from the Iceberg Skating Palace during the Sochi Winter Olympics and held hostage in southwestern Kazakhstan for 3 months, 19 days.

    The world was captivated when Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander went missing, but no one will ever know what they found in the face of survival.

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    Every Boston Raider knows that although their captain has a girl in every port, he’s got a soft spot for the one in Montreal. Dr. Shane Hollander knows it’s better to have a semi-regular source of casual sex than try to make a relationship work during residency. Ilya Rozanov knows that the doctor he’s fucking in Montreal is unaware that he plays hockey, and in fact probably thinks he’s Bratva.

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    A series of vignettes, as told through Instagram.

    Or: Ilya and Shane learn to love vocally.

    (NOTE: each chapter can be read as a separate piece. one story = one Insta post)

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    Shane and Ilya roll up to the Metros' stadium together. In Ilya's sports car. For God and all the world to see.

    AKA: bring your hockey boyfriend to work day.

    AKA: you remember that one scene in Twilight where Edward rolls up to school in his silver Volvo and Bella steps out all nervous and timid, and Edward just wraps his arm around her, sunglasses on, fucks left at the doorstep? It's that, but a Metros vs. Centaurs game.

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    Shane Hollander is going to murder his agent.

    And he means that literally. Because his agent is the reason he’s currently wearing a hot mic during Hockey Night in Canada. Against the Ottawa Centaurs. Against Ilya.

    Ilya, who has no filter. Ilya, who thinks workplace professionalism is a hilarious suggestion for other people. Ilya, who has spent a decade perfecting the art of saying absolutely unhinged things to Shane on the ice, safe in the knowledge that nobody can hear him.

    Ilya, who definitely doesn’t know about the microphone.

    What follows is sixty minutes of Shane’s life flashing before his eyes while his secret boyfriend enthusiastically discusses their sex life, their broken furniture, and exactly what he wants to do to Shane after the game — all broadcast to millions of viewers.

    The problem? Shane can’t get a word in edgewise to warn him.

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