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Ilya is scared of opening his eyes, scared of the face Shane will have. Because he just told his husband that he has a crush on a teammate, a rookie, someone a decade younger than him, someone Ilya has jokingly called his son since he first joined the team. Ilya knows Shane is aware of his past, everyone knows he used to be a manwhore before they started dating. And Ilya also knows that Shane is insecure, that sometimes he still thinks being married to Ilya is too good to be true. What if Shane thinks he isn’t enough for Ilya and that’s why he is crushing on Haasy? Of course it isn’t that, Shane is and will always be the love of Ilya’s life, but Luca is a part of his heart now, too. And Ilya doesn’t know how to explain it because he doesn’t really understand it; because why would he want anyone else when he is married to Shane fucking Hollander?
“Ilya, please, can you open your eyes? I’m not upset, but I think we should talk about this, okay?” Shane says, and Ilya slowly opens his eyes only to realize there are unshed tears in them. “There you are, good morning my handsome husband. Now, can you please explain what is going on? Take your time.”
Ilya sighs, trying to make his brain wake up enough for him to say in English what he wants to say –because Shane’s Russian isn’t good enough yet for a conversation so important–, and once he thinks he knows what he wants to say, he starts speaking. He tells Shane about his dream, Shane wincing at the mentions of drugs on it. Ilya quickly reassures him with a “you know I only smoke weed with the guys sometimes, haven’t done anything stronger in years. I… I don’t want to be like my brother or Sasha.” Shane nods and doesn’t interrupt again until Ilya’s done.
“Okay, so Luca was in the dream too and we had sex with them. And that made you think…?”
“It didn’t make me think anything. I feel like it’s always been there. I know I joked about Haasy being my son since the beginning, but… He is hot, right? He is really cute of course, but he is also sexy. I think I just tried to hide my attraction for him? At first because I wasn’t out to the team, and then everyone knew I was dating you, and then we got married, and… We’ve been exclusive for so many years that I just didn’t want anyone else. But now I do, and… I don’t know what to fucking do. I love you more than anything, and I don’t want you to think you aren’t enough for me because you are. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. But I do have a crush on Luca and I won’t lie to you and say I don’t. I just would never act on it, I would never cheat on you. I’ll just… ignore it like I’ve been doing up until now.”
Shane holds Ilya’s hand and looks straight into his eyes when he speaks. “I suspected. I thought you could have a crush on Luca. I don’t think anyone else on the team does, and I don’t think Luca knows either. You know he adores you, right? He grew up worshipping you, and me too I guess. And you are right; he is cute and hot. I wasn’t thinking about bringing it up unless you said something first, but… you might not be alone in your crush.” And okay, what? Ilya thinks he has translated something wrong in his head, still not fully awake and lacking his morning coffee. Because there is no way Shane just admitted to having a crush on Luca too, right?
“What?”
“I like Luca too. I nearly had a panic attack when I realized, but I was hanging out with Rose and she was able to calm me down. And then she asked if I thought you could feel something for him too. At first I said there was no way, but then… I started observing your interactions with him and thought maybe it wasn’t just me. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“And you were okay with not saying anything about it unless I did it first?”
“Yeah… Because I love you and I didn’t want you to think anything could change that. And I wasn’t really sure about how you felt about Luca, so I didn’t want to drop something like that on you only for me to be mistaken.”
They pause their conversation there, deciding it’s time to get out of bed and take Anya for a walk. They have an off day, so they have time to talk about everything before training the next day. Ilya is still a bit worried, but he now knows that Shane shares his crush on Haasy somehow? And they need to talk about it, and discuss what they would like to do next, if anything. But at least Shane doesn’t hate him and hasn’t brought up Ilya’s past as a manwhore which is what Ilya feared the most. Because he is a changed man now, has been for years, and while it’s true he has never given a fuck about what people thought about him, he has always cared way too much about what Shane thinks about him.