Chapter Text
The meeting hall onboard the Negotiator was stirring with nervous excitement. Almost every member of the 212th Attack Battalion was crammed inside. Normally, this room was used for large-scale strategy briefings. Today, its purpose was a bit different.
General Kenobi stood behind the large holotable at the front of the crowded hall. He typed something onto his own holopad. Then, flicking his wrist, he moved his words onto the projection screen behind him:
SEX EDUCATION: CENTRAL GALACTIC STANDARD GRADE 6
Cody looked up at the projection and sighed. This was gonna be awkward.
He should’ve left his helmet on.
Cody didn’t regret asking his General for help; he knew how necessary this lesson was for the men. He just wished there was someone who could teach them now besides their General. Or, really, that they’d been taught all this on Kamino as cadets.
The Kaminoans always reminded the clones that they were not human. They were created in a lab, designed, and decanted. The Jedi, and other sentients they might work with, were born naturally. ‘Natborn’ became the nickname clones used for, well, everyone else, although few had any idea what “natural birth” meant. The lack of education was truly appalling, but not exactly surprising.
The Kaminoans believed forbidding sex education would prevent the clones from going out and exploring their sexualities for themselves once deployed. On Kamino, the “touching of private areas” was strictly prohibited, punishable by decommissioning. That didn’t stop most clones from experimenting, but it was rarely discussed. They talked about it in whispers, if at all.
The chain of whispers often greatly distorted the facts, with clones believing things such as:
- they could get anyone of any sex pregnant
- swallowing cum resulted in a baby in the stomach
- certain species carried babies while others didn’t
and many other far-fetched ideas.
Once deployed, and shore leaves started up, of course they were going to get themselves into all sorts of sticky situations. It couldn’t be helped. And really, they deserved some freedom, pleasure, and self-exploration after how they were raised.
Soon into the start of the war, accounts began popping up about clone children or clone hybrids, born from natural births. The Kaminoans were very displeased, to say the least.
Instead of realizing their error and educating the next generations of clones, the Kaminoans simply upped the surveillance and punishment of the cadets they trained. Even accessing the holonet was punishable by decommissioning. Each new class of shinies seemed to be more ignorant than the last.
It was sad, really. Cody had heard many of their insane sex theories firsthand, and some were truly jaw-dropping. The Commander may not know much himself, but he knew something had to be done.
Cody had swallowed his pride and brought up the subject with the one natborn he trusted above all others. Which is how they all ended up here.
Sex Ed with General Kenobi.
When his Commander first talked with him, Obi Wan admitted he’d recently been pondering the same issue. Last ten-day, Obi Wan had been sitting in the mess hall, getting to know the new recruits, when a shiny named Wheelie had asked him:
“General, where do natborns come from?”
“Excuse me?” Obi Wan coughed on his ration bar.
“It’s alright if you don’t want to answer,” Wheelie offered, “but me and Clips were just wondering where natborn babies come from.”
Obi Wan forced himself to breathe and swallow his food.
“You mean–no one’s ever told you how that…works?” Obi Wan looked around the table in shock.
The troopers all shook their heads.
“Well, goodness!” Obi Wan thought about the implications of this. “H–have you ever had sexual intercourse?”
Wheelie spat out the water he’d been drinking.
“What’s THAT got to do with anything?” He choked out.
“Wheelie, that’s how babies are made!” Obi Wan exclaimed, “and as far as I’m aware, you’re all capable of fathering children…”
“Oh Gods!” cried a shiny named Dirtcake, “then there’s probably about a million little Dirtcake’s down the drain in my toilet! Sir, what’re we gonna do?!”
“Down the–!” Obi Wan huffed, “Dirtcake, listen. That’s masturbation. Sexual intercourse is with someone else.”
“Ohhhh,” Dirtcake nodded, “then, uh, false alarm, Sir.”
Obi Wan paused to rub his temple.
This was worse than sex ed with Anakin, he thought.
“Ahem, um, Sir?” Clips spoke up after a moment, “is it just after one, uh, intercourse, that a baby is made?”
“Yes,” Obi Wan answered seriously, “it can be, that’s why you must always use protec–”
“Kriff!” Clips groaned, before covering his mouth apologetically. “Sorry for the language, Sir, but that means he, or I, could be …pregnant right now?!”
I am One with the Force, and the Force is with me, Obi Wan muttered to himself as he closed his eyes and exhaled deeply.
“Clips,” Obi Wan asked as calmly as possible, “was this intercourse with a male-sexed being?”
“Yeah, uh, a Chiss male,” he answered, “why?”
“Because Chiss males don’t carry eggs, so he can’t be pregnant,” Obi Wan said slowly, “and you, Clips, and all of you here, do not carry eggs or uteruses, and cannot, thank the Force, be pregnant right now.”
“Phew!” Clips grinned, “that’s a relief!”
The rest of the vode at the table just laughed and eventually returned to their previous conversations.
Obi Wan was left sitting there staring at his lunch tray, wondering where and how they had gone so wrong…
Needless to say, when his Commander approached him about setting up a special training session for the men, he was quick to agree.
Which is how the 212th now found themselves crammed into the briefing hall during their down time in hyperspace.
The entire battalion was seated in tiers facing the large holotable at the front. Cody sat off to the side by the front doorway. He had moved his seat sideways so that he could still watch the lesson, but also keep an eye on his troops, just in case they tried anything funny.
Cody sighed again. He knew someone was bound to try something.
“Alright,” Obi Wan addressed the room. “First, I’d like to thank you all for being here…”
The chattering room fell quiet as the men listened closely.
“I know this topic can be a bit awkward,” Obi Wan began, “but I want you all to feel comfortable today, so know that there are no silly questions. I’d much rather you ask than stay in the dark. And I hope we can all treat each other with respect here, so please refrain from poking fun at anyone’s questions or experiences.”
Cody stood before adding:
“ –And if I hear so much as a peep from any vod who thinks now’s the right time to crack a joke,” he said sternly, “it’ll be latrine duty for life.”
Cody stared down each row in the audience, before sitting back in his seat.
“Yes,” Obi Wan cleared his throat, “thank you, Cody. I do hope this can be a safe and educational space for all of us.”
The Jedi looked out at the men, who nodded at each other in agreement.
“I wanted to start with a question that seems to have been unfortunately left unanswered for many of us here: where do natborn babies come from?”
Obi Wan waved his hand over the holotable. The holo showed a 3-D diagram of a common human female reproductive system.
“Now, for humans, as shown here, babies develop inside the uterus,” Obi Wan circled the area with his finger. “This is not the stomach, it is a separate organ that is connected to the ovaries via the fallopian tubes, here. The ovaries carry eggs, which, if fertilized by sperm, will eventually develop into a baby. This is similar for many other species, such as twi’leks, togruta, and wookies, to name a few.”
Obi Wan paused to look around. Some troopers nodded along, and many were scribbling down notes on their own holopads. Obi Wan flipped to the next slide containing a diagram of common male sex organs.
“Now this one should hopefully look somewhat familiar to you all,” Obi Wan smiled as he got a laugh from most of the men.
Cody shot them a glare, and they quieted.
“ –It’s alright, Commander,” Obi Wan grinned at him, “that was meant as a joke.”
Obi Wan flicked his hand and the projection cut in half, displaying the internal reproductive system.
“In human males, sex cells are produced here, in these sacks, called testicles–.”
“ –We always just called ‘em our ‘bir be ve’vut’, General!” Wooley called out, earning loud laughter from the crowd, and a slow, head-slicing motion from his Commander.
Obi Wan couldn’t help but laugh with them when Cody’s head was turned.
“Well, whatever you call them, they produce the sex cells, called sperm. When you ejaculate, sperm are pushed out through the urethra, here. And during intercouse, ejaculated sperm may travel through the vagina and into the uterus, where they fertilize an egg, creating an embryo.”
Some nodding and understanding ‘Ahaaa’s filled the room.
Obi Wan flipped to a 3-D projection of a pregnant human.
“After about 28 ten-days, the fetus is fully developed and is pushed out through the vagina, and so a baby is born.”
The model showed the baby pushing out head-first between the parent’s legs.
Most of the troops gasped at the display. Many were watching wide-eyed. Even Cody could admit he’d never known that part. They all talked over each other:
“How does it FIT–?”
“Shit I’ve been injured before but that must feel like something else–!”
“Sir, were YOU actually made like this?!”
Obi Wan just laughed, looking at his Commander. Obi Wan watched Cody’s furrowed-brow expression change from curiosity, to confusion, to horror.
Seeing that might just be worth every minute of this whole ordeal, Obi Wan thought.
“Yes, men,” Obi Wan composed himself, “I, along with nearly every sentient you’ve met, was born in a manner very similar to this, if not exactly the same.”
Shocked exclamations filled the room again before Cody stood and shut them up.
“Now, this is all important for you to know, as you can impregnate many different species,” Obi Wan explained. “Therefore, when engaging in any form of sexual intercourse, you should always use protection.”
Obi Wan took out a box from under the holotable and opened it.
“I’ve brought some plasts today for everyone to take, if they’d like. And the medbays should be well-stocked with protection of all kinds, if you ever have a need.”
Obi Wan continued talking through the details of hormones and the reproductive systems of humans, as well as other common species.
“So that concludes the main portion of Grade 6 Standard Sex Education,” Obi Wan finished.
Cody was just about to sigh with relief, until his General continued:
“Now, remember, this is a judgement-free space, so, did anyone have any questions?”
About a hundred hands shot up.
Cody rested his face in his palms.
“Yes, uh, Axel, correct?” Obi Wan called on the shiny sitting in the front row.
“Yes Sir!” Axel saluted. “I was just wondering… you said you brought plasts for us, but, uh… how do we use them, exactly?”
“Well, um…” Obi Wan started, “I supposed I could show you.”
Oh Gods help me, Cody thought.
Obi Wan dug in the box and pulled out a wrapped plast.
“First, you just open it like this,” Obi Wan explained as he peeled it open. “Then, you pinch the top bit and uh…”
Obi Wan looked around for a moment, thinking.
“...Aha!” He said finally, reaching into his pocket.
Obi Wan pulled out his lightsaber.
Seps, please kill me now, Cody prayed.
“You simply roll it on,” Obi Wan said, rolling the plast over the silver hilt. “Like so.”
Some of the men laughed at the picture before them, but Cody was too busy hiding his face to reprimand anyone.
“Then, when you’re finished,” Obi Wan continued, “you tie it off and carefully dispose of it.”
The Jedi removed the plast from his saber with as much dignity as possible before tossing it in the trash.
“Any other questions?”
Obi Wan answered a few more simple ones before calling on a trooper named Otto.
“Uh, Sir,” the clone started nervously, “not sure if you can answer this exactly but, I’ve heard other species and sexes don’t, um, ejaculate, like we do…”
“That is true, yes,” Obi Wan nodded.
“But Sir,” Otto continued, “then how do we know if our partner has been, um, fully pleasured or not? Where do they, uh, feel good?”
Cody summoned all his strength to stand and stop the laughter that threatened to break out at the question.
“Well, I suppose I can show you on the projections,” Obi Wan said, flipping back through the models.
Obi Wan went through the pleasure points of each species, noting the differences between them. He pointed out the elongated Nautolan penis, and the Rodian’s tri-headed clitorus, among others.
He’s acting like he’s teaching a kriffin’ taxonomy course, Cody thought. How in the blazes does he even know all this?
“And of course, same as most species, we human males have our own two pleasure points.”
“ –Wait! Two?!” Dirtcake exclaimed.
“Yes, of course,” Obi Wan answered. “The penis and the prostate.”
Dirtcake blinked.
“And the what-now?”
Chaos erupted as the men tried to answer and talk over one another.
“You tellin’ me you never even stuck a finger up there vod?”
“And you HAVE!?”
“Wait, up where?”
“What is he on about?”
“Sounds kinda kinky.”
“It’s normal!”
“I don’t care what you say, I’m not stickin’ anything up there!”
“What!? How would you even reach that?”
“How do you do that?”
Cody closed his eyes and took three deep breaths.
This is so not in my job description, he thought, standing to face his troops.
“Alright men quiet down! That’s enough!” Cody shouted.
The room settled and Cody sat back in his chair.
“Okay,” Obi Wan clasped his hands after a moment.
Oh no, Cody thought.
“If we can all be mature about it…”
No.
“...then I’ll show you,” Obi Wan said.
No no no no no.
Cody watched in horror as his Jedi stepped up to the holotable, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away.
Obi Wan flipped to the 3-D model of a seated human male pelvis. He rotated it and pressed a button to enable the see-through feature, so the internal organs were also visible.
“So this here is called the prostate gland,” Obi Wan pointed through the model. “And it can be stimulated with, uh, proper preparation.”
Obi Wan glanced around the room, eyes briefly meeting Cody’s before looking away.
Cody felt his cheeks flush with warmth. I must be having a nightmare, he thought.
Or a really weird dream.
How many times had Cody imagined his General’s hands on him in exactly this way? How many nights had Cody touched himself, thinking about Obi Wan doing exactly that to him?
However, none of Cody’s wild fantasies had been as bad as this.
Now, here he was, stuck in a room full of literally hundreds of his vode, being forced to keep his cool as his General demonstrated how to… well…
Cody couldn’t even make himself think the words.
“So, normally you would lubricate your fingers before, um…”
Obi Wan cleared his throat again. He was looking a bit flustered himself now.
“So then, I’ll just gently insert my finger, like this.”
Obi Wan slowly moved his index finger in the model’s asshole.
Cody felt he might combust right there in his chair.
This can’t be real, Cody thought. It must be an elaborate prank Boil set up, to get back at me for returning those tookas to their home planet.
Unfortunately, it was very real, and the demonstration continued.
“I’ll just move in slow circles, to open up,” Obi Wan said as he wiggled his finger against the rim.
Cody shuffled in his seat.
Kriff. He was hardening in his codpiece.
Part of him wanted to close his eyes, but Obi Wan kept nervously glancing at him. And Cody didn’t want him, or the men, to think he couldn't handle watching.
The Commander looked briefly at the audience beside him. They didn’t seem to be very affected. Some were taking notes again.
Cody guessed that if most of them didn’t know about the prostate before, they probably didn’t know what that felt like.
Is it weird that I do know? He wondered briefly.
“And, uh, once I’ve loosened well enough for one finger,” Obi Wan said, “I’ll start opening up with two.”
Obi Wan held up his fingers before pressing them inside the model once more. He dragged his fingers in and out, making a gentle scissoring motion as he went.
Fuck, he’s moving so slowly, Cody thought, I’d probably be begging for it at that point.
Cody was suddenly appalled by his own thoughts, and tried to shake the idea from his head.
He rocked forward a bit on his seat to release some of the pressure on his dick.
“If you’re doing this on a partner, you might need to lift their, uh, thighs,” Obi Wan looked at Cody again, “for um, a better angle.”
The Jedi’s eyes were still locked with Cody’s as he gripped the projected thigh in one hand and continued to work his fingers inside the model’s ass. Why is he staring at me?
Shit, Cody realized, I can’t take anymore of this–
“ –And then, when you’re ready…” Obi Wan said slowly, “You curl your fingers upwards, gently, just like–.”
But Cody didn’t hear the rest of those words. He was already up and out the door. Thank kriff he was sitting close to the door.
He hoped no one noticed his abrupt departure. He tried to walk out as calmly as possible, but wasn’t confident it came across that way.
The Commander hoped his men could behave themselves without his presence, but he couldn’t worry too much about that right now.
Cody walked briskly into the nearest ‘fresher and turned on the sink. He ran his hands under the cold water and splashed it on his face.
He let the water cool him down and hopefully wash his inappropriate thoughts down the drain.
He gripped the edge of the sink, catching his breath.
Well, shit.
Cody sighed.
At least it was over now, he told himself.
But that wasn’t good enough, was it? Cody had failed to keep it together. He had failed to control his thoughts for one stupid sex ed lesson. Cody had wanted to believe he was in control of his feelings towards his General, but this clearly proved otherwise.
You’re sick, Cody scolded himself, imagining him fucking you while he’s just trying to teach a kriffin’ class that you requested, to help your vode.
Cody shook his head.
Just imagine Obi Wan’s embarrassment if he ever discovered what I’d been thinking about him, Cody thought. If he knew I'd betrayed his trust… betrayed our friendship…
Obi Wan’s friendship meant the world to him. The whole galaxy, even. Cody was obviously close with his vode, but sometimes there was distance between them because of his rank.
They needed to see Cody as a leader. Cody needed them to see him as a leader.
With Obi Wan, he found himself being taken care of.
It was strange at first. Cody didn't know how to receive his General’s kindness. He’d never allowed anyone to take care of him before. But slowly, Obi Wan’s small gestures became comfortable: making him caf, sneaking him good food, or filling out the legal death forms he knew Cody dreaded.
Soon, small gestures became larger ones.
Like the time right after Umbara, Cody had spent three sleepless nights in the barracks just holding his brothers. The Commander had been their shoulder to cry on. Finally, on the fourth night, as he and Obi Wan were filling out the mission report, Cody broke down into tears of his own. Obi Wan said nothing; he simply took the data pad out of Cody’s hand and hugged him close.
“‘M sorry Sir,” Cody had said between shaking breaths, “Usually I don’t—.”
“—Shh,” Obi Wan had soothed as he rocked them gently, “none of that now.”
Obi Wan had held him for a long time. Eventually, he’d set Cody to sleep on his couch. In the morning, Obi Wan showed Cody his progress on a new GAR protocol to prevent Jedi Generals from issuing new attack orders without approval from their Commanders.
Obi Wan knew what Cody needed without even asking. They took care of their men together. They spent most nights with each other. They sparred together and Cody knew he wasn’t holding back. They cried together. They made each other laugh.
War was complicated, but this was simple.
Cody couldn’t imagine life without him.
Was Cody really going to lose all that because he couldn’t keep his kriffin’ horny thoughts in check?
No, Cody thought. I’ll never let Obi Wan see even a hint of those thoughts.
But today was a close call…
Too close.
That’s it, Cody decided. No more masturbating while thinking about him, no more staring at him, no more hugging the kriffin’ pillow at night imagining we’re cuddling.
He just needed to do better.
“Pull yourself together, Commander,” he pointed at his reflection, “that’s an order.”