Chapter Text
In retrospect, Haruka figures he should have realized something was wrong before he even left his apartment that morning, though in his defense, he's only dealt with this a small handful of times. If the vague feeling of dissociation hadn't been enough to tip him off, the foggy, unsteady state he finds himself in since mid-morning definitely should. And yet.
He doesn't feel sick, per se, just a little off kilter and irritatingly unfocused, so he figures he's in well enough shape to still honor his plans after school. He makes his way to Sakae's apartment with some difficulty, though by now perhaps he's willingly ignoring the unfocused, heavy state he's found himself in. Maybe Sakae will be gracious and not say anything.
"If you can start the rice cooker, I'll dice the vegetables," Sakae says, pulling Haruka's attention from a chip in the backsplash of the counter to focus on helping with dinner. Perhaps he didn't refocus quickly enough, because Haruka feels a solid hand on his shoulder blade.
"You okay?" Sakae asks. Haruka nods without a word and moves to prep the rice cooker, not noticing Sakae's sharp eyes following his every move and the tight draw of his eyebrows. He feels like he's doing a good job of moving normally, despite the sluggish feeling creeping through his limbs. Sakae watches with a frown.
"Hey, Haruka," he starts, and Haruka turns his hazy gaze on Sakae as he continues, "Could you hand me a knife?"
What should be a mindless task, over in seconds and without incident, ends up a clumsy farce-- Haruka pulls the nakiri from its block and immediately loses his grip. Sakae jolts back quickly and Haruka stares at the knife on the floor, closer to his feet than he finds comfortable. Sakae clicks his tongue and retrieves the knife from the floor, setting it carefully on the counter then turning to direct Haruka away from the counter.
Once he has Haruka seated on the couch, safely away from the kitchen and its hazards, Sakae tries again.
"What's the deal?"
And Haruka blinks hard, hoping to clear away some of the fog.
"I feel off, I guess," he says, and Sakae snorts derisively.
"No shit," Sakae says, but immediately seems to regret it when he takes in Haruka's state properly.
"I'll take care of dinner, just, stay here," he says more softly. Haruka nods again, glad he's not being pressed to converse further.
---
The world forms blurrily, too brightly, as Haruka blinks out of sleep. For a moment, his surroundings confuse him. He feels cold, which may be what woke him up, and the smell is wrong (good, but wrong), and.
Right, he's at Sakae's place.
Oh. He fell asleep on the couch. Embarrassed, he tries to sit up quickly, but his head feels heavy and his vision spins. A weight he didn't realize was on the other end of the couch disappears and Sakae appears in Haruka's vision, placing a hand on Haruka's forehead.
For a moment, Haruka watches Sakae cycle through a series of thoughts. Belatedly, panic begins to set in. It must occur to Sakae just as Haruka realizes exactly what's wrong with him, and he scrambles to get up off the couch before Sakae can say anything.
"I have to go home," he says, too rushed to sound casual, and stumbling through the living area, but he's not faster than Sakae in this moment as Sakae seizes his wrist.
"Haruka."
"Don't," Haruka starts, not facing Sakae. The panic squeezes his chest. No one was supposed to find out.
"You aren't sick, are you?" Sakae continues.
"Shut up," Haruka whispers, vision spinning uncomfortably fast, whether from his panic or his current condition, he's not sure.
"Haruka, look at me."
"No one's supposed to know," he mumbles, and if things aren't bad enough, he realizes he's shaking on top of everything else. He feels cornered. Absently, Haruka finds his way over to the kitchen table, and drops gracelessly into a chair, slouching forward to cover his face with his hands.
Gently, a pair of hands tug Haruka's own away from his face, and he sees Sakae crouched before him, expression concerned.
"Why would you leave your apartment if you knew you were in heat?" he asks quietly, and Haruka feels bile rise in his throat. No one was supposed to find out. He was stupid, he didn't recognize the symptoms until it was too late and he was caught. No one was supposed to know. He swallows hard and takes a moment to collect himself.
"I didn't know," he admits, feeling exposed and stupid, "It's only like... maybe the fourth time I've had it."
He can feel the heat in his face that has nothing to do with his fever and everything to do with the shame that wraps around him like a blanket. He hazards a glance at Sakae and sees only soft concern. No trace of judgement.
"I have to go home," Haruka says again, deflated. Sakae shakes his head and stands.
"Not like that, you won't," he says, holding up a hand to cut Haruka off before he can interject.
"You can hardly walk straight, first of all--"
"I can take care of myself just fine," Haruka says.
"Normally, sure," Sakae agrees, but continues, "But you couldn't even hold a knife, you can't stand without help--"
"Yeah, but--"
"You reek of pheromones, Haruka, and you can't put up a fight," Sakae says with finality. Haruka lets his head drop back into his hands and sighs heavily.
"This sucks," he mutters. Careful fingers graze his scalp, and for a moment, he leans into the feeling before remembering himself and pulling away. It's bad enough letting himself get exposed, but there's no need to give in to his needy instinct.
"Just stay here until it passes," Sakae offers.
"That could be a while, you know," Haruka replies, still trying in vain to find an out.
Sakae shrugs, "So?"
And he waits for Haruka to argue further, but the exhaustion wins in the end, and Haruka leans back against the chair and closes his eyes a moment.
"You can take my bed," Sakae speaks up again, "I'll change the sheets out and I can take the couch."
Haruka shakes his head slowly, "I can sleep on the floor just fine."
He's not sure how much more insufferable this cycle will be if he spends it in Sakae's bed surrounded by his scent, clean linens or not. And it just feels... invasive. Maybe not quite the right word, but then Haruka absently follows a tangent with the word leading him to wonder what Sakae would be like in a rut, and before he can dwell long enough to decide he's interested in witnessing it, Sakae interrupts his thoughts by heading toward his room with an armful of bedding.
Idly, Haruka tips his head back to stare at the ceiling and debate standing up. He should really move, but the sluggish feeling has long since settled in his limbs, weighing him down into the chair, and he feels the distant twinge of cramps starting. No, standing up can get stuffed.
A few minutes pass as Haruka closes his eyes, and he lightly startles at the feeling of fingers carding through his hair. Sakae has his soft moments, of course, but Haruka can't recall if he's always touched so freely. Maybe it's the alpha side coming forward; maybe Haruka's unmasked pheromones are stirring up primal instincts. Who knows? He's too exhausted to examine the situation too closely.
"Come on, you should rest," Sakae says, hand leaving Haruka's hair in favor of tugging him to his feet.
"I can walk," Haruka protests as Sakae guides him to his room, embarrassed enough about this entire situation, much less needing assistance to do something as simple as walk through the apartment. He knows Sakae heard him, but he doesn't acknowledge it, and Haruka huffs with what little energy he has.
The bedding Sakae has set out for him is thicker and better padded than what Haruka has at his own place, and he's left with several different blankets and pillows that Haruka surmises must have been left for him to nest with. Which, again, is embarrassing as fuck for him. He hates being seen like this, being witnessed at his worst and weakest. He flops over, face-first into a particularly large pillow, and tries to ignore how it smells like Sakae. It's not like his other heats have been enjoyable, but this one is shaping up to be one of the roughest, by sheer virtue of being in such close proximity to Sakae and his all-encompassing scent.
---
The day moves by in a haze as Haruka drifts in and out of a feverish sleep, sometimes awoken from cramping pains, sometimes from the cold that is entirely the fault of the fever. Each time, he readjusts and manages to fall back into familiarly unpleasant heat-sleep.
At some point, the sun sets, and Haruka checks the time on his phone after another fitful waking spell. It's late enough in the evening that Sakae should already be asleep, but the bed beside Haruka's futon is still empty. With a fatigued grunt, Haruka sits up and works into a standing position to wander out into the living area.
It's dark, save for the streetlights filtering in through partially opened blinds, and Haruka realizes that Sakae still ended up sleeping on the couch, even with his bed free. Distantly, he smothers the disappointed feeling that creeps up, and he heads back to the bedroom.
---
Haruka wakes to the sound of dresser drawers sliding open and closed. He pries his eyes open and follows the sound of a door creaking open, spotting Sakae at his wardrobe, pulling out a clean uniform.
Right, it's still a school day. There's no way in hell Haruka's protesting body will make it through a day of classes, but he figures he can make an honest effort. He sits up with a soft groan, and Sakae's head whips to face Haruka.
"What are you doing?" he demands. Haruka gathers up his energy and holds the bed beside him for support as he stands.
"Getting up for school," Haruka replies.
Sakae looks wholly unimpressed.
"The hell you are," he says, "Again, you can't even stand, and, again, you smell like heat."
And he leaves the room without further argument. Haruka huffs out a sigh and sits down slowly on the mattress. He could just ignore Sakae and attempt to tough the day out anyway; it isn't like he hasn't powered through worse before, but. Sakae might have a point about the scent, and there isn't anything Haruka can do to keep that under wraps in his current condition. Besides, if he gets too weak at school, he runs the risk of being exposed as an omega in front of his classmates. Any chance of working to the top will be nullified; no one will follow an omega. Except maybe if Umemiya had been one, maybe everyone would still follow him; he's headstrong, sure, but has the charisma that Haruka is completely sure he himself lacks.
He runs his hands over his face with a groan, and slides back down to the pallet on the floor, sitting cross-legged and realizing he's still in his shirt and jeans from yesterday. Doesn't matter, he's too exhausted to change. And he thought he could handle even a walk to school.
Sakae comes back to the room, now changed, and takes a seat where Haruka had been only moments before. Shouldn't he be leaving?
"I was wondering," Sakae begins, "Why don't you use suppressants, or even blockers?"
"Oh," Haruka breathes, glancing down at the blanket, "I can't afford it."
Sakae makes a strained grunt in acknowledgement.
"So you just... do this every time?" he asks, and Haruka nods.
"It's only been like three or four times, like I said, so it could be worse, I guess," Haruka says, trying to pass it off casually.
"Yeah, but it's not going to only be four times," Sakae retorts, "Do you really plan on being miserable every time?"
"What else should I do?" Haruka asks, trying to not let irritation get the better of him.
And Sakae doesn't seem to have an answer, at least not right away.
"I can help you get them," he finally says.
"I'd rather not," Haruka replies, "I don't want to feel like a charity case."
"That's not--" Sakae sounds taken aback, "That's not it. I just would rather you not be miserable, so if I can help..."
Haruka sighs and closes his eyes a moment.
"It's fine, okay? I usually just sleep through it."
Sakae rubs the back of his neck and stands. As he passes Haruka, he places a hand on the top of his head briefly, and Haruka blushes.
"I guess, if you feel too bad, just call me or text," Sakae says, lingering at the door.
"And what, you'll skip school to do what, keep me company?" Haruka jokes, but the energy doesn't reach his voice.
"Haruka."
"Okay, all right, I'll tell you," Haruka concedes. Sakae nods, and heads to the front door, leaving Haruka alone.
---
The next day is much the same: fitful, fevered sleep, ebbing cramps and cold spells, and an overall fog filling Haruka's head. Sakae tries to offer him small meals, but Haruka has found he's never hungry during these cycles, so he refuses each time. For as awful as he was expecting this heat to be, Haruka finds that the ever-present scent he associates with Sakae has actually been helpful; it doesn't frustrate him so much as it comforts him and helps lull him into sleep.
Sakae, for his own part, is painfully attentive when he really doesn't have to be. Haruka may not want the food Sakae tries to bring to him, but he deeply appreciates the water and electrolytes, his presence on the edges of Haruka's awareness, and his periodic check-ins. He's adjusting, now, to this vulnerable feeling in Sakae's presence, no matter how much he still hates that there's someone here now that knows about his humiliating secret. A conflicting feeling of relief floats in and out of Haruka's peripheral, knowing that he's being seen at his worst and most exposed and not being judged for it.
Inevitably, his group chat was abuzz the moment everyone realized he wasn't at school and wouldn't be showing up late. Remembering the last time he'd been out sick and how Suo and Nirei had taken it upon themselves to show up at his apartment to check in on him, Haruka informs them that he's under the weather, but he won't be at his place, so no one wastes their time seeking him out. That maybe wasn't his smartest decision, because the chat blows up, and he's left having to explain that he's basically stuck at Sakae's place until he feels better. He knows he doesn't like how interested everyone is in this answer, and with a deep blush adorning his face that, thankfully, no one can see, he sets his phone aside and tries to fall back asleep.
---
On day three, Haruka still feels much the same and still struggles to stand. The difference is it's the weekend now, and Sakae is here all day and can feasibly help if Haruka would be less prideful. He's still so exhausted, but not so much so that he can't feel gross from a lack of bathing in the last several days. He doesn't need permission to shower, but he does figure Sakae would be less likely to scold him if he didn't act independently in his current state. Haruka feels for his phone, and sends off a text once he finds it.
Haruka: I wanna shower
The response comes slowly. Sakae must be distracted with a book.
Sakae: You sure it can't wait until you feel better?
Haruka: It would help me feel better probably
Again, a response comes slowly.
Sakae: And how do you plan on doing that?
Haruka: By turning on the water and standing in the shower
Sakae: Don't be a smartass.
Haruka: This would be easier if you had a tub
Sakae doesn't respond, but a few moments after sending his own reply, Haruka hears footsteps and picks up on Sakae's scent stronger than what lingers in his room. With a rap on the door (Haruka feels a small amusement over Sakae knocking on his own door) and a short announcement of his presence, Sakae enters the room with a frown adorning his face, and Haruka sits up.
"You're not making this easy," he says, and Haruka has the energy to grunt in discontentment. Part of him has gotten comfortable enough here that he almost wants to be a pain in the ass to be petty, to apologize for making his heat so difficult on Sakae... But the moment the thought crosses his mind, he regrets it. Sakae doesn't have to do any of this for him; he's been beyond accommodating, beyond patient, beyond restrained. It really can't be easy on him having heat-scent all through his home and having to ignore it and his instincts entirely. All the more reason their classmates regard him as one of their elite, maybe.
Haruka stares down at his own hands, absently twisting his fingers together, and mutters, "Sorry."
But Sakae's expression softens, not a lot, but enough that if Haruka were to actually look at him he'd notice. He kneels down to Haruka's level and places a hand on his forehead, but must not feel the relief from the fever he'd hoped to find. Gently, he brushes the hair from Haruka's face.
"I'll walk you to the bathroom," he concedes, which isn't out of the ordinary the last few days, since Haruka has been so unsteady on his feet, so he agrees easily enough now. Not that the first few times didn't happen without a fuss on his end-- something he has grown to hate in the few times he's come into heat is how much weaker he gets before it gets better. Strong hands help guide him up to stand, and Haruka takes a moment to find a sense of balance before moving.
Something Haruka does appreciate is that Sakae tries to assist very minimally-- they both know how stubborn and prideful Haruka is. Sakae mostly spots Haruka as he walks, catching him when he stumbles, but otherwise letting him move on his own as best he can. When he reaches the bathroom, he leans heavily against the washing machine to recollect his energy, and Sakae eyes him warily.
"I really don't think this is a good idea," he says, though he does slide the shower door open to turn the water on for Haruka, and Haruka waves a hand dismissively.
"I've got it, it's fine," he replies, earning a disapproving hum from Sakae.
"Fine," Sakae says, stepping toward the bathroom doorway, "But I'll hang out here for a minute to make sure everything's okay."
Haruka wants to protest this, as well, but it's a small price to pay for freedom and a shower, he supposes, so he grunts in assent and starts peeling off his days-old and, frankly, sweaty clothes. Sakae steps out, closing the door, and guilt hits Haruka again as he realizes how much his clothes smell, and how much that has to be bothering Sakae.
The water is hot when he steps into the shower, probably too hot, but with the fever making everything feel so much colder, Haruka practically purrs under the tap... and wouldn't that be even more embarrassing? His knees buckle a little under the weight of nagging exhaustion, and he leans against the shower wall, heavily, wondering if maybe Sakae was right about his being in no shape to be up yet. It's fine. He pushes away, reaching for the shampoo, and his stupid fucking legs give out.
He sinks to the floor quickly, and growls out in frustration, head falling back as he swears under his breath. From the other side of the bathroom door, he hears Sakae ask, "You good in there?"
Yeah, good, great, all under control. Hot water soaks his face as Haruka contemplates embarrassing himself further-- much, much further. He draws his knees up to his chest and weighs his options. His limbs feel heavy, his legs feel hollow, he's still shivering despite the water ensconcing him, so what the hell is he realistically going to accomplish in this state? He swallows hard and pinches his eyes shut.
"No," he finally answers.
"I'm coming in," Sakae warns. Haruka hears the bathroom door open seconds before the shower door very slowly slides ajar slightly.
"What do you need?" Sakae asks from the other side, out of Haruka's line of sight. Haruka glares at his knees, taking more time, again, to formulate a reply that has him swallowing so, so much pride.
"Can you... I--" another angry grunt, and he spits it out in a low grumble, "Can you help?"
The door slides open enough now that Haruka can see Sakae, expression mostly unreadable, save for the most minute knitting of his brow. He nods, then reaches in for the body wash and shampoo, soaking his shirt in the process, and Haruka shifts himself closer to the shower door and Sakae. His face glows red, he can feel it, feverish but not quite the same. For the first time since going into heat here, Haruka picks up on something very different in Sakae's normally familiar and comforting scent. Best not to think about it too closely.
Hands Haruka has become increasingly familiar with the last few days work through his hair with a building lather; neither says a word, but Haruka grapples quietly with a consuming sense of self-loathing and an equally strong desire to cry, but as always, the tears never reach his eyes. He hates that sometimes, but in the moment, it's a blessing. How much lower can he sink in front of Sakae, after all?
Fingers softly graze his scalp, and he wonders... assuming Sakae respected him before, would he still after this heat cycle is said and done? After seeing Haruka in every humiliating state of being possible? The only consolation he can draw from this situation is that at least his other friends and classmates won't find out. Again, he dwells on the idea that no one would respect an omega leader-- why would they follow a leader that can find himself so pathetically incapacitated? He's been better about comparing himself to Umemiya since his heart-to-heart with Togame all those months ago, but in moments like this, old envy reappears.
The fingers in his hair still.
"You're thinking too much, aren't you?" Sakae asks, and taps Haruka on the shoulder, "Put your head under the water."
Haruka does so without a word. While soapy water runs down his face and his back as he does his best to rinse the shampoo out on his own, Sakae disappears a moment before returning with two washcloths. Sakura remains fixed under the falling water, watching Sakae a moment while his ugly inner war reflects in his expression. Silently, Sakae taps Haruka's foot, a gesture to draw Haruka closer again. He relents, lowering his face as he returns to a space near Sakae. Setting one of the cloths on Haruka's shoulder, Sakae presses the other to Haruka's back, and Haruka squeezes his eyes shut, snatching the washcloth off his shoulder.
"Don't you--" Haruka starts, "Don't you think this is pathetic?"
A beat of silence from Sakae, and with his back to Sakae, Haruka can't see what his face could be saying.
"Why would I?" Sakae finally responds, and Haruka only finds sincerity in his voice, "It can't be helped."
"I'm not supposed to be like this," Haruka says quietly. He takes the body wash offered to him and dispenses it on his washcloth. The hand at his back moves in steady, firm circles. Sakae's scent beneath the new notes wraps around Haruka, and he finds that the newer scent isn't so bad either. Against his better judgment, he relaxes a little.
"You're exactly like you're supposed to be," Sakae says like it's so simple, "You shouldn't hate yourself for something you can't control."
Deep, deep down, Haruka recognizes that he's right. But it's not enough to overcome a lifetime of resentment before he even presented, much less how much worse everything became after the fact.
Slowly, he begins washing his arms.
"That's not how I was raised," Haruka says, "They hated it. Hated me."
He doesn't need to see Sakae's face to know his expression; he's seen it before, after revealing pieces of his ugly past before Makochi to him. It was bad enough back then, when they didn't know each other, and it's only gotten worse the closer they've become as Haruka lets more and more of his background slip through the cracks. It isn't pity. He knows Sakae won't pity him. Much like his other friends, what Sakae has to offer is righteous anger and unconditional caring in exchange for years of neglect and abuse. Haruka feels exponentially more drained, leaning back heavily into Sakae's touch at his back.
"I think I'm good for now," he says, but doesn't specify if he means the shower or getting his emotions under control. Another thing to hate about heat. Haruka scoots back into the now-chilling stream of water, rinsing off, and Sakae turns off the tap after.
For a moment, Haruka sits in the humid air, shivering, legs still pulled up defensively in front of his body. He needs to stand, but he knows his legs aren't up to it now. Sakae steps into the shower and pulls Haruka to his feet, and Haruka shuts his eyes tightly as the flush returns to his face in humiliation. He asked for help, and he's receiving help. The damage is done.
On the washing machine outside the shower, a clean shirt and pair of sweats set unassumingly. While Haruka's old clothes are nowhere to be seen, the running of the wash under the fresh clothes tells him enough.
Blessedly, Sakae lets Haruka dress himself, though still refuses to let him walk unsupervised, but the fight has drained from Haruka's body with the last of the shower's warmth. Back in the bedroom, Sakae holds Haruka's arm as Haruka carefully returns to the pallet on the floor, and Haruka stares at the hand on his arm in thought.
"Thanks..." he finally manages, and Sakae nods with a soft smile.
Sakae releases his hold, moving to leave, when Haruka impulsively reaches out to grasp Sakae by the wrist. The move catches both off-guard. Haruka, glowing pink (and damned if he hasn't done that often in the last few days), chokes out,
"Wait-- Could you..." his grip on Sakae's wrist tightens, "Stay in here... just tonight?"
The words leave his mouth slowly, but he's still mortified they've left at all. Yet his hold remains as firmly as he can manage, tugging Sakae in a wordless request to sit on the futon with him. For a moment, Sakae stares at Haruka with a muddled expression shifting between surprise and... relief? Huh. And he lowers himself among the semblance of a nest Haruka had crafted (without fully realizing he'd done so).
"Okay," Sakae responds quietly, "Where do you want me?"
The question is harmless, but something in the way Sakae words it has Haruka's face on fire.
"Here is fine!" he rasps and hides his face in his chosen pillow. The lamp on the table at the head of the pallet clicks off and Haruka feels Sakae settle beside him. Vaguely, he feels another twinge of guilt; this can't be easy on Sakae at all. But exhaustion and selfishness win over Haruka in the end, and he shifts just a bit closer to Sakae's warmth before falling into sleep.
He almost misses Sakae murmur, "If you need more... I'm here."