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Three months, two weeks, five days and eight hours. Three months, two weeks, five days and eight hours since that punch, the one that changed his life forever. Or saved it, rather, because he knew he wouldn't be able to live without them, especially after Sanji's heated words during that argument. It's your fault, Luffy.
Of course he didn't remember that exact time. To him it was just three months. Maybe with a half. But it felt both like just yesterday and also three years ago. His mind forgot the imagery most of the time, but sometimes, just sometimes, his subconcious would remind him what a single mistake of his could cost him and that it would be all his fault. Today was one of those days.
Fifth time now. The least bad of these dreams was the one where he died with the red arrow hitting bullseye which prompted him to wake up. The worst one he had to watch them all slowly be devoured by the Lily Carnation, one by one, disintegrating inside the roots as he felt his warm blood run cold dripping down from his body. Each arrow, another pierce. Sixty three on his back, twelve on his right arm, nine on his left arm. Twenty one on his left leg and eighteen on his right one. His straw hat on the rocks, ripped apart string by string from the arrows as he saw his best friend Zoro slowly be digested by the ugly, even hideous carnivour plant that used to be a smiling, cute little flower.
This time Daisy had died. That little girl who cheered him on, saying she could hear his friends still alive, having her tiny body be added next to Chopper's inside the flower vines. Then her father's cries, looking at Luffy and repeating those cursed words for not saving her.
It's your fault.
He dangled his legs off the hammock. They had switched to Thousand Sunny a while ago and they had plenty more room to sleep in inside the guys' room but Luffy still chose to sleep next to his other best friend Usopp. He was a little cuddlebug and he knew Usopp didn't mind him clutching him tightly to have a comfy little sleep. However most of the time he had nightmares were the times Usopp fell asleep in his workshop or decided to lay down with Sanji instead. Today was another one of those days, Usopp was on the couch this time, his notebook and pencil fallen on the floor, with a blanket messily thrown over him by Franky. Without a cuddle plush, Luffy had felt alone again, just like those days when he was a kid, losing his pillow Sabo. Ace had noticed he had nightmares and hugged him to sleep after that day, promising to never leave him. Well at least he could trust that Ace wouldn't be digested by an enormous flower.
Luffy jumped down the hammock. He didn't wear pajamas like Sanji or Usopp did. He slept in his daily clothes just with the chest completely open rather than half. Just like that day. He had burnt that red sleeveless hoodie in the fireplace two days after the incident to never see it again yet it haunted him still.
Only one thought was on his mind. Rooftop. Each time he had a nightmare, Robin's voice called out to him. He had asked her one day what she did when she couldn't sleep at night and her answer was that she watched the stars. And Luffy couldn't sleep after a nightmare so he would follow her advice and climb upstairs.
This was the first nightmare he had on the Thousand Sunny. He didn't know his way around so he was not going up to the Crow's Nest. He would only put himself in danger because he grew extra reckless when awoken and no one could save him if he fell off to the water. So the boy settled for the highest place he could find which was the roof of the kitchen, next to Nami's orange trees.
He didn't really look for a blanket. The area they were in was a summer area so it was a warm night. Maybe a cushion or a pillow would be nice, cover the rock hard floorboards so that he could relax, but that wasn't what he was thinking about. He sat on the boards, leaning on the railings, and looked up to the stars, just like Robin teached him to.
The night sky was not as starry as it usually was. It was half clouded. Luffy's mood fell down more, without the stars, he didn't know how he would get over this. There was some of them but they weren't shining as much without their brothers. Kind of like him, in a sense.
"Captain?" A familiar voice called out to him. With his hands in his pockets and the pajama shirt Usopp forced him to wear -it was a little silly honestly, it had wolves on it-, along with his swords on his belt as usual.
Luffy smiled at the sight of his friend like always. "Zoro!" He called back, "You're awake?"
The swordsman shrugged. "Can't help but wake up when you go up here." He made his steps next to Luffy, standing next to the boy. "This is the fifth time. Decided I should check it out for myself finally."
"Oh. You knew?" Luffy's smile slightly faltered.
"Of course I did. Maybe it's a sixth sense or something, but I just wake up when you do this." He sat down next to Luffy with his legs crisscrossed. "What's the deal, Cap? Not like you to leave your hat behind."
Luffy looked back up to the stars. Not as shiny as they should be, just like his eyes. "Just... bad dreams, you know? Everyone has them."
"Bad dreams.... I guess." Zoro also looked up, though he didn't know to what, he was just mimicking Luffy. "I still have dreams where Mihawk slashes me."
"You do?" Luffy turned to his friend, surprised.
"Yeah. It was one of the most scarring things I've experienced. Pun not intended."
It was a little quiet for a bit. Zoro didn't know where he was looking, Luffy was searching the sky for one single shiny star yet they were all dull or covered.
"Oi. You're just gonna keep to yourself?" Zoro was slightly irritated. "C'mon. Tell me what the nightmare was about."
Luffy though, just chuckled like he usually did. "Ah, no, no, it's fine. Just a bad dream. You don't know of it."
"Do I need to?" Zoro raised a brow, "I'm just asking you to tell me the dream. Doesn't matter whether I know it or not."
A little more silence. Luffy didn't want to. He was so glad that none of them had a memory of that incident, so he wanted to not remind him of it.
"Luffy. Look at me."
Because it was painful. Terrifying. It was a moment straight out of a horror movie. How could he remind Zoro of that? What if he remembered? And saw that it was all Luffy's fault?
"Oi. Luffy."
What was worse? Keeping that day to himself and keep on having the nightmares or share them, maybe take off that weight, but risk Zoro remembering what happened?
A slap landed on his cheek straight.
Luffy's hand brushed his cheek, freezing for a moment. His mind was cloudy like the sky. He couldn't process anything until a hand gripped his collar.
"Bastard! Are you gonna dissowhatever on me now?!"
"Wha-?" Luffy's eyes found Zoro's. It was full of anger, yes, but the anger was fueled by concern. Luffy frowned. "I don't wanna say it.." His voice was a little whine, just like how he usually is.
The hand on his collar however shook him more. "Well I don't care. I've had enough of watching you wake up and go outside in the middle of the night. This ends now."
Luffy's head was getting wobbly because of the shaking, "Okay, okay! Lemme go!"
His back his the floorboards when he was let go suddenly, his head still spinning. "Ow.... thamks..."
Zoro crossed his arms. "Waiting."
It took Luffy a few moments to sit back up and hold his head with a hand, the other on the boards to keep himself sitting up. Then he shook his head, leaning back on the railings, looking up the sky again.
"Are you... sure, Zoro?"
"Of course I am."
"But this is a bad story. Really bad."
"I don't care. I don't want you keeping it alone."
"....okay."
He took a deep breath. Where to start? It was a bad, bad story. Plus there was a chance Zoro could remember what happened.
No. He had to share, this was his friend. Best friend.
"Zoro... what do you- remember of the Baron Omatsuri island?" Luffy asked. His eyes locked on to one cloud that decided to part, leaving one shiny star for him to look at.
"Baron... Omatsuri? Hmm..." Zoro looked up, thinking. "That was the... the fire shirt or whatever island, right? Some ugly dude with a flower on his shoulder put us through some races... yeah, I remember. Sheesh, how did I forget?"
Luffy almost jumped up. "You- you remember..?"
"Yeah. Chopper and Robin put that stupid giant gold fish in that bucket. Then than guy went crazy." A shit eating grin appeared on his face. "And then that I was in that boat with the stupid cook. We won that because of Usopp's last second save. That guy..."
Luffy stopped, looking at Zoro with wide eyes. "Do you just... remember the challanges? What happened after that?"
"Hm? Well, then we had a huge dinner place... that Baron guy made me wear a stupid suit. But cook didn't... let me... eat..?" His brows furrowed. "That's off, now that I think about it. He's got a strong everyone should eat policy, doesn't he? No matter how much he hates me."
Here it was getting weird.
"And.... and Usopp and Nami are usually inseperable... but after the boat she hated his guts for some reason even though nothing was his fault." Zoro started to recall. "...something's off."
Luffy just looked back up to the lone star. "What do you remember after?"
"Then Usopp was lost. Me and cook found that turtle boy who wore Usopp's hat. That was the last point, after that we seperated to look for him... and..."
Quiet.
Luffy was almost going to start shaking again.
Then...
"...then we woke up in that rocky place. You were on the ground beaten as hell."
Luffy gave a huge sigh of relief. Zoro caught on.
"That's it... you were awake in the middle of that. Is that it? The nightmare?" He asked, looking at the captain.
Luffy's hand was fidgeting by itself. "Yeah... It was... a bad dream." He took a deep breath. "I was so relieved you didn't remember it. None of you did." And finally he confessed.
"...Then tell me." Zoro asked. Maybe even pleaded. "If it's making you wake up randomly even after so long... then tell me. Tell me. I don't want to watch my captain be so scared of something. I thought you were fearless."
That stung. The boy pulled his knees up to his chest. "I... I am fearless..! I just..." Luffy sighed. "...I can't handle losing people I love. You, my crew, my friends, my brothers... I don't wanna lose anyone."
"And I'm guessing that happened that day?"
Luffy just nodded.
Zoro shook his head. "You're an idiot... I won't die so easily. You know that."
"I know of course! You're strong! But that- that flower..."
The swordsman raised a brow. "Flower? The one on that dude's shoulder? That flower is stronger than me?!" He was almost offended.
"I-- I don't know! That flower ate- it ate everyone. It ate everyone, and got stronger, and made all of the people in that island, that flower turned into a million arrows and-- and..." Luffy gave a deep breath.
Zoro turned back to the sea. "So that's it... Tell me the whole story then?"
Luffy's grip on his knees got harsher.
"When you... all started to get lost one by one..." Luffy started the story. "Sanji... he looked at me. And said that, as the captain, not noticing my friends were getting lost because I was too focused with the game.. it was my fault."
"That stupid cook..."
"But he was right. I didn't notice. So I went straight for the Baron guy because his men started to hunt you all down. But I couldn't do it. You all got caught. In that flower root, on top of that rocky mountain. Until it was all of you there. And he told me that my friends started to die... that flower- it ate them all. One by one...
I punched that thing really hard. It split. I thought I won. But it- it had already eaten you and... the root... turned into arrows. Looked at me. That flower on his shoulder turned into some- some creature, and it grew it's roots and- and I saw you all.. I saw you all there..! Dying! And I could do nothing, because the arrows shot, so I was just- just looking at you all, with those arrows on me, I was barely alive and..."
Luffy was gasping for air. He couldn't stop the shaking.
"And I... I failed... it was all my fault..."
"...then how did it end? With us alive and well?"
"That dad with the three kids picked up the bow and an arrow and shot the plant on his shoulder. Then I punched the guy. When it was done the arrows disappeared... the plant died... and you were all alive. And well. And happy. And not arguing. And I was so, so relieved, that only I remembered, that none of you did, that only I knew... how much I messed up... and you didn't know how you died.."
Zoro just quietly listened as Luffy started to sob. He needed to cry. But he did reach and put his hand over his, shaking.
"I... I lost you all once... and you died... and I couldn't fix it alone. I didn't know what I would do. It was my fault."
"Luffy."
"...yeah?"
"C'mere."
With that single word, Luffy jumped on him with his shaking arms, going around him three times because he wanted to keep him as close as possible. Zoro's hand awkwardly pat him on the back. Awkward because he was bad at this, but he did not mind the hug. He enjoyed it even because Luffy had so much affection to give.
"There, there, you big baby. You're not alone." He had a slight teasing tone but he meant it. "I don't remember anything you said, probably cause I was basically eaten I guess, but I know damn well that I am alive now. And you're not alone."
Luffy's ugly crying started to get quieter until it stopped. He pulled back in a long while, the back of his hand wiping his face full of tears.
"Zoro.. can you make a promise?" He asked. "This is a promise me and my brother Ace made... and I know you will stick by it."
"Hm? Sure. What's it?"
"Promise me that... you'll never die." Luffy requested.
Zoro grinned. "Of course you bastard. I'm never dying on you."
A similar grin took on Luffy. "Thanks."
The clouds were parting. Many more stars were seen now, shiny. Luffy moved back to the rails, and leaned his head on Zoro's shoulder. He was shockingly sleepy now. Normally after a nightmare he could never sleep.
"You.. mind if I take a nap?"
"Nah. I was gonna as well. I don't like waking up at the ass crack of dawn."
"Ditto."
It was fast for them to fall asleep even as the sun started slowly rising. Both of them were able to sleep in a single second, maybe half a minute now.
From the crow's nest, Robin gently smiled. She hadn't read her book for half an hour. It seemed the boys forgot that someone was on watch duty when it wasn't their turn. She remembered that day. Only she did, among the eaten ones, because she had learnt about the Lily Carnation while they didn't.
Her arms made a cross as they bloomed downstairs. A soft, warm blanket was laid over the boys, to keep them warm. They were approaching a fall island, after all. She just sipped her coffee as she watched the sunset, feeling comfort at the knowledge that Luffy's won't have his nightmares anymore. And even if he did, he had someone to help him back into his usual self again.