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Out of all of the Muppets, Scooter was definitely one of the more…grounded ones. Sure, he had his moments (awkward exclamations, genuine interest at setting Beaker on fire as a diversion, etc etc), but overall, he was a simple guy. A well-meaning guy. A smart guy.
A guy who absolutely did not turn into what was essentially putty whenever a certain other Muppet with kind eyes and frizzy brown hair was involved.
He hadn’t always liked Walter. At first, Scooter thought he was a little annoying. But, over time, his wide-eyed, boyish charm grew on him, and the stage manager found himself taking more and more time out of his day to hang out with him. Both during work and outside of it. He was fun, and sweet, and full of bright ideas on how to improve the Muppets. Scooter was down for all of them, and was happy to listen to his rambles, or to submit to his desires to learn every bit of Muppet trivia that existed in the world.
They were friends. Good friends. Something Scooter had certainly not predicted, but he definitely wasn’t complaining about it either.
However, everyone else seemed to have their own…opnions on the nature of Scooter and Walter’s relationship.
“Scooter!”
There wasn’t a lot of things that could immediately rouse Scooter out of the “work coma” (as Kermit had dubbed it) that he would immediately ingulf himself in upon arriving at the theater. He sat at his stage manager’s desk, laser-focused on whatever assignments the boss had pulled for him for the day. No one could disturb Scooter when he was in such a state. When he was younger, it was probably due to his inherent need to prove himself to the other Muppets. But, now, it was merely just familiarity. Scooter cared about his work. He enjoyed putting in an effort. He cared about performing his best.
But he could always spare a moment for Walter.
The younger Muppet was scurrying towards Scooter with his trademark grin on his face. In his hands he held two coffee cups, and Scooter felt his insides soar. Walter was the best. Truly the best.
“You didn’t have to do that, Walts,” he said, the fondness still very evident in his voice. Walter handed one of the cups to him - just a simple black coffee, but still appreciated (Scooter wouldn’t have it any other way).
“I wanted to, though,” Walter said with a shrug. “I like doing nice things for you.”
Scooter was a very casual, collected kind of guy. Yes, his anxiety could get the better of him at times - but that was only really in high-stress situations, like during a show. This was not a high-stress situation. And yet, just simply looking at Walter was enough to make Scooter’s face feel very hot, and his stomach act like it was reenacting one of Gonzo’s stunts in real time. Which probably meant nothing, and Scooter didn’t want to think about it at all. He was trying really hard to not think about it, because if he gave in and let himself think about it then everything would go wrong probably he wasn’t really sure but he was pretty sure and anyway it would be bad. Anyway. He was fine.
“Cool.” Was the only thing that Scooter was able to get out in reply. “That’s - that’s very cool.”
From a ways behind the pair, Scooter heard a short, mocking laugh , followed immediately by the sounds of someone being shushed. His eyes narrowed, and he moved his body so he could see behind Walter. Speak of the devil. There was Gonzo and Kermit, who looked as though they’d been caught up in a very serious discussion. However, at the moment the two were very focused on whatever Scooter and Walter were doing. Gonzo looked like he’d made the greatest discovery of his entire life. Kermit, on the other hand, looked as though he was just simply fed up (a very common look for their leader), but also slightly amused.
Walter blinked, only kind of comprehending the situation at hand. After a moment, he shrugged, smiled at Scooter, and began walking away from the stage manager’s desk. “Ah. Well, see you later, Scooter!”
“See you, Walts.” Scooter said, his voice coming out almost dreamlike as he watched the newest Muppet walk away. Then, he shook his head, hoping that the motion would be enough to snap him out of it. Cheese and crackers. He just kept getting more and more distracted as of late. Perhaps he was getting sick.
As soon as Walter was gone, Gonzo immediately fixed his eyes onto Scooter. He looked downright gleeful. “Walts??”
“Huh?” Scooter said, kind of stupidly. Gonzo continued staring at him.
“Since when do you use pet names on Walter.” the purple thing said, phrasing it like a statement, and not a question. “Oh, this is too good. Wait ‘till I tell Rizzo. You’re downright whipped! This is hilarious. I can’t believe nobody figured it out yet.”
“Gonzo,” Kermit said, in a tone of voice that almost sounded like a father scolding a child. “Be kind. Scooter didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Huh? I don’t understand - Gonzo, what are you talking about?” Scooter said, the panic inside him growing.
Gonzo began laughing hysterically. “Oh my god, he doesn’t even know! Are you seeing this, Kermit? Are you breathing the same air as me? This is great. This is amazing.”
“Gonzo, quit it.” Kermit sighed. “Be kind to him. There’s no need to be a jerk about this.”
“Can you two please stop talking all cryptic-like and just tell me what the heck you’re talking about?” Scooter said, wringing his hands. “If Walter and I are breaking some kind of rule, then please, I want to be informed.”
“It’s nothing,” Kermit said immediately. “Gonzo’s just making immature jokes.”
“No I’m not! I’m having a natural reaction to learning new information! Why do you always want to rain on my parade?” Gonzo cried out. “Not my fault that Scooter having the hots for someone is incredibly funny!”
Huh?
What?
“Hm? Scooter has the hots for someone? Oh, moi has got to hear about this!”
Kermit turned to Gonzo, a deep frown on his face. “Look at what you’ve done,” he said quietly. Gonzo shrunk back, sheepishly. Scooter watched, equally horrified and darkly intrigued as none other than Miss Piggy flounced over to the small group of Muppets that had gathered. The entire time that they’d been coworkers, Scooter was pretty sure Piggy had never paid him an ounce of attention. That changed today, apparently.
She planted herself in the middle of Gonzo and Kermit, and tilted her head up at Scooter, waiting impatiently. “Well? I want to know the drama! Don’t leave me hanging!”
“There’s no drama,” Kermit started, apologetic, before Gonzo began laughing again.
“Piggy, it’s a riot. Scooter’s into Walter, of all people. Calls him cute little nicknames and gets him to bring him coffee and all that junk.”
Piggy raised an eyebrow. “Walter? Really. How scandalous!” Then, she frowned. “Which…ah…which one is that, again?”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake.” Kermit said suddenly, appearing as though he’d finally had enough. “Can’t we all just behave like the professionals we are for five minutes? It’s not our business as to what relations our friends pursue outside of work. And Piggy, come on. You know who Walter is. We wouldn’t have joined back together again if it wasn’t for him.”
Piggy scrunched her face, as if she was trying really hard to remember. Gonzo just shrugged. Kermit sighed.
“Everyone disperse. We’re disturbing Scooter, who’s actually trying to work. Unlike everyone else it seems.”
“Dibs on telling Walter,” Gonzo said brightly. Piggy gasped in mock astonishment.
“No! You need to let their love foster naturally. Let it simmer and blossom.”
The two exchanged identical grins. Scooter found that he was growing very scared.
“I said disperse.” Kermit repeated, eyes tired. Gonzo finally paddled off, while Piggy gave him a glare before storming away. Scooter was still standing there - confused, fearful, and a little appreciative. Kermit shook his head. “Good grief. Sorry about that, Scooter. Though, I would recommend to leave any sort of…ah, shall we say flirting…for times when there aren’t such nosy people around.”
“Flirting?” Scooter echoed, a little breathless. “Oh, sir, I think you got -”
“Right. Well, I’m glad we got that sorted out.” Kermit interrupted, clearly not paying Scooter any attention (as, if he was honest, per usual). “If I’m being honest, I think it’s very sweet. Gonzo and Piggy just enjoy drama.” He smiled at Scooter, equally firm and soft, then shrugged. “Well! I have a meeting with some Disney execs to get to. Can you believe they want to tear down our theater in Disney World?” He clicked his tongue. “Clearly they didn’t watch our movies. Have a good day, Scooter.”
Scooter didn’t have anything intelligent to say as he watched his boss leave. He could only stand there, eyes wide, trying to process everything that everyone had said over the past ten minutes. He felt his face flush. Cheese and crackers. What was wrong with everyone? It was highly inappropriate, that’s what it was. Coming to such…conclusions…about his and Walter’s…friendship. It wasn’t like that. And they certainly didn’t need any more romantic drama infiltrating their work lives. Plus, Scooter would never! Having a crush on a coworker? Please. Get real. There wasn’t a universe where Scooter would…
Where he’d…
Consider maybe…
…
…but if he did…
…well, then, he wouldn’t mind, if Walter thought…
…
…
Wordless, Scooter made his way back to his desk. He took a long swig of his coffee.
Huh.
Then, he groaned, his head slamming down.
Oh no.