Chapter Text
LionofCastamere: dudes totes found pally 4 gild lol!!!
Lightbringer: Please remember to adhere to correct grammar and spelling in guild chat, please. There is a no ‘leet’ rule for a reason.
LionofCastamere: iz like best tank eva and u discrimin8 cos i only hav 1 hand lol u r a nub
Lightbringer: I think my gear and affinity for high level raiding suggests I am not a ‘noob,’ thank you. CaptainSnuggles has a disability, and he types perfectly well.
LionofCastamere: u r totes nub nub lol!!!
LionofCastamere has been kicked from Guild Chat <Seven Kingdoms>
Lightbringer: I just could not abide by his flagrant disregard for punctuation any longer.
CaptainSnuggles: we could do with a good tank Stannis, you are so talented at DPS
Lightbringer: Are you finally going to change that ridiculous nickname?
CaptainSnuggles: I didn’t choose it, your daughter did
Lightbringer: You are quite snuggly, I suppose.
CaptainSnuggles: bring the laptop in here, you need to be captained
Oathkeeper joins the guild <Seven Kingdoms>
Oathkeeper joins Guild Chat <Seven Kingdoms>
Guild Message of the Day: Tower of Joy raid postponed until Sunday 21.00. Please amend your sign-up accordingly.
Lightbringer: Good evening, Oathkeeper, and welcome to the guild. May I be the first to welcome you to Seven Kingdoms? Please read the information in the Guild Message.
LionofCastamere: WENCH U TOTES JOINED!!! :D:D:D:D
Oathbringer: Hi. Thank you for inviting me.
LionofCastamere: ur best tank lol beter than light cos he sucks balls
CaptainSnuggles: that’s enough, Lion
LionofCastamere: soz snuggles
Oathkeeper: Should I register on the forums?
Lightbringer: Yes, if you would. Thank you for typing in complete sentences.
MaesterT: wwwwwwaaaaawww1111
CaptainSnuggles: Maester, press enter
MaesterT: sorry i forgot i was running and then i hit the wrong button sorry :(
KnowsEverything: U alright Sam?
MaesterT: yes u okay? I am killing kobolds :) they are scary but i am melting faces :D cant wait to raid with u guys u are so nice :D
KnowsEverything: hey new pally, what race/spec?
Oathkeeper: I have registered under this name, and await my confirmation email.
Oathkeeper: Human/Protection, with Retribution offspec. I prefer tanking, however.
LionofCastamere: she is bst tank eva!!!
IronSquid: we got a woman like this isn’t sausagefest no more?
FlayForPay: always about the dick with you Squid.
IronSquid: D:< u love it, got any ramen? Hungry dude. Like send pizza and i blow u
Lightbringer: Confirmation email has been sent. You are officially a member of the forums. Please read the forum rules. If there is anything you do not understand, please ask myself or Snuggles.
RedViper has come online
RosesAreRed has come online
RedViper: Good evening, beautiful friends.
RosesAreRed: Ola!
CaptainSnuggles: good evening you two. How was dinner?
RedViper: Rose is tipsy. He has turned pink. We are doing our dailies and then I shall take him away to bed and ravish him.
RosesAreRed: new guildie Viper so we best be good. Ola new guildie!
RedViper: Ah, we have lured another willing victim.
Oathkeeper: Good evening.
LionofCastamere; u r not havin her wench iz mine fuk off oby u perv
RedViper: The lion shows his claws. How adorable.
Oathkeeper: My name, as I have explained a million times, is Oathkeeper. Not Wench.
LionofCastamere: :D:D:D:D name iz sexy
RedViper: Light must adore your complete sentences.
IronSquid: she is gril Oby
RedViper: I gathered.
IronSquid: no sausagefest.
FlayForPay: ordering you a meatfeast so you finally get sausage in your gob. They deliver in about thirty.
IronSquid: love you Flay totally give u my sausage anyday *wink*
FlayForPay: fuck off Reek. How stoned are you?
IronSquid: cant see my hand its all gone wibbly and YoungWolf is laughing about walruses because he is watchin david attinburgh attenbro?
RedViper: Oh to be in university and living in a communal house of young men again.
IronSquid: u coming over?
RedViper: Is that an invitation?
IronSquid: not u perv. Flay. we are goin to play MUNCHKIN.
KnowsEverything: shit, I forgot to put the beer in the fridge
MaesterT: i did it :)
KnowsEverything: nice one Sam
IronSquid: <3 u are a good man sam
FlayForPay: rather remove my own cock with a gelding knife.
IronSquid: u are no fun no more Ramsay
FlayForPay: shouldn’t have dumped me then.
CaptainSnuggles: no, you are not starting to argue again. I will ban you if needed, Flay and Squid.
FlayForPay: got a date anyway. Bigger cock than yours.
IronSquid: bitch my cock is huge
CaptainSnuggles: that is it
FlayForPay has been kicked from Guild Chat <Seven Kingdoms>
IronSquid has been kicked from Guild Chat <Seven Kingdoms>
KnowsEverything: Squid says we go play Munchkin now. Nice meeting u new pally, look forward to DPSing with you. I am Nelf/Hunter beastmaster w/wolf pet.
MaesterT: hope u all have a good night :) really nice having a lady about we need more ladies but not meaning so we can make it weird but because girls are nice :) :) nice seeing a girl tanking bcos most heal witch is silly. Night night :) :) :)
Lightbringer: Thank you for kicking them, Snuggles.
CaptainSnuggles: not at all, Lightbringer. Nice cup of tea?
Lightbringer: Would you put some whisky in it, please?
CaptainSnuggles: always. Won’t be a sec
LionofCastamere: gys you totes sit nxt 2 each other why u type shit lol???
CaptainSnuggles: It is how we role
Lightbringer: …
CaptainSnuggles: sorry Stannis
Lightbringer: I would have words, Davos.
CaptainSnuggles is <AFK>
Lightbringer is <AFK>
LionofCastamere: Snuggles is gonna get it lol!”!!!
RosesAreRed: Light is fierce! Like Beyonce! :D:D
RedViper: Rose is very very drunk. His smiley use increases after each glass. He is adorable.
RosesAreRed: you fed me wine out of the bottle so it is your fault! :D:D:D
Oathkeeper: This is quite an interesting experience for a new person.
LionofCastamere: u stay wit me i prtect u!!!
RedViper: Quickly, before Rose falls asleep and I miss the window of sexual opportunity. Light and Snuggles are married. Squid, Maester, and Knows live with YoungWolf who is watching natural history programmes. They are at university in King’s Landing. Flay is Squid’s ex who may or may not be a stalker. I am Viper, and Rose is my partner. He is also dribbling on his mouse mat. You obviously know Lion.
RosesAreRed: do we have any more wine? :P
RedViper: sweet boy, you can talk with your mouth? We are not Stavos, are we?
RosesAreRed: Stannis types to Davos so I can type to you :D:D:D
RedViper: gods, why is he that pretty when he is drunk? And now it is time he puts his mouth to other uses.
RosesAreRed: rijg00w8ugwj]!!!!!!!!
Lightbringer goes offline
CaptainSnuggles returns from <AFK>
CaptainSnuggles: he has gone to bed with a migraine. Did I miss much?
Oathkeeper: Guild chat has been quite self-explanatory. Is it always like this?
CaptainSnuggles: apologies for everything. Friday nights are always a bit of a trial, when there has been drinking and other substances inhaled
LionofCastamere: i hav cider it is shit lol!!! U drinkin snuggles
CaptainSnuggles: yes, because I have to deal with you lot without Light. Single malt for me tonight. I hope Viper took Rose AFK to do whatever he is doing. I’d rather not have guild chat spammed with flailing hands. He’s bad enough in the pub with flailing. Last time he took out a lampshade and threw port and lemon around again
ManLovesBear comes online
ReleasetheHound comes online
SneakyBackstabber comes online
HalfmanhalfGod comes online
Anonymous comes online
LordofLightning comes online
Whisperer comes online
HalfmanhalfGod: evening all
LionofCastamere: y0 brozki u ok
HalfmanhalfGod: how drunk are you??
LionofCastamere: WE GOT A NU TANK SHE IZ EPIC LOL!!!!!! She iz mine u cant have her
Whisperer: Oathkeeper, I presume? Get out. Get out now. Before you are infected, darling.
Oathkeeper: Hi to everyone who has just logged on.
ReleasetheHound goes <AFK>
SneakyBackstabber: Hound pulled some hot bird and she dont care about his ugly face. Hes gone to shag.
Whisperer: And he felt the need to log in first? Dedication, thy name is Hound.
ManLovesBear: hi new paladin lady! Im the druid bear tank! Good havin another tank about since stannis is a bit shit because he likes swingin his 2hand mace like he’s compensatin for a tiny pecker!
ManLovesBear: dont say nothin Snuggles cos the bear aint listenin!
LordofLightning: Great seeing another paladin about, Oathkeeper. Fancy swapping specs? I’m levelling a tank, and it would be great to get some input if that’s okay with you?
LionofCastamere: u get of my wench she iz not urs beric!!!!
LordofLightning: Lion, seriously? She’s her own person, not yours, or anyone else’s, apart from hers. Don’t be a dick.
LionofCastamere: u r so gay
LordofLightning: Yep.
LionofCastamere: :’( no 1 luvs me
HalfmanhalfGod: do i need to come over there bro?
LionofCastamere: beric is gay an stealinh my wench :(
HalfmanhalfGod: have you ever met Oathkeeper in person or are you projecting right now?
LionofCastamere: her avatar iz pritty it has blond hare and nice bum lol!
Oathkeeper: The actuality of me does not measure up to my character. Sorry to disappoint you, Lion.
LordofLightning: No Flay tonight? He said something about level 19 twinking, and I thought I’d join him.
CaptainSnuggles: he got banned for arguing with Squid again. How many alts do you have, Beric?
LordofLightning: Never enough alts, never enough time. I need to email him the address of my therapist.
LordofLightning: The arguing is not conducive to zen-like behaviour, he always seems so tense.
LordofLightning: Perhaps I should recommend a masseuse for him?
Whisperer: Beric, are you as ridiculously laid-back in real life? Part of me is convinced you slaughter puppies for a living.
LordofLightning: It is a Red Priest thing, Whisperer. The yin and yang of existence, of light following darkness, the never-ending dance of the Lord of Light and the Nothing of Destruction. I find the vanquishing of the darkness very soothing.
LionofCastamere: LOL HIPPY!
Whisperer: Remind me not to take you anywhere near fire, dear. I rather keep what hair I actually possess.
CaptainSnuggles: how was the pub, pub people? I see it is after closing time
Anoymous: a man kissed a woman
SneakyBackstabber: Rose’s sister is friggin hot mate. Got her number and all that good shit
Anonymous: a rose is never without thorns
SneakyBackstabber: she totally gave me the thorn lol!
ManLovesBear: OMG just realised who oathkeeper is! OMGOMGOMG!
ManLovesBear: we pugged and you rocked up because we lost our main tank and i just thought you were amazin
ManLovesBear: i was only a little cub just startin tankin and you were amazin and i wanted to be like you!
LionofCastamere: she iz mine!!!!!!!
ManLovesBear: she is the best pallytank on the server! She makes videos about it and she has a nice voice!
LionofCastamere: need adress NOW!!!!!!
ManLovesBear: look 4 Brienne Explains It All on Utube
LionofCastamere: iz ur name Brinee?
LionofCastamere: Brieeenne?
Oathkeeper: Yes, Bear, that is me. I thought I recognised your name.
LionofCastamere: Briney i am jaime
Oathkeeper : A pleasure to meet you, Jaime.
LionofCastamere: she liks me mor than u bear :D:D:D:D:D LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!
ManLovesBear: she recognised me!
Whisperer: Davos, please control the children?
CaptainSnuggles : you two, stop right now. Brienne is a person, as Beric says, and no one will argue over her. I know that you two are incapable of acting appropriately with women, but I expect you to at least try
Whisperer : That is why you pulled yummy Stannis, darling. So commanding.
CaptainSnuggles: thank you, Whisperer. He is yummy, isn’t he?
HalfmanhalfGod: on my way over Lion
LionofCastamere: nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HalfmanhalfGod: either me or Whisperer, u choose, or u go to bed and sleep it all off
LionofCastamere: fuck u tyr
LionofCastamere: nite nit Breemy. Gonna wtch ur videos now ;)
LionofCastamere goes offline
LordofLightning: Bear, you have to be up in the morning, remember. Go and get some good quality shut-eye.
ManLovesBear: Hound is being loud!
LordofLightning: There are earpugs in your bedside table, along with aspirin.
LordofLightning: *earplugs, sorry.
ManLovesBear: night Oathkeeper, you are my favourite tank! And you have a lovely voice!
Oathkeeper: Good night, Bear.
ManLovesBear goes offline
HalfmanhalfGod: and then there were the adults left
HalfmanhalfGod: holding up ok there Davos?
CaptainSnuggles: Stannis has a migraine, so I am letting him get to sleep completely before I go to bed and disturb him
SneakyBackstabber: u including me in the adulting? Cool :D
Whisperer: Some of us are aware of your actual age, Bronn, even if you do lie to seduce students.
SneakyBackstabber: cant help it if I am smoking hot V :D
Whisperer: You do have an impressive line in leather trousers, it must be said.
Whisperer: Is Oberyn about? I need to have my ring enchanted, and no, no sniggering, that is far too weak for sniggering. He is logged in.
Oathkeeper : I presume that is the ‘Oby’ that I saw referred to, and therefore Viper? I think Rose has had a little too much to drink and so he is putting him to bed.
Anonymous: a man will use his penis to put another man to bed
SneakyBackstabber: fucks sake Jaqen, dont need to think of Obys cock
CaptainSnuggles: it is their six month anniversary today, they went out for dinner
HalfmanhalfGod: has he fucked around on Willas yet? He fucks around on everyone else
Anonymous: a man remains faithful - he is not a whore for once and has not mentioned threesomes yet
LordofLightning: Sorry, back now. Tor phoned to complain loudly about Sandor. I can do that ring for you if you like, Varys? I’ve got all of the professions at max level.
LordofLightning: Jaqen? How do you know so much?
Anonymous: a man is masterful at many things
Anonymous: also computer hacking and email fraud
HalfmanhalfGod: might hold you to that one day
Oathkeeper: Viper gave me a run-down of the people online at the time, but didn’t really mention the rest of you.
CaptainSnuggles: just checked chat, he didn’t say anything scandalous at least
CaptainSnuggles: Halfman is Lion’s brother. He owns a pub, where most of us drink or, like me and Bronn, work. It was how we met up and found a mutual interest in computer games
HalfmanhalfGod: U are so getting dragged there oath.
CaptainSnuggles: Bronn (Sneaky) is the bouncer at the pub. Sandor (Hound) and Tormund, who is Bear, rent a flat together
CaptainSnuggles: Beric is our moral compass
LordofLightning: Hail and well met, paladin.
Whisperer: I am dying to see what you shall say about me, Davos.
CaptainSnuggles: Varys is Varys. He is inexplicable
Whisperer: You sound like your deliciously taciturn husband, dear.
CaptainSnuggles: he is deliciously taciturn, isn’t he?
LordofLightning: Stannis - Lightbringer - is a lawyer and a grammar Nazi. Davos is the nicest man in King’s Landing.
CaptainSnuggles: I wouldn’t know about that
HalfmanhalfGod: your fourteen year old stepdaughter calls you Captain Snuggles so doesnt that tell you anything?
Oathkeeper: Did you name your account after your stepdaughter? That is really sweet.
Anonymous: a man is also clingy in bed, it is told. an email chain has been discovered
CaptainSnuggles: …
HalfmanhalfGod: Jaqen is awesome but types really weird
Anonymous: a man thanks you
LordofLightning: Would it be too presumptuous to ask you about yourself, Oathkeeper? Obviously, if you do not want to say anything, we very much understand.
Oathkeeper: No, it is fine. You have trusted me, after all. I’m a physical therapist, working in King’s Landing like the rest of you.
Oathkeeper: Brienne, by the way. My name is Brienne.
Oathkeeper: Definitely not Briney.
Oathkeeper: He’s going to call me Britney, I can feel it in my bones.