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It’s a bright, peaceful afternoon. The Chain had settled in at the Serenne Stable for the day, intent on sheltering from an oncoming storm forecasted for that night. But, until then, the sky is clear, the birds are singing, and Legend is comfortably perched on a pile of crates outside the tent, hunched over a book and overlooking the open fields stretching out towards the mountains. The perfect way to relax and enjoy the lull of an otherwise eventful journey—or, it would be, if he couldn’t hear the clang of utensils against a metal pot just feet away.
“Cooking’s so easy,” Wild’s voice sounds from nearby. “Seriously, I can just teach you now, if you want.”
“Really? That would be great!” Hyrule responds. “Maybe everyone will finally stop chasing me away from the cooking pot around mealtimes…”
Legend lifts his head and spots the two crouching by the nearby cooking pot. Hyrule, cooking? …Should he intervene?
Well, the traveler would benefit from lessons. So long as someone’s supervising, it’s probably fine. He returns his attention to his book.
“First off, equipment!” Wild begins. “I carry a pot with me, but you can also find cooking pots like these—” He gestures to the fire pit with the pot mounted above. “all over Hyrule. Any one will work!”
Hyrule furrows his brow. “Er… where do you find them, exactly?”
“Anywhere,” Wild shrugs. “Stables always have one.”
“There aren’t any stables—”
“Ooor you can just borrow mine!” Wild quickly interrupts. “Anyway, onto the important part. Now, we gotta decide what to cook!”
Hyrule watches, attentive, as Wild unlocks his Sheikah Slate.
“The best way to decide is to just look at what you have available and just figure something out from there,” Wild says. To demonstrate, he flips through rows upon rows of ingredients, showing Hyrule their options.
“Uh… huh…” After the third scroll, Hyrule’s head begins to spin from the possibilities. Wild seems to have at least seven of every ingredient possible. How is this supposed to help narrow anything down?
“So, what are you feeling?” Wild asks, still tapping away. “Rice bowls? Pasta? Roasted meats? Oh, maybe we could bake something—”
“Better keep it simple,” Hyrule says before Wild can suggest something even harder than baking. “Maybe… stew?”
“Stew!” Wild nods in agreement. “What kind?”
“Uh… the good kind?”
Wild laughs. “That part’s up to you, buddy!”
No pressure, Hyrule thinks, sweating.
“Anyway, to start—” Wild turns his attention back to his slate. “You should pick an ingredient to act as the base. Usually some kind of meat, but you can stew lots of things.”
Wild hands him the slate, expectant. Hyrule drags his finger across the screen, hoping an ingredient will just catch his attention. Thankfully, something does.
“Are lizards okay in a stew?” Hyrule suggests. “I kind of like lizards…”
They’re nice roasted on a skewer until crispy. He’s never had them in a stew, though.
“Of course you can stew lizards!” Wild enthusiastically agrees. From his perch, Legend glances up from his book in alarm.
“Hold on,” the veteran interrupts. “Lizard stew isn’t a thing. You can’t cook that.”
“Says who?” Wild scoffs, incredulous.
“Says me.” Legend hops off the crate and approaches the duo by the fire pit. “Hyrule, if you put lizards in a stew, it’s going to taste disgusting. Take my word for it.”
“Oh…” Hyrule slumps.
“Don’t listen to him, Rulie!” Wild encourages him. “You should be free to cook whatever you want, however you want!”
“Wild, he can’t cook to begin with,” Legend says. “Don’t you have a basic recipe you can teach him, or something?”
“I don’t follow recipes,” Wild says. “They stifle creative instinct and encourage conformity.”
“Your ‘creative instinct’ is going to give everyone food poisoning!”
“Hey, experimenting is how I learned, and you guys all love my cooking!” Wild argues. “If you’re so smart, why aren’t you the chef?”
“Well, most people don’t survive eating random unidentified mushrooms off the side of the road,” Legend says. “I’m just trying to give Hyrule practical advice—”
Hyrule stares down at the cooking pot. The base has turned a dark, burnished color from prolonged contact with the heat, and his two mentors don’t seem like they’re going to stop arguing any time soon. He might as well take matters into his own hands.
Wild has a handful of different lizard varieties in his slate. Surely, if they’re all in the ingredients section, they’re all edible, but which one tastes the best, Hyrule’s not sure. To be safe, he should take a variety. If he accidentally picks a bad one, the flavors will balance out. Probably.
As for the amount of lizards to add… When Hyrule is really hungry, he can down about six or seven roasted lizards, easily, so it makes sense to cook six lizards per person. Man, this cooking stuff is easy!
Or, so he’d thought. As it turns out, fifty-four lizards is a lot of lizards. Any time he attempts to stir them in the pot, they almost fall out the sides, and the ones at the bottom are darkening way faster than expected. Isn’t he supposed to add water at some point? He picks up Wild’s slate again and frantically flips through the pages in search of water.
“Wild,” Hyrule asks, an edge of panic in his voice as the acrid smell of smoke hits his nose. “Where do you keep the water?”
“—and honestly, I think listeria is a hoax perpetuated by Big Safflina, because I never wash them, and I—Sorry, what was that, Rulie?” Wild turns back towards the pot, only to find a black cloud engulfing its contents. “Uh oh!”
His attempt at stew now thoroughly charcoal, Hyrule slumps into his hands, defeated. Wild quickly pulls the pot off the heat, frantically stirring in an attempt to save the batch.
“See, I told you your advice was unhelpful!” Legend says.
“Not like you helped! All you did was complain about my methods!” Wild pokes at one of the lizards with his fingers and tastes the ash that rubs off. “It’s not that bad, Hyrule. Just needs some fat and seasoning—”
“Forget it,” Hyrule grumbles into his palms. “I’ll never know how to cook…”
“Aw, Rulie, don’t give up now…!” Wild urges. “I burn things all the time!”
Legend just crosses his arms, contemplative. “You can’t expect to get everything right on the first try,” he says.
“Yeah, but—”
“Yeah, Hyrule, part of being a good cook is knowing when to pivot!” Wild declares. He tosses the majority of the burnt lizards out of the pan and into the nearby grass, but instead of scraping out the rest of the burnt residue, he adds a handful of tomatoes and a single onion.
“We can use this as a base for a sauce,” he explains after. “The char will bring a nice depth of flavor.”
“Really?” Hyrule blinks, in awe.
“Er, I’m not so sure—” Legend begins, but then thinks better of it. “Nevermind. You two enjoy your, uh, burnt lizard juice.”
“We will!” Wild declares confidently. Hyrule, for his part, seems unbothered by the idea. Legend shakes his head, resigned, and returns to his perch, where his book lies, still open to the page he’d left it.
He had a couple apples and some dried jerky if they needed food, later.