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Maddie has known Eddie Diaz for almost eight years. She likes Eddie, they’re basically family. They’re connected through so many people—Buck, Chim, even her coworkers at dispatch.
But somehow, she doesn’t really know him.
Sure she knows about him. Between Howie’s stories about work and Buck’s stories about pretty much everything, she's heard all about Eddie Diaz. She knows he is a decorated veteran and a great firefighter. A wonderful dad; a bit of a skeptic (much to her husband and brother’s chagrin) and an unfailingly loyal friend.
Still, none of that told her who Eddie is, just who he is to the people close to her. They’ve never spent much time together one-on-one, she can probably count the times they have on one hand. She's never really gotten close enough with him to see him with his guard down.
If she had, she might’ve noticed sooner.
It's a beautiful day. She and Eddie are sitting on a couple of lounge chairs in the shade in the corner of the Buckley-Diaz backyard.
(And isn’t that something—she’s still not fully sure how that whole situation came about. She’d gotten out of the hospital after being kidnapped and to find out Buck had given up his loft and moved into Eddie's house. She realized at the time that she had bigger fish to fry and left it alone. Now, Eddie’s moving back to LA and Buck gets a bit squirrelly whenever she tries to bring up finding his own place. She’s choosing to deal with that topic delicately, for her own sanity.)
She is going into month eight of pregnancy and is much happier to sit and watch the party from the sidelines. At some point Eddie had dropped down into the chair beside her and handed her a cold glass of lemonade. She was surprised, but not opposed to the company. But at the time she hadn’t known what she was getting into.
“Just wait until you try this chicken recipe that Buck found. He’s been looking for something special for the party since we got back and I think he nailed it—had Chris going back for thirds earlier this week when he made it for us.”
Maddie nods along absently. He’s being more energetic than she’s ever seen Eddie be, but they’ve only been back in LA for a couple of weeks, so the excitement at being home probably hasn’t worn off yet.
Their conversation started with Eddie giving her the rundown of his and Chris’s road trip back home. They decided to take their time on the way back and hit up some landmarks. Ease their way back into being with each other.
What’s interesting is that despite not being on this trip, her brother’s name has been popping up every third sentence. We listened to this album by this new band that Buck showed Chris. Buck told us about this historical site we just had to stop at. Buck would watch our dots on Life360 and text to check in whenever we stopped for the night. The last one makes her eyebrows damn near fly off her face.
But then they eventually moved onto just general catch up, what he and Chris have been doing since they got back. Eddie recounts the most mundane stories about Chris with the most adoring smile on his face. But again, every other anecdote about his son, there’s an anecdote about Buck, a lot of times the story ends up being about all three of them.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise, honestly. The two of them have been Buck’s favorite topic since Maddie came to LA. For seven years she’s had Eddie slipped into damn near every conversation she’s had with Buck. She plays a little game with herself when they hang out, betting how many sentences they’ll get before Eddie’s name pops up. Her highest is twelve. She doesn’t know why she ever thought the same wouldn’t be said for Eddie.
She’s always been proud of herself for withstanding Buck’s oblivious venting over the years without blurting out what she really thinks about the whole thing. Since Buck came out, it had basically solidified in her mind that he was in love with Eddie. She’s tried to stay out of it, tried to let Buck figure it out for himself, but god she’s at her wits end. That post-Tommy hookup meltdown almost pushed her to the edge. Buck is further into denial now than he’s ever been, convinced that Eddie is straight. But Maddie could never answer that question herself one way or the other, and the last thing she wanted to do was encourage Buck and have that end up being true.
Sitting here now though, seeing her brother through Eddie's eyes, she is pretty sure that’s not the case.
If she didn’t know any better, she’d think they were already together, but she knows Buck would never be able to keep that to himself, at least with her. Or even if he did, she thinks she’d be able to see a difference in him. But he’s still gets that kicked puppy look on his face whenever Eddie's not looking, one she doesn't even think Buck knows he has. Plus, she spotted linens piled in the corner of the living room. So no change on that front yet.
And look. Maddie should know better than to get involved. But she’s at the point in her pregnancy where she’s cranky and uncomfortable all of the time. Sue's got her on reduced hours already due to the stressful nature of this pregnancy and she’s bored. There’s only so much daytime tv you can watch before your brain starts melting.
So, just a little push.
“You know, I always knew my brother was obsessed with you.”
Eddie chokes on his drink.
Okay, maybe that was more than a little push.
“Literally from the beginning,” she continues while Eddie tries to stop coughing. “He could not keep your name out of his mouth. Everything was Eddie this, Eddie that. How great a dad you were, how badass you were at work, how you told him ’the funniest joke Maddie, you have to hear it.’” As she speaks, Eddie’s face gets redder and redder. “But I just thought, you know, that’s Buck for you. He gets attached quickly and before you know it, he’s all in.” She’s always loved that about Buck. When he decides on something, he’s fully devoted towards it.
“It’s one of the best things about him,” Eddie says, sounding a bit defensive.
Maddie hums.
“I guess I never realized you were just as obsessed with him.“ His eyes had wandered back over to Buck, not for the first time in the time she’s been talking to him, but at those words, they snap back to her.
“What—I am not obsessed with Buck,” he splutters.
“Right,” she says, sipping her lemonade.
“I’m not!” Eddie protests. “I like him a-a normal amount.”
“Eddie. Every story you have told me in the last—” She checks her watch. “—90 minutes, you have somehow tied back to Buck, whether he was there or not. In that time you’ve somehow told me things even I didn’t know about him. I bet I could ask you anything about him right now and you’d know the answer.”
“Maddie—“
“What’s his favorite food?”
“Seriously?” Eddie asks flatly.
“You know it don’t you?” she shoots back. He sighs but answers anyway.
“It’s a tie between your pot roast and Bobby’s mac and cheese. So what, that’s basic Buck knowledge. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“What’s his favorite movie?” she continues. Eddie rolls his eyes.
“Maddie, come on—“
“Humor me.” Eddie huffs.
“He says Backdraft, when really it’s Moana. But he’s terrible at hiding that.” That’s true, she’s heard the way he sings along during his Jee and Uncle Buck playdates.
“What’s he allergic to?”
“Naproxen. The whole team knows that though, you know how many times he’s been to the hospital.”
“What’s his worst habit?”
Eddie rolls his eyes, but plays along anyway, like he can’t not talk about Buck given the opportunity.
“He can’t make a decision to save his life. It makes ordering takeout a nightmare, even though he gets the same thing every time anyway.” And then continues, “We once stood in the produce section for thirty minutes while he tried to choose between two types of squash. He kept going on about GMOs and selective breeding for nutrients. He ended up getting both, and I swear to god, they tasted exactly the same. He’s getting better though, I’ve gotten the movie night decision time down from an hour to twenty minutes.”
By the end his voice is more fond than annoyed.
“Impressive,” she says, unable to hide her amusement. Eddie blinks, like he’d forgotten what they were talking about in his Buck trance.
“Look, Maddie, none of that proves anything. He’s my best friend, we spend a lot of time together, of course I know things about him.”
She’s gotta hand it to Eddie, he’s got a much better poker face than Buck, but not that good. Whereas Buck has been lying to himself so long that she genuinely thinks he believes he doesn’t have any feelings for Eddie, Maddie can tell, on some level, Eddie knows. What exactly he knows? Unclear, but he’s definitely aware of something. Instead of confusion or humor like she’d expect to find if he truly didn’t know what she was getting at, she sees uncertainty, maybe a bit of guilt. He avoids her eyes, cheeks flushed red, as he picks at a thread on his jeans.
“Fair enough. I suppose I could tell you all those things about Josh,” she allows. She doesn’t miss the way Eddie’s nose wrinkles, but she’s not opening that can of worms. “But you know what I don't do with Josh?” She leans forward and taps on his phone that is lying face up on the table next to them, making the screen light up. “Made him my lock screen. That's usually saved for Chim and Jee.”
She’d seen it earlier when a notification lit up Eddie’s phone. She’d only recognized what picture it was because Eddie had shown it to her, not even five minutes before, while telling her the story of the first time they’d all gone out for ice cream together since Chris had come home. How Eddie had been scared Chris would say he’s too old for it. How Buck had made sure there were no awkward silences the whole time. He told her all of this while gazing at his phone with a dreamy smile.
Right now he was staring at that same phone like he’d never seen it before. Even after the screen goes dark.
“You know, I think I know my brother pretty well. Hell, I practically raised him. But you,” She waits until he looks back at her. “You’re the one he goes to first, with every thought in his head. If he could choose to spend time anywhere, he’d choose to spend it with you. If anyone has questions about Buck, they go to you. You know his medical history and how to bring him down from an anxiety spiral. You know the song stuck in his head, his weekly hyper fixation, his daily routine. Hell, you probably even know his social security number,” Maddie jokes, but her laughter dies at the caught look on Eddie’s face. “Oh my god you do!”
“We do our taxes together!” Eddie defends, throwing his hands up. “Well, not together together obviously, but like, at the same time.” Maddie hums. Eddie huffs and slumps in his chair, knowing he’s only proving her right.
“My point is I know him like a caretaker, but you—you know him like a partner, Eddie. You know the big things that matter and the small things that don’t matter to anyone else but you.”
“I-I don’t know what you want me to say,” Eddie whispers. “That’s just—how we are.”
“Eddie, I’m not trying to embarrass you,” Maddie soothes, wondering if she pushed too much.
“So what are you trying to do?” Eddie says a little grumpily.
“I just,” she starts then stalls, debating what to say. “I've loved Buck from the second he was born. All I have ever wanted for him is to be happy. I have watched him go through life, searching for someone to love him as he is; to accept him without asking him to change. And I think he’s already found it, in you and in Christopher. He just doesn’t know yet if he’s allowed to have it.” Eddie swallows heavily, eyes shining. “But I think he can. Because I think that seeing Buck happy is what you want too.”
“I’m not trying to push you into anything you aren’t ready for,” she continues. “Love and relationships can be complicated, especially when you’ve been hurt in the past. I know that better than anyone.” Her eyes catch on Chimney across the yard. He’s got one arm around Hen and the other waves enthusiastically as he tells a story to a confused looking Ravi. Her heart thumps heavily in her chest the way it does whenever she looks at him. Their journey to each other has been harder than most, but she’d do it a hundred times over if it meant she and Chim would get here in the end. She looks back at Eddie and catches the knowing look he’s giving her.
“But you know as well as I do that anything can happen at any moment, good or bad. After everything you both have been through—life’s too short not to tell the people we love what they mean to us, don’t you think?”
Eddie shakes his head with a laugh.
“You know I once gave Chim some very similar advice about you?”
“Oh yeah?” She says with a quirk of her brow.
“Hmm. Not in those words, but close enough.”
“Well, it's good advice, if I say so myself.”
Before Eddie can respomd, Buck comes bounding towards them, out of breath. He collapses in a pile of limbs on the ground at Eddie's feet and leans back against his legs.
“Man, those kids know how to tire me out.” He says, leaning his head back on Eddie's knee.
“You want a chair, bud?” Eddie asks, a smile creeping into his voice.
“Nah,” Buck says, fully relaxing onto the ground, legs splayed every which way. “I’m good here.”
Eddie chuckles before ruffling Buck’s hair the same way she’d seen Chris duck away from earlier. Instead of brushing him off, though, Buck turns into it with a hum. Eddie’s smile grows and he just kinda…leaves his hand there, buried in her brother’s curls.
After a beat, Eddie looks up suddenly, as if remembering she’s there, and catches the smirk she’s aiming his way. He clears his throats and flushes. If Maddie thought he was red before, he’s crimson now. He doesn’t move his hand.
Buck rolls his head to look at Eddie with a guileless smile. “What are you guys talking about?”
Eddie flounders for a minute, before Maddie jumps in.
“His and Chris’s road trip.”
Buck’s eyes light up in excitement, turning to look at Maddie. “Oh! Did you tell her about the wildlife refuge? Mads, it’s so cool. It was started for the preservation of the desert bighorn sheep in the 30s, but it’s now home to hundreds of species, both plant and animal. I drove through there on my way to LA from Peru and I knew Chris would love it.” Maddie can’t keep the smug look off her face because Eddie did in fact give her this exact spiel. Eddie doesn’t notice because he hasn’t looked away from Buck.
“That sounds cool.”
“That was just one on the list of the things to do on a road trip I found for them.”
“Yeah, we barely made a dent,” Eddie says.
“That’s alright, just means there’s already an itinerary for next time,” Buck chirps.
“Aw, family vacation,” Maddie coos, unable to resist one more prod. But that’s it, she swears.
Buck immediately blushes and his eyes flash to her nervously. He opens his mouth for what would have surely been a fully coherent sentence, but Eddie cuts in.
“Yeah, it’ll be fun. Just gotta give Chris plenty of heads up, God knows he’s got the busiest schedule of the three of us. Next summer, maybe?”
Buck looks up at him in wonder, blinking rapidly. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
For his part, Eddie looks calm, gone is the uncertainty that she’d seen their whole conversation. He’s looking down at Buck, expression resolute. Like he’s made a decision.
When their stare doesn’t break for a solid fifteen seconds (she’s counting) she sighs. That’s enough for today.
“I think I’m going to find my husband,” she says, making moves to get up. Buck startles, then goes to stand to help her up, but she waves him off. “No you stay, I’m fine. Talk to you boys later,” she says, throwing Eddie a wink. He just smiles shyly back at her.
She joins Chim talking to Hen across the yard. As she stops next to him she chances a glance back to where she left Buck and Eddie. Buck’s sitting there with his eyes closed, head tilted to the sun, yapping about something. Eddie is staring down at him with a look of such love and contentment, nodding every couple of words.
“Those two are hopeless,” Chim whispers to her, having caught where she was looking. She turns to look at him with a smile.
“Oh I don’t know. I think they’re closer than you think.”