Chapter Text
Everything seemed to move like it had been placed under a slowing spell. The way Qi Rong flew across the room in an arch looked almost like a dream and the very angry red ghost chasing him until he was nothing but a gurgling pile of blood and manic laughter turning the dream into a nightmare. Then the red ghost, Hua Cheng, Wu Ming, Hong-er, rose from his grouch above the beaten-up Qi Rong, turned around and started to approach. Xie Lian, breath caught in his throat, couldn’t look away.
The man was covered in crimson blood that complimented his robes, his hair flew around him like a thunderstorm coming, the bells in his boots jingling like little fairies predicting the imminent death. Hua Cheng was beautiful. And Xie Lian was thrown back into his memories so hard he forgot where he was.
Had it really been thirteen years since Xie Lian had laid eyes on his love the last time?
He still remembered, had always remembered, the day he’d found Hua Cheng again after centuries. Sometimes he wished and hoped and prayed he could have forgotten but in the end he couldn’t bear the thought of never having his most precious moments as his companion throughout the years that had beaten him up. They had been hard, raising their son alone and feeling immense guilt of how his bad luck prevented Xie Ming from having the life he deserved.
Sometimes he wondered if he’d done the right thing turning back at the gates of Ghost City and not demanded Hua Cheng to take the baby in his care. But then again, Xie Lian would have been so, so alone. He was selfish, he knew it. And yet, he couldn’t stop being happy about his son. How selfish, indeed.
But the life had turned out as it had and there was no crying about it. That’s just how it was. He had fallen in love with the other man, perhaps too fast and too hard, like that love had only been waiting to be discovered all the centuries apart and was finally ready. Xie Lian wasn’t sure if he himself had been ready, but it had never been his choice in the end. When he’d taken care of Hua Cheng, he’d fallen more and more in love with the way the man spoke. He had teased Xie Lian, laughed at the world and touched him like each touch was a little prayer itself. How could he have not fallen in love with Hua Cheng? How could he have coldly ignored him when he knew who he was and what he’d done to him?
His most loyal follower who had seen him at his worst. His smallest admirer who had followed him into a battle. His powerful ghost king who had worshipped his body and soul.
No, he could never forget, never regret the way he loved Hua Cheng. Xie Lian couldn’t even regret their last interaction: while it had brought him more misery and heartbreak in his life, it had also given him the best gift he’d ever received. His Xie Ming.
Xie Lian shivered when he remembered the day he had made the decision to break his cultivation. Hua Cheng had been in pain, feverish. He’d been needy, alone, scared and so, so aroused. Xie Lian had hesitated, not wanting to take advantage of a sick man. But Hua Cheng had whispered to him sweet nothings, pleaded him, told him it was okay and to trust him. He’d take care of everything. Xie Lian had trusted. Sometimes, when he couldn’t sleep, the trust he’d given stung. But then he realized he didn’t regret it. Hua Cheng had taken good care of him and it had been okay. Hua Cheng had just realized that he couldn’t stay and considering the man’s past, Xie Lian understood. He couldn’t take away Hua Cheng’s hard-earned happiness from him.
So, when in present Hua Cheng stopped in front of him, looking down at him with a wide, sad eye, Xie Lian felt a bang of another heart break. Ah, even now, he couldn’t have it. He pushed back his burning tears, steadied his shaking hands. It was okay, he understood. But... he looked next to him to his son – his sweet and wonderful and brave son who’d come for his A-die – and knew it was time for him to stop being selfish. He’d been hoarding his happiness for too long.
If it felt like he was ripping out his own heart when he spoke, he didn’t show it, “I see you found you Baba, A-Ming.” He forced out a smile, he felt happy for them both. “Did you two get along?”
Hua Cheng made a strangled noise, probably confused why Xie Lian outright ignored him. It was wrong of him, yes. And he really wanted to speak with Hua Cheng. But Xie Lian knew that if he did, he wouldn’t say what he had to. He might have been demanding, then. It would have been impossible to let go once he indulged himself again. Yes, he still didn’t regret falling in love with Hua Cheng but that was exactly the reason he had to stop now or he’d become a liability. He knew it and yet... no, he had to do it.
Xie Ming blinked fast, looking just as thrown as Hua Cheng sounded. “Uh, yeah, I guess,” he said, glancing towards Hua Cheng. Whatever passed between them, Xie Lian decided he didn’t need to know. It was easier to not look. “But never mind that! A-die, are you okay? Are you hurt? They didn’t hurt you, right?”
Xie Lian’s smile became a little bit more honest. He gazed gently at his son who was trying to touch him all over to check him for injuries. He ran his hand through his messed-up hair, making the boy stop and just look at him, lips wobbling. Gods, he really loved his son. He let himself to pull him into a tight hug, not letting go for now. It felt warm and familiar, and he wanted to keep his son safe. He had been worried when he’d woken up captive and not seen Xie Ming anywhere. When he’d heard that he’d run away and not been caught, a little bit of hope had entered his heart. His son was still far too young to be alone but he had gotten away. He had taught him numerous skills just in case and now was the real trial to see if he remembered them.
Xie Ming had. He’d even remembered what Xie Lian had told him about Hua Cheng’s location and found him. He was so proud, so relieved and so scared. He didn’t want to let go. But he forced himself, pulling himself away and taking Xie Ming’s face between his hands. The familiar mismatched eyes gazed back at him looking quite moist but not crying anymore. He gave the boy a small kiss on the forehead, letting himself linger.
His son deserved everything and he’d give it to him, no matter what.
“I’m okay, baobei,” he said. He wished to stay a little longer but felt the awkward presence of Hua Cheng next to him. Xie Lian took a deep breath, closed his eyes and knew it was time. He turned to Hua Cheng, stopping himself from faltering just and just as he met a gaze so similar to his son.
Stay strong. Strong. Strong.
Oh dear, Hua Cheng really was quite handsome, wasn’t he? Xie Lian opened his mouth, knowing what he was supposed to say, but all he could see was the dark, heated gaze. The deep pool drew in him, made him drown back into the night when he’d confessed his love. His body still remembered the way those long fingers had caressed his muscles, how they held him tight while Hua Cheng took what was his. Xie Lian had given it to him. He’d give it again.
No.
Xie Lian shook himself and steeled his resolve. This wasn’t the first time he had to do something difficult. It was definitely in his Top five most difficult things, though. But, like always, he’d do it this time, too.
“Hua Cheng--”
“San Lang.”
Xie Lian’s brain froze, and he forgot what he was going to say. “Huh?”
“His Highness can call this one San Lang,” Hua Cheng said, clearing his throat. He was picking his sleeve, a habit Xie Lian had seen so many times in Xie Ming. His heart ached. “That is, Hua Cheng feels quite formal.” A disarming grin defeated some of Xie Lian’s resolve.
“If... If that’s what Hua Ch-- um, San Lang prefers,” Xie Lian said, stumbling in his words like he was a young maiden in front of her crush. Xie Ming was following their confusing conversation with wide, bewildered eyes. It was clear the boy had some feelings about seeing both of his parents interacting with each other for the first time in his life. Xie Lian remembered himself, building the wall back a little.
“San Lang, we need to talk--”
“Yes, His Highness is correct,” San Lang said and then, without warning, dropped down to his knees and kowtowed. Xie Lian scrambled to hold on to the last pieces of his resolve while trying to stutter something, anything. San Langcontinued, “Let this one peg for his god’s forgiveness. This one did His Highness dirty. He left him alone with a child and forgot everything. He lived a carefree, rich life, leaving His Highness and their child alone to live in poverty. This one will never forgive himself. But if His Highness will allow this one to finally take responsibility, he would want nothing more than provide for them and take care of them so they can live a life they deserve. All that is mine, is yours.”
When the silence fell over them, the only sounds present Qi Rong’s gasps of breath, Xie Lian realized all he had known so far didn’t match what San Lang was saying. His mind tried to add the two together but nothing seemed to be matching. He turned to look at Xie Ming, hoping to see the same confusion in him, but the boy was looking resolute, nodding along with San Lang like this was to be expected.
Xie Lian rubbed his neck, wondering what to do now. His plan was thrown out the window, his resolve somewhere on the ground along with San Lang still kowtowing and his heart beating the rhythm of hope. Whatever he had thought was the truth was on hold, and he wasn’t sure what to say. That was okay, though, because for now there was one thing he had to fix.
Xie Lian lowered himself to the ground on his knees and then tried to push San Lang up. The man didn’t budge, though, forehead still against the dirty ground. “Please, rise. There’s no need for this,” Xie Lian tried to say.
San Lang shook his head. “No, Your Highness. This one isn’t deserving yet.”
Xie Lian sighed. Xie Ming looked at him, shrugging. “You leave me no choice, then,” Xie Lian said. San Lang grunted a little in question but didn’t get up. So, Xie Lian did the next sensible thing he could. He laid down on the ground, head next to San Lang’s. He met the dark eye which widened when San Lang realized that he now had Xie Lian next to him on the ground. The ghost gasped, scandalized, “Your Highness!”
“Hello.” Xie Lian couldn’t help but smile at San Lang’s reaction. Somewhere above them Xie Ming made a disgusted sound. The boy muttered something about them being shameless and stalked off somewhere. Xie Lian let him, knowing nothing here could hurt him anymore. He concentrated on another over dramatic man he knew, trying to make him stop being ridiculous.
“Your Highness, please get up! This is beneath you.” San Lang’s voice was panicky.
Xie Lian smiled at him calmingly. “It’s okay. San Lang insisted on staying down so this one simply decided to accompany him.” The look in San Lang’s single eye was pained. Xie Lian decided to give him some mercy. “If San Lang gets up, so will I.”
Leaving no other choice, San Lang finally got up from the ground. He stood up, offering his hand to Xie Lian. Hesitating only for a moment, Xie Lian took the offering, his hand wrapping around a calloused hand. A jolt went through his body as he got up, standing so close to San Lang he was able to feel his breath on his skin. Suddenly nervous, he took a step back, letting the hand go after a squeeze. A small regret entered his mind, his hand empty and cold. Instead of dwelling in the longing, Xie Lian squeezed his own hands together taking a deep breath.
Right. The conversation.
“San Lang, may I ask you something?” After getting a nod from San Lang, Xie Lian continued, “What did you mean by forgetting everything?”
San Lang took a long breath, looking anywhere but at Xie Lian. His face was full of pure regret as he answered, “I know it is no excuse but I have no memories of meeting His Highness thirteen years ago. I do remember some things, now,” he rushed to say, “but before Xie Ming found me, I had no idea we had even met so recently. Not to mention that I have a... son.”
Xie Lian gripped his hands tighter. There would be bruises later but it was the only thing grounding him. “Why?”
“Mount Tonglu.”
Xie Lian furrowed his brow, tilting his head. “What does it have to do with this?”
“It affects powerful ghosts when it opens to create a new Ghost King,” San Lang explained. “It causes them to lose their minds, become weak...”
“...your fever,” Xie Lian gasped. San Lang nodded. “And when we did...” Xie Lian blushed. It seemed that San Lang understood what he meant as even he became suddenly shy.
San Lang cleared his throat. “This one is sorry about forcing himself on His Highness when Mount Tonglu hit him especially hard.”
“No, no!” Xie Lian waved his hands frantically. “Absolutely not! San Lang did not force anything. If anything, this one took advantage of San Lang’s sickness.”
“His Highness could never take advantage of this one,” San Lang’s voice was resolute, his gaze suddenly sharp. “My body is yours to do whatever you want to do with it.” Xie Lian swallowed but he nodded, letting the issue go for now. If they were to ever talk again, he’d bring this way of thinking up again. But when the actual meaning of the words finally registered to him, he flushed.
“San Lang!”
Somewhere in the distance he heard Xie Ming groan and start singing. If he wasn’t so flustered himself, he would have laughed at the boy’s misery.
San Lang wasn’t bothered at all. “It’s the truth. You are my everything and I am yours, body and soul. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me, I understand if you want to have my ashes and crush them until the man who left you is no more. But let me make one shameless, selfish request.” San Lang’s gaze was heavy. “Let me take care of you two. Come live to my manor. I can move away and you will never have to see me again but let me provide for you and take care of you. I want nothing more.”
“San Lang...”
“And,” San Lang continued, voice wavering now. “And if I could ask you one more selfish question? You don’t have to answer but I wish you would.”
Xie Lian nodded, “Anything. What is it?”
“Is it true that you came to look for me?”
Xie Lian remembered. After the night together, he had been the first one to wake up, San Lang still sleeping peacefully next to him. He had stepped out only to wash himself in the stream and when he’d come back, San Lang hadn’t been there anymore. He had thought the man had momentarily stepped out and would come back soon, but as the day turned to night and night to new morning, San Lang still hadn’t come back. Worry had gnawed Xie Lian’s stomach and after another day of no sight of the man, he’d decided to go look for him.
First he had asked around the nearby village but no one had seen the man in red. Even the woods around his little cabin were undisturbed, the man not having chosen to walk through them. That left him only one choice: San Lang had gone back to his city that he’d told to Xie Lian so much about. The city he’d said he’d built all alone. The city that was his pride.
Xie Lian now knew where the man would be. The only downside was that he had only a vague idea where it was located. Not only that, but he had no spiritual power for fast traveling like San Lang. Xie Lian would have to walk and ask for rides to reach his destination. It’d take at least a month or two, depending on the weather and his luck. Knowing his luck, it would take closer to three.
But he had to know what had happened. He couldn’t believe that San Lang would just leave without saying a word unless something had happened. So, Xie Lian had prepared for the journey, leaving the only home that had stood up for months. To think that he’d now leave it while it was still standing. He had gazed at the house with nostalgia, remembering all the moments together with San Lang. The place would always be special to him even if he never returned. With that he had turned around, heading towards Ghost City.
The first month of travelling had been almost pleasant: people had given him rides and the roads had been clear. But that had changed when the second month had started and his health took a down-fall. Only after having met a travelling doctor he had understood why he’d vomited and felt faint quite often. He was pregnant. The doctor had been shocked but, in the end, quite helpful when he’d noticed Xie Lian’s own shock.
Now, he had had one more reason to reach his San Lang. They would have a child together. But now he had to take even better care of himself, to take a baby in consideration. He had to slow down to rest more often and eat when he was hungry. Normally, he would have ignored these, walking until he collapsed. Now his feet got swollen easily and fatigue made him stop at random times. The optimistic three month became six.
When he finally found the city, his stomach had started to show even through his loose robes. He had wondered if San Lang would be surprised when he saw Xie Lian, stomach round with their child. At the gates, he had still been hopeful of family.
That had crashed, though, when he had entered the city and realized there would be no space for the two of them in the life San Lang had finally been able to build for himself after centuries of hardship.
Finally, after being silent for a moment, Xie Lian answered to San Lang, “Yes, I reached your city.” He knew more questions would follow. He really hoped to get answers of his own.
San Lang looked broken hearted, “Then, did you think that I didn’t want you two?”
“Ah,” Xie Lian chuckled, suddenly awkward. His insecurities and doubts entered his mind again. It all seemed still quite confusing. Complicated. “After entering the city and looking for you, I saw you at what the ghosts seemed to call the Gamblers’ Den. You were there, at the dais.”
San Lang was silent as he listened intently. Suddenly, everything Xie Lian had to say felt too heavy and too real. Perhaps, he had gotten his hopes up a little bit too soon. He had heard what San Lang had said but he couldn’t help that there was still the lingering fear in his chest, ready to hear that he had understood everything wrong.
Xie Lian forced himself to continue, “There was a woman talking to you, asking for you to take her and her unborn child in because they were yours.”
San Lang choked. “Your Highness, I would never--”
“I know,” Xie Lian assured and continued, “You did say the child wasn’t yours and that you had never even seen the woman. But you did say that there would never be space for a wife and child in your life since you were a deadly Ghost King, not a life-bringer. I then realized that you had built everything you had with hard work. You had your reputation. You had your title. I understood finally why you left when you did.” Xie Lian smiled, sadness heavy in it. “You realized that anything more serious would have put a stop to the empire you built. I couldn’t blame you for that. You really deserved everything you had gained. My Wu Ming.” Xie Lian took a deep breath, making his voice stronger. “You did so good.”
When San Lang seemed speechless, almost ashamed, Xie Lian knew he had to make it better. He didn’t blame the man, he never could. He understood and there was no one more deserving of what they wanted than San Lang.
“It’s okay, San Lang. Don’t think about it too hard.” Xie Lian noticed he found his resolve better than before. Perhaps remembering the past did help him to build it stronger. “I know that you said you’d take responsibility but really, you don’t have to.”
“No, Your High--”
“No, listen, San Lang. I know you’re an honorable man. I know you will always do what is right. That’s why I left without saying anything. And because I was selfish.” He shrugged slightly. “I wanted to raise our child so I didn’t even try to ask you to take him in once he would be born. But now I know that you are working hard and the two of us would be too much. Perhaps we can come to an agreement that you take Xie Ming in and I will continue my journey somewhere else--”
“WHAT?!”
“No! Your Highness!”
“A-die, no! I won’t go with him without you!”
“You would never be a burden! Neither of you! I meant what I said!”
“A-die, Baba really wants us to live with him! He said so himself!”
“Please, I beg of you, Your Highness! I can go if you can’t stand the sight of me after what you heard me say. Please, take my manor!”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Xie Lian yelled over the cacophony of shocked shouts. Both San Lang and Xie Ming quieted down but were now crowding Xie Lian, the younger one hanging on his arm and the older hovering without daring to touch but clearly wanting. Xie Lian closed his eyes, wondering why neither of them wanted to work with him without fight. “One at a time, please.”
The two, father and son, looked at each other. They seemed to silently communicate something, and Xie Lian couldn’t help but look in wonder. Something warm enveloped him as he realized how close the two must have become while they were looking for him. Finally Xie Ming nodded, letting San Lang take the first turn.
“There seems to be a misunderstanding.”
Xie Ming snorted. “Yeah, seems.”
“I am so sorry you had to hear what I said back then. I am ashamed of my words and that something like this even happened.”
“A-die has some serious bad luck to arrive just in time to hear all that,” Xie Ming muttered. San Lang finally looked away from Xie Lian to give the boy a look. Xie Ming rolled his eyes petulantly but settled down. Xie Lian didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
San Lang returned his attention to Xie Lian. “I meant what I just said. And I definitely did not say it because I’m a man of honor. Honestly, I am anything than that.”
Xie Ming looked like he had something to say again but managed to stay silent.
“I want to take care of both of you. I want to give you everything you would ever need and more. I want you two to be safe, warm and fed wherever you decide you want to settle down. Let me give it to you.”
This time Xie Ming couldn’t stay silent. Xie Lian wondered if he should scold the boy for speaking out of turn but couldn’t when he heard him say, “Just say to A-die that you’d like to be a part of our family, too. Gods.”
San Lang gave a defeated chuckle. “A-Ming, your attitude’s really showing. What’s gotten to you, huh?”
Xie Ming shrugged. “I don’t know. Guess I just want these ridiculous misunderstandings to stop and just go home already.”
Xie Lian blinked, feeling guilty. He had misunderstood something, huh? Had he taken a good life away from his A-Ming because of not finding out more before making assumptions.
“Your Highness,” San Lang’s gentle voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked up to the man, captivated by the gentle smile on his lips. “A-Ming’s right, even if he did say it when I wasn’t ready yet.” Xie Ming looked a little guilty but didn’t meet either man’s gazes. “If you allow it, I would love to be a family with you two. If you give me another chance to make it right.”
“But what about what you said to that woman?”
“Ah, that.” San Lang dragged a hand over his face, looking tired. “That was me being an idiot and not remembering meeting you again. I said I had no space for a wife because I didn’t want a wife. I want a husband.”
Xie Lian wasn’t sure if he could assume things. Luckily, San Lang took that choice away from him.
“I want you as my husband.”
Xie Lian felt heat rise to his cheeks. A slow, satisfied smile rose to San Lang’s face.
“And I said there was no space for a child because I never even dared to dream to have a child with you. That you would ever want to have one with me.”
Xie Lian gasped. “I would. I did. I still do.”
San Lang laughed nervously, yet much lighter than before. Like some of the weight had finally lifted from his shoulders. Even Xie Ming looked more relaxed, smiling discreetly by himself.
“Giving me another child so soon, gege? I’ve barely gotten used to having one and he’s in a difficult age.”
While Xie Ming spluttered, offended, Xie Lian fought the urge to run away and scream. He was a father of one, for god’s sake! He’s had sex to achieve that. But gods, San Lang teasing him was something he wasn’t sure his heart could take. Not daily, at least. Perhaps every now and then. If it happened daily from now on, he wasn’t sure he’d come out of it the same.
But at the same time the thought of having this daily made his heart flutter like tiny, light butterflies. He couldn’t stop the smile growing on his face as he watched his two favorite people joke around together. If he could have this every day, he’d have no regrets. Could he have it? Really?
San Lang’s eyes were shining with hope and mischief as he met Xie Lian’s gaze. It still felt surreal to have the man right in front of him. He was beautiful, he was funny, he was strong. He could be Xie Lian’s forever.
“I like it when you call me gege,” Xie Lian said. When San Lang looked a little surprised, he wondered if it was okay. “I’m not a royalty anymore, really, so gege feels much better.”
When San Lang’s smile widened, Xie Lian couldn’t take his eyes off of the sight. He let himself to have this. He let himself to take the man’s sleeve between his fingers and open his palm when San Lang slipped his hand into his and squeezed. The weight was heavy and warm and so right. He could have this from now on. Every day.
Xie Ming jumped up and down on his heels as he watched them hold hands. “Can we go home now? Together?”
San Lang looked at Xie Lian, hope in his eyes. And Xie Lian knew he wanted too. They still had so much to talk about, so many misunderstandings and lost memories to share but they’d have time. From now on they’d have it whenever they wished.
“Yes, baobei. Let’s go together.”
Xie Ming smiled, his eyes crescents. He looked at San Lang and the man seemed to know what their son needed as he raised his other hand and Xie Ming rushed in, wrapping his arms around his middle.
“Thank you,” Xie Ming whispered against the red robes. Xie Lian wiped an escaping tear from the corner of his eye, as he watched San Lang hug their son back like he’d never had a better hug.
“Of course.”
As Xie Lian decided that he’d gotten enough of observing and wrapped his own free arm around them both, his other hand still firmly holding on San Lang’s, he was ready to go home. Ready to start their eternity together, just the three of them. As a family.