Chapter Text
I wouldn't exactly call myself a “feralist”. Sure I have some problems with Affini’s way of life but I’m not stupid and I know that things were obviously worse before compact's arrival. And I actually really enjoyed most of the changes that humanity’s new overlords brought. But I have a hobby that's particularly problematic under those circumstances, a fascination with Terra's culture and history.
And delving into those things has become pretty hard after all that happened. They are not quite taboo but not being responsible with the way you talk about them is a pretty easy way to get yourself on some to-be-domesticated watchlist. And if there was a thing I have to choose to complain about our new culture it would certainly be domestication.
I- I Can’t wrap my mind around it. And each time I pass a floret on the street I feel this … discomfort. Their clothes or sometimes lack of it, the fact they are on leashes most of the time, and that characteristic smile on their faces. Smile of the happiest person you will ever see in your life. It crosses into an uncanny valley for me. I don't have the right words to express it (since trying to find them might bring too much attention) but i just don't think its natural
One thing is clear to me tho, I DO NOT want to become like them. That thing is absolute certainty. Of Course the haustoric implant aren't a personality wipe ego death machine like some people are saying but still the idea of being constantly on drugs and not having any autonomy or rights is terrifying, even if the florets are happier than me… i mean obviously they are, they don't have an option not to be. But obviously I don't voice my opinions in public or really to anyone. If someone was a snitch and told certain people I'm a danger to myself and others it would end my independence quickly.
So some time ago I started living my life in way that the risk of domestication would be as minimal as it could be. Only baggy clothes, not to bring too much attention to myself but also doing all I need to do to look healthy and happy even when it’s not certainly the case. Not going too much parties (only enough to pass wellness checks when it's necessary), or having friends that may cause…problems (I’ve seen some people just disappearing one day and returning a week later transformed into florets). I also try to limit interactions with florets or affinis to the absolute minimum. If one ever compliments me in public I of course try to nicely take it but end the conversation as fast as possible. Definition of “hurting a floret” is SURPRISINGLY wide so I always try to be as careful as possible while rejecting their advances cuz one word from those snowflakes and it's over for me. And just like that with one or two close calls I managed to get to my 28th birthday living an independent and quiet life. And I’m not really complaining.
The only exception to this is Terra. I care about that one passion of mine way too much just to abandon it. The books, movies, all the history of humanity's homeworld is so fascinating. Even when some pieces of it are now much harder to get than before i don't give up on it. I just have to be careful not to be weird about it cuz then someone could think i am feralist. That's how the silly tabletop war games got almost delegalized. You know the ones with funny space marines fighting alien bugs. Never was into those but that fandom had so much feralist that now to play a game of it it’s required to have an affini on sight to make sure no illegal activity is taking place. So yeah I'm trying to make it very clear that i'm only interested in this stuff for academic purposes and I'm doing a critical analysis. Which, like, isn't even a lie. I do those things. I'm not going to be praising capitalism or anything, I'm not stupid. But I also just genuinely love many of those pieces of art.
And so one day I decided to go step further. It might've been stupid but I was tired, discussing it only in extremely closed circles was fine and I met some really interesting people there but I wanted something more. I searched for universities offering classes within this field of study. Not surprisingly most of them do not have it. No one really wanted potential trouble that might come from it. This major would definitely be a place a lot of feralist would gravitate to and this would only cause problems and bad press for a university.
But! After a long search I managed to find something. One university in the Red Wolf district. One of the first districts to betray the Accord during the war… not like it mattered. The result was always going to be the same, but maybe because of that they were given enough leeway to be allowed to run a field study like this. “It's now or never” I thought to myself and applied. The fact that affini provided free education was something I REALLY appreciated, student loans were a dark part of Accord’s history..
I was really doing this, I was really leaving my nice but small town and going to university. Big change but I’m ready
—
Week later I’m waiting for my transport, a bit stressed but also electrified for this new chapter. Compartment wasn’t full but there were some sophonts in there. Couple of affinis too… Tried to keep a cool head of course and ignore them. It worked, it could be said that I almost mastered the technique of not being noticed in public spaces. Suddenly I'm getting a notification on my phone. Rare but not unusual.
What was a bit more unusual was who sent me this text. Old friend of mine allison. THE punk, THE rebel, THE most badass woman I’ve ever known. We lost contact when I did my little disappearing from the social life trick a few years ago. But we were quite delinquents together at some point. Nothing really serious of course and it never got even close to any feralist territory, but you know… better safe than sorry.
But now my friend texted ME again! It was a great thing, if a bit surprising. “Hiiii bestie! guess what, turns out we are going to be roommates in the college dorm. Can't wait to see you dummy!!”. This is GOOD, very good even. Sure the message was written a bit different than I was used to getting from her. Allison would probably use bitch (but in a loving way) instead of dummy, but it's been a few years, maybe she was even more sarcastic now and that was her way of showing it. Her profile picture also looked a bit unusual but it was hard to see on my phone and since the signal wasn't great here I didn't even try to zoom in.
I was so happy. Even though there were enough dorms to house all the students, affini insisted that everyone should have a roommate. For “socialization” reasons. The point is that I was scared of getting someone who i wouldnt like so the news that somehow I won in a lottery and my friend would be living with me was such fantastic news. And it really was like winning a lottery cuz like what were the chances for something like this to happen?
This news made me quite nostalgic and so I started to reminisce about my memories with allison. And god I missed her. I just realized just how much I miss her. I suddenly started to feel very stupid that I cut her from my life but I still feel that it had to be done. The risk of being noticed by affini could be too big. And then I would be forced to give my way of life to make place for being a “pet”. But now it's all in the past. I'm going to meet her again, I'm going to be careful so I don't get any affini’s attention and everything is going to be lovely. I’m trying to be better and I will be better… within reason of course, nothing too risky.
I was in my head for so long that I almost didn't notice that I was almost at my destination. I took my bags and got ready to leave the transporter. Everything was finally fine..
So I entered the building. Passed few affinis and florets on my way there but I was trying not to be weird about it. And just like that I was standing before the door to my dorm. I was hearing noises coming from inside so I presumed Allison was already there. I was so excited to meet her again. I opened the door and suddenly, and everything started.
Allison was indeed standing in the kitchen, doing some dinner for herself but… something was wrong. She was dressed in a cutesy overly elaborate pastel dress with floral patterns. Was she… NO! She couldn’t be a floret. That would be ridiculous. They could never break her for sure, she was just too cool to succumb to Affinis. Even the collar on her neck didn't mean anything. She was wearing collars in the past. Punks can wear collars… Then why did she look like that? It had to be some elaborate joke. Yeah, a prank. She had to find out about my fears and decided that it would be oh so hilarious to scare me a bit immediately after moving in. That wouldn't be the first time she would do something like this. Maybe that was her way of getting back at me for abandoning her. I probably deserved it. Everything was fine, this was just a friendly joke…
And then I heard her voice “oh my everbloom you are finally here” she screamed in a high pitched voice. Everbloom huh? trying really hard. After that she ran to me to hug me. I reciprocated it ofcourse. God she even smelled like a floret. Where did she get perfumes smelling like xenodrugs?
“I missed you girlie” I said to her. “And I missed you!!!” She answered. She definitely was committed to the bit since she even was able to simulate the florets way of speaking and their speech patterns.
“You did spooked me a bit with this look” I said while lightly chuckling, she looked so ridiculous. Even the wig on her head made her face look so stupid. Couldn't wait for her to take it off and show me what she did with her hair. She always had the craziest hairstyles. Maybe she was bold now. That would be pretty funny seeing that her wig right now was just a very long straight blonde hair. Big contrast but she was a person of big contrasts.
“What do you mean I spooked you?” She answered with a straight face. What do I mean? Isn't it obvious? just look at yourself I was thinking to myself. But I decided to say “Well you look really… flowery”. “Well of course I look flowery, im… oh you don't know” She said to me the same way she did all previous times today but now her voice sounded calmer. At this point it stopped being funny, if she knew how terrified I was of domestication then it really wasn't cool to keep the bit going for how long. And if she was trying to punish me for my disappearance then yeah sure i probably deserved it but mentally torturing me won’t change the past.
“Please drop the act and better show me your new hair, can’t wait to see what you did with it and who lent you that dress”, I tried to lighten the mood a bit. “That… is my hair and that… is my dress”, she was very clearly a bit puzzled and confused. “Oh, well It’s not very punk. So I presumed you were wearing a wig to prank me. It certainly fits with the rest of the persona you were playing here”. “Martha, please sit down. I need to tell you a few things” Now she seemed concerned. It worried me, a lot. So I sat down and waited.
Allison took a deep breath and said “I am not pranking you. Few things have changed in my life over the past few years and I know it might be a lot to take for you at once but I'm very happy. When you knew me i was… very troubled and we had a lot of fun together but there came the time when things changed for me… For the better of course! You don't need to worry but”
My heart seemed to be slowing down. She was not going to say what I thought she was going to say. In just a moment she was going to scream IT'S A PRANK SIS and maniacally laugh at just how well she got me. That’s what was going to happen. That's what should happen. and it will happen in a few seconds right? But oh stars those few moments felt like an eternity. The stress overtaking my body felt a million pins digging into me. Just say it already Allison. Start laughing at how stupid I am for falling for that and let’s get over it. JUST SAY YOU’RE JOKING ALREADY PLEASE!
“I’m a floret now”
Nothing will ever be the same.