Chapter Text
“They’re not in L.A… They’re in El Paso.”
Buck is numb as he leaves Eddie's house. He opens the door to his jeep and sinks down into the harsh cold of the leather seat. He reverses out of Eddie’s driveway and begins the familiar route back to his house. His grip on the steering wheel tightens and ragged breaths drag from his throat as his vision blurs. He desperately fights the tears threatening to fall as his thoughts begin to spiral.
Eddie is leaving. He’s leaving Buck. Buck is being left. Again. And, for some reason, Buck is helping him. Helping Eddie search for houses. Houses that are not, in fact in L.A. Because of course they’re not. Why would they be? Why would Buck think they were? Why did Buck even assume for one fucking second that his deluded dreams of him and Eddie being together. A team. BuckandEddie. EddieandBuck. Be real. Why would he think he was anything but a temporary fixture in Eddie’s life.
Of course. Of course Eddie’s leaving. He has Christopher to think about. Of course in a choice between Buck and Chris, Eddie will always choose his son. Why would there even be a question. Buck would have chosen Chris. Hell he would move heaven and earth for that kid. Of course Eddie would do the same.
What was he thinking? Was he even thinking? Stupid. He’s. so. STUPID. Why-
The dull thunk of his front door closing snaps Buck back to himself.
The loft is dark and cold. Devoid of comfort. Devoid of anything. Even as he turns the lights on and settles down, the emptiness that surrounds him, fills his chest, threatens to suffocate him, is impossible to escape.
He takes in a breath, pushing past the feeling and, intent on moping away the rest of his 48 off, sits down on his couch. His uncomfortable couch that he spent hours picking out but still fucking hates. Why did he even get a couch? What was the point? Why had he thought that any of this was a good idea? Who was going to leave next? Probably Bobby and-
Buck stands back up abruptly. He can’t be alone with this right now, he decides. He grabs the jacket and his keys from where he had tossed them aside and heads back out the door.
It’s cold but Buck doesn't trust himself enough to drive anywhere. Doesn't even know where he would go. He isn’t aware of where he’s going until he stops and suddenly Buck is standing in front of a dingy, hole in the wall kind of bar he used to frequent in his ‘Buck 1.0’ days.
***
The place is packed when he arrives, music thrumming chatter. Buck walks up to the bar, asks for a tequila from a passing bartender and slumps down into a stool.
He’s sitting, lost in thought waiting for the drink when, from above him he hears a voice.
“Mind if I join you?”
He looks up to see a guy around his age. He’s wearing a loose shirt, unbuttoned enough to show off the man’s toned chest and jeans that cling to well muscled legs. Rich, brown hair flops onto the man's face and into deep green eyes. He’s hot. Buck thinks.
He smirks up at the man. “Not at all, please,” he gestures at the miraculously empty stool to his left and the man sits and shifts the stool just slightly closer to Buck. And Buck wants more.
“Jonah,” the man- Jonah, offers. “Buck- ah Evan, ” Buck returns, stumbling over his words.
“Well, Evan. What's a handsome guy like yourself doing all alone on a friday night?” Jonah asks, grinning and leaning even more into Buck’s space.
The way Buck’s name spills from the guy’s mouth is sinful. Buck smiles as he reaches for the glass that’s just been set down on the counter. He licks his lips and takes a sip. Jonah's gaze burns into Buck and sends thrills down his spine and he wants and wants and wants . He wants Jonah to kiss him. To take him somewhere and pin Buck to a wall. He wants Jonah to-
“So seriously, what brings you here?” and Buck is yanked from his surprisingly dirty thoughts and back to the bar and Jonah who was smiling softly and tilting his head ever so slightly.
“Oh um, I just have some downtime from work.”
“Oh,” a smirk “and what is it that you do for work, Evan?” Another shudder travels down Buck’s spine as he answers with a short, “uh- I’m a firefighter.”
Joanh’s eyes light up as his gaze travels up Buck’s body making Buck’s face heat up. “Well no wonder you look so strong. You could probably lift me,” Buck feels the urge to reply, “Well you’re not so bad yourself.” Jonah leans in slowly to brush a hand down Buck’s arm and gazes up, through his eyelashes as he asks “would you want to go somewhere more private?” and Buck is quick to nod, allowing Jonah to drag him to the bathrooms and press him against the wall of one of the stalls.
His lips bruise against Buck’s and a tongue slips into where Buck has parted his. They separate and Jonah is quick in trailing red hot open mouthed kisses down his throat and Buck is groaning, his hands clinging onto Jonah’s hips, probably leaving bruises in their wake.
Buck’s mind is blissfully blank. All of the thoughts and worries have vanished and Buck wants to hold on to this idyllic quiet for just a little while longer. His hand reaches for Jonah’s shoulder squeezing and he softly pulls back. The question is out of his mouth before he can fully think it through.
“Come over? To my place I mean,” and Jonah is smiling as he agrees. They exit the stall and Jonah grabs Buck’s hand and squeezes as they walk out of the bar, into the biting cold and start the walk to Buck's loft.
***
The moment the door closes Buck is slammed against the door and Jonah is up in his space again, kissing him and pressing their bodies together. Buck pants into his neck as Jonah once again latches his lips to Buck’s collarbone. His hands wander around Buck’s body linger on his hips as he squeezes while Buck begins to move them to the bedroom.
The giddy thrill of it all fills Buck and it feels so much better than the suffocating emptiness he had only a few hours ago. Buck knows this is a bit too similar to Buck 1.0 but he deserves this. To be selfish. To want and have someone who wants him just as much, if only for the night.
It’s just for tonight . He thinks. What’s the worst that could happen?