Chapter Text
The baby won't stop crying.
It's been hours, days even since she gave birth and Shauna still hasn't laid her eyes shut. Every attempt at doing so interrupted by the baby's cries or the immense pain shooting throughout her body. It burns her limbs and her back rendering Shauna almost immobile and concentrates at the spot between her legs. Coming and going, in sharp pangs and keeping her awake all night.
In her arms, out of the tiny little lungs, probably too small to be considered healthy, comes this high-pitched, unstoppable screeching that has been poking at her brain for the last few days, with such intensity Shauna thinks her ears might start bleeding. The baby won't shut the fuck up and she's starting to get frustrated with it.
It.
She probably should've named it—her. But she didn't have the courage to see it as a person yet. Couldn't allow the thought of this thing screaming in her arms growing into a person with wants and needs and feelings that surpassed whatever she was able to give it.
The door creaks and through it comes a small framed figure, auburn hair way shorter than it used to be, body clad with multiple layers of clothes, shedding off snow as she makes her way into the room. Jackie just got back from hunting, probably got nothing since the look on her face is one of sadness. She immediately makes her way to the baby in Shauna's arms, not sparing her a look or a word.
It's been like this for the few days the baby has been on this earth. Jackie, who wasn't talking to her before, gets in the room and goes to take care of it, like all of her teammates have. She didn't want to at first. Kept her distance from Shauna and the baby like her life depended on it, until one day she was assigned to take care of it—her by the cards and the baby saw something in her that calmed her down instantly. And Jackie saw something in it that was worth loving. Since then, their interactions have been the same: Shauna gives her the baby and Jackie takes it out of the room to play, or bathe or do whatever it is that you do with a baby, leaving her behind and alone, shutting off any attempt she makes at starting a conversation.
It feels weird not being able to talk to her but she understands why Jackie needs to shut her off. Because Shauna hurt her in the worst ways possible and because Jackie, still so outwardly kind, wants to take care of her baby. Jeff's baby.
Jackie stops by the bed and leans in, touching her arms and Shauna thinks she might actually like this kid if it's giving her moments like this with Jackie. Except, like always, Jackie doesn't even spare her a look and takes the baby into her arms, cradling it while smiling and Shauna watches as it immediately calms down.
Of course, her child loves Jackie more than she loves her. Because the baby, however young and naive it is, can feel the wrongness inside of Shauna and doesn't want to get too close to it.
The baby hates her, Shauna is sure of it. Because every time she holds her she cries and fusses around and bangs her tiny fists into Shauna's sternum. Her only peaceful moment is when she's getting fed, mouth and eyes shut just getting what she needs out of Shauna to then come back to the routine of screaming and crying and preferring other people over her.
Shauna supposes that's the least she can do, sit still and feed it without complaints because Shauna Shipman isn't a person anymore, hasn't been for a long time now. She is the baby's food source for when the hunger gets too much and the screams too loud to handle and her friends send it off to her so she can shut it up. She is the butcher out of commission, leaving others to deal with her workload of carving away their food. The one who usually transforms their prey, their friends, into food so no one else has to face their actions. Shauna is the pregnant girl who no one gives a fuck about anymore because the baby is here and now they don't have to count on her to keep it safe just to keep it fed.
She's the backstabber who betrayed and almost left her best friend to die and now she doesn't have a best friend anymore.
So yeah, Shauna is not a person anymore and as the time passes she's starting to find that she doesn't really care as long as she's left alone.
Jackie makes her way to the door, baby in her arms, wrapped around the striped sweater she gave her when Shauna was giving birth. When she thought Shauna was done for and for a single moment they were back to being Jackie and Shauna again.
"You're so good with her." Shauna whispers, more to herself than to Jackie. The overwhelming feeling of inadequacy taking over her. Making her stomach churn then drop when Jackie turns around, eyes cold and inexpressive.
They don't usually talk during this. Apart from the first time when Jackie asked her if she could hold it and for the few times she'd come in when the baby was still being fed, they didn't interact at all. Not even when Jackie brought game to the shed, usually placing it on the meat slab or tossing it on the ground next to Shauna.
So obviously Jackie ignores her, giving her a pointed look before turning her gaze to the tiny human starting to fuss around in her arms at the sound of Shauna's voice, her eyes immediately softening. And it honestly hurts just as much as if she'd shouted at her. Because Jackie didn't even want to waste her time hating Shauna she just wanted to be as far away from her as possible. Interacting just when extremely necessary almost in fear of being infected by her wrongness.
Jackie caresses the baby's head and Shauna's mouth falls open when she sees it so quiet, almost asleep.
Leave it to fucking Jackie to be better at this too, to be the good, the favorite one. Shauna thinks she should've gotten used to it by now. Being overshadowed by Jackie. But it seems that was the purpose of her life, it was written into her DNA, carved into her bones like a birth defect. Still it doesn't hurt any less because she is trying so hard and it's yielding no results. Because she's trying to be the person this baby needs, the soft spoken person who hums songs to her child and hugs her and feels something other than resignation towards her.
She's been trying so hard not to cry everytime they come get her to feed it because she doesn't want the baby to think that she hates her, even though she's not so sure that she doesn't, but it hurts. Everything hurts and the baby has a difficult latching and her breasts are sore and hurt too.
She's trying so hard but it doesn't matter because the baby hates her and loves Jackie instead.
Because Jackie was actually meant for this, raised for it, from kindergarten to high-school. Has been wondering what it would be like, influenced by her parents and of her own accord. Has wanted it since they were kids playing house in Shauna's backyard.
Shauna thinks about their dolls and how, despite all the carelessness and roughness five year olds carry when they're playing, they were in a better situation than her actual child and something inside her breaks a little for the tiny human in Jackie's arms.
This is not fair.
Even if she believed in karma it should all go to her, she would accept it quietly. It shouldn't transfer to her child.
Shauna snaps out of it. No, she doesn't care, can't care, she's not human so it makes sense for her not to be a mother. She wasn't supposed to be one, wouldn't have been if they weren't here, stranded in the middle of nowhere.
Wouldn't be a good one anyway.
She sighs looking up at Jackie, eyes brimming with hope, or perhaps desperation, waiting for a single word or sound, searching for any sign that Jackie notices her. That she sees her effort, her regret and her shame. Any hint that she needs her just as much as Shauna needs her right now. But the gaze that finally meets hers remains cold and unyielding and Jackie takes a deep breath, holding the baby closer to her chest and turns away, leaving the room without uttering a single word once again.