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“To be a monster is to be a hybrid signal, a lighthouse: both shelter and warning at once.”
― Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous
Jagged rocks thrust from the ocean’s depths like knives. From the lighthouse, a brilliant beam casts its light on a solitary figure standing on the shore. Clad in a military coat, which he still wears despite his recent retirement, Erwin looks ahead at the distant horizon. Levi watches him sitting on the windowsill, bundled up in a thick woolen sweater. The windchill howls through the cracks of the old lighthouse, making his teeth chatter.
“Tch,” Levi mutters, massaging his injured knee. The cold climate doesn’t agree with his aging body, causing abrupt pain spikes. No matter. Soon, it will pass. He hobbles with his cane to the kitchen and puts a kettle to boil.
As the door creaks open, the smell of a brewing storm fills the room. Erwin steps inside and walks over to the kitchenette. He slips his hands under Levi’s sweater.
“Ah,” Levi mutters. “Cold.”
Erwin lowers his head and kisses Levi’s nape. He smells like the wind and salt.
“Mmm,” Erwin murmurs, his hands warming with the contact of Levi’s skin. “You smell nice. Did you use the new soap?”
“Bastard. You know it’s the one you got me for my birthday.”
Erwin hums as his hands warm under Levi’s shirt, brushing past his stiff nipples. The tips of Levi’s ears flush pink, squirming from Erwin’s embrace.
“Come, I made us tea,” Levi says, reaching for the teapot with his good hand, but Erwin takes it before him. Ever since Levi got injured in the explosion, Erwin has been doting on him. It makes Levi uneasy; the pain, the limp…. the lack of swords in his hands. He’s itching to be useful.
“Do we still have those Marleyan biscuits?” Erwin asks, sitting at the table.
“Yes. If you didn’t eat them all,” Levi grunts, reaching for the cabinet.
After a moment, his fingers curl around a metal tin that holds the lemon biscuits Erwin found during their peace mission in Marley.
As Levi sits on the chair, a sharp jolt of pain shoots up his leg, making him wince. Erwin’s eyes narrow, his focus sharp.
“What’s wrong? Is it your leg?”
Levi grumbles and avoids eye contact. What is he supposed to say? ‘Yes, Erwin, my leg has been hurting like a bitch since we arrived on this island?’ It would only make Erwin even more guilty.
Erwin likes it here. He likes the sea, and the solitude that allows him to read and write his speeches, so Levi grits his teeth and deals with it.
“It’s nothing,” Levi says, instinctively covering his scar. A new tick he developed. “How’s your speech coming along?”
“It’s a challenge, finding the right tone after centuries of repeated slaughter,” Erwin responds, his words trailing off as his mouth forms a tight line. “It’s quite a task.”
“If anyone can do it, it’s you,” Levi says. He takes Erwin’s hand, calloused not from a sword but from a pen, with ink seeped deep under his fingernails. At least it’s no longer blood, Levi thinks, as he squeezes Erwin’s right hand. Both of them have spilled so much blood to carve a slice of peace—for humanity and for themselves.
“We leave in five days,” Erwin says. “We should visit a doctor again. Maybe we can get you a chair to make it easier for you to move.”
“I’m not an invalid, Erwin!” Levi snaps.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
They sit in silence as they finish their tea, their hands intertwined. Once their cups have grown cold, Erwin returns to his desk to review drafts of treaties with countries that had been unknown to them only a few years ago. He reads and reads until his eyes hurt—always working himself to death.
Levi wraps himself in a wool coat and limps up the stairs to the lantern room. There, he trims the wick and ignites the flame, and settles into the glass observatory to watch the waves rise and fall. He stays for a long time, until day fades into night and the moon casts a silvery path across the sea, beckoning to unknown lands.
When he finally returns to the study, he finds Erwin asleep at his desk with his head resting on a dictionary. Levi tiptoes over and runs his fingers through Erwin’s hair, a mixture of gold and silver. Even in his sleep, Erwin’s face is etched with lines of grief. Head buried in the book, Erwin frowns and mumbles in his sleep, trapped in a recurring nightmare where he transforms into a ruthless commander or a titan shifter—tormented by the guilt of carrying the burden Levi has placed on him.
“Hey,” Levi whispers, stroking Erwin’s hollow cheekbone. “Wake up, old man.”
Erwin jolts awake, body convulsing with the echoes of war. He shouts as though leading a charge toward his own demise, and his hand instinctively rises into the air—always rushing to his death.
Levi embraces him, holding him close like a firm anchor attached to the sinking ship. He pulls him back to reality with a brush of his dry lips.
“You’re okay,” Levi says, kissing his temple. “The war is over. We won. We’re at the lighthouse by the sea, just you and me.”
“Levi? Are you alright? You’re hurt?” Erwin stutters. The nightmare rises from his eyes like fog over the sea.
“No, no,” Levi assures him, pulling him from the nightmares with his words. He sits on Erwin’s lap and takes his face with both hands, feeling the light scruff on his cheeks. “I got injured, but I am all healed now.”
Erwin’s fingers instinctively reach for the scar above Levi’s eye, tracing it over and over again. It’s not your fault! None of this should be your burden. Levi wants to shout and beat the guilt out of him. It’s only because of you we prevented the Rumbling.
But instead of lashing out, Levi kisses him, crashing into Erwin’s lips like the waves against the sharp rocks. The kiss takes Erwin by surprise. Levi pushes his tongue inside Erwin’s pressed mouth as if trying to suck the venom out of an open wound. Erwin sighs and softens his mouth, letting Levi lead.
“Come to bed,” Levi murmurs against his lips.
Levi tries to stand, but Erwin places his arms under Levi’s knees and lifts him up with ease.
“Hold on to me, my Captain,” Erwin says, carrying Levi to the bedroom.
“Tch, Erwin, I can walk by myself,” Levi grumbles but clings to Erwin’s neck.
“I know, love,” Erwin hushes him but doesn’t let him go. “But let me take care of you.”
The bed chamber is pitch black, illuminated only by moonlight and the rotating beam from the lighthouse. It’s better like this, in the darkness, where they can be honest. Erwin undresses him with patience, taking off Levi’s wool socks and slacks with careful fingers. He takes Levi’s bony foot and cradles it in his large hand, kissing his ankle and pressing his lips along his injured leg, tracing every scar and burn with his tongue.
“I’m not made of glass, you know?” Levi complains to hide discomfort. It’s a novelty to be broken beyond repair, weak, not strong.
Erwin smiles, ignoring Levi’s remarks, wet lips disappearing between Levi’s legs. Erwin’s mouth is a furnace, swallowing Levi whole, slow and slippery, kissing him with a gentle adoration he doesn’t deserve. He touches him like Levi’s body is a new language that Erwin’s learning anew—kissing him like it’s their first time—or their last time.
It’s too much, too slow, revealing all unspoken things between them.
“Levi, look at me,” Erwin murmurs, lifting his head between Levi’s legs. “Let me see you, my darling.”
Was Levi hiding? Oh, he’s covering his injured face with his hand. Levi meets Erwin’s open blue eyes that only twinkle with light when he calls Levi’s name. He moves his hand so Erwin can cup his face.
“My beautiful Levi,” Erwin whispers against his lips. “What did I do to deserve you?”
Something snaps inside him, a desperate need for them to join and never to part.
“Fuck me,” Levi pants, growing impatient, overwhelmed by the desperate need to merge their bodies into one. He wraps his legs around Erwin’s bulky frame like ropes. “Come on, fuck me, Erwin. Please… I can’t wait.”
As Erwin climbs on top of him and presses his weight on Levi. He smells familiar—like their old world—ink, forest, and heavy pomade. But there’s also a new scent that he’s picked up during their travels together. The outside world has seeped under his skin. They’re not the same men they used to be, no longer young soldiers spitting fire and rutting against each other in a rush of adrenaline. They’ve aged and grown wearier. Their joints creak now. They’ve lost too much yet gained something irreplaceable—time.
Levi's body trembles as thick, oily fingers slip inside him, opening him up for the annunciation of fire. Gasping, he bites down on his fist, welcoming the stretch and feeling the familiar pleasure bubbling inside him. Erwin knows him intimately, every inch of his body, mind, and soul. Every part of him is marked by Erwin’s name.
As Erwin thrusts inside him, he fills Levi’s hollow cracks with his molten core. A grunt escapes Erwin’s lips—a sigh of relief. Burying his head in the space next to Levi, Erwin lets go of all pretense and strips down the mask of the Titan Commander, laying bare. A man, not a monster.
Erwin’s being too careful for Levi’s liking. Neither of them is getting what they truly need—to be annihilated by each other’s bodies and be reborn from the ashes of their former selves.
“Harder,” Levi cries.
Erwin listens, rocking his hips, increasing the pace, fucking Levi rough and demanding, releasing his unspoken anguish into Levi’s body. Their bodies move together like waves crashing against the shore, frothing kisses birthing a brewing storm. Levi takes it all—the pleasure and the pain—because he knows Erwin needs a vessel to pour himself into.
On the desert island, with winds howling, they are just two bodies, one a flame and the other a match. Erwin’s close; Levi can feel his peak swelling in a crescendo.
“Levi,” Erwin grunts. “I’m—”
“Come inside me,” Levi begs. Fill me up— burn me down. “Please, oh, please— I need it.”
I need you.
Erwin thrusts harder, drawing moans out of Levi’s lax mouth. Levi comes like a cymbal crashing, swimming in pleasure. This is all he wants—to be shattered and rebuilt at once. Sinking into the bubbling, obliterating whiteness; Erwin chokes on Levi’s name like a prayer and a condemnation, spilling himself deep inside Levi. He falls on top of him, crushing him with the mass of his body, hot like a furnace. His fingers burn Levi’s skin, a river of lava boiling under the surface. He’s marked by a Titan—a God of Destruction.
Erwin lies on top of Levi, boneless and empty. Levi’s body is on fire, filled with the steaming liquid. It’ll leave burn marks down his thighs. Erwin’s a Titan wrapped in human skin; an inferno inside him bursts out each time they fuck. It’s Levi’s punishment for loving a devil—for bringing him back to this hell.
“Shh, shh, easy,” Levi murmurs, wrapping his hands around Erwin’s wide back. “I got you.”
“Are you okay? Did I—”
“No, never.”
“I didn’t burn you?”
“No,” Levi lies.
Erwin pulls back, as he sometimes does, reminded of his inhumanity. Levi doesn’t let him, pulling him into the embrace with all the strength in his body. He won’t let him drift away.
“I’m a monster.”
“No, no. Erwin, you’re not.”
“I am.”
“Sleep.”
“But—”
“Don’t regret it.” Any of it. Don’t look back. It’s done. I chose for us both. “Now sleep.”
The war is over. Thanks to you.
Erwin calms, at last, falling asleep in Levi’s arms. But Levi keeps guard, watching like a sentinel in the night. A beacon in the storm.
The next day, they walk down the shore, hand in hand, Levi using his cane to support the weight of his injured body. The seagulls have been particularly loud this morning, shrieking on the rocks with monotonous harks. Levi doesn’t like them, their vacant, hungry eyes swirling around like vultures. It gives him the creeps.
“Are we going to go home after we sign the peace treaty?”
“I doubt it,” Erwin says. “As an ambassador of Paradis, I’ve been invited to Hizuru to meet the Azumabito clan and strengthen the alliance.”
“Oh,” Levi responds, looking at the horizon, eyes focused on the point where the sea marries the sky with a kiss of blue. “I guess peace is busier than war.”
With his arm around Levi’s shoulder, Erwin turns to him, standing steadfastly on the shore, facing the cloudy sky. “You’ll like Hizuru, my darling,” he suggests. “They have a wide variety of tea. Besides, the hot springs will be good for your leg. Don’t you think it would be good to travel the world and learn about different cultures?”
Levi’s heart seizes as he envisions the vast world, filled with unfamiliar faces and customs, all so foreign from their own. A procession of strangers awaits, eager to shake hands with the Titan Commander, who forged peace between warring nations. Erwin hungers to become part of the brimming world beyond the sea. Who’s Levi to deny him that? To ask him to stay behind with him and build a tiny cottage—a place of their own.
Erwin wraps his arms around Levi’s waist and inhales the salty air.
“I know you’re tired,” Erwin whispers, pulling Levi closer. “But there is still so much for us to do. Am I selfish, Levi? To keep you by my side through it all?”
“No. I chose this. I chose you.”
“Thank you,” Erwin says, kissing Levi’s hair. “You are my anchor, my Captain.”
Yes, I’ll follow you to the end—even if we crash and burn in ashes or drown in the impending storms. I’ll be by your side.
But perhaps one day, he won’t have to share Erwin with anyone else. Instead of traveling out to the world that will steal Erwin away and chisel pieces of his body until he’s just a shell of a man, they could stay somewhere safe. Just the two of them—Erwin and Levi. They could even stay here, on this island, where Levi could keep Erwin for himself and protect him, in a lighthouse at the edge of the world.
“Let’s go inside,” Levi declares, turning towards the lighthouse that stands tall and white like a candle. “My ass is freezing.”
“Mmm,” Erwin hums, but his eyes remain fixed on the horizon ahead. “Alright, let’s make some tea and warm you up.”
Levi wraps his hand around Erwin’s back, walking down the shore back to the lighthouse.
Perhaps he was childish, thinking they could retire peacefully once they had won the war. For Erwin, a life filled with new discoveries, places, people, and scents is his reward for years spent in hell. Erwin deserves to taste the fruit of his labors, relishing in sweetness, not bitterness. A life where he could learn to be soft again, to be a teacher, not a soldier.
So they’ll set sail for an unknown world. If Levi cannot keep Erwin in a secure harbor, then he must be a lighthouse, guiding Erwin on his journeys. He’ll be waiting with open arms to warn him of troubled waters and welcome him home.
I’ll light the way and guide you back to me, wherever you go, again and again.
