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Once more to see you

Summary:

Desperation filled his mind in its entirety, causing his emotions to become an even bigger mess than they were originally-his breathing became erratic as he slowly started bending down from his incapacity to breathe properly, it hurt but it couldn't hurt near as much as how he must be hurting.

"Just once more, even if I'm being egoistical allow me just this time to be a selfish man."

He had never cried so much in his life before, he felt tiny and utterly vulnerable and it was sickening him to his very core, how he could not control his overwhelming emotions in the slightest. He was pathetic, the only thing he could do now for his captain has beg and pray for him to wake up since he had failed to protect the one person he cared about the most.

"You're the light of my life, my sun, my guide."

Notes:

Hi so this is my second fanfic like ever, but I do have to admit I found writing quite entertaining so might as well keep writing, no? I've also come to learn that making Zoro emotionally vulnerable is quite fun for whatever reason. :)

Work Text:

The disgusting stench of death surrounded the air all around him, his ears blinded by the constant sound of gunshots and screams in a multitude so wide he couldn't even see the end of it if he tried-it was a war, a cold and relentless war which they had got themselves caught in because of no one else other than their very captain who did not seem to think his actions through and how they affected others; Monkey D. Luffy. Most of the crew was disperse along the battlefield, though the ones nearest to him were Nami and Usopp who were both absolutely terrified at their current situation and with a reason, they actually had a possibility of dying. 

Luffy had gone off at the very beginning of the now war, claiming that he'd take care of everything like he accustomed of doing in every single fight the crew had ever taken a part of, a duty that he took upon himself as the captain and a burden he did not dare to share with anyone, not even his first mate. Zoro fought as fiercely as he always did, trying to keep his inner worries for his captain at bay in his mind before it started affecting his performance in the fight, though unconsciously he knew something was very wrong.

"I haven't seen Luffy in a while, I'm starting to worry-"

Nami said, fighting off a group of enemies using her weather based attacks with a clear frown covering her usual calm expression, and Zoro who was right next to her had to keep a stoic facade even if deep down he held the same worries as the navigator. Quietly he analyzed his surroundings the best he could, it was difficult to even see where they were standing because of the fog covering the whole island which they were in, he could make up figures of persons fighting but he did not recognize his captain in any of them, his eyebrows furrowed into a frown. 

"Surely he's fine, we have to trust him."

Ever since he had taken the role of Luffy's second hand man he had been the rational one whenever the captain was gone, immediately taking control of most situations with an unbreakable calm that was almost bizarre, as if nothing would be able to ever truly worry him. His mind snapped back to possible scenarios of the captain getting really hurt somewhere in the unforgiving battle they found themselves in, he mindlessly wondered about the countless possibilities and without noticing he had started dissociating though he was quickly snapped back to reality by familiar screams, they seemed to belong to Usopp.

It took him a couple seconds to actually make out what he was screaming until it finally registered "Luffy's unconscious over there!" , he was pointing at a man laying in the floor with multiple bruises in his body, a familiar hat lying on the ground next to him just as battered as he was-for a couple seconds all Zoro could register was the sickening sounds of the bizarre symphony of screams all around him, Usopp's cries and his completely heartbroken expression, Nami's demands for him to go save him, and the fastening thuds of his heart which quickly sped up. Cold sweat covered his back, a knot forming in his throat once he finally forced himself to accept the situation; Luffy had lost and not only that but he was about to die at the hands of his victor. 

Without even having to think about it his body moved at a speed in which it had never moved before, completely ignoring how bruised he personally was-there was no time to worry about himself at the situation at hand. His knuckles turned white from the incredible strength he was holding his katanas with, his jaw exercising such strength over the wado ichimonji that it actually hurt-he managed to get in front of Luffy just in time, blocking the powerful attack from his opponent who had a completely hostile aura alongside a wicked smile, as if he was enjoying all of it

A deep frown coursed through his features at the realization that even if he fought the enemy who hard hurt Luffy he would not be able to beat him, and hence he wouldn't be able to save him either-so for once in his life he let his honor and pride aside and decided to take his captain's limp body as gently as he could in his arms and quickly retreat, screaming for the rest of the crew to also retreat of their respective fights. What happened after wasn't anything but a blur, he recalled being able to get everyone together in a secluded spot of the island where the war couldn't reach, but after that he could only remember bits and pieces.

He remembered the screams of his crew around him as Luffy's body was ripped from his arms and carefully put on the ground, Chopper's desperate orders with a shaky voice since he was clearly terrified of the captain's poor health state, Sanji attempting to break the news to him that Luffy might just not wake up. When he finally snapped out of his own thoughts he was sitting on a rock nearby Luffy, seemingly keeping watch on him since the rest of the crew was nowhere to be seen-it was difficult even looking at his face now, it was so sickly and pale that it did not resemble the gleeful boy that was complaining about being hungry just a few hours ago. 

"It's all my fault."

Zoro quietly said, mostly to himself since after all his captain just wasn't mentally present to listen, no matter how deeply he wished he was. His hands closed into fists while he rested them atop of his knees, looking down at the ground and his boots which were dirty with both dirt and dried up blood-he prayed that said blood did not belong to the captain. 

"If only I had been there, maybe I could've saved you...Luffy."

For the first time in a long time he doubted his own strength, blaming himself for his incapacity to have fought Luffy's enemy in his stead-he knew that even in the captain's current state he would've hated to run away from a fight, especially one against the strongest enemy. Weakly his vision moved upwards to meet Luffy's dull features once more, feeling incredibly ill from the sight alone. He stood up and walked up closer to him, sitting by his side and carefully taking his hand as if he applied too much pressure his captain would just disappear in front of him.

"You can't leave like this."

He weakly said, applying the slightest bit of strength to his grip in his hand, bringing it near his lips and staring at his face with an unreadable expression though the pure sadness in it was completely undeniable. Small sobs started to appear in the silent atmosphere eventually and the tears didn't take long to start falling from his cheeks. 

"Please, I need you-let, let me hear your laugh again."

Desperation filled his mind in its entirety, causing his emotions to become an even bigger mess than they were originally-his breathing became erratic as he slowly started bending down from his incapacity to breathe properly, it hurt but it couldn't hurt near as much as how he must be hurting.

"Just once more, even if I'm being egoistical allow me just this time to be a selfish man."

He had never cried so much in his life before, he felt tiny and utterly vulnerable and it was sickening him to his very core, how he could not control his overwhelming emotions in the slightest. He was pathetic, the only thing he could do now for his captain has beg and pray for him to wake up since he had failed to protect the one person he cared about the most. 

"You're the light of my life, my sun, my guide."

Zoro lowered his head in defeat, his sobs filling the empty space between the one man conversation he had been having for the entire time, his hand still clasped to his captain's as if his life depended on it. But suddenly the hand he was holding made an effort to hold him back, and he shot his head straight up to be met with those dark irises he was so familiar with, even if they lacked their usual shine they were still as gorgeous as ever. Both of them were quiet until Luffy's lips curled up into a fond smile.

"I didn't know you could be so emotional, Zoro."

His voice was strained and clearly weak, but it still held that specific tone he always used when talking to him, as if he was somehow special in his eyes. Zoro's eyes furrowed in a frown but a smile still made his way into his lips without him being able to stop it, he was so incredibly glad to hear his voice again, to be able to admire those eyes he had fallen in love with so long ago.  

"Thanks, you were looking over me the whole time weren't you?"

"Of course."

"Those things you said were really nice, they made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

Zoro's head perked up just slightly, looking at Luffy's face in surprise and perhaps even a bit of embarrassment since he had possibly heard all of his heartfelt confessions about how he felt towards him, basically letting him know straight up about his feelings which he had kept hidden deep within for years. A blush quickly covered all of Zoro,s face but he quickly covered it with one of his hands, his eye drifting away from his captain's figure and to literally anything else than wasn't him.

"You can forget them if you want-"

"No actually I'll make sure to remember them for the rest of my life."

He was speechless, just what did those words mean exactly and why was Luffy saying them as if they were a promise. He was secretly eager to ask, to interrogate his captain about his thought process and just why he did not hold a single ounce of a judgmental behavior towards his feelings, he made him feel like he was back to being a teenager who wondered if his captain would ever like him back when he was supposed to only be a member of his crew. But before any of them could share any words the voices of the rest of the crew interrupted them, internally Zoro wanted to snap at them and yell for them to leave but how could he do such a thing when he probably was just overthinking all of Luffy's thought process. After all his captain didn't think things through before he said them because of his overwhelming sense of honesty, so what he said probably meant exactly what it was supposed to mean: He felt the same way.