Chapter Text
As soon as Carlos walked into the loft he could feel it. A heavy, suffocating weight throughout, and he immediately grew concerned when he saw TK's duffel bag strewn haphazardly near the door with his work boots and paramedic work jacket after a 24-hour shift. TK wasn't obsessively organized and clutter-free as Carlos, but he was tidy, and the scene near the door was somewhat alarming.
"TK?" Carlos called out as he gently closed the door and turned on a dim lamp. The loft was dead silent. Carlos called for TK again without a response and continued into their shared master bedroom to change out of his work uniform. Perhaps TK dropped his things off quickly to head to a meeting or out with his dad.
Carlos continued to run through scenarios in his head as he locked up his firearm in the safe, and that's when he noticed the light coming from beneath the bathroom door.
"TK," Carlos called again as he tapped on the door and listened. As the silence continued, Carlos started to panic. The more Carlos panicked, the harder he knocked on the door.
"TK, you scaring the hell out of me, please open the door."
Carlos felt like he was choking on his words. His mouth grew dry, his throat closed shut. Finally, Carlos quickly examined the door jam and knob before easily shoving the door open with his shoulder.
"TK! What..." Carlos dropped to kneel in front of a seemingly unconscious TK propped against the wall between the vanity and toilet. His legs were drawn up and lean arms crossed his abdomen as his head rested against the side of the vanity, eyes closed.
"Baby, open your eyes, you're scaring me," Carlos lightly patted TK's cheek which earned him an irritated grumble of incoherent words and lazy hand gestures to swat Carlos' hands away.
"Are you high right now?" There was that choking sensation again. Something in Carlos' chest shriveled and turned prickly and dark. Dread. A little over two years sober, and Carlos came home to find TK huddled in the bathroom after a 24-hour shift that he had no details about the past 6 hours of.
"'m fine, babe," TK said without opening his eyes. "Just resting. It's... s'rene in here. Like a little bubble vacuum," TK explained with slurred speech. He gave the tiniest of nods to himself as if his explanation was profound and made perfect sense.
"Oh, TK..." Carlos slouched and dropped his hands to his lap and only stared at TK for a moment while he contemplated what to do next. He needed to know what happened today that would have potentially triggered TK, but he wasn't sure if he should call Captain Vega. He didn't want to jeopardize TK's job, but she was also a friend. A mother-type figure. Ultimately, he decided to call Owen in hopes that Fire had also been dispatched to the same incident that TK may have been involved in.
"Hey, it's... Carlos," he hesitated and tsk ed to himself as he remembered that people had caller ID nowadays.
"It's TK," he said when Owen asked if everything was okay. "He's fine, but he's... I mean, he's not fine fine, but... Dammit... He's high right now, and I don't know what to do, and did something happen this evening? He was fine this morning when I talked to him. Was there a bad call, or --"
"Carlos, take a breath, son." Carlos shut his mouth and waited. He heard Owen deliberately exhale as if to calm himself before he continued.
"Yeah, there was a bad call a couple hours ago. Really bad. I'll come over and we can talk. Get TK sorted." Owen swore under his breath and sighed. "Just keep an eye on him," Owen added before he hung up.
Shortly after his brief phone conversation with Owen, Carlos found himself on the floor outside the bathroom as he listened intently for any sounds of distress. The door remained open yet Carlos was frozen in place as if an invisible barrier kept him from re-entering. Aside from his interactions at work with low-level drug dealers and random disturbances involving intoxicated citizens, Carlos had no idea what to do in this situation nor how to act.
Carlos jumped when he heard the gentle knocking at the loft door. When he opened the door, he was met with an exhausted and haggard-looking Owen. He passed Carlos with a nod and entered.
"He's in the master bathroom," Carlos said and held his hands out helplessly. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do here."
"There's not really a good answer to that," Owen answered with a sad smile. "Before we go in there… This call. Fire was called out first. The caller stated that she heard screaming from the house next door, that they couldn't get out. The caller was uncomfortable going over there because it belonged to some 'hoarding junkies'. When we got there, though, and broke through and saw the state of the place and who lived there, we called for medics." Owen took a deep breath and placed his hands on his hips as he looked off into nothing for a moment.
"Anyway, it was a family of five. 2 adults, a 15-year-old girl, and two 6-year-old twin girls. The parents were drug addicts and severely neglected the kids. The 15-year-old laced the parents' drugs to cause them to OD, and gave her sisters sleeping pills to 'save them'. The whole thing was just..." Owen shook his head.
"Captain Vega and I sent everyone home after that. I offered to drop TK off, but he said he was going to a meeting with Cooper. Guess he decided against that. In hindsight, I probably should have known." Owen cursed again as he paced and eventually came to some kind of decision.
They made their way to Carlos and TK's bathroom. Owen took one look at TK and sat down on the tile floor across from him. Carlos, unsure, did the same but sat between the two to form a semi-circle.
"Hey kid," Owen said.
"Hey dad," TK sighed in return. He slowly opened his eyes as if they weighed a ton.
"What were you thinking? Why didn't you call me? Or Carlos, or Cooper?"
"I was thinking..." TK started quietly and let the question hang there like a cloud as his eyes struggled to focus. "I was thinking that... I can't get their faces out of my head. I can't blink without seeing those two little girls laying together on the couch. Or the fucked up parents in their fucked up recliners with their fucking drugs and tourniquets still wrapped," TK spat out. He slowly lifted his head from the wall to level a look at his father, but he was unable to maintain eye contact. He couldn’t handle what he saw there, and he definitely wouldn’t be able to handle what he saw in Carlos’ expressive eyes. “Seeing that tourniquet on the guy…” TK mumbled. “It reminded me of that last time mom found me. That old building off 42nd…”
Owen remained silent as he listened to TK. He and Carlos both noted how his eyes grew glassier with tears, and how beneath his eyes and the bridge of his nose grew splotchy with red as the tears threatened to fall. Instead, TK drew in a long, shuddering breath and tilted his head back to rest against the wall again. His eyes watched invisible flowing patterns etched into the paint before he closed his eyes again.
"I can hear every single noise that came from inside that awful house. The creaking of the floorboards as Nancy and I worked. The forensics team. The TV. Our radios." A sob broke free from TK's throat and he lifted his head again only to thump it back against the wall. Not hard, but just enough to distract himself.
"It won't stop. It's just on a constant loop,” TK continued as he motioned at his head. “Playing over and over again, this constant static, and I just needed it to stop."
Carlos slid closer to TK and grabbed his hands from between his knees.
"I couldn't save those girls," TK whispered as he finally lifted his head again and met Carlos’ eyes. “I didn’t give a shit about those parents. I know that makes me a terrible person, but I couldn’t save those girls.”
Carlos forcefully grabbed TK’s face so that he had no choice but to continue looking at him in preparation for what he was about to say.
“TK, listen to me,” Carlos began as he wiped TK’s tears away with his thumbs. “You are not a bad person. You are the most caring, gentlest person I have ever met with a heart of gold. There is nothing anywhere in the world that says that you have to empathize with every person you encounter. They neglected those girls, and anyone who is human would struggle to empathize with that. Do you understand?” TK’s lips parted, but no words escaped.
“I promise. I would never lie to you,” Carlos finished. With that final statement, TK slid his legs out to lean into Carlos’ lap. Carlos could feel TK’s tears as they dampened his sweatpants, and he began to run his fingers through TK’s hair as he looked up at Owen with a startled look.
“I’m so sorry,” TK murmured against Carlos’ leg. “I didn’t mean… I couldn’t…”
“Listen, TK. We love you and will always support you. I know I’m not your mother, but I will always be your father, and I will help you in whatever way you need.” He looked up at Carlos and gave a slight nod. “I’m going to get going, let you sleep this off and spend some time with Carlos. I’ll talk to Captain Vega so you can have a few days off to settle.” As Owen rose to his feet, he looked back down at his son.
“TK, do you have anything else on you?” TK stiffened and shook his head.
“Promise me,” Owen added. “I want to trust that this is a one-time thing.” TK nodded and made his promise with a pat on his pockets.
Shortly after Owen left, TK’s tears dried and subsided. His high dissipated along with it, only at a slower rate.
“Are you upset with me?” TK said quietly. It wasn’t so much of a question as a hesitant statement, but Carlos never wavered.
“I’m not upset with you, baby,” Carlos said calmly. “I’m upset that you felt like you couldn’t come to any of us, and I’m a little scared of what today means for you, but I’m not upset with or at you .” TK finally sat up from Carlos’ lap and leaned awkwardly away and against the cabinet to look at Carlos.
“Will you go to a meeting with me?” Carlos looked surprised. TK had never asked him to go to a meeting before, and Carlos had stopped asking after the first few times.
“I mean, I can’t tonight, I just… can’t,” TK backpedaled nervously at Carlos’ brief hesitance.
“Of course, I’ll go with you, baby. I’m just surprised is all.” Carlos placed his hands back on TK’s face and pulled him forward for a gentle kiss. We’ll go in the morning after I get some food in you and we sleep this off, alright?” TK nodded and let out an almost peaceful-sounding breath.
“Tomorrow morning.”