Archive of Our Own

“All of the games have now been cleared. All surviving players will be presented with two choices. Players must now all decide whether to accept permanent residency in this country, or decline it.”

“I decline.” Kuina whispers. She turns her head to the side and sees her. Ann. She’s beautiful, Kuina thinks, and she feels the same stabbing sensation she felt a while ago, this time in her chest. She wonders what she wouldn’t give to see those unblinking eyes move again, to see Ann live again.

Promise if we meet again, we’ll be friends.

She wills her arm to move, suppresses a groan when she feels blood seep out of her side. Her hand drags across the bloodstained ground until her fingertips touch Ann’s palm. There’s still some warmth and Kuina grasps Ann’s hand in hers, she uses all her remaining strength to wrap Ann’s fingers in her own, holding on with everything she has. 

“Let’s go back together.” Kuina tightens her hold and she closes her eyes, sending a desperate prayer to the gods she does not believe in. 

Please, let us go back together. I promised her. Please don’t take her away from me. 

//

Kuina wakes up in a white… place. 

She’s wearing the same clothes she was wearing before everything in her life went to shit. No blood, no grime, and Kuina is left confused. She looks around and is met with a sea of white. White everything. White nothingness. 

“Where the fuck am I?” Kuina mutters to herself. 

Player Kuina Hikari. 

Kuina startles. Where did that voice come from? She turns and turns but sees no one. 

You created a paradox. 

“What are– Who are you? And what are you talking about?”

You attempted to bring someone back from the Borderland.

“You mean– You mean Ann, right?” She digs into her memories, “She died. Ann died, the remaining players were given a choice, and– and I declined. And I held her hand.” Kuina looks at the hand she touched Ann with. If she concentrates hard enough, she can almost feel Ann’s lingering warmth still. “I held Ann’s hand and that created.. a paradox?”

For this, you gain a second chance for another player, but you lose the privilege of forgetting. Live with the consequences of your actions, Kuina Hikari. 

“Another player? That has to be Ann, right? Right?!” Kuina whirls around. “And who are you? What do you mean? What the–” And then she’s coughing out blood as she feels herself being stabbed again over and over until she passes out in a familiar puddle of her own blood.

//

This time, Kuina wakes up with a name on her lips. 

“Ann!”

Kuina gasps, her eyes flying open. Her body is overcome with intense pain that turns her gasp into a groan. She feels multiple hands on her and she thrashes against them, her survival instincts kicking in. “Don’t fucking touch me, get away from me!”

“Kuina-san, please, we’re trying to help you! You’re in the hospital! Please calm down!” 

Hospital? Kuina stops moving in shock and she looks around for the first time. She sees the familiar halls she sees whenever she visits her mother, sees the people crowding her, all dressed in bloodied hospital scrubs. It is the hospital, Kuina realizes, and she feels her body calm down until she remembers Ann.

She starts struggling again, pushing herself up despite the blinding pain. “I need to find Ann! I need to save her! Let me go!” The hands of the doctors and nurses push her harder back down and she hears one of them say something about sedating her. Against her will, Kuina feels her body weaken and fall, the sharp pains slowly being replaced by a numbing sensation.

“N-No… Please…” Kuina tries to open her eyes, reaches a hand out to grasp at one of the nurses and she pleads, even as her consciousness starts slipping away. 

“Ann… Please… Please live.”

And then she’s gone.

//

The third time Kuina wakes up, she’s more calm and collected. Heavily bandaged and unable to move without great difficulty, but not anymore covered with blood which she takes as a win. 

She spends hours and hours thinking about the Borderland, about how she just spent what seemed like years in some dystopian version of Tokyo where she watched people get killed faster than she could say her name. Everything seems hazy and for a moment she wonders if it’s possible that everything was just some twisted nightmare. However, looking over her body revealed that the meteor that hit Tokyo happened to injure her in all the same places she got injured doing the games. Cut all over her face and her arms, bruises on her fists, and the side of her torso littered with stab wounds (from various debris and sharp objects, the doctors said). The more she thinks, the more Kuina remembers everything clearly as if it all happened yesterday. 

The games. The beach. Chishiya. Arisu. Usagi. The king of spades.

Ann. 

Her promise to Ann. 

Promise if we meet again, we’ll be friends.

Kuina shudders at the memory, feeling like her chest is squeezing in on itself. The look Ann gave her at that moment… Kuina wonders why Ann chose to say those words to her in her dying breath. Did she mean it? Did she see Kuina as someone she wants to meet in her real life, given the chance to do so? Or was it said out of loneliness and fear of dying? 

Whatever the answer is, does it even really matter to Kuina? 

Ann fascinated her the very first moment Kuina laid her eyes on her. She’s smart, and strong, and she remained hopeful and kind despite all the shitty things happening to them. There’s no one else like Ann, Kuina has quickly realized, and it became her motivation for finding the other girl when they got separated. Participating in the wretched games alone to extend her visa, fighting tooth and nail so she would live and find Ann. 

To find Ann only for her to watch Ann get shot and bleed out. 

Kuina chases the depressing thoughts away. No use dwelling on the trauma. Instead, she recalls the white place she first woke up in and what the voice said. A second chance for another player, and her losing the privilege of forgetting. 

The second part turned out to be true, giving Kuina reason to believe and hope that the first part will prove to be the same. If that’s the case, then that must mean that Ann, despite dying in the Borderland, is alive here and now. 

So no, it doesn't really matter why Ann made her request. The only thing that matters is that Ann wanted– wants– to meet her and Kuina promised that they would. 

So she needs to find Ann. And to find Ann, she needs to be able to move on her own. So Kuina buckles in and prepares herself to be the best patient anyone has ever seen so she can be well enough to scour the hospital. 

//

The moment she’s well enough, Kuina starts walking around the hospital. Seeing so many injured people is a terrible experience. The hospital, a gloomy place in itself already, seems to be even more depressing. The hallways and rooms are all filled with victims of the meteorite incident, each injury worse than the last. She sees people with missing limbs, people who suffer from significant impairments, and those who have lost their loved ones. 

Kuina also sees familiar faces every now and then and she feels joy for the first time in a while. She saw Arisu and Usagi walking along the hospital grounds, talking all the while and looking at each other like giddy school children. She passed by a room and saw a glimpse of Aguni, lying on a bed, his strong and gigantic body wrapped in all kinds of bandages. She even saw Chishiya. She saw him along the corridor, talking to some children, looking peaceful for the first time since she has met him. It took all of her to not run and throw herself at the annoying prick. 

It’s heartwarming to see all of them. They don’t remember her, they don’t greet her when their eyes meet, but it’s okay, Kuina decides. The fact that they’re alive is the most important thing. Not to mention that it’s a blessing for them to continue on with their lives without the memory of the traumatic experience they all shared. How can Kuina take that bliss away from them? 

But as happy as she is to see Arisu and Usagi and Chishiya and every other familiar face from the games, Kuina can’t help but to feel anxious at the end of each day that she doesn’t see Ann. Where could she be? Kuina wonders, almost every minute. She confirmed with the staff that all victims were only brought to this hospital so she has to be here. She has to. 

She ends another day without seeing Ann and Kuina prays, and prays, and prays. 

// 

Kuina finds Ann by chance. 

Or rather, it’s Ann who finds her. 

She’s taking a break outside after more than an hour of walking around the hospital when it happens. She’s just sitting on one of the benches, hands stretched out behind her so she could lean back and enjoy the sun on her skin, when she begins to feel slightly strange and uncomfortable, like someone is watching her. It’s not a sensation Kuina likes despite having experienced it all her life, and so she opens her eyes and glances to the side, ready to glare and tell off whoever it is that’s staring at her. 

And that’s when she sees her. 

Kuina’s breath hitches. There she is, Ann, in the flesh. She looks a bit different. Gone are the semi-stylish clothes she wore throughout the game, replaced by white hospital patient scrubs that almost makes her look like a ghost. Her face is clear of makeup but she looks just as beautiful as Kuina remembers, her skin almost glowing and her lips full even without her signature red lipstick and her hair looking tidy and well taken care of. 

She looks different, and there are bandages peeking from the collar of her shirt, but god does she look alive. 

Ann is just standing to the side stiffly, facing Kuina’s direction, as if she was sitting on her own bench and she stood up abruptly. It’s only then that Kuina realizes that Ann is staring at her, their eyes locked onto one another. 

Her expression is that of confusion and wonder. Not unkind but somehow guarded and curious. They stare at each other for a full minute, and Kuina starts feeling anxious, not knowing what to do and how to approach Ann without scaring her off.

“Hi.” Ann says suddenly, her voice pulling Kuina out of her impending cocoon of anxiety.

Kuina lets the familiar deepness of Ann’s voice wash over her before greeting her back carefully, 

“Hello.”

She sees Ann inhale sharply but does not say another word, and so Kuina doesn’t either. They continue staring at each other again. For a long moment, that’s all they do. It’s a bit awkward if she’s being honest, but Kuina relishes being able to stare at An again. Since she woke up she has been afraid that she will not find the other woman. But here she is now, suddenly appearing before Kuina like a ray of hope in this mildly depressing and overwhelming post-borderland life Kuina suddenly finds herself living. 

And Ann, beautiful, warm, and living and breathing Ann is looking at her like she knows her, and Kuina wants to try. She made a promise, after all. 

Kuina stands and very carefully, like how she would with a deer, she takes one, two, three steps towards Ann, stopping only when they’re about one meter apart. Ann doesn’t move, just stares at Kuina expectantly, and Kuina takes a deep breath. 

“Hey,” She starts with a small smile. “I, uh, I know this might sound weird but… Do you, by any chance–”

“Know you?” Ann asks, cutting her off.

Kuina feels hope and excitement flutter around in her stomach. “Yes, know me. Do you remember me?”

A complicated expression crosses Ann’s face and she doesn’t answer immediately. The hope in her wavers and Kuina licks her lips nervously. She thinks about backing off, fearing that she might be coming off too strong. She turns away, readying an excuse but is stopped by a call of her name. 

“Kuina.”

Kuina inhales deeply. She never thought she’d hear Ann call her name again.  

“Kuina,” Ann repeats, “That’s your name, right?”

“Yes, and you’re Ann.” 

Ann nods, the corner of her lips tilting up just a fraction, looking pleased for a moment, and Kuina gets the courage to continue, “Do you… Do you remember me?”

Ann shakes her head. “I don’t remember you, but I think I know you.”

Kuina frowns in confusion. “You think… You know me?” 

Ann's eyebrows draw together like she's thinking of a problem, trying to come up with a solution. "I do. I can’t remember you, exactly. I don’t have memories of you but I think– no, I know that I know you.” Ann lets out an exasperated sigh. “Look, I know it doesn’t make sense but–”

“No,” Kuina cuts her off quickly, not wanting Ann to be even more frustrated than she looks right now, wanting instead to give her some relief. “It’s okay. It’s… the same for me, I think. That’s why I also know your name.”

It’s a lie, Kuina knows, but what else is she supposed to say? At this point, she’ll say anything to bring peace back to Ann. All she wants is to comfort Ann. 

Ann just nods, albeit there’s an obvious sense of relief in the way her shoulders relax, and she stays quiet, thinking to herself. Kuina takes this chance to look over her again, to marvel at the fact that here Ann is, alive and well, seemingly in the same state of memory loss as all the other players aside from Kuina. 

So what the voice said in the white place came true. Here is Ann, despite her dying in the Borderland before the games were completed. Kuina decides she can’t let this opportunity pass her by. This is her chance to fulfill her promise to Ann. Even if it's only Kuina who remembers it. 

“I know everything is kind of confusing right now, what with all this and the meteorite and whatever. But, maybe we can figure this out. Together.” Kuina smiles invitingly, walking closer and tilting her head at Ann. “What do you think?”

Three seconds pass before Ann responds, her lips twitching up into a small smile that makes Kuina feel lighter. Ann nods resolutely and extends her hand, “Okay. Nice to meet you, Kuina.”

Kuina grins, “Nice to meet you, Ann.” 

Their hands touch and the world feels right again. 

//

They start spending time together after that. 

It’s surprising how easy it is to be with Ann. Kuina was expecting some sort of awkwardness given that they’re supposed to have only just met. In the Borderland, Ann always had this air of mystery about her, her usual stoic stance and her huge sunglasses practically keeping everyone at a distance. This Ann, the Ann of the real world, is still somewhat intimidating at a glance, but being with her does not bring any discomfort. Rather, spending time with Ann is just pleasant.

They meet each other as often as they can. It turns out they’re on the same hospital floor, just on different ends (Kuina can’t believe she forgot to check her own floor when she first tried looking for Ann), and they start taking morning walks, eating meals together, and walking again in the evenings if it’s not too cold out.

Kuina learns a lot about Ann in their talks together. She learns about Ann’s job (forensic scientist, something Kuina already knows), about Ann’s family (she’s an only child with good-for-nothing parents and she left their family home the minute she was old enough to support herself and never looked back), about how she spends her free time (work, work, and work– but I’m thinking of finding a hobby after all this).

In turn, Kuina talks about being a boutique clerk (how she loves being able to talk to all kinds of people every day), about her own family (her mom who she loves so much even though she does nothing but tease Kuina and embarrass Kuina to random strangers), and her own hobbies (Ann, what do you mean you haven’t watched any of the Twilight movies?! This is absurd!). 

It’s so easy and pleasant and Kuina can’t remember ever having as much fun before in her life. But they can only stay in the hospital for so long and Kuina, whose injuries are a tad less serious than Ann’s, gets discharged first. She knows she should be grateful that she’s recovering well and quickly but Kuina can’t help the sadness that creeps in her at the thought of not seeing Ann everyday anymore. 

They’re hanging out in Ann’s room when Kuina finally informs Ann. She offers to visit Ann everyday still so they can carry on with the routine they’ve established but Ann shakes her head, reasonable and level-headed as usual as she explains how Kuina needs to rest and take care of her preparations to get back to her job first. Kuina tries to argue but Ann shuts her up quickly. 

“Give me your phone.”

Kuina stares dumbly. “Huh?”

Ann rolls her eyes, a smile tugging on her lips. “Just, come on, Kuina.” 

So Kuina hands her phone over, watches Ann type quickly before returning the device back. Kuina takes a look at what Ann did. 

Ann

xxx-xxx-xxx-xxx 

Ann’s number. She got Ann’s number. Kuina feels her face stretch into a smile and she turns to Ann. “You gave me your number!” 

At this, Ann laughs, and it’s the first time Kuina hears this kind of laugh from her. Unrestraint, loud, almost childish, and just filled with joy. It’s music to her ears and Kuina knows that she needs to make Ann laugh more.  

“Yes, so can you stop whining about being discharged now? With this, we can still talk to each other even if we’re apart.”

Kuina beams at the other woman, happy that she did not have to embarrass herself asking for Ann’s number, something she’s been figuring out how to do for days now.  

“You better reply to all my messages, Ann! Now, quick, I need to give you my number too!”

//

They text over the following days. Ann’s texts are formal and short and it fits her so much that Kuina feels a laugh bubble whenever she gets a message from her. She texts Ann a lot, multiple messages in a row and she can see Ann doing her best to respond, even if her replies are late sometimes. She starts sending Ann random pictures of her meals, a compensation of sorts for the meals they can’t take together now, and Kuina doesn’t bother to conceal the smile she gets when Ann follows suit, sending Kuina pictures of her bland hospital meals along with a review of how bad or dry the meals are.

The day of Ann’s discharge comes and Kuina waits by the entrance of the hospital eagerly, practically bouncing on her toes as she looks here and there for any signs of Ann. She spots her soon enough, Ann’s height and the flawless signature hairstyle helping Kuina out and she watches as Ann busies herself with signing some forms by the nurse’s station. Kuina gets an idea and she quickly types out a message. 

Kuina (4:07 p.m.)

Ann, turn around ⁉️‼️🫣🤭🙈🙊🙀🔄

She clicks on send and waits. She feels a bit embarrassed, creeping from afar and watching Ann’s movement, but the mild embarrassment gets pushed aside for excitement when she sees Ann reach for her phone. A small smile graces Ann’s lips when she looks at her phone screen and Kuina notes for probably the hundredth time already how pretty Ann is. It takes a few seconds before Ann follows the instructions on the message. 

Ann’s gaze sweeps over the place for a second before they find Kuina’s own. Kuina waves and walks over to Ann who’s still staring at her, cheeks a little bit flushed, making Kuina wonder if it’s because of the weather. 

“Hi,” Kuina says softly as she steps into Ann’s space, grinning all the while. “Surprise!”

That seems to pull Ann out of whatever trance she’s in and she returns Kuina’s grin with a smile of her own. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to pick you up, silly!” Kuina says, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I thought you might appreciate the company.”

“That’s very sweet of you.” Ann says, almost teasingly. “I don’t think I ever told you my discharge date. Or do you just randomly come and pick up people in hospitals?”

“What– No, I don’t!” Kuin laughs, her voice laced with a tinge of embarrassment at the compliment. “You mentioned it the last time we were together and I just remembered.”

Ann hums. “So you haven’t gone here to pick up anyone else?”

Kuina shakes her head. “Nope, just you.”

Kuina watches as one corner of Ann’s lips tug up in a slightly suppressed smile. “Just me, huh? Somehow that makes me feel happy.” 

There’s something in the air between them, something like affection that reminds Kuina of when she and Ann found each other in the Queen of Clubs game. She remembers the relief washing over her when she saw Ann standing in the corner, away from everyone else. For a good few minutes, Kuina could only see Ann, and could only feel Ann’s presence. She remembers the affection that surged in her chest when Ann smiled at her in equal relief, and when Ann clasped her hand with Kuina’s, a silent vow to work together and take care of one another so they can both survive. 

She takes note of the way Ann is leaning towards her and the way Ann’s eyes seem to focus solely on her. It’s an exhilarating experience, to have Ann’s entire attention all on her. Kuina briefly wonders if it’s possible at all that Ann is flirting with her right now but she dismisses the thought just as quickly as it arrives. Right now, she just wants to spend time with Ann in person. She has missed this, the easy air of being with Ann and the comforting warmth of being close to her. She can worry about her embarrassing thoughts later on.

Kuina flashes her most charming smile. 

“So, how about some real food? Care to grab some dinner with me, Ann-sama?”

Ann rolls her eyes at the silliness but she’s got a full blown smile when she nudges her shoulder against Kuina. “Lead the way, dork.”

Kuina is happy to do so.

//

Kuina brings Ann to this hole in the wall ramen place she loves a lot. It’s old and cramped, and the owner is this sleazy old man who likes to make harmless flirtatious comments to women. It’s one of the places Kuina frequented a lot when she was saving money for her surgeries and she absolutely loves the dingy little place. 

If she’s being honest, she wants to tease Ann a bit by bringing her to such a place. She wants to see her squirm a little bit and be all adorable. Ann looks like she dines exclusively in well-lit restaurants where people have to follow a certain dress code just to be able to enter. Kuina wouldn’t be surprised if that’s really how Ann is. The woman always had perfect hair and makeup in the Borderland no matter the situation, and for whatever reason, her clothes are always immaculate, even if a little bit dirty. Ann looks like such an expensive lady, so it’s not Kuina’s fault if she wants to tease Ann a little bit, right?

However, it turns out, Kuina is very wrong in her assessment. 

Ann enters the place and her eyes widen at the selection of different ramen flavors and side dishes she can order. She turns to Kuina with excitement and starts listing all the things she wants to eat. She orders a bunch of different side dishes along with her main meal and Kuina wonders if Ann can really finish so much food. 

Ann eats exactly like how someone who’s been stuck eating hospital food for a whole month would do. She does not shy away from using her hands in eating and even uses her charms to get the owner to give them bigger servings, something that Kuina has never seen the old man do for any other customers before.

It’s a sight to behold, Ann with crumbs of chicken karaage sticking near her mouth while she uses the oversized spoon to finish the broth soup of her meal. She’s adorable in an entirely different way than Kuina expected her to be tonight. 

“You’re such a messy eater, what’s wrong with you?” Kuina laughs out as she takes some wet tissue from her purse and gently wipes the corners of Ann’s mouth. 

“I suffered through hospital food for so long. I deserve this.” Ann says with a conviction that has Kuina snorting at her. 

“Of course, of course. I’ll bring you back here again next time, okay? How does that sound?” 

“Good.” Ann says with a pleased smile that makes her dimples come out. “It’s a deal.”

It’s surreal how one smile from Ann can make such a dingy place light up. 

She’s helping Ann shrug on her coat when the owner walks up to them to say goodbye. 

“You better come back here soon, Kuina.” He reminds her gruffly before turning to Ann with his signature sleazy smile that’s more funny than creepy. “And you, pretty girl, you can always come back here too, okay? I’ll even give you discounts if you agree to a meal with me. What do you say? Care to spend some time with this old man?” He moves his eyebrows suggestively. 

Ann just laughs at him, even as Kuina glares and makes rude gestures for him to make himself scarce. 

“While that does sound tempting, I’m afraid I already promised this one,” She turns to Kuina with a teasing smile, “that my next meal here will be with her again. And I’m pretty sure that that plan is set in stone, am I correct?” 

Kuina nods vigorously, “Yes, ma’am. Absolutely.” She says and sticks her tongue out at the owner when Ann isn’t looking.

Kuina finds that she adores the Ann she discovered tonight. From the way her eyes lit up when eating cheap ramen to the way she gently and playfully rebuffed the silly owner of Kuina’s favorite ramen place. She’s relaxed and kind and funny in ways that are new to Kuina and it’s amazing.

Ann gives one last polite smile and bow to the owner before tugging Kuina out of the place. 

Kuina does not even bother to wipe the smug grin off her face as she wiggles her fingers at the owner in a goodbye. 

//

They stop in front of Ann’s house. It looks like a regular house that’s not too big that it’s lonely, but big enough for at least two people to live in. The outside is painted in a light color and Kuina wonders what the inside looks like. 

“Thank you for today, Kuina.” Ann says as they stand by the front door. “It’s been a while since I’ve had this much fun. Even before the accident I just…” Ann looks thoughtful for a moment, and Kuina is just about to ask if everything’s okay, but Ann shrugs it off before she can talk. 

“Well, it’s just been a while since I’ve had a day like this and I’m very thankful.” Ann’s cheeks are red and she looks a bit embarrassed to be saying such things. 

How endearing.

“You’re very welcome. And if it’s okay with you…” It’s Kuina’s turn to feel shy it seems. “I mean, I know you’ll be busy with work and everything. Your work is so taxing after all. You’ve got to be pretty busy, right? I saw a documentary once about forensics…” 

Oh god. She’s rambing and this is so embarrassing even if Ann’s now looking at her with amusement, how does one stop producing words again? 

“Kuina.” 

Kuina’s mouth shuts in an instant, and she throws Ann a very, very embarrassed and what Kuina hopes is a thankful glance. 

“Is it okay with you if we continue to see each other like this?”

Ann makes it sound so simple, and maybe it is. 

“YES!” Kuina exclaims eagerly, leaning forward in excitement before she catches herself. Embarrassed seems to be the default setting for her this evening. “I mean, yes.” She repeats more calmly. “I’d love that.”

“I’d love it too.” Ann grins, her little dimple visible. She steps closer and Kuina’s senses are suddenly invaded with an overwhelming amount of Ann. 

“Thanks again, Kuina. Message me when you get home. Goodnight!” Ann says before planting a quick kiss on Kuina’s cheek and turning away to enter her house. 

Kuina blinks and stands frozen in place for good minute before a huge smile takes over her face. She lets out a tiny cheer before skipping away. 

What a time to be alive.

//

They develop a routine together. 

They have dinner together most days of the week. Sometimes Kuina picks Ann up from her workplace, sometimes it’s Ann who enters Kuina’s boutique with an invitation for a meal. Some days, they hang out in each other’s places and Kuina learns that Ann’s house is tidy and pristine, not a furniture out of place. Other times, she brings Ann to her humble apartment. It’s smaller than Ann’s two bedroom house but Ann seems to love the place given how often she likes to invite herself. 

It’s precisely what Ann does when Kuina misses one of their dinners. She’s been feeling sick all day, feeling like she’ll come down with something. She had called her boss and had gotten the day off but she figured she’d be well enough to see Ann for dinner after resting the day away. So she stays at home and naps, alarm set in her phone to wake her up in time for her dinner with Ann. 

Kuina is awaken by the incessant buzzing sound of her doorbell intercom. 

“Wha–?” Kuina shuffles out of her comforter and glares at nothing. What time is it even? Why is it so dark? She reaches for her phone to check the time and her eyes fly open. 

8:00 P.M.

What the fuck? 

“Ann!” Kuina gasps. They were supposed to meet an hour ago. She starts climbing her way out of her bed when she starts hearing the buzzing again, this time accompanied by a familiar voice. 

“Kuina? Come on, open the door!”

Ann’s voice sounds worried and it propels Kuina out of her bed and towards her door. 

She unlocks her door and pulls it open, getting an armful of Ann in the process as the other woman stumbles, fists raised mid-knock. 

“Kuina!” Ann gasps, eyes swimming in worry and concern. It makes Kuina feel terrible, being the one to cause those emotions and she frowns. 

“God, Ann, I’m so sorry–”

“Shut up.” Ann says, hands flying to Kuina’s cheeks and turning her face from one side to another. Just as quickly, Ann moves back and inspects Kuina’s entire being. “Are you okay? I got worried when you didn’t come after a while and I figured something might have happened. You don’t look hurt but you’re a bit warm, are you sick?”

Kuina just gapes dumbly. 

It makes Ann frown, the worry and concern being joined by slight annoyance. “Kuina?”

“You waited for me?” She asks, dumbly. 

“What? Of course, I did.” Ann rolls her eyes and pushes past Kuina into the apartment. Kuina absentmindedly closes the door behind her and watches for a while as Ann takes off her coat, hanging it next to Kuina’s own. “We can just eat here, right? I’m starving.” Ann adds, but it barely registers to Kuina. The sight of their clothes mixed together makes Kuina feel even warmer than she apparently is already and maybe idiots do get sick. 

By the time she comes back to her senses, Ann is already messing around in her kitchen, and Kuina joins her. “Hey, I’m sorry again for standing you up. I just woke up tired today and accidentally overslept.”

“It’s okay. I was more worried than anything, really.” Ann answers but it doesn’t seem like she’s paying much attention to Kuina anymore, busy with the stove.

It looks like she’s making a meal for them, based on the stuff she pulled out from Kuina’s fridge and Kuina watches with fondness.

“It’s okay if you’d like to go home. We can meet up another day instead.” Kuina says, more of a formality she supposes, given that she’s currently watching Ann cook in her kitchen. “I can take care of myself, you know.”

Ann shrugs, “I know you can, but that doesn’t mean I can’t look out for you too.”

Kuina lets out a childish snort at that but allows a smile to bloom on her face, one that Ann returns. 

“Now, go sit your pretty ass down and wait for a bit. We can eat while watching a movie, you can go ahead and choose.”

It’s been a long time since anyone has cooked for Kuina. So she lets Ann be, giving her a playful salute before turning around to follow her orders. But not before registering what Ann just said, and so she turns back to look at Ann again. 

“My pretty ass, huh?” 

Ann doesn’t turn around but Kuina hears the exaggerated sigh she lets out, the one that she tends to use when Kuina is being extra annoying but in a way Ann likes. 

Kuina chuckles, satisfied with the reactions she got, and goes off to obey Ann’s orders. 

They eat Ann’s porridge, which is so good Kuina wanted to weep, and spend the rest of the night on Kuina’s lumpy old couch. They watch a movie in silence, and Kuina takes the opportunity to think about where she is now and what she’s doing now, and who she’s with now. 

It almost seems like a dream, being in this new life and being able to spend most of her time with Ann. Kuina thinks it’s safe to say that she has kept her promise to her, they’re friends now. Good friends, some might even say. And Kuina feels immense joy at the proof of her commitment to Ann, that she did not let her down in any way. She likes where she is now, what she’s doing now, and who she’s with now. 

And now she wants more. 

She thinks of Ann cooking in her kitchen, of them having movie nights in Ann’s house, and of Ann smiling at her as Kuina picks her up from work, and Kuina realizes that these are all things that she wants more of. 

She has feelings for Ann, that much she knows. She has had feelings for her for a while now and maybe, maybe with everything that they experienced and with this new life they have been given, maybe it will be alright if Kuina acts on them, right? 

She hears a yawn from her side and feels Ann’s head rest on her shoulder. She glances at her, sees her droopy eyes and the sleepy frown on her face, and Kuina feels her heart beat faster. God, she’s so beautiful. 

How can her poor little heart ever resist this? 

She nudges Ann gently, “Hey there, sleepyhead. Want to stay the night? It’s so late already and I already laid out some comfortable clothes in my room. You can go get changed and get in bed already.”

“That sounds nice, actually.” Ann says, yawning in between and stretching her arms above her head. Kuina resists the urge to wrap her in her arms. “Is it okay? I can take the couch.”

Kuina scoffs. She stands up and pulls Ann up with her. “No way, this couch is not for sleeping.”

“That’s true.” Ann chuckles. “Alright then. You’ll come to bed soon too, right? We can share.”

Ann’s words make Kuina think of a future where they have their own place, with their own bed where they sleep together each night and wake up together each morning.

Now that is the dream.

“Yeah, I’ll be there soon.” Kuina breathes out and does her best not to kiss the sleepy smile off of Ann’s face. 

//

Occasionally, the trauma catches up to Kuina. 

Kuina is grateful to be alive, she really is, but having to live with memories of every single horrific thing that happened in the Borderland sucks. The trauma likes to sneak up on her, catching her in its claws and dragging her back down at the most inopportune times. 

Her trauma comes in different forms, changing and shifting so it can find new ways to terrorize her. Sometimes she sees an object that makes her whole body freeze. Other times, she’ll get the feeling of someone following her and she’ll end up running aimlessly for a good half-hour to lose whoever or whatever it is, or is not. But what Kuina hates the most is her sudden aversion to loud sounds. It reminds her too much of the sound of gunshots, of literally having to run for her life and watch people get gunned down in the most brutal ways possible. 

When a huge rack of clothes fell in her workplace, Kuina found herself crouched beneath the counter, back pressed to the surface, teeth digging into her lips to stop any sounds from leaving her, unable to breathe properly. It took her an hour to be able to breathe properly without feeling like she’s a deer being hunted by poachers. 

Sudden loud sounds are the worst. They seem to terrify her and send her into panic no matter where she is or what she’s doing. It’s very inconvenient and Kuina hates it. 

It’s more than a fair trade, Kuina admits to herself, her being forever traumatized by the inhumane games in exchange for Ann being alive (and one that Kuina would readily make in a heartbeat, no doubts whatsoever), but it doesn’t mean it’s not without difficulties. 

She’s hanging out with Ann at her place when she gets a particularly bad attack. Kuina’s clearing the table they just ate at, thinking about whether they would eat the coffee ice cream or melon ice cream for dessert, when a loud noise goes off. 

Bang. Bang. Bang. 

It’s the sound of three gunshots, fired in succession.

Fear and terror tear through Kuina in an instant and she drops to the floor, her hands holding her head, entire body violently shaking. 

Suddenly, she’s not in Ann’s kitchen anymore. She’s in a destroyed alley, crouching uselessly as she watches Ann’s body fall lifelessly in front of her, white shirt stained with blood. It plays like a loop in her mind.

Bang. 

One from Ann’s gun in an attempt to save Heiya. 

Bang. Bang. 

Two from the King of Spades, one near Ann’s abdomen, then another close to her chest, and Ann stumbles and falls. 

It’s such a distinct sound, one that played continuously in Kuina’s mind like a broken record as she watched Ann bleed out next to her, as she stared blankly at her dead body, wondering when it would be her turn to take her last breath like how Ann did. Kuina feels the fright crawl its way up her body until it has a tight grasp on her heart and she can’t breathe anymore. 

“Hey, did you drop something? I heard glass– Kuina?”

A familiar deep voice cuts through the replaying gunshots in her mind and suddenly Kuina feels warm hands clutch at her own, trying to gently peel them away from where they’re gripping tight on the sides of her head. 

“Kuina! Hey, what’s wrong? What’s happening?” Ann’s voice is dripping with concern and Kuina allows Ann to pull at her hands. Ann takes a hold of them, gripping Kuina’s fingers tight and squeezing them comfortingly. “Kuina, come on, please breathe. It’s okay, I’m here. Breathe, Kuina. Please.”

Kuina inhales sharply and she feels Ann’s exhale in return, sighing in relief. Air tastes so good. Kuina breathes more in, panting and trying to focus her gaze on anything to ground herself. Her eyes land on Ann’s face and Kuina feels a twinge of heartbreak at the look on the other woman’s face. It’s filled with so much despair that Kuina wants to cry for her. 

But then the loud sounds come again. Bang! Bang! Bang! And Kuina startles violently. Strong arms catch her before anything worse can happen, wrapping around her securely. 

Ann adjusts her so she’s halfway sitting on her lap, her face tucked under Ann’s head, gently pressed onto the spot where her neck meets her shoulder. “Shh, shh. It’s okay! It’s just fireworks, Kuina, it’s okay. You’re okay. Shh, just hold on to me, you’re okay.”

Ann takes one of Kuina’s arms and wraps it around her own waist, urging Kuina to hold on to her, which Kuina does. Eventually both of her arms go around Ann and Kuina clutches on to her like her life depends on it. 

“It’s just the fireworks, Kuina.” Ann repeats softly. “I got you, okay? Just breathe. Breathe for me, come on.”

Fireworks. That makes sense. There’s a festival happening nearby. 

Just fireworks. It helps and Kuina finds herself able to breathe better. Ann starts rubbing at her back and Kuina lets her. 

“I got you, Kuina. You’re safe here.” Ann whispers against the top of her head. 

Kuina believes her, and lets Ann hold her some more. 

Kuina doesn’t know how much time passes but eventually, Ann separates herself and pulls the both of them up. Ann guides her to the bathroom, warning her to be careful of the broken glasses on the kitchen floor. I must have dropped what I was holding, Kuina thinks absentmindedly, I need to replace that. 

Ann stays to wipe her face and arms with a damp towel, helping her clean herself, before she hands Kuina a pair of pajama shorts and an oversized hoodie with a faded Tokyo MPD logo. She tells Kuina to come to Ann’s room as soon as she’s ready and walks away, leaving the door open by an inch, for which Kuina is grateful. 

Next thing Kuina knows is she’s in Ann’s room and she’s being pulled to the bed. Ann lays on her side, head propped up by her fist as she looks at Kuina who’s laying on her back, eyes blankly staring at the ceiling. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ann asks softly. 

It’s not that she doesn’t want to. Rather, she doesn’t know how to. What will Kuina say? What can she say? It’s a curse to live with the memories of the games and the consequent trauma and Kuina will do anything to protect Ann from them. She wants to be open with Ann, she really does, but Kuina doesn’t know how or where to begin talking about what seems like a past life they both shared even though only Kuina remembers. 

She keeps quiet instead, and after a while, shakes her head. 

“Okay.” Ann says easily. She never pushes Kuina, for that she is thankful. 

A few minutes pass before Ann speaks again. 

“Is it okay if I touch you?” Ann asks. 

That one is easier to answer, and Kuina nods. 

She feels Ann move closer, her hand gently brushing away the strands of hair that fell on Kuina’s forehead. Then her fingers continue their journey on Kuina’s skin, sliding down her cheeks in a soft caress. Kuina’s eyes flutter shut, basking in the soothing touch. 

“Is it okay if I hold you?”

Another nod. 

Ann’s head meets the pillow as she positions herself even closer to Kuina. She feels a tug on her arms and then Kuina’s face is being pressed against Ann’s neck, as she pulls Kuina closer and closer until there’s as little space between them as possible. 

It feels impossibly good to be tucked into Ann like this. Kuina wishes she can experience this again in a more enjoyable atmosphere. 

“I know there are things you’re not telling me, and normally I hate secrets, but I trust you, Kuina.” Ann’s voice is so soft and comforting, and it travels all over Kuina’s body, blanketing her with warmth. “I want– no, I need you to know that, okay? I trust you, and you can talk to me whenever you’re ready. About anything. Until then, please know that I’m here for you. Always. I’m not going anywhere.” Ann promises and then whispers, “Goodnight, Kuina.”

Kuina feels soft lips press against her forehead in the softest of kisses. The kindness and love she’s being enveloped in is overwhelming and Kuina is unable to do or say anything else. She just cuddles closer, presses her lips against the base of Ann’s neck and surrenders herself to the warmth. 

Kuina wakes up to the delicious smell of breakfast. Her feet are silent on the floor as she makes her way to the kitchen to find Ann pouring coffee into two cups. She feels a bit awkward, if she’s being honest, not knowing how to act around Ann after last night’s events. Ann spots her soon enough and she’s greeted by a bright smile. 

“Hey there, sleepyhead.” A familiar greeting that Kuina has directed to Ann before. It makes Kuina feel good. “You’re just in time. Let’s eat.” 

And just like that, Kuina knows that it’s okay, and that they’re okay. Ann and her super power of always making Kuina feel better. The self-consciousness evaporates and she joins Ann for a hearty breakfast. 

Ann walks her to the station when it’s time for Kuina to leave and go home to prepare for her work. Kuina gives Ann what she hopes is the most grateful smile in the universe. 

“Thank you, Ann.” Kuina says simply, trusting that Ann will understand what she means. She glances down at the MPD hoodie she’s still wearing with her pants from last night. “And I’ll give back this hoodie after I wash it.”

Ann shrugs. “Keep it.”

“What? Are you sure?” Kuina asks. Although she can already see the appeal of having something that is Ann’s. 

Ann nods, and then she’s reaching out to take a hold of one of the drawstrings of the hoodie. Kuina watches, first with confusion, and then quickly with interest and bated breath as Ann’s fingers slide down until the end of the string, before continuing to trail down Kuina’s chest and her torso until she reaches the hem. 

“You look exquisite in my clothes.”

Kuina inhales sharply. She stands frozen for several seconds and feels her face and the tips of her ears heating up at record speed. 

“Ah,” Kuina says, unable to say anything else because what the hell just happened? “O-okay.”

Ann laughs, loudly and gleefully, like she just outsmarted someone and came out on top. She gives Kuina’s shoulder a gentle push. 

“Your train’s here. Text me once you’re home.”

Kuina just nods and turns around, still feeling out of her depth. She taps her card, walks past the turnstyle, and gets on her train. It’s only when she’s seated already and the train has started moving that Kuina is able to react. 

“Damn.” Kuina laughs, shaking her head at herself. Only Ann can give the kind of night they had that kind of morning after. 

Ann really is something else, and there’s absolutely no doubt about it now.

Kuina is head over heels in love. 

//

The thing about accepting that she is in love with someone as awesome as Ann is the accompanying desire to have a future with her. 

And for them to have a future together, Kuina needs to tell Ann about herself. 

When would be a good time to do so? Kuina wonders. She never had the chance to do so in the Borderland, what with their lives constantly hanging on the line. It didn’t seem important back then to discuss her identity to people who could die any minute. 

But it’s been over half a year since then, and life has been pretty ordinary and normal (and great, thanks to Ann). So maybe this really is Kuina’s and everyone else’s second chance to live their lives and not just a big cosmic joke. 

So, a future. A future is something they hoped for in the Borderland but were not sure if they were ever going to have again. But now they have it, and a future with Ann is something Kuina finds herself dreaming of and aching for. 

For them to have a chance at a real future, Kuina needs to let Ann in fully. 

The possibility of Ann turning her away is little to none, Kuina trusts her that much and she knows Ann, but the thought of coming out has always filled her with so much anxiety. Coming out is a lifelong process and Kuina understands that. But understanding that does not make it any easier on her. Rarely has it ever gone well for her, especially when it comes to her past partners. Usually they claim to understand at first, but then they start acting differently, and then they just end things with whatever flimsy excuse. Eventually, Kuina just… stopped coming out. Some people just don’t deserve it, some people are just not worthy of it. 

Oh, but Ann.

Beautiful, kind, and lovely Ann. 

God, is she worth it. 

No one has been more worth it than Ann. 

Kuina will do anything for a future with her. 

//

Kuina skips excitedly as she makes her way to Ann’s workplace. They have plans to go back to the ramen place tonight. Ann has been quite busy the past weeks, effectively lessening their time spent together. They text constantly but nothing beats being with Ann in person and the thought of finally going back to their normal has Kuina feeling giddy all day. 

She takes a turn just in time to see Ann step out of the station. Kuina grins, getting ready to call on her, until she sees a big, burly man in police uniform follow Ann out and stand a little bit too close. Kuina’s grin promptly disappears. 

Who the hell is that? Kuina sneers to herself, moving a bit to the side of the street and narrowing her eyes and straining her ears. 

“Come on, An-san.” The big oaf says, and god even his voice is annoying to Kuina. “I’ve been asking for weeks now. Surely you’re tired of saying no?”

Ann has her back to her now but Kuina knows her enough to recognize the scoff she lets out just by the way her shoulders twitch. “Badgering does not work on me. Aren’t you tired of hearing me say  no?”

The man laughs and it grates on Kuina’s ears. Badgering? How dare he. “That’s a bit harsh, isn’t it?”

“Apparently not harsh enough, since you’re still asking.” Ann sighs out, glancing at her wristwatch before wrapping her arms around herself, one hand rubbing up and down her arm that’s exposed by her sleeveless top. “Will you please just leave me alone, officer?”

“I’m just saying–”

Kuina has heard enough. She grits her teeth and marches forward to where Ann is. She shrugs her leather jacket off and when she reaches Ann, she drapes it over her shoulder. 

“Kuina!” Ann turns to her with surprise and obvious relief. 

“Hey. I’m here to pick you up.” Kuina greets in turn. There’s no use announcing why she’s here, Ann knows why, but Kuina does it anyway. “Am I late?” 

There’s a pleased smile on Ann’s face as she shrugs her arms into the sleeves of Kuina’s jacket, wearing them properly. “Not at all. You’re right on time.” From her peripheral vision, Kuina can see the confused look on the officer’s face and she resists the urge to laugh. Serves him right, honestly.

“Perfect.” Kuina grins back. “Are you ready to go?”

Ann nods, and they’re both about to turn when Kuina sees movement in the corner of her eyes. Her martial arts training kicks into action and she catches the man’s wrist in a strong grip before he can touch Ann. 

The man looks surprised, men usually are when they see someone who looks like Kuina actually match their strength. There’s a hardness in his gaze that he tries to hide as he shakes away Kuina’s hand and addresses only Ann. How rude. 

“An-san, we’re still talking so maybe–”

“I don’t think she wants to talk to you.” Kuina cuts him off. She’s not normally rude to other people but she finds that she doesn’t really care about that right now. “I don’t think she’s been wanting to talk to you in the weeks you’ve apparently been badgering her. That’s harassment, by the way, officer. If you don’t know.” She knows she’s giving away the fact that she snooped on their conversation but Kuina couldn’t care less, her desire to put this man in his place much stronger. 

Kuina turns to Ann, “Do you want to talk to this guy?”

Ann shakes her head, not even sparing him a glance. “Not really.” She takes Kuina’s hand in her own, locking their fingers together, and gives her a tug. “Let’s go, Kuina.” 

It’s only then that Ann turns to the guy who looks like he’s about to shit himself in embarrassment and anger. Ann gives a light bow, which Kuina mimics with overexaggerated movements and a roll of her eyes, making Ann nudge her with a huff of amusement.

And then they’re on their way, Ann happily swaying their joined hands, asking what Kuina will be ordering like nothing happened.

“So…” Ann starts on their walk back to Ann’s place. Kuina twitches at this. There’s something in Ann’s tone that lets Kuina know that this is the conversation she’s been dreading all night. Not because it’s a hard one or a sensitive one. But because there’s that glint in Ann’s eyes right now, the one she always has when she’s about to be insufferable about something. And Kuina knows exactly what Ann wants to talk about right now. 

Kuina chooses to feign ignorance. “Hm?” 

It makes Ann snort prettily. How does one have a pretty snort? Life is so unfair. 

“What?” Kuina asks a bit defensively. 

This time, Ann chuckles. “You were jealous, a while ago.” She states monotonously, like she’s stating a simple fact. 

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Oh, you weren’t, were you? What was that about then?” 

“That giant oaf was just annoying!” Kuina grumbles. She moves to tuck her hands in her jacket pocket, only to realize that Ann is still wearing it. She tucks her hands in the back pocket of her jeans instead. “He was talking to you and being all oafy and dumb.” 

“Oafy and dumb?” Ann repeats, her voice dripping with unconcealed amusement. “Because he was talking to me? So is this you not being jealous?”

“Oh, come on! Not just because he was talking to you. You said it yourself, he’s been badgering you at work! What’s that about?”  

“And you totally know that just because, right? Not because you were listening in on us?” 

“T-that was–” Kuina grasps at straws. “A coincidence! Yes, it was a coincidence. I arrived just in time to hear.”

“Sure, Kuina, of course.” Ann nods in obvious disbelief, her eyes still filled with mirth. 

“But seriously, if someone’s bothering you like that, you should tell someone at work! Or tell me, at least!” Kuina pouts at Ann. “I know you can take care of yourself but still. I worry.”

They stop at the doorsteps of Ann’s house. 

“Yes, I will, first thing tomorrow. And I do know that you worry.” Ann assures her, bringing a bit of comfort back to Kuina at the prospect of being done with the topic of her so not jealousy. 

“And I also know now that you get jealous.” Ann adds, making Kuina groan. She was a fool for thinking they’re done with the topic just like that. 

Ann laughs, “It’s cute, really. Who knew you’re the jealous type?”

Not her, that’s for sure. She’s dated people before but jealousy on her part was never the issue. Not until it’s Ann. Not until it’s the idea of random stupid and undeserving people making a move on Ann. 

“Okay, okay, fine. Maybe I was jealous.” Kuina finally relents, chuckling at the triumphant smile that crosses Ann’s face in an instant. “I know it’s not really my place to be jealous but…” She shrugs. 

A beat of silence. And then–

“Isn’t it?” Ann asks. 

There’s a sudden seriousness in her voice that has Kuina looking at her again. Ann’s still smiling, an inviting one this time as she leans back against the front door, staring straight at Kuina, eyes bright and beautiful and unwavering. 

“Maybe it can be your place.” Ann continues. 

There’s something about the atmosphere that Ann has led them to, something in the sudden tension between them, that has Kuina gulping nervously. Suddenly, the jokes and banter are gone, replaced by a seriousness that reminds Kuina of making a life or death decision. Only this time, there’s no death, no downside between the options being presented to her. It’s a choice between having something good, and possibly having something even better. 

Kuina can feel it in her bones. She’s at the precipice of something so great and brilliant, of something that she knows she absolutely cannot fuck up. 

She holds Ann’s gaze and wills herself to be as strong and steady as the woman in front of her despite the nervousness fluttering in her chest. 

“Can it?” She asks hopefully and just with a tiny bit of fear. 

Ann shrugs playfully, “Maybe if you have the guts to ask me out.”

And that makes Kuina laugh, mostly at herself for ever being scared when the woman in front of her, the woman offering her the best options she has ever had the pleasure of having, is so steadfast in what they have that she can be playful even in the moment they’re currently in. 

Kuina pretends to be offended. “I do have the guts!”

“Oh, you do? Do you really? Or should I just be the one to ask you out  now since you’re so dense and slow?” Ann laughs at her again, and god, this woman is so insufferable, Kuina wants to kiss her all over her smug little face. 

“All right, all right.” Kuina steps closer to Ann, and she can't help the laugh that bubbles out of her when Ann stands up straighter, lifting an eyebrow expectantly. Kuina absolutely cannot believe how easy it is to be with Ann. 

“Would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow?”

Ann smiles. 

“I would love to.”

Kuina beams.

//

Their date is a blast, because of course it is. It’s not much different from their usual outings, which says a lot, Kuina realizes, only this time there’s the added bonus of being able to hold Ann’s hand and being able to sit as close to her as she wants. 

They’re in front of Ann’s house when Kuina finally, finally gets to kiss her. 

“Tonight was amazing.” Kuina says, her cheeks red and her smile big as she faces Ann. “We should have done this much earlier.”

“And who’s fault is it that we’re only doing this now?” Ann raises an eyebrow at her. 

Kuina rolls her eyes. She moves to hold onto Ann’s hips, pulling her forward until they’re flushed together. “You’re such a know-it-all. I think I need to shut you up now.”

“Oh? And how will you do that?”

“Like this.” Kuina whispers before leaning in and pressing her lips against Ann’s. 

Ann lets out a small squeak, one that Kuina eagerly accepts, finally gaining the upper hand for once. She moves her lips against Ann and marvels at how soft her lips are. 

Kissing Ann is even better than Kuina has ever imagined and it sparks a hunger in her. She feels Ann’s hands crawling to her face, tilting her head so that she can slot their lips better and Kuina happily allows her to do so. When she feels Ann’s tongue swipe at her lower lip, Kuina responds with urgency, like she’s suffocating and the only available air is trapped between Ann’s lips. 

They pull away after a while, both breathless and panting. Kuina feels Ann resting her forehead against Kuina’s cheek. It must be a bit awkward, considering that Ann is slightly taller than her, but Kuina allows it, her arms refusing to budge from their grip around Ann. 

“Want to join me inside?” Ann breathes out, her lips pressing against Kuina’s cheek in a soft kiss before pulling back so they can look at each other. 

“I’m not sure if it’s a good idea.” Kuina answers. No matter the atmosphere between them, it is still just their first date. Kuina doesn’t want to rush something as glorious as this. 

Ann pouts at her. She pouts (Who knew Ann can pout?), and Kuina is powerless. She lets out a sigh and kisses her again. A few chaste ones. “If I go inside, I might…” Kuina trails off. 

This makes Ann chuckle, and she steps back to put some distance between them, but she takes Kuina’s hand in hers. “Nothing has to happen.” Ann says, “I just… I’m not ready to end the night yet. We can just hang out as usual. Maybe we can watch a movie?”

“Are you sure?”

Ann tugs at her hand, and Kuina follows willingly. 

“Of course. I’ll even lend you that ratty old sweatshirt you like so much.” Ann raises an eyebrow, daring Kuina to refuse. 

Kuina doesn’t. She does like that sweatshirt. Instead, she nods in acquiescence, watches Ann unlock the door, and follows her inside. 

They spend the entire night cuddling while Twilight plays in the background. 

//

It’s after another date and they’re hanging out in Ann’s place watching some horror thriller crime movie that Kuina randomly chose. They’re sitting close on the couch, a bowl of chips between them. Admittedly, Ann seems to be more invested in the movie they’re watching, given how Kuina has been staring at Ann for the last several minutes. 

“-- And what the hell is that even?” Ann complains before throwing some chips into her mouth. “Does he expect to get samples using what looks like a popsicle stick? Oh, no, that is not how that equipment is used!”

Kuina giggles (she can’t believe Ann has her giggling like this), and she holds up their shared drink in front of Ann, angling it so that the straw is right in front of her lips. Ann doesn’t even look at her, she just leans forward, takes a sip, throws in a very adorable and purely absent-minded (yet still able to make Kuina’s heart do somersaults) “thanks, babe,” before she’s back to munching on her chips and berating the television. 

Ann has spent over 15 minutes now just talking trash about the movie. She’s still ranting about how inaccurate the details are, about how that is not how forensics work, and about the general wrongness of everything in the film.

Kuina finds it funny, that’s why for a while now, she has opted to just watch Ann instead of the movie. Ann goes on a tangent about how to properly hold a scalpel and Kuina feels a surge of affection. 

“You are such a big nerd.” She says, poking Ann’s side where she knows she’s ticklish. 

Ann lightly slaps Kuina's hand away and throws a chip at her. “It’s called being smart.” She defends herself, “It’s not my fault this stupid movie didn’t hire a proper consultant.” And then Ann spots another mistake and there she goes again. 

Kuina shakes her head in utter amusement and fondness as she picks up the food Ann threw at her. 

“I can’t believe I’m in love with a nerd.” 

There’s a beat of silence where Ann stops talking abruptly. When she doesn’t hear Ann continue after a few seconds, Kuina looks at her and raises an eyebrow questioningly. “What?”

Ann is looking at her, eyes wide. Her lower lip is caught between her teeth but there’s an obvious smile on her face. “What did you just say?” She asks slowly. 

Kuina’s eyebrows draw together in confusion. “What? What do you mean what did I–” Realization hits her and Kuina freezes. “Shit.”

Ann smiles fully, unable to restrain it anymore, her whole body turning towards Kuina.

“Did you just say that–”

“NO!” Kuina shakes her head vehemently before realizing what that implies, which turns the shaking into nods instead. This is making her dizzy.  “I mean, yes! Yes, I did. But I need a do-over.”

Ann shakes her head at her, smiling all the while still as she places the bowl of chips she’s cradling on the coffee table. “You can’t get a do-over.” 

But this isn’t how Kuina wanted to tell Ann. It was supposed to be special and memorable and–

“Just wait a minute, Ann!”

“No more waiting.” Ann says, and then she’s swinging a leg over Kuina’s lap. Suddenly, she’s straddling Kuina and dropping her entire weight on her. 

“H-hey!” Kuina holds onto Ann’s waist instinctively. 

“You love me?” Ann asks, and there’s wonder in her voice, like it’s an unfathomable thought. “You love me?”

“Well, yeah,” Kuina says with a thoughtful sigh, “You’re you, Ann. Of course, I love you.”

An is ecstatic, Kuina knows it by the way Ann is smiling at her wider than ever before, and in the way that Ann surges forward to kiss her. The kiss is a bit sloppy, on account of the two of them not being able to wipe the smile off of their faces.

They kiss and kiss and kiss, Ann’s lips never leaving Kuina’s unless she has to take a sharp breath before diving back down. Kuina feels contentment start to settle in her chest, until Ann slips her hand under Kuina’s shirt, long fingers trailing up her abs, and then the contentment turns into nervousness and anxiety. 

I have to tell her now. I need to tell her. 

Kuina pulls away, her hands grabbing the fingers exploring beneath her shirt. But Ann just shakes her off, hands moving to Kuina’s shoulder as her lips go directly to Kuina’s jaw, pressing kiss after kiss. 

“A-Ann, hold on.” Kuina gasps out.

Ann hums but she doesn’t stop. “What’s wrong?” She mumbles agains Kuina’s skin.

“I need to tell you something.” Kuina sighs when Ann takes her earlobe between her lips. Oh, that feels good.

“Can’t it wait?” Ann whispers hotly. 

“It’s–” Ann bites on her ear and Kuina lets out a moan. “It’s– It’s very important though.”

Ann moves lower, lips attaching to Kuina’s neck. “More important than this?”

Is it more important than having Ann on her lap, pressing hot kisses all over her? Kuina doesn’t know for sure. She can’t think straight. God, Ann is so distracting in the best ways. 

“I, uh, I don’t know but–” Kuina whimpers. 

“All right.” Ann seems to finally take pity on her. She pulls back and sits firmly on Kuina’s lap. The way her lips are glistening is distracting as hell. She flashes Kuina an apologetic smile. “Sorry about that.”

“Oh no, please, never apologize for that.” Kuina says, smiling dreamily as she remembers the onslaught of kisses, her skin still tingling on the spots Ann got. “As a matter of fact, that is always welcomed. Please do it as much and as often as you want.”

Ann laughs. She uses her thumb to wipe what Kuina assumes is smudged lipstick on Kuina’s lips and chin. “Okay, Kuina. What is it you want to tell me?”

Oh, right. Kuina feels the nervousness creep back in and she takes a deep breath to steady herself. 

“Right, yes. Um, I need to tell you something about me.” She begins, taking Ann’s hands and holding onto them for strength. “I… Um… The things is–”

Ann squeezes her hands. “Just tell me, Kuina. It’s okay.”

Kuina takes a deep breath. It’s okay. If Ann says it’s okay, then it’s okay. 

Here goes. 

“I’m trans.” Kuina says, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m a transwoman.” She repeats, more confident this time. 

“I know.”

What?

“What?” Kuina blinks. “You know?”

Ann nods, one corner of her lips tugging up in the beginning of a smile. “I do. I inferred it.”

Kuina can’t help but to smile at Ann’s words despite the tension still in her body. Such a nerd. “You inferred it how?” 

“I’ve been to your place, Kuina.” Ann says kindly. “I’ve been to your bedroom. I saw the family pictures by your dresser. And I also saw the hormone meds in your bathroom.”

Oh. It’s a bit anticlimactic and Kuina deflates a little. She realizes that Ann is correct. There are pictures displayed all over her apartment, pictures of her from childhood until the present, her meds are in her bathroom cabinet, and since they started hanging out in each other’s places, Ann has had free reign over the entire place. She comes in and out of Kuina’s bedroom as she pleases, raids Kuina’s closet when she wants, and basically just does whatever. 

Someone as smart as Ann, of course she’ll infer away. 

“But you never said anything about it.” Kuina wonders out loud. 

“That’s because I know you’re not ready yet. And I trusted that you’ll tell me once you are.”

“Uhh, okay then. So, what do you think?” Kuina asks with some trepidation. “Is this okay with you? Because if it’s not then–”

“Kuina.” It’s the first time Kuina hears Ann speak her name so sharply and she shuts up instantly. Ann looks at her with a crease on her forehead. “Don’t even finish that thought. What do I think? I think you’re the best person I know. I think you’re kind and honest and you love your mother so much it’s the purest thing I have ever seen in my life.” Ann lets go of Kuina’s hands to cup her cheeks. Her hand is soft and warm and Kuina feels her heart swell a hundred times over.

“I think you’re beautiful, Kuina.” Ann continues, “You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. And I think you’re an idiot for thinking that you being trans will change how I feel about you.”

Kuina is inclined to agree. She is an idiot. 

“And how do you feel about me?” Kuina asks softly. The slight tremble in her voice and the way her eyes are starting to tear up are just a tiny bit embarrassing.  

Ann laughs and she playfully pinches Kuina’s cheeks. 

“I love you too, Kuina.”

Kuina grins happily. Ann sighs, exasperated but oh so deeply in love.

“Can we get back to kissing now? Please?”

Kuina doesn’t answer. Instead, she captures Ann’s lips in a loving kiss, and this time, when Ann’s hands disappear inside her shirt, Kuina doesn’t stop her.

Life is good, she's with Ann, and Kuina is happy.