Chapter Text
“Aren’t you going to shoot me, like you did back then?” He was cast in shadow, a silhouette of darkness engulfed in light. Though she had a gun aimed at him, he seemed to feel no fear. Slowly, he pointed his index finger to the center of his forehead, like he did 12 years prior.
There was rubble strewn about, an old chandelier had long since fallen to the floor. Was there ever an environment that Johan dwelled in that didn’t get ruined?
“I will… And I will end it all.” Nina said back, unwavering. “You will die, and I will die.” So the Monster inside both of us will cease to be. “I will tell you a truly horrifying story…”
Like the twins they used to be, he finished for her. He was so accurate, and yet so wrong. “No.” Nina started shaking. She grimaced. “No, you’re wrong. It wasn’t you that went to the Red Rose Mansion. That was me!” I did this to you, she thought, after realizing what actually happened to him. I turned you into a monster…
Johan smiled at her then, but he also looked like he was going to cry. His face was mostly covered by shadow, but she could see enough. His eyes were soft and pleading. It was the same face he wore as he bore down at her at the border, knowing full well they both going to die there, cold and abandoned.
He had been happy to die back then, just sad he had to take her with him.
She fired twice in his general direction, but she had no real intention of hitting him. He left before she put the barrel to her forehead.
I did this to you… It should have been me who became the Monster… I would just be better off dead.
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She met him again at Ruhenheim. Bodies littered the streets and screams tore through the air, but Nina hardly noticed. She was too focused on her one goal.
“Johan I-I forgive you for what did. Even if we were the only two people left in the world, I would forgive you. This is what I can do, for you…” The only thing I can do for you…
“It’s no use,” Johan said back, just as broken and just as quiet. He couldn’t meet her eyes. “There are some things you can’t take back,” She knew he was talking about himself, but she couldn’t help but direct those words at her. Yes, no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t change the past, she couldn’t take back what she did to him. “Isn’t that right, Dr. Tenma?” He looked the good doctor in the eye when he couldn’t even stand to look at her, and aimed his gun at the small child in front of him. He had the worst expression on his face.
In the end, Tenma still hadn’t shot him. It was the boy’s drunk of a father, deliriously screaming that he saw a devil with seven heads trying to hurt his son.
Even after everything, Tenma still had never hurt him.
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He had been in a coma for almost a year. His head of light blond hair had finally grown back and he was starting to look warm and healthy again despite his skinniness. A tube of fluids connected to his arm, steadily giving him life. The only sound in the room was the beeping of his heart monitor.
She held his hand, it was barely bigger than hers. The calluses from his excessive gun use had finally begun to lessen. When she had been hunting him down, it was hard to think of her brother as human. As someone who could radiate warmth from his body or as someone who needed air in his lungs. She couldn’t imagine him ever going to the bathroom, needing to eat, or even getting dirty enough to need a shower. He just existed in a perpetual state of perfection to her. His time spent in a coma changed that.
She was able to watch his chest go up and down with his breathing. Sometimes, the nurses would allow her to help bathe him and she would see the long, faded scars that littered his torso. She liked to nap on his stomach or chest while she visited, listening to the movements in his body. It lulled her to sleep.
She read to him often, spoke to him. She would tell him of how her days went, gossip about coworkers at her part-time job. She would tell him how Dr. Tenma was doing. She would imagine him talking back in her head, and would answer his questions to the best of her ability. Often times she wouldn’t speak at all, she would just watch over him while he slept. Slowly, she got more affectionate. She would tell him that she loved him and she would kiss him on the forehead when she left.
It’s easy to love someone when they are completely incapable of hurting you.
“Tenma found our mother Johan.” She held his cold hand tighter, she didn’t hate their mother, but she didn’t want anything to do with her. She wanted all of that to stay in the past, Mother made her choice… “He told me over the phone. He found out our names. She gave us names Johan.” Tears slipped out of her eyes and landed on their hands, Nina didn’t even know she crying. She sniffed and continued. “I asked him not to tell me. My name is Nina, I like the name you gave me. But when you wake up… if you ever wake up, Tenma will tell you yours. I know you want to know.”
She wiped her eyes with a tissue and went back to staring at his sleeping face. It started raining outside. For some strange reason, to Nina, the rain felt like the sound of his voice. “I might sound crazy, but I wish you were awake so I could hear you speak to me again. I… I miss you. I don’t know why.”
It was late by the time she finally left him once more. She had finished a chapter in a Beauty and the Beast retelling she thought he would enjoy had he been awake. She had to clean up around the apartment, Tenma was going to visit in a couple of days. Before she left, she did her little goodbye routine. She whispered she loved him, kissed him gently on the forehead, and promised to return next week.
She did no such thing, not three days after she left, not even an hour after Tenma had visited him, he was gone. Vanished into thin air. When she heard the news she put her face into her hands… and silently cried.
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