Archive of Our Own

4 Years ago. 

The stars were too bright that night, and the sky was too clear. But Chuuya liked it that way, it allowed him to feel like maybe there was some light left in a world which was full of darkness.

“Hey Chuuya,”

Chuuya tilted his head towards the bandaged kid beside him. They weren’t meant to be out like this, but Dazai had been acting weird ever since he came back from his mission. So, Chuuya had indulged him and allowed him to take him out of his apartment to walk all the way out here, to some overgrown grass in some field somewhere just outside Port Mafia territory. It was nice. Too nice. The two just layed there beside each other in the grass with their hands beside them, with only their pinkies touching one another. 

“Yeah Dazai,”

“Can you promise me something?”

“...okay.”

“Promise me you will never use corruption unless I’m with you.”

A brief pause fell between the two boys. Chuuya was in a state of confusion. When would that ever be the case? They were partners, they'll always be together. 

“Of course… but Dazai you’re acting…” Chuuya trailed off hesitant to finish his statement, “Did something happen?”

Chuuya saw it. It was a split second, but he saw Dazai's mask fall as raw emotion creeped through the surface. It was despair. Chuuya hated it. He hated that look.

“I should get going. I have a busy day tomorrow.” 

“Oh yeah? Another mission?”

Dazai didn’t respond. 

Hastily getting to his feet, Dazai stood on the grass, looking down as dark auburn eyes met pricing blue ones.

 “Jeez Dazai you could at least answer me. See you tomorrow then?”

“You should buy a better car, Chuuya.”

“What! You bastard, I like my car, dammit, leave me alone!”

Chuuya sighed before beginning to speak again, “See you tomorrow asshole.”

Once again, Dazai never responded. 

___________________________________

Present.

The sky was overpowered by the fog which swept over Yokohama. No clear skies could be seen as rain plummeted down to the ground. Nothing but the dark grey clouds consumed the area. 

“Hey Akutagawa!”

Chuuya tilted his head towards his subordinate with sweat dripping down his neck and blood splattered on his face. Things were never meant to go so drastically wrong today. 

Or maybe they were. 

Chuuya knew to some level he should’ve expected this. There had been little hints from Mori like:

  “Use whatever means necessary to complete the mission.” 

“I am permitting you the use of the full extent of your ability.”

However, he brushed it off due to the fact he could always just handle it with For The Tainted Sorrow . Unfortunately, now he had no other choice. They were swamped with enemies, a few of which had abilities. He was also aware his team, no, his family , were on the brink of collapse which would lead to their downfall. Chuuya was not going to let that happen.

“Yes Nakahara!?”

“Withdraw and retreat with everyone! This is overwhelming, we don't have enough people and the enemy's numbers were gravely underestimated. I have a plan but it requires you all to be out of the area!”

“What about yourself, sir?!”

Chuuya hesitated, though told Akutagawa anyway.

“I am using corruption.”

An overwhelming mix of emotions took control of the man’s face. Akutagawa knew what this meant. He wasn’t stupid. Chuuya had been reckless for months but Akutagawa could always step up before things got too bad. This time they were beyond that point.

“But you know what will happen won't you?” He sounded horrified. Chuuya gritted his teeth.

“Ryunosuke… I- it’s been a pleasure, you were always such an amazing subordinate. Just do me one more favour of getting everyone to safety for me. Okay?”

Akutagawa felt bile rise to his throat, it felt too much like a goodbye.

“There are more options other than this! We can figure something out—”

Akutagawa let out a large cough with blood splattering onto his hand. 

“There is no other way. You need medical attention, your lungs can't keep up. Gin is suffering from several knife wounds and a head injury. Tachihara has been shot. Hirotsu is dealing with twenty men at once. Kaji has a concussion and is about to be knocked out any minute. Fifteen of our own are already dead. Don't question me, I am your superior. Get everyone out of here. You have five minutes.”

Akutagawa could hear the shift in Chuuya’s voice from how gentle he could be to how serious his tone got. Chuuya was serious and willing to die.

The rain was getting heavier and Chuuya looked up to see the enemies’ backup coming closer. They did not have long. 

Akutagawa tried to steady his stance and using his pale, boney fingers he reached into his soggy pocket pulling out his phone. Chuuya was walking away, but Akutagawa wasn't giving up. 

“We can call Dazai-san! If you can wait ten minutes for him to be on his way he can stop you in time! You are being reckless! Just wait—”

“No. Under no circumstance are you to call Dazai. He is a traitor who is no longer affiliated with the mafia. The truce between the Armed Detective Agency and The Port Mafia is not about personal business. Calling him is directly disobeying my orders. Besides… we don't even have 10 minutes.”

“Promise me you will never use corruption unless I’m with you.”

“Leave now Ryu, I'm not asking again.”

With hesitation Akutagawa left. Chuuya looked up at the sky. He could only see grey.

A chill ran up his spine. It was funny. The last time Chuuya saw Dazai, he was staring into clear night skies, thinking he’d never have to go through anything alone. But that was four years ago. Then, when he eventually came back, he was only looking for information. 

When Dazai had shown up after four years a small part of Chuuya had desperately hoped it was for him. But then Chuuya saw him. He looked healthier. Happier. His eyes weren't as cold and his body looked stronger. Like he was actually caring for himself. He couldn’t do that when he was with Chuuya.

Chuuya wasn’t enough to help him.

The night Dazai left, Chuuya stayed laying the grass for a couple more hours taking everything in. How the grass felt on his ungloved fingers, how the cold air tasted as he inhaled and exhaled, and it felt like he could finally breathe. He loved the feeling. It felt human. Though, once he had gotten back to his apartment he knew something was wrong.

To start his car had been blown up.

“You should buy a better car, Chuuya.”

The next indication was that his apartment was different. Emptier.

To the naked eye it wouldn't seem like it but Chuuya could tell instantly. 

Their orange blanket was gone.

Their photo which laid on the coffee table was gone.

His mug of their matching set was gone.

His clothes were all gone.

His stupid mackrel plush Chuuya bought him was gone.

If Chuuya was ever honest with himself he would have realised Dazai had left that night. However, it wasn't until he woke up the next day with messages from Kyouyo and Mori did he accept it. 

The best thing Dazai had done was blow up his car. It made it easier to hate him. 

When they had met again Dazai had mentioned it and Chuuya acted like he didn't know it was him.

But they both knew that was a lie.

Though right now wasn't a good time to be reminiscing about the past. 

Right now Chuuya should be thinking about how in a few minutes he will never see anyone ever again. 

He’ll never be brought back from his destructive state with the promise of a warm smile and a hand to hold.

He’ll never get to say goodbye to Koyou.

He’ll never get to drink that wine he bought last week.

He’ll never get the chance to fix the bulb that went out in his kitchen.

He’ll never have another Tuesday morning coffee run with Tachihara or another boxing session with Gin. 

He’ll never get to ride his motorcycle again that Albatross gave him with his dying wish when he was sixteen. 

Though he may be seeing him and the rest of his friends again soon.

A faint smile lingered on his face. This was it. 

The enemies were less than a mile from Chuuya.

Slowly taking his hat off his head and placing it on the ground followed by the removal of his gloves and coat, Chuuya sighed.

“I’m sorry Dazai.”

The enemies were 500 yards.

“Oh granters of dark disgrace,”

The enemies were 250 yards.

“You need not wake me again.”

0 yards.

_____________________________________

Dazai’s morning had been suspiciously peaceful, he lingered around the office of the ADA, trying to get a rise out of Kunikida, and Atsushi to do his paperwork.

Though, they had been ignoring him all morning. So, Dazai had been sitting at his desk reading some old book he had bought at the store across the road because it was the last one left, so Dazai felt inclined to buy it. He wanted to make sure that if anyone came to the shop to specifically buy the book, it would be gone, and they would be inconvenienced and have to look elsewhere for it. It was stupid but Dazai grinned thinking of the scenario. 

Lazily peeling back each sandy page, Dazai’s attention was captured by Ranpo’s voice being directed at him, “Dazai, you remember the lead on that drug ring that was operating with gifted individuals?”

Dazai’s brow raised curiously, “Sure, we let the mafia deal with them didn't we?”

“Mhm, it seems more members with abilities have come to light though… and wasn’t Mr Fancy Hat and his team that were meant to report back to us today because they were meant to go in today?”

Dazai was confused, he was aware that The Port Mafia were meant to give them an overview of the aftermath of what happened. The report was due in at 5pm at the latest… but it was nearing 7 o’clock? 

It didn't mean it meant anything.

“It's fine Ranpo, it's the mafia they can deal with themselves. Why even mention it?”

“I just have a feeling something is off.”

Ranpo’s instincts were never wrong.

Dazai swallowed, hard. The image of a short, ginger man with a fedora flashed across his mind. This was ridiculous, it was a drug bust for god’s sake. The mafia had dealt with much worse.

Unfortunately, Dazai was wrong. Maybe he should’ve taken Ranpo more seriously, because not even 10 minutes later, a ‘No Caller ID’ was ringing across his screen. 

A slight glimmer of hope bubbled in Dazai, maybe Chuuya was done, and was calling him to apologise for the tardiness. Dazai had already conjured up 14 different insults to jab at his ex-partner for handing in the report late.

Though instead of the irritated voice of Chuuya, he was met with the fear-stricken voice of Akutagawa. 

“Dazai-san! Is this you!?”

“Yes Akutagawa, now why are you calling I-”

“Please Dazai, it’s- it’s Nakahara! He ran off! We are all injured and we were surrounded! So he said he was going to use Corruption.”

Dazai froze. He held an unreadable expression on his face as he felt the weight of everything over the past four years came crashing onto his shoulders. 

“Promise me you will never use corruption unless I’m with you.”

Chuuya had promised . 

This was a joke right?

However the sound of bullets and Akutagawa’s deep cough through the phone alerted him to how this was not a joke. 

Chuuya Nakahara would be taken from this world, just as Oda Sakunosuke had four years prior. 

Where would he be buried? Next to Sakunosuke? No. The two had interacted only once, when Ango and Oda had harassed Dazai to bring Chuuya along with him to Bar Lupin one day after they had finished work. 

The night had been hell for Dazai, being constantly tormented by the three males. Though, it was one of his best memories. Everyone together. Alive.  

Though, this meant he’d have to travel elsewhere to visit Chuuya’s body. Perhaps he would be buried with The Flags.

Would he have to bring flowers to his grave?

Would he even be invited to the funeral?

Would he have to spend everyday living in more regret and guilt than he did already?

Would his body even be salvageable? Dazai knew how destructive Corruption could be.

No.

What is he even thinking? Chuuya’s still alive. There must still be time. It's not over. He wouldn't let it be.

He won’t let someone else be taken from him.

Especially by the hands of The Port Mafia. Or Mori.

Actually how did it come to this? The Port Mafia were always prepared and a ‘drug bust’ should not have taken such a turn that Chuuya felt the need to give his life to save everyone.

This was unusual. 

This felt planned. He needed the full story, because if it was Mori, then that meant Chuuya wasn’t safe. He was too loyal and Mori would exploit that.

He was ripped from his thoughts by the desperate voice of his old student, “Dazai please. We both know he won't make it! And I refuse to accept that you don’t care for him!”

“Can you send me the location?”

Akutagawa froze up for a split second half expecting Dazai not to respond.

“Yes! Now please hurry, and we may need that doctor of yours!”

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.”

Dazai jumped from his seat whipping his head towards Ranpo who had already deduced the situation, and if Ranpo was being honest he didn't want to see anything bad happen to Chuuya either, they had spent a month in a book together after all.

“Go, I’ll cover for you with the boss. Yosano is in the infirmary, and catch!”

Ranpo threw Kunikida's car keys at him.

“Thanks Ranpo.”

“Just make sure he doesn't die.”

Dazai nodded his head, grabbed Yosano, who agreed to go with him without question, for now, and headed for the car.

“Wait Dazai! I’m coming too!”

Yosano and Dazai looked behind to find Atsushi approaching them.

“I- I’m sorry Dazai-san I listened to you and I could hear you talking to Akutagawa over the phone so I’m coming.”

Yosano raised an eyebrow and Dazai nodded, jumping in the car, gripping the wheel.

“Just wait a bit longer Chuuya.”

_____________________________________

The sound of chronic laughter could be heard throughout the area. 

Who was laughing?

Black orbs were repeatedly thrown across the land, eliminating anyone who dared get close. 

Why do my fingers feel like they are being ripped from my hand?

Pure white eyes shone through the darkness of the sky.

Why can’t I see anything?

Red marks swirled into his skin as towered above the area with every living thing dead below him.

Why is my skin burning?

Chuuya’s mind was a mess. He had no perception of time or reality. Each cell in his body was being ripped apart from the inside and Chuuya could feel everything.

It was complete agony, and there was no way to stop it. Chuuya felt every hair on his body standing on end, though it also felt like they were all being ripped out slowly and painfully all at the same time.

He wanted to scratch at all his skin and rip it from his body so only muscle was exposed. He felt that would be less painful than having to live through this purgatory. 

He felt exposed, as if everyone could see him in this sorry state, and he could feel all their burning gazes surrounding him. He couldn't breathe. He couldn’t see. He was rendered useless. 

He felt like he was sixteen again, being helplessly tortured in that sickening lab. 

He couldn't take much more. 

Everything just had to stop. 

_____________________________________

The car swivelled around the corner and came to a stop right in front of several mafia members, all injured. Akutagawa rushed over only to be met with a distressed Atsushi but Dazai had no time for greetings, he ran past Akutagwa heading for the obliterated land ahead of them with a shadowed figure in the middle in the distance. 

Dazai ran.

His lungs were burning and his head spinning. 

The longest Chuuya had gone in his corrupted form had been 9 minutes and 32 seconds. Not that Dazai ever counted. They discovered they had to limit it to no more than 6 minutes otherwise Chuuya’s injuries would be too critical and the chances of him surviving became very slim.

He didn't know what time Chuuya had activated his ability, but it had been 13 minutes and 16 seconds since Akutagawa had called him so presuming Akutagawa called him immediately after he left Chuuya, and Chuuya didn't activate it for at least a couple minutes after that, he was already past his record time. 

Dazai remembered when he had gotten to Chuuya after those 9 minutes. After his worst incident. His body had been mangled and Dazai had no clue how he had survived the event. It was the most terrifying week of his life. He only feared how Chuuya would look now. 

He didn't want to give his brain more nightmare material.

Finally reaching the spot where his ex-partner stood cackling on the spot he screamed Chuuya’s name. Out of horror or utter panic he didn't know. Probably both. 

Instantly, he leaped forward grabbing Chuuya’s right forearm, while the light blue colour of No Longer Human swallowed his body.

Chuuya instantly collapsed into Dazai’s arms, and that's when Dazai truly took in the state Chuuya was in.

His skin was peeling from his body. Bloody muscle was revealed in several areas. 

His clothes remained partially on his body, but the areas where there were gaps in his clothes were flooded with dark crimson liquid. 

Each corner of his mouth had been ripped and was bleeding, probably due to how much Arahabaki smiled like he was having the time of his life in that form. 

Cuts littered his frail body, and his legs were visibly purple and bleeding. His left arm was twisted so horrifically, that if it wasn’t attached to Chuuya in an area where an arm should be Dazai would struggle to identify it as an arm. He was lucky it hadn't ripped off. 

A deep cut ran from his right shoulder across to the middle of his torso also bleeding profusely. His hair was matted and obviously caked in blood, but Dazai could hardly look anymore. 

He was going to be sick.

He also hadn’t registered the salty tears which began to stream down his face. Shakily, he leaned down to Chuuya’s unconscious chest, when he noticed Chuuya was cold. Too cold . 

Frantically listening for a heartbeat, Dazai could hear nothing. There was nothing there.

A deep sob rose to the back of his burning throat, but before he could release it, his finger twitched.

Chuuya’s finger twitched.

Maybe he wasn’t too late after all. 

With no solid formation of a thought in his mind, Dazai scooped Chuuya from the floor and started running to Yosano. 

Though, Dazai was so delirious at the moment, that maybe he didn't see Chuuya’s finger twitch. 

Maybe Dazai had just seen what he had wanted to see.

_____________________________________

17 years old.

“What do you mean he might not wake up?”

“It’s just as we told you Mr. Dazai, sir, Young Nakahara suffered severe head trauma, seven broken bones, severe tissue damage in both his legs, four broken ribs, and one of which was pressing against some internal organs, a damaged lung among many other injuries ranging in severity. He was forced into a coma due to the shock of the injuries to his system, the chances of him waking up and making a full recovery are odds less than 10%. I apologise, I am aware you two were work partners so I shall give you however long you need to sit with him. Now, if you excuse me, I have other duties.”

Dazai stood on the edge of the white hospital bed looking down at Chuuya’s frail body. He hadn't meant to leave him that long.

Dazai was backed into a corner by another ability user, it took him longer than anticipated and by the time he had gotten to Chuuya, it had been about 9 minutes. Though he thought maybe Chuuya could handle the extra few minutes, they hadn’t used corruption in a few months and Chuuya had gained some better muscle on him now. 

But he was wrong, and the consequences of his actions laid in front of him, hooked up to several tubes and a gas mask covering his face.

_____________________________________

Dazai’s lungs were burning from the inside when he finally approached Yosano. She darted across to Dazai.

Chuuya was placed on the ground once more, as Yosano looked at him opening her grey case which held her medical supplies. 

“He is alive.” Dazai stated it as if there were no room for any other option

Yosano flicked her head up to look at Dazai who’s eyes looked darker than usual.

“Dazai I don’t- just let me check.”

Atsushi and Akutagawa along with some other Port Mafia members were also making their way over, all looking exhausted, as Yosano tried to listen for a heartbeat. Anything.

Yosano tried,

and tried,

and tried.

She couldn’t make out a heartbeat.

Slowly, she looked at the bloodied body and directly at Dazai.

“Dazai, I- I can't hear anything.”

The first sign of a reaction from anyone was from Akutagawa, as he dropped to his knees on the floor with Atsushi trying to hold him.

Tachihara was muttering soft ‘no’s’ and Gin stood with their face painted white. 

Dazai didn't react or move until he spoke, 

“Try again.”

Yosano looked at him, “What?”

“Check his heartbeat again, he’s not- he’s not dead.”

“Dazai-”

“Just try it again!”

Yosano tried again. 

Nothing. 

“Dazai you were too late, he’s-”

Dazai leaped up from his spot immediately lowering his face down to Chuuya.

He pinched his nose and kissed him.

He then started hand compressions. 

Dazai wasn’t giving up. 

Yosano looked in disbelief at the man who cared about nothing but manipulating women into committing sucicide with him, trying to pump life into a mafia executive.

Dazai couldn’t understand what was going through everybody’s heads. Chuuya was alive. 

He had to be.

He saw his finger move. 

So, he tried to perform CPR. Beads of sweat were forming along Dazai’s forehead as he exhaled laboured breaths. Chuuya was gonna be okay. Dazai would make sure of it. So, he kept pressing his hands into Chuuya’s chest, until he heard a crack.

But he kept going. 

Yosano looked at him pitifully, “Dazai you have to stop… you just broke a rib, he’s not coming back.”

Dazai’s hands stopped moving, and the vacant, cold look on his face was gone. Dazai now looked terrified .

He stood up off Chuuya and walked forward towards Yosano.

“Yosano you don’t understand- he- he won’t leave me, he can’t .”

“Dazai I don't understand your relationship to this man, but he's a mass murderer he’s taken the lives of so many people… maybe this was meant to happen.” 

“No no no. He isn’t dead though, I swear it! He wouldn’t-!”

A cough stopped his train of thought, and his heart apparently. 

Dazai’s head immediately swung round to look behind him, still crying. 

“Daz–”

Then a scream of pain was emitted from the man on the floor.

Chuuya. 

Dazai stared at him, and Yosano shoved him to one side to get to Chuuya. 

“Nakahara-san I am going to use my ability on you, I need you to stay still.”

_____________________________________

Chuuya felt like everything was muffled. 

He could hear voices of people. Is someone crying?

He tried to open his eyes but they felt glued shut and his whole body felt like he had been doused with a sedation drug. The more he tried to move, it felt like the more he was being pulled away by something. He couldn't understand. Then, there was a light pressure being applied to his chest as he felt something crack.  

Just then, the fuzzy state he was in was over, and he could feel pain everywhere.

Hazaily, he forced his eyes open to look up at the sky. It was completely clear now. 

“Yosano you don’t understand- he- he won’t leave me, he can’t.”

Chuuya recognised that voice. Who was it? 

He couldn't focus his brain to remember, but his mouth opened anyway trying to form a word. A name. 

_____________________________________

“Why isn’t it working?”

Yosano was panicking. She didn't know why or how but her ability wasn’t working. Each time she tried she was met with failure and Chuuya wasn’t recovering or getting better. Dazai still just stood staring down at Chuuya’s helpless form. 

“Dazai! I'm sure you know Nakahara very well due to all this trouble I’m going through, so tell me, what is he?”

Dazai snapped out of his trance looking at Yosano.

“I don’t–”

“No, tell me right the fuck now Dazai.”

“He- he is a vessel for the god Arahabaki which exploded years ago causing the creation of the slums.”

Yosano stared at him because this only meant one thing: Chuuya wasn’t human.

Her eyes widened and she looked down at Chuuyas bleeding body and his blood on her hands. It reminded her too much of 14 years ago when she was under Mori’s wing. 

I can’t save him either.

Dazai appeared to be coming to the same conclusion as Yosano was at the same moment in time.

“So there was never a way to save him…?”

Dazai’s voice cracked, and Dazai dropped down next to Chuuya’s faintly breathing body which was only emitting low groans of pain- he was probably too exhausted to show much more. 

Dazai slowly reached for Chuuya’s head and raised it onto his lap, cradling him, much like he did with someone else four years ago. 

Chuuya managed to talk again, surprising himself and Dazai, “I can’t believe you’re here.” 

A glimpse of Dazai was all Chuuya needed to remember him, “I didn’t want you to see me like this Osamu.”

Dazai felt his heart crack.

“Of- of course I am Slug, it's you– you and me right? Forever like when we were kids.”

“We aren’t kids anymore… I’m sorry I broke that promise- our promise.”

“Promise me you will never use corruption unless I’m with you.”

“I broke too many promises to be mad at you Chuuya.”

Chuuyas sighed, his voice was cracking and he knew he could only muster a few words before his breath and his body would give out. 

“This wasn’t your fault. I wanted this, you know?”

Dazai looked into Chuuya’s glossy eyes, “Your self-sacrificial behaviour was bound to catch up with you… why couldn't you be selfish for once?”

Tears dropped onto Chuuya’s face, the colour of the water looked more alive than the colour of Chuuya’s skin right now. 

“I have a dog, his name is Mackerel. Please look after him… he’ll be all alone otherwise.”

Chuuya slowly raised his hand to Dazai’s face, cupping his cheek, and he softly looked into Dazai’s eyes. “Don’t leave my dog alone okay?” He laughed, but he had started crying too. 

Dazai could decipher the hidden message in Chuuya’s words.

Don’t kill yourself.

Dazai honestly didn’t know if he could not kill himself now. 

“I’ll try Chuuya. I- I’ll try.”

“So this is it huh? After everything,” Chuuya’s hand was getting heavy and he could feel his eyelids forcing themselves to close again, he had to make it quick.

“Osamu I love you.”

Dazai stared in half disbelief, some part of him had already known, because he felt the same. But he didn’t want it to happen like this. He wanted to be dramatic about it and try to win  Chuuya’s heart back slowly over a course of months consisting of fancy dinner dates and all the wine he could think of. 

Not bleeding out on cold grass. 

“You don’t have to say it back y’know? I just thought better than never right?”

Chuuya chuckled and gave Dazai a small smile, gripping his auburn hair.

Until he wasn’t and his arm was falling onto his body. Limp.

“Wait… wait Chuuya stop, hold me again… Chuuya come on…”

Dazai grabbed his icy hand and pressed it against his face.

“Chuuya your not–”

Dazai’s voice was caught in his throat, and a loud sob racked his body.

Everybody stared at the two men, grief over-taking everyone.  

Dazai held his ex-partners bloody body with his bare hands, uncontrollably shaking. 

“I didn’t get to tell you I loved you too, you idiot…”