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The weight of it all was still so fresh on her mind. Every time she closed her eyes she saw them -- what was left of her family after she had ruined everything. The lifeless, mutated body of Vander laying in the street. The betrayal, and then the fury on Vi’s face when Powder had been so excited to tell her how she’d helped.
Look, I saved you, she’d wanted to cry out with excitement.
But any feelings of joy were quickly drowned in the monsoon that Vi had brought when she dug her nails into Powder’s face.
“Mylo was right. You’re a jinx.”
Powder could feel the iron grip of her sister’s hands carving into her cheeks. The hatred in Vi’s voice rang through her head like a horrible, never ending siren. She screamed her throat bloody trying to drown it out, but it always reached her through the darkness. She couldn’t keep it away no matter how hard she tried.
Powder was sure she was losing her mind. She felt like she had been swallowed up by a big, impossibly scary monster, and now she was stuck in its belly. She couldn’t escape, and everything was terrifying.
She heard the wails of her siblings, of Vander, the rage filled screams of Vi -- she felt that horrible pressure on her face as it was crushed by her sister’s hands --
Powder woke up with a shriek. She gulped for air, choking on her own saliva as she tried to breathe. She was shaking, her body rattling so hard she could barely untangle the blanket from around her feet.
In the end, she fell onto the floor, one leg still wrapped up. Her knee banged against the hard wood of the floor, and though it hurt, it managed to calm her down enough to tear the rest of the blanket off of her.
Scrambling to her feet, she stumbled blindly out of the room she was supposed to call her own, and down the hallway of the unfamiliar abode that was now her home.
Her feet carried her to the only place she could think to go…
Standing outside his room, Powder faltered for the first time since she’d woken up from the violent night terror. But the pitch blackness of the hallway, and the freezing draft that was passing through it, shoved any hesitation out of her mind
She pushed the door open a crack, now shaking from cold as well as terror.
She saw a form sit up with a start, pulling something out from beneath a pillow and holding it up. The dim light from the hallway illuminated Silco’s scarred face, red eye gleaming. When he saw who it was, he swiftly set the gun aside.
“What is it, child?” he asked, sounding unsure -- an emotion she had never seen him express in the short time she’d known him.
“I -- I’m sorry,” she softly wailed, sobbing breaths catching in her throat. “I… I had a nightmare.
Silco could see that the girl was visibly shaken. Her small form trembled in his doorway, the darkness looking stark and hungry behind her. He peered around her, scanning the hall at her back, wondering if this was somehow a trap, before nodding his head.
He was out of his depth here.
“It’s… alright. You’re safe now,” he said, trying to offer at least some words of comfort.
Powder took a shuddering breath, sniffling softly.
“I’m so scared… what if -- what if she comes back.”
Silco had an idea of who ‘she’ was. He had his own version of Powder’s nightmare, after all.
The man hesitated, sitting up a little further in his bed.
“Well, you better come here then,” he offered dryly, inwardly sighing.
Powder practically launched herself onto the bed, the relieved grin on her face almost making the whole disturbance worth it, to Silco’s distaste.
She scrambled across the mattress and straight into his arms, nuzzling close to his chest and smushing her head against his stomach.
Just as it had the first time she’d flung herself into his arms, Silco’s breath caught in his throat, and his chest felt light and fluttery -- a feeling he despised. It was a dangerous feeling… it meant that, as hard as he’d tried to avoid it, he was beginning to care for the child.
“It was so awful,” Powder murmured into his shirt.
He finally allowed himself to wrap his arms around the small, shaking girl.
“I know the feeling,” he muttered, half to himself.
Then, drawing her away from him by the shoulders, he tilted her chin up until she was looking him in the eyes. Her gaze was unwavering, something he wasn’t used to, given his condition. It made that dangerous feeling inside him grow.
“Fear is something that can either control us, or make us stronger, child. So… what will it be? Will your sister control your fear, or will you?”
He raised an eyebrow at her, and she looked up at him with large, liquidy eyes that shone even in the darkness of his room.
Her lip twitched slightly, face narrowing with determination.
“ I will,” she replied firmly, eyebrows drawn together.
“Good,” he replied with the ghost of a smile. “Then perhaps both of us can get some sleep…”
“W-Wait,” she suddenly spoke up, hands grabbing lightly at his shirt. “C-Can I stay with you… just for tonight?”
She looked up at him with the trusting expression that only a child could possess, and Silco got the idea that he was in trouble. Big trouble.
“Just for tonight?” he confirmed with a grimace.
She grinned and bobbed her head up and down, seeming to already know that she had him wrapped around her little finger.
“Well… fine. But mark my words, child, this isn’t to become a habit.”
Flashing him a smile, she rolled off his chest and wiggled herself against his side, nestling into the sheets until she was comfortable. The heat from his body made quick work of warming her up, and the reassurance of his closeness made all the scary monsters melt away. They wouldn’t dare come near her while he was there!
With a barely repressed sigh, Silco settled back down into bed, feeling as if he had to be absurdly careful, like the girl was made of glass and one wrong move would shatter her entirely.
In no time at all, she fell asleep, one arm draped over his stomach, the other wrapped protectively around her chest. Silco laid in the still and quiet, glancing every so often at the little human that had so easily nodded off next to him. Not only that, but she had sought him out for comfort.
Silco was a lot of things, but he had never been someone’s safety. Their fear, their enemy, their hatred, yes. But the person that they went to when they had a nightmare…
He supposed that only a child like Powder could view him as someone that would protect them when the monsters of the night grew too fearful. Looking down, he watched as she twitched in her otherwise peaceful sleep.
He hated to admit it, but he saw so much of himself in her. The same hurts, the same betrayals that he had suffered through. The same ones that she was only beginning to feel the impact of. But Silco had been completely alone when he’d suffered his share of nightmares. If he could stop this strange little child from feeling the same loneliness he had -- if he could help her take her past traumas by the throat, rather than be consumed by them…
Yes, he was in grave trouble.
But Powder was unaware of any of it. The presence of Silco beside her seemed to push Vi and the others out of her mind. They left with all the monsters, filing out the door in defeat, unable to reach her now that she was under Silco’s protection.
With a content smile, she drifted on the waves of a calm sleep.
The night was already halfway over, but Jinx found herself wound far too tight to even think of sleep. She had tried -- hell, she had tried so damn hard -- but every time her eyes fluttered closed, bombs exploded across the void created by her eyelids.
Mylo’s face swam into view, leering at her with crossed out eyes. Then came Vi, her droning voice grating through Jinx’s head. Vi brought her hands to Jinx’s throat and squeezed until she couldn’t breathe. Vander, a looming figure in the background, watched with a wicked grin as her lungs began to burn, eyes watering as they stared into Vi’s hate-filled gaze.
Flying out of bed, braids trailing in the air behind her, Jinx gasped. Hunching over the bed, she coughed violently, and in that moment she was sure she would vomit. Taking deep, gasping breaths, she dug her nails into her arms until the faces stopped swimming in front of her eyes.
When her vision cleared, she saw that her nails had cut into her skin, leaving small, red gashes across her pale arms. A few droplets of blood crept out of them, curling downward until they dripped onto her blanket. She stared blankly at the wounds.
Then she scoffed, pointing an accusatory finger into the air.
“Great, now look what you’ve done, sis.” She announced to the empty room.
Muttering to herself, she added,
“You always fuck things up for me, don’tcha?”
Mylo was right .
She heard the disembodied voice pierce the silence of her room.
“No no no, shut up,” she screamed, bringing her hands up to claw at her ears, trying to keep the familiar voice out.
You’re a jinx.
Jinx let out a shrieking groan, which soon turned into manic laughter.
“Right you are, my sister dear. I’m a Jinx . Is that what you want to hear? Well, listen closely, ‘cause here it comes!” she was shouting across the empty space of the room.
“I’m a fucking Jinx!”
She rolled with laughter, arms folded across her chest. It took her a few moments to realize she was crying.
She whimpered softly, reaching a bloodied hand up to swipe at her face, confused by the wetness she felt. With wide eyes she looked down at her hand, tears mingling with blood and staining her fingertips. She sniffled, shoulders shaking.
Feeling like a dead body, Jinx dragged herself off her bed and shuffled unseeingly out of the room. Her head was too foggy to think much about it, but her subconscious knew exactly where she was going.
By the time she made it to his door, the blood on her hands had dried. The tears, however, had continued to flow. Much to her annoyance, she couldn’t get them to stop. Coming to a stand just outside, she raised a hand and tapped her finger on the door. It didn’t make a sound.
Slumping sideways into the wall, she grabbed the door handle and toyed with it a moment before inching the door open. Tilting her head into the dark room, she scanned it for the silhouette she knew would be waiting for her.
“Jinx? Is everything alright?” Came Silco’s voice -- not worried, but cautious.
He was probably expecting her to be delivering some kind of bad news, like that time she’d had to wake him up to admit that she’d accidentally blown up a building in the undercity.
“Just peachy,” Jinx mumbled back, feeling more tears streaking down her face. This was really getting out of hand. She tried to scrub them away.
Silco, watching from propped up in his bed, gave a questioning lilt of his head.
Jinx groaned softly, arms swaying at her side as she pouted.
“I had a nightmare,” she grumbled, pushing the door open with her foot. Her arms crossed tightly in front of her.
“It was her again. And the rest of them. She… she called me a jinx.”
She felt stupid for admitting it. Silco had told her time and time again that she had to own that name. It seemed she was failing.
Silco sighed lightly.
“It’s alright,” he said, and despite his monotone voice, she could feel that he meant it.
It made her feel a little better, at least.
“Can--” She swept her toe across the ground, which her eyes were studying intently.
“Can I sleep in here tonight?”
Silco was surprised by the question. She had grown to be so independent. A strong young person who could do so much on her own, and was very adamant about that fact.
But when he looked at the girl standing before him, he saw a flash of the broken child he had swept up all those years ago.
“Of course,” he replied, and her face brightened a little.
Inching her way into the room, she hopped up onto his bed, making it dip with her weight. Then, like the child she had once been, she scooted until she was curled against his side -- only this time she was nearly as big as him. Even so, it didn’t stop her from leaning her head against his and laying one hand across his stomach, fingers picking absentmindedly at the fabric of his shirt.
Silco narrowed his eyes. Raising a hand, he gently grabbed her wrist, lifting up her arm, which went limp in his grasp.
“What happened?” He asked, gesturing to the cuts.
“Mmhm,” Jinx shrugged. She refused to meet his eye.
With his other hand, Silco placed two fingers under her chin, tilting her face so she had to look at him. A strand of unruly hair fell across one of her eyes.
“Be more careful,” he said, not unkindly. “If you need to hurt someone, fine. Just not yourself. Understand?”
“It was an accident,” she argued, sniffling slightly.
Letting go of her chin, he swept the hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. With his thumb, he wiped the fresh tears off of her cheek.
“Well then,” he said softly. “We’ll just have to be more careful, won’t we?”
Her head bobbed up and down, and she wiped her nose on the back of her hand.
With a sigh, she settled back against the headboard, leaning heavily against Silco’s side, head resting in the curve of his neck. With a sigh of his own, he let his head bump lightly against hers.
“I don’t think I’m the one that controls my fear. I think that, deep down, she still does. It’s like she has this hold on me,” she gestured in her wild way. “Like her hands are constantly around my throat.”
Her arms dropped limply into her lap.
Silco remained still. Even his breathing could hardly be seen.
“I know,” he replied, soft and true.
He did know. He knew very well what she was feeling -- probably more than anyone else ever could.
Jinx shifted, sliding down until she was resting against one of the pillows. Silco leaned back as well. With a huff, she curled into his side, and despite the fact that she was much bigger now, she still fit perfectly beneath his arm, just like she had when she was a little girl.
“Does it ever get easier?” She asked, staring at the darkness across the room.
Silco breathed deeply, leaning his head back into the pillow.
“Sometimes,” he huskily replied. “There are days when those hands around your throat feel like they belong to a ghost, and so you don’t fear them.”
Jinx shifted so she could look up at him.
“But then there are days where you’re sure they won’t stop squeezing until you’re dead.”
A silence fell between them for a moment before Jinx spoke up.
“Well, that’s quite the motivational speech ya got there,” she quipped, voice dripping with good-natured sarcasm.
Silco smirked, shooting a fond glance down at the girl.
“Maybe so,” he replied, a smile still playing at his lips. “But it’s true.”
Jinx gave a breathy sigh, and this time it was one of contentment. She wrapped an arm firmly around him, and he tucked his own across her shoulders, curling it around her back.
As her exhausted mind finally let her drift into sleep, she listened to the steady breathing of Silco.
“The monsters aren’t so loud anymore,” she mumbled, and then she was gone.