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"Hello? Hello, can you hear me?" Gumshoe said, his voice sounding tinny through the speakers of Edgeworth's laptop.
"I can hear you but I can't see you." Edgeworth replied, "You need to turn the video function on."
The screen remained black, though Edgeworth could hear sounds of shuffling and barking in the background as Gumshoe moved through his apartment carrying his laptop, most likely having called Edgeworth at the agreed upon time without actually being ready. Drawing a deep breath as he waited, Edgeworth imagined Gumshoe bumping into walls and furniture with Missile running around his legs, a weak smile making its way onto his face at the thought.
"Missile, please! Can't you see I'm on a call?" he could hear Gumshoe saying, trying to reason with the dog. To Gumshoe's credit the barking did subside at that, and as Gumshoe's face popped into view on Edgeworth's screen he could see the dog settling down on the sofa beside him.
"Sorry, pal! How about now?" Gumshoe said, smiling brightly as he settled into the conversation.
"Yes, I can see you now," Edgeworth smiled back. It was nice seeing Gumshoe. He saw him every week, of course, but it was still nice. Gumshoe was a familiar face, and Edgeworth needed that right now, maybe more than he'd be willing to admit. Seeing Gumshoe made him feel calmer, more tethered, like Gumshoe could stop him from drifting away.
"Good, good! It's good to see you again, pal! How are you doing?"
"I'm fine," Edgeworth answered on instinct. Gumshoe had missed last week's call which meant they hadn't seen each other for the past two weeks. Somehow it felt much longer than it was, perhaps because he'd been having a rough week with lots of dead space in his calendar and nothing to do. But Gumshoe deserved an honest answer and not just a standard reply, so he quickly added, trying to sound genuine, "I'm doing all right, all things considered. And you?"
Gumshoe chuckled, charmed by Edgeworth's effort to answer truthfully. "Who me? Heh heh, I've been better, pal, not gonna lie! But, we're not here to talk about me."
Edgeworth could feel a tightness in his chest at Gumshoe's reply. In truth, Gumshoe looked paler than he had last time they'd seen each other like this, eyes not as bright. "Is Franziska giving you a hard time?" he asked, even if he already knew the answer.
Gumshoe's expression turned more sombre, though he was still doing his best to keep smiling. "Yeah, well….she's grieving, you know?" he said, turning to pet Missile gently as the dog fretted and whined, "I reckon she just needs time."
Time? Was that what Franziska needed? Edgeworth didn't know. He'd never been the best at reading his sister, though if Gumshoe said she was grieving, Edgeworth believed him, even if she seemed to be doing most of her grieving with her whip.
"I suppose..." he said, unsure where to take the conversation further. Luckily Gumshoe shot in.
"Anyways, enough about me! How're things over there? Therapy going okay?"
The tightness in Edgeworth's chest didn't ease. Seeing a therapist had been Gumshoe's idea. Promise me you'll do something about this, he'd said, promise me right now or I won't let you get on that flight. He hadn't given Edgeworth much of a choice. Although, perhaps, that had been for the best.
"Yes. I've been learning a lot about myself I wasn't previously aware of. It's...tough, at times, but I seem to be making progress. At least that's what my therapist says."
"That's good! I'm proud of you, pal!"
Gumshoe grinned, looking happy. Edgeworth chewed the inside of his cheek. He looked away for a moment, taking in his surroundings — a dark and empty, minimalist apartment, stylishly modern yet devoid of any warmth or soul — his face twisting into that bitter, defeated smile he'd worn so often after his world had fallen apart for the second time in his life.
"You don't think Franziska's right? That I'm a coward for running away, not tough enough to fix my own problems?"
"But you are fixing your own problems," Gumshoe replied without hesitation, sitting up straighter on the sofa, "by seeking out the help you need from someone qualified to give it. That's the opposite of what a coward would do, pal! That's not weakness, that's strength!"
If Gumshoe were here in the room with him now, he'd probably have grabbed hold of Edgeworth's shoulders. Edgeworth missed the feeling, though separated as they were now by screens, at least he could search Gumshoe's face without having to worry about actually meeting his eyes.
"And you know….sometimes just admitting you're hurting can be a pretty big act of bravery in and of itself."
Gumshoe's voice was soft, his smile much sadder than Edgeworth remembered it being, even though he knew deep down it hadn't really changed.
"And what about you, Gumshoe? Are you hurting?" he asked, despite himself.
It was a valid question, and one Edgeworth had only recently thought to actually ask. Gumshoe was prideful in his own way, hiding his pain behind silly jokes and false bravado, playing the fool so people wouldn't think to look deeper, deflecting attention away from himself if anyone did.
"Oh ho ho, you got me!" Gumshoe chuckled, "I guess I'm not as brave as you are, huh, pal? But like I said…..we're not here to talk about me."
Edgeworth frowned. You could just tell me, he wanted to say, but the truth was right there in front of him anyways: Gumshoe looked tired and gaunt — exhausted — the bruise on his cheek from where Franziska had caught him with her whip barely healing at all from the lack of rest and nourishment Gumshoe was getting. He had tried to hide it from Edgeworth at first, had begged him not to worry when that hadn't worked. But Edgeworth did worry — Gumshoe cared more about others than he did about himself. He was reckless with his own safety, diving headfirst into danger with no consideration for his own wellbeing. What were you thinking! You could have gotten yourself killed! Edgeworth had snapped but Gumshoe had just laughed like it was nothing at all, and Edgeworth hadn't been able to understand back then what it was about Gumshoe that made him so ready and willing to risk his own life.
"You know, I meant it when I said I was proud of you, pal. You made the choice to keep on going, to keep moving forwards. To not let yourself be held back by the past."
It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that they spent all this time talking about Edgeworth when he could just as easily call Gumshoe out for being a hypocrite. And yet...as much as it pained him, Gumshoe was right — their weekly catch-ups were a way for Gumshoe to keep tabs on Edgeworth, not the other way around. He kept Edgeworth up to date on what went on in the courts, and in return Edgeworth reported back to Gumshoe about how he was doing, that was the deal.
"Yes, well…" he said bitterly, that relentless tightness in his chest returning full force as he found himself unable to accept Gumshoe's praise, "Wright ruined my life. Took all my deepest, darkest fears and secrets and exposed them for all the world to see." Humiliating, that's what it had been. The thought of it still made him feel sick to his stomach. "Took away the very foundations on which I'd built everything I've ever believed in." Had he known that it was wrong, deep down, to let the grief and guilt he felt fuel his hatred for criminals and himself to the point where he had let himself become consumed by his need for punishment and revenge? "Where was I supposed to go after that?" Nowhere. There was nowhere left to go. Everything was ruined — his reputation, his mission, his purpose in life. "I had nothing left to lose."
"Except yourself."
This time it took everything Edgeworth had to hold back the tears, the memory of the incident Gumshoe was referring to still too raw to elicit any other kind of reaction. That incident had been the catalyst for all of this after all — his self-imposed exile, his whole reason for leaving. Cursing himself for his weakness, Edgeworth turned away from the screen, unable to face Gumshoe even though there were thousands of miles between them. Gumshoe was the one who'd found him, after all, Gumshoe was the one who'd stopped him. He hadn't needed to ask what Edgeworth was thinking, hadn't needed him to explain what he was doing. Instead he'd simply hugged him and held him close. You scared me, pal, that's what he'd said, you scared me real bad.
"Miles...you're doing the right thing," Gumshoe's voice said through the speakers, drawing Edgeworth back to the present. "You made the choice to heal and that's what you're doing. It just...it takes time, you know? But you're getting there, little by little, day by day. And you should be proud of yourself for that."
It was too much. Why had he left, why had he thought leaving was a good idea? He'd wanted to be alone, he'd wanted to disappear. He'd wanted to be a stranger, away from himself. Away from it all.
"I miss you," he found himself saying, unable to keep the tears from falling now, no longer strong enough to hold himself back, "I miss you so much. I wish you were here."
"I know, pal, I know. I miss you too. I-"
"Can't I just come home? Can't I just give up? What if I don't want to learn about this stupid country's stupid legal system? What if I don't want to go to therapy anymore, what if I don't want to face those horrible truths about myself and who I am? What if I just want to go home? Can't I just go home, Gumshoe? I just want to go home," Edgeworth sobbed, feeling stupid and weepy. He wanted Gumshoe to hug him. He wanted Gumshoe to hold him like he did during earthquakes, whispering in his ear that it would all be okay.
"Hey buddy, hey pal, I know it's tough, but you gotta stay strong," Gumshoe said and Edgeworth hated him. Why did he have to be strong? Why would Gumshoe deny him like this? "Remember you told me not to let you talk me into letting you come home until you were ready? Well, I hate to say it, pal, but I don't really think you're ready just yet…..do you?"
Gumshoe was right…..again. He had asked Gumshoe to remain firm about this, even if he might feel like he regretted it now.
"N-no. I suppose not," he said, trying his best to calm himself down. Anonymity — that's what he needed right now, the freedom from expectation that came with being completely unknown. That's why he'd left. That's why Gumshoe had let him leave. Going back now would mean having to face what he’d done, having to explain why he’d done what he’d done — not just to the people in his immediate sphere but to the press and public as well — and he couldn’t, not yet, he couldn’t deal with that kind of pressure just yet. This was the reason he couldn't go back.
"I miss you too," Gumshoe said wistfully, all pretense of doggedly cheerful optimism cast aside for a moment as he let the mask slip, the truth behind it visible for just a second before he caught himself slipping and the smile returned, "But I believe in you pal! And I'll always have your back, even if I can't be there for you in person."
Edgeworth bit down on his lip so hard he tasted blood. "What if you could? What if I bought you a ticket so you could come visit?" he said. It was a silly idea, a silly offer to make. He didn't even know if Gumshoe would accept it, wasn't even sure if they were close enough for Edgeworth to ask him for something like this. He had never really had an explanation for why Gumshoe was so supportive of him after all, Gumshoe had just always been there for him. Ever since that very first trial when everything had gone wrong and Gumshoe had caught him crying in his office after, blaming himself, when Edgeworth had fallen apart and Gumshoe had seen him — that side of him he hadn't ever wanted anyone to see, that side of him that no one could ever love — and instead of walking away, Gumshoe had stayed.
"If you wanted me to, I'd be there in a heartbeat."
"You would do that for me?" Edgeworth said, wiping at his face as he tried to level his breathing, "You would travel across the world just to see me, just because I asked you to? Just because I'm lonely?"
"Of course, pal, what are friends for!" Gumshoe replied, grinning brightly. "And you did say you'd pay for the ticket, didn't ya, pal?" he added with a wink.
Edgeworth couldn't help but smile a little at that, wiping the last of his tears away with the back of his hand as he sniffled pathetically. Gumshoe smiled back at him through the video feed on the screen, but then his expression faltered as he remembered something he'd apparently forgotten.
"Oh, actually, ah… Sorry, pal. I spoke too soon," he said, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "Ms von Karma...she's tracking my movements. If I came to visit you now I'd lead her straight to you!"
"Franziska's...tracking your movements?" Edgeworth asked, dumbfounded. Suddenly the bruise on Gumshoe's cheek looked that much starker.
"Yeah, but it's- I mean... I think it just helps her feel more in control," Gumshoe replied,
turning again to pet Missile, scratching the dog behind its ears, petting it's face with gentle hands.
Edgeworth couldn't help it, the thought of Gumshoe being stalked by his sister, the woman who regularly beat him with a whip to the point of actual bruising and bleeding, made him see red. "Don't make excuses for her!!" he snapped, and Gumshoe flinched, shrinking back as Missile growled at the screen. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled," he hastily added, but Gumshoe just smiled at him apologetically like he was the one who'd done something wrong.
"It's not as bad as it looks," he said, echoing Edgeworth's own words back at him from the time Gumshoe had taken him aside and asked him why he let von Karma "treat him like that", and was that what this was? The "cycle of abuse" his therapist had mentioned? Him and his sister, made to feel powerless, lashing out at a man who couldn't fight back by tearing him down to raise themselves up in some desperate bid to feel more in control? How many times hadn't he yelled at Gumshoe? How many times hadn't he slashed the man's pay? He usually tried to make up for it after, but was it enough? She's hurting, Gumshoe had said, but was that a good enough reason, did it make it okay? And so were you.
"But hey, what do you wanna see a stupid old oaf like me for anyways? I'd probably just end up embarrassing you anyways, and in front of your fancy European friends, no less! So....you just focus on getting better, all right? And I'm sure we'll see each other again soon enough."
Edgeworth could cry but he'd already done that, and there didn't seem much point in going at it again. "I'd...like to show you Europe sometime...if you'd like that," he said instead, trying to follow Gumshoe's lead.
"Pal, are you kidding? I'd love that!" Gumshoe exclaimed, either happy at the thought he might yet get to see Europe some day, or simply relieved to drop the subject of Franziska, "Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, that, uh, pyramid thing with all the art in it… The river from that song they use in that space-film with the computer that kills everyone 'cause they programmed it wrong… La Sagrada Familia, the Leaning Tower of Pizza... Anything you like, pal, I wanna see it all!"
Edgeworth wasn't sure how Gumshoe did it but somehow it worked — watching Gumshoe's eyes light up as he rambled nonsense like he meant it made Edgeworth feel better somehow, just a little lighter, like maybe he really would get to show Gumshoe Europe some day, as long as he kept believing they'd both make it through this.
"Good, then it's a da-... Then we agree. After all this is over, I'm buying you a ticket to come visit."
"Really!? That's- yeah, agreed! And no take-backsies, I'm holding you to that!"
Edgeworth couldn't help but chuckle a little, charmed by Gumshoe's enthusiasm and excitement. How much of it was for show Edgeworth had no way of knowing, but he'd like to think it was genuine, at least to some degree.
"It's getting pretty late here…. I think I may have to go."
"Yeah. Next week, same time, though, right? And sorry again for missing last week's call."
It hadn't even been Gumshoe's fault that he'd missed it — Gumshoe's schedule was as erratic as ever, and the man was severely overworked as it was. "That's all right," Edgeworth said, not sure what else to say, then added, "Sorry again about Franziska."
Gumshoe smiled again, his expression soft with a hint of apology to it. "The two of you are a lot alike, you know," he said, "And I know things are kinda complicated between you but….she cares about you. You're her little brother after all."
Edgeworth sighed. Gumshoe was too forgiving of her. But then again, maybe Gumshoe was right. Edgeworth was all she had left now, and, well, Franziska was his only remaining family too.
"I'll keep that in mind. Next week, same time, then?"
"Yeah! Gonna go take his guy for a walk now, I-.... Ack!" Gumshoe said as Missile suddenly started barking wildly and jumping around, making a terrible racket as Gumshoe tried in vain to get the dog to settle back down again. "Yeah, yeah, I said 'walk' but you don't gotta be so loud about it! I didn't mean straight away!" Gumshoe chided the dog, and Edgeworth couldn't help but laugh a little at the spectacle unfolding on his screen.
"Oof, sorry Miles, I guess I ‘walked’ right into that one, ho ho! Have a good night and I'll see you next week!" Gumshoe grinned as he turned back to Edgeworth, hand reaching towards his laptop to hang up the call.
"Yes, goodnight. I look forward to it," Edgeworth said as the image of Gumshoe and Missile disappeared from his screen, leaving him alone and in silence. "More than you'll know," he muttered to himself.
Next week couldn't come soon enough.