Chapter Text
Clint should really learn not to listen in on people when they're having private conversations.
But, to be completely fair, Clint hadn't meant to listen in. It had been a complete accident.
He was heading to Tony's room since he hadn't found the genius in the lab where he usually was in the mornings since Tony had no idea what sleep meant. He had been hoping to ask Tony about fixing the still broken coffee machine since neither of them could really function without their coffee.
When he reached Tony's room though, or well, Tony and Steve's room since they'd been in a relationship for over four months now so technically it was their room, Clint heard...he wasn't really sure what. Loud banging noises like something was being hit against the wall.
It took a minute for it to click for Clint who made a face when he realized what the banging noises meant, staring at the door in disbelief and slight disgust.
"Really guys? It's not even nine in the morning," Clint muttered to himself, wrinkling his nose.
He was going to turn and walk away no matter how much he needed his coffee to stay awake for his training session with Natasha who was going to beat the crud out of him when he heard it.
"S-Steve, stop!"
Clint froze, blue eyes growing wide at the pained whimper that followed the statement, barely heard through the wood of the door but Clint still heard it. Steve's voice floated from under the door, sounding much harsher than Clint had ever heard him.
"You were doing so good, Tony. Keep that pretty mouth shut like a good boy. Wouldn't want anyone hearing us."
Clint breathing had turned shallow, completely unsure now as he stared at Tony and Steve's bedroom door, clenching and unclenching his hands at his sides.
Clint didn't want to assume. He had no idea what all that was. It could be completely harmless for all he knew. Just sex talk.
At least, that's what Clint tried to tell himself when Tony spoke again, voice breathless like he couldn't get enough air.
"Why? So they don't h-hear me screaming for h-help?"
A sick feeling rose up in Clint's stomach, churning uneasily. That did not sound good. Clint's hand drifted towards his gun he always kept on him.
"You like it though, don't you? How helpless you feel. Fuck, you feel so tight, Tones. You do love this, don't you?"
There was a loud thud and a soft whine from Tony making Clint grab his gun, mostly on instinct, listening to Tony take shuddering breaths before speaking again, voice cracking.
"H-how could you think I l-like being raped?"
Clint's stomach dropped, his fears confirmed.
He tightened the hold on his gun as he lifted his leg and kicked in the door, the lock breaking from the doorframe as the door flew open.
Clint raised his gun up at Steve across the room who was completely naked though Clint took no notice of it, his attention on Tony who was staring with wide brown eyes at Clint. Steve had Tony pressed with his stomach against the wall, Tony having to twist his head around to look at Clint.
Clint kept his gun on Steve, glaring daggers. "Let him go, Steve."
"I..." Steve looked at a loss of words, a loose arm around Tony's waist. Clint could see the bruises on Tony's hips from where he stood in the doorway. "Clint—"
"Now," Clint demanded, stepping a little closer, tensing when Steve moved though it was thankfully away from Tony who was panting softly as he leaned heavily against the wall. "Tony, are you okay?"
Tony glanced at him, a slight flush over his face though he...he smiled. Smiled and then fucking laughed. "Oh my fucking gods, this is too funny."
Steve gave Tony a sharp look who had wandered over to the bed and had a bed sheet wrapped around himself. Tony wasn't so worried about his nudity as he laughed like this was some hilarious joke.
Clint glared at Steve, aiming his gun back at him, making Steve raise his hands in surrender. Well, one of them since the other was holding up the bedsheet. "What the fuck did you drug him with?"
"Whoa, Clint," Tony said, holding up his arms as he walked, or limped more like, over to Clint. "Down boy. Everything is okay."
Clint swallowed harshly, his hands shaking a little. "He was raping you! How is that okay?!"
Steve winced, looking guilty though Tony only rolled his eyes. "Clint, it's not what you think, okay? None of that was rape."
"But he...you told him to stop," Clint persisted, eyes flickering between Tony and Steve, never lowering his gun. "You said he was raping you."
Tony grimaced. "Okay, yeah. When you say it like that, it sounds bad. But I swear, it wasn't like that. Everything was consensual."
"But..." Clint looked lost.
Tony sighed, gently taking Clint's wrists to make him lower the gun to the floor. "It was just roleplay, Clint. Steve wasn't actually raping me."
Clint let out a shaky breath, glancing at Steve who still looked guilt ridden about the whole situation to Tony who was giving Clint a gentle look. "You...you know you're safe now, right? You don't have to protect him. We can get you help—"
"I understand what you're trying to do and I love you for that but I promise you, I am safe. Steve and I have done this before. I'm not in any danger here. It was all pretend, okay?" Tony assured him, brown eyes looking into Clint's blue ones. "Just pretend. None of it was real."
Clint took a shaky breath, glancing from Tony to Steve and grimaced. "Right...yeah, okay. I'm...shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"
"God's, Clint, don't be sorry," Tony said with a slightly strained smile. "At least I know you'll be there to save me if something like that was ever actually happening."
Clint nodded stiffly. "Right, of course. I wouldn't let that happen to anyone...I-I should go. Um...yeah. See you."
Clint rushed out the room before either Tony or even Steve could say a word.
Clint wasn't able to meet their eyes after that.
It wasn't that he felt disgusted or disappointed by what they were doing, that they were getting off on it. They weren't hurting anyone and it was all consensual, Clint knew that now.
It was the stupid thoughts swirling in his head about it all.
Rape roleplay. He'd searched it up, needing to know for sure that Tony was safe and it wasn't just some codeword for rape victims and Tony was actually was in danger of Steve. But once he figured out what it was, he couldn't stop reading.
As hard as it was to believe this was real, Clint found himself...not turned on exactly. But he was interested which made him want to throw up.
He shouldn't like this. It was wrong for him to want something like this but he couldn't stop thinking about it. Every time he saw Tony or Steve, which was a lot, he was thinking about it all again.
Clint wanted to forget it but it kept him up at night, laying in a curled up ball as he tossed the thoughts around in his head all night.
In the end, Clint ended up going to Tony, asking to talk to him in private. From the look Tony had given him, it seemed he'd been expecting this.
They went down to the lab, the most secure place in the Tower and Tony ordered Jarvis not to let anyone in as he gestured for Clint to sit down.
"So," Tony said as he sat down himself on his desk chair, spinning around to face Clint. "I'm guessing this is about....what happened last week with Steve and I?"
Clint licked his dry lips and nodded once.
Tony hummed softly. "And I'm also guessing you have...questions about it."
Clint nodded again, a little more enthusiastic though he was still nervous. "Yeah, I...yeah."
Tony raised an eyebrow, urging Clint to go on.
"You said it was...was all consensual," Clint said finally.
Tony nodded in agreement. "Yup. Stevie and I make sure that if needed, we can stop a scene when it gets too much for either one of us."
Clint had heard of scenes before so he wasn't entirely lost just yet. "Steve needs to stop scenes too?"
"Sometimes. It's happened before," Tony said with a slight shrug. "Just because I sub for him doesn't mean his needs don't matter. If he needs to stop for any reason, it's easier for him, sure. But sometimes Steve needs me to know that he's not okay so I can help him. That's when he can use safewords to get out of a scene."
"And have you...used safewords?" Clint asked, having read a lot about safewords. He definitely liked the idea of them.
"A couple times actually," Tony admitted easily.
"And Steve...he stops, right?" Clint asked quietly, making Tony frown slightly.
"This isn't you trying to trick me into making sure Steve isn't hurting me, are you?" Tony asked, smirking slightly.
"No, I just...does he? Does he stop when you use the safewords?" Clint asked persistently.
"Every time," Tony promised. "Even when I don't use them, sometimes he'll stop, call a scene off if he thinks it's becoming too much for me. He knows how much of a stubborn bastard I can be."
Clint chewed his lip. "Has he ever hurt you? I read that, uh, sometimes people get off on that."
Tony thought about the question for a moment before shaking his head. "He never abused me. There's a difference between hurting someone safely, knowing their limits and when to stop, then beating the crap out of someone for your own pleasure with no regard to how your partner is feeling."
Clint nodded slowly. "How does he...how does he hurt you?"
Tony smirked a little at Clint's shyness. It was strange seeing the archer like this but it was kinda adorable too. "Depends. Sometimes if I'm naughty I'll get a spanking. Other times I'll get slaps to the face if I'm too mouthy."
"And you're...okay with that?" Clint asked unsurely.
"If I wasn't then I'd let Steve know it. He won't lay a hand on me if he knows I don't like it," Tony stated firmly. "Trust me, it took three months to get him used to the idea of hitting me, much less actually doing it."
Clint smiled weakly.
"Can I ask you a question?" Tony asked suddenly.
Clint nodded hesitantly though he didn't know what Tony would ask. He didn't know all that much about all of this.
"When you realized that I wasn't being hurt, you sort of just...bolted," Tony explained though Clint already knew this. "And when you were aiming the gun at Steve, you seemed...you seemed really scared Clint. I don't understand why. You had the gun, not Steve."
Clint swallowed hard, lowering his eyes to the ground. His nerves started jumping around like crazy, his fight or flight trying to kick in.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to," Tony said, tone soft and soothing, making Clint shiver. "This is only a guess but...I'm assuming you've had...personal experiences with rape. Is that why you freaked out so much and ran?"
Clint fought back tears threatening to rise up. "I..."
"You don't have to answer," Tony told him again though it seemed to be pretty clear what the answer was. "You don't have to tell me anything but I'm here if you need to let anything out, okay? No judgment."
Clint bit the inside of his cheek as he shook his head. "It was so long ago. I shouldn't be so scared of something that happened years ago."
"Whoa, hold on, no. Just no," Tony said quickly though his tone was still as gentle as before. "It doesn't matter whether it happened twenty years ago or yesterday. Your feelings don't grow less valid the longer time goes on. You have every damn right to not be okay no matter how long it's been since it happened."
"But, I..." Clint let out a shaky breath. "It shouldn't matter. I shouldn't be so fucking scared of something that I know won't happen again. I was just...a kid. I couldn't defend myself back then. But I can now and I'm still...so scared."
"So? You're allowed to be scared, Clint," Tony murmured. "You're not just going to magically wake up one day and be okay with what happened. It doesn't work that way. But it's good to talk about it. Whether that's with me or someone professional, you're still helping yourself."
"I hate therapists," Clint said with a slightly broken laugh.
Tony cracked a grin. "Yeah, me too."
Clint bit his lip hard. "Is it bad to want...something like this?"
Tony frowned slightly. "Like what?"
Clint looked down. "What you and Steve do. The whole...roleplaying. Is it wrong for me to...want that? Especially after I've been...fuck. Is there something wrong with me?"
Tony pressed his lips into a thin line. "There is nothing wrong with you, Clint. Yeah, we're all a little fucked up but that's just life. It's gonna happen but to me, you're relatively normal."
"Should I feel insulted?" Clint said with a broken smile.
"You don't have a chunk of metal in your chest," Tony pointed out. "Nor do you have super serum running through your veins. You can't turn into a huge, green rage monster, you're not a god, you're not a deadly trained assassin."
"I am totally the last one," Clint mumbled, getting a grin from Tony.
"Not as good as Natasha though," Tony teased. "Look, not a lot of people will understand but if you want something like that then that's your choice. Nobody can take that from you."
Clint sighed, hugging himself with his arms. "I don't know if I could...trust anyone to do that. Not someone I don't know well like..."
Tony raised both eyebrows. "Is that what all the questions about Steve and I were really about? You want...us?"
Clint gripped his own arms tightly, digging his nails into his skin. "I'd feel safer with both of you. I don't think I could do one on one. I'd feel too...trapped."
"You want someone to be able to stop it if something goes wrong," Tony concluded, getting a nod. "And you trust Steve and I for this?"
"You want to?" Clint asked, sounding surprised.
Tony smiled slightly. "The more the merrier, right? We'll have to set something up to see if it will work out for all of us. And I'll need to talk to Steve but he should be okay with it."
"You can tell him that...what happened to me, if it makes it easier for...you know...so he knows what to expect," Clint said, fumbling with his words.
"We'll have to all sit down and have a discussion about safewords and triggers and all that anyway so you can tell him then. Or I can tell him if that's easier for you," Tony offered, Clint nodding in agreement. "Okay, good. Now, do you need anything now? I wouldn't feel okay with leaving you alone after talking about all of that."
"I'm not suicidal, Tony," Clint muttered a little sulkily though Tony only shook his head.
"Not saying you are, just don't want to leave you alone with only your thoughts," Tony told him as he stood, offering a hand to Clint which he took. "How about we watch a comedy movie and get wasted on coffee?"
Clint smiled a little as he nodded. "That sounds great."