Chapter Text
Patrick’s phone buzzed, a text from an unfamiliar number flashing on the screen. He’d been getting them a lot since he switched carriers, and most of them he ignored.
This one though…
It was a short text, but it raised a lot of questions.
So, there's a chance I may die in a town called Schitt's Creek
Can you imagine?
Patrick’s eyebrows shot up. Well, that was something. He couldn’t exactly ignore it.
I think you have the wrong number, but do you need me to call the cops?
Whoever it was didn’t answer. Patrick alternated between worry and amusement. It could be something serious, but he’d driven through Schitt’s Creek before and he didn’t think it was possible for anyone to die there from anything criminal. Possibly die of boredom, though? That was definitely a possibility.
He doubted the cops would be too concerned about that.
Setting down his phone, Patrick picked up his book. He’d just gotten back into the flow of the words when his phone buzzed again.
This isn’t Lindsay Lohan, is it?
Patrick huffed out a laugh.
Sorry, no
But if it’s any consolation, I just got this number a couple days ago
So, she didn’t blow you off
How do you know what she did to me?
Who is this, anyway?
Patrick snorted.
Paris Hilton?
Ha. Ha.
Seriously, who is this?
Patrick considered lying, taking the joke further, but what the hell? He wasn’t ever going to talk to this person again, and the Lindsay Lohan thing was intriguing.
Hello, I'm Patrick
Nice to meet you
And you are?
David.
Well, pleased to meet you, David
Are you going to explain the Lindsay thing?
I'm dying to know
I think not.
That's fair
So, why are you going to die in Schitt's Creek?
There was no answer for a while, so Patrick sighed and set down his phone. Clearly, David was done talking. Oh well, at least it was a momentary distraction, and Patrick needed as many of those as he could get right now.
About ten minutes later, his phone buzzed again.
No one else is answering me
I realize you have no idea who I am
But, can we talk?
I need someone to talk to
I'm going crazy
Patrick set his book on his nightstand. He had a feeling he wouldn’t be getting back to it tonight.
Of course, David
What's on your mind?
Thank you
It's just... this is a lot
This day has been a lot
And I really need someone to talk me off a ledge
God knows it's not going to be my family
So it may as well be a stranger with Lindsay's phone number
Not her number anymore
But thanks for the head's up
It explains some of the calls I've gotten lately
So, what happened today that's so bad?
My dad's business manager screwed us
We lost all our money
We're stuck in the scariest motel I've ever seen
MOTEL, Patrick
I've never stayed in a motel in my life!
I mean, I've seen Psycho
Where the fuck is this town, even?
Ontario
You lost all your money?
How much money are you talking?
Wait. How'd you know it was Ontario?
You know this town?
And like... millions
Patrick sucked in a quick breath. He couldn’t be serious.
When you say millions...
Millions, Patrick
Lots of money, okay?
Houses, cars, private jets, all of it
I went from living in my own place in NYC to sharing a motel room with my sister
This is not my best day ever
Patrick stared at the phone, his eyes wide. Millions? Really. God.
Um, that's a lot to take in
Are you okay?
What do you think?
Probably not
Wow, David
I'm really sorry
A room with your sister, huh?
How old is she?
28, Patrick
TWENTY-EIGHT
This is not ideal
Also, she talks in her sleep
Patrick winced, then laughed. Yeah, that did not sound ideal. But it did probably put David around his own age, so at least he wasn’t talking to a teenager, or something.
Well, I know you don't know me
But...
If you want to talk, you have my number
I've been told I'm a good listener
Patrick had no idea why he offered that to a perfect stranger, but it felt right, in the moment. The guy probably would turn him down, anyway. Why would anyone want to talk to a complete stranger when their life was falling apart?
Um, I might take you up on that
I don't have a lot of friends
You had Lindsay Lohan's phone number, David
I'm sure you have plenty of friends
No, I know a lot of people
I go to parties
Or went. I went to parties
Not sure what the party scene is around here
Doesn't mean I have friends
And no one is answering my texts
I'm sure someone will answer you soon
maybe they're just busy?
Maybe I'm out of money, you mean?
Trust me, they won't answer
Patrick stared at his phone, taking in the fact that he was experiencing a simmering anger in his chest on behalf of a complete stranger. This was becoming a weird night.
Well, if that's true, you're better off without them
You can text me whenever you want, David
Thank you
Look, I gotta go
My parents are shouting at us from the other room
Like we're on an episode of the Waltons, or some shit
Patrick laughed. He could almost picture it.
Okay, David
Goodnight
I mean it, though. Text me anytime
David didn’t answer, although he did read it. Patrick eventually set his phone back on the nightstand and grabbed his book.
Weird interlude, but at least it was interesting.
