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“Mikan.. are you okay?”
The delicate touch of Chiaki’s left hand on Mikan’s right hand, as well as her soft voice, was what brought Mikan back to reality. What brought her out of her thoughts, her rather.. upsetting, dark thoughts.
It was really warm and sunny out, despite the autumn setting in. It was an overall positive and uplifting day.
So.. why did Mikan feel so heavy today? Heavier than usual?
Mikan shifted her head to look at Chiaki, ignoring the brightness of the afternoon sun glaring through the window into the latter’s bedroom.
“I’m just.. just thinking.”
“Hmm? About what?” Chiaki tilted her head now, looking away from her Gameboy. A soft smile played on her lips and her cheeks had an ever so light blush. It wouldn’t be fair.. it wouldn’t be fair to ruin the mood. But.. but..
The taller girl hesitated, and looked away. She tried to ignore the shaking in her hands. “Was it- was it my fault?”
Stupid. Stupid. That was so vague. Idiot. Idiot.
“Was it my fault th-that things went wrong with.. with En-Enoshima?”
An understanding look hit Chiaki’s eyes, and she didn’t hesitate to put down her Gameboy and grab Mikan’s other hand. “Mikan..”
“I-It was, wasn’t it?” Her voice shook, and it really hurt to swallow. “I-I was such an unlikeable person, to her. To e-everyone.. she had- she had every right to.. to...”
Mikan stopped there, not looking up from where her hand were interlocked with Chiaki’s. “Mikan, it wasn’t....” but Chiaki stopped, shuffling closer to Mikan.
“I’m-I’m so sorry-“ Mikan sniffed and closed her eyes, shaking her head as if that was gonna make any of the thoughts go away. “I really- I really shouldn’t have ruined the m-mood. I-I just-“
“Mikan.” Chiaki repeated, and although a sad look (Was it fake? Was Chiaki actually empathizing? Is.. is..) was quite noticeable in her pretty eyes, her small smile still remained soft. “You didn’t ruin the mood, Mikan. Please.. don’t ever feel bad for needing to cry.”
The nurse choked on a sob, and didn’t stop Chiaki from hugging her. Her forehead laid against Chiaki’s shoulder as she audibly sobbed, choking for air.
It was selfish. She did nothing more than ruin the mood. Selfish, selfish, selfish...
After a while, the choking stopped. Tears still fell, and Mikan could still barely breathe, but at least she wasn’t making those ugly sounds anymore.
“I’m- I’m sorry.. I just..”
“There’s no need to apologize, Mikan. You’re allowed to feel, you know. If you ever need to cry, to sob, to feel bad, just.. do it. You’re not ruining anything.” The gamer softly reminded her, stroking her fingers through Mikan’s choppy and uneven hair.
Mikan wanted to nod, wanted to trust, but..
Memories.
Being constantly invalidated by Enoshima.
Being told her feelings didn’t matter, it never did and never will.
But... it was better than being alone. Surely? Surely?
“Ch-Chiaki.. can you h-hold me longer? Pl-Please...”
Chiaki simply nodded and held onto Mikan, still continuing to stroke her hair.
It was still selfish. She was doing nothing more than making Chiaki worry. Her feelings were getting in the way of everything.
But Mikan didn’t want to say that out loud. All she cherished at this moment was the warmth that Chiaki radiates. Just to feel that, a little longer...
The nurse shook her head slightly before slightly burying her face into Chiaki’s shoulder and neck area. “Th-thank you...”
There was.. still a lot on Mikan’s shoulders. So much more. But with Chiaki humming softly, in a warm embrace, and the oh so comforting and welcomed feeling of fingers tangled in her hair, Mikan could just finally relax. Let herself calm down now.
Focus on the feelings later.
Focus on them later.
As expected when one cries out all their emotions, Mikan felt tired and let herself fall asleep in Chiaki’s arms. Her arms loosened until they were nothing more than little dangling ropes across Chiaki’s waist and back, and comfortably (or, uncomfortably, given she was in Chiaki’s lap on a carpet) fell into rest.
“For the record, I never thought it was your fault. You’re such a sweet girl..” Chiaki whispered after placing a sweet kiss to Mikan’s forehead, before allowing herself to sleep.