oh_sarcasm
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“One might think that living a cursed existence is a bad thing. Objectively so, some might say!” Stede turned on his heel, coat swishing out dramatically behind him.
“One might also assume that being made to walk the earth - er - one little isle of it, for all the days and nights thereof ever and after and so on to be a miserable existence. And they may be right to say so! But!” Here he turned to his audience, “What’s the difference between a curse…and a blessing?” He looked enquiringly around the little beach. None of the animals strewn about it appeared to be listening.
“Anyone? Swede?”
The sea lion shrunk back a little guiltily, not meeting his gaze.
“Black Pete?”
There was a rude short from the scraggly hound.
“No one? Really?” Stede sighed. “Alright. The secret is…perspective!” He made a little flourish. “Ta da!” There was a despairing whine. He chose to ignore that.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 48,817
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Collections:
- 3
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- 223
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- 635
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- 215
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- 8,226
Bookmarked by oh_sarcasm
06 Mar 2026
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Stede is mourning the loss of Ed and all his crew—at least until Buttons and Olivia show up offering hope in the form of a quest. But it’s a quest that’s unlikely, dangerous, and just a little bit eldritch. Stede must summon his courage and set sail with them for a mysterious island if he is to rescue Ed from the clutches of the Otherworld.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 17,550
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 50
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- 98
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- 29
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- 1,422
Bookmarked by oh_sarcasm
10 Jan 2026
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Deep within the dingy streets of the Republic of Pirates is a very specific business venture (a brand management-slash-PR firm) that has managed to stay afloat. The plucky proprietor will say that his survival comes down to his hard work and creativity — he did manage to get the Republic’s Gift Shoppe into the black, after all.
He is less likely to say that a great deal of his success is also due to the fact that he somehow managed to land two absolutely unhinged pirate captains as major clients. Part of that is because his contracts do have confidentiality clauses, thank you very much! And he is, of course, a professional.
(The bigger reason might be that said unhinged captains cause him enough stress when they’re not even trying — who knows what they might do to him if they hear he’s blabbing and actually want to make his life miserable. So no, he’s certainly not going to tell any tales about them. Aside from the ones he’s being paid to tell, that is.)
Bookmarked by oh_sarcasm
23 Sep 2025
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The Revenge spots a drifting, seemingly abandoned ship. Is it haunted, overrun by demons, or full of vampire-mermaids? Probably none of the above, Ed and Stede think, though some of the crew have different ideas. There does seem to be something wrong about that ship though. It warrants some investigation.
This is a ghost story/horror genre (not too scary) multi-chapter story set in the wonderful Co-Captains time before everything went to hell. This story is now complete.
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Ed cracks a most delightful grin and puts his hand on his heart. “Tell you what, if I die before you, promise I’ll come back and haunt the fuck outta you, mate.”
“That would be absolutely lovely. Thank you.”
Ed laughs again and Stede watches his face light up. His eyes are adjusting to the dark, and he can see the outline of Ed’s features again, and can catch the flash of white teeth. Stede could swear that when Ed tosses his head laughing, the faint light from the moon and stars flows like water through the silver in his hair.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 42,164
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 351
- Kudos:
- 976
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- 348
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- 14,950
Bookmarked by oh_sarcasm
22 Sep 2025
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I'm not looking to get a handjob from the cabin boy. What am I, fifteen? by Steve Bonnet (MartinKBlackwoodESQ)
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
05 Aug 2022
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Ed asks Lucius for help. Set somewhere between episodes 7 and 8.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 9,856
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 167
- Kudos:
- 465
- Bookmarks:
- 47
- Hits:
- 5,691
Bookmarked by oh_sarcasm
30 Jul 2025