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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    “This is hard to talk about,” is all he says, though he knows it will amount to nothing.

    Shane’s fingertips are feather-soft on his chest. “You have to.”

    He has to, because Shane and Ilya have this thing, now, this agreement. Nothing is too hard to talk about. Nothing is off limits. They have to be bare, have to surrender the deepest crevice of their soul to one another. And Ilya, for whom this is easier said than done, whose chest carries a perpetual weight, an immovable mass, it’s all worth it – worth the relief smoothing over Shane’s features, the reassurance that he’s not worried anymore, that Ilya can give him this peace, albeit only a fragment of what Shane gives him by just being there when he wakes up. He would never say it, but he thinks that what he has to offer to Shane amounts to nothing – nothing compared to what Shane does, what Shane is, by simply nuzzling into his chest and sighing into his sleep, late at night when all Ilya can do is lay awake and just feel.

    “I need more,” Ilya says. “And is nothing you can do. I need you inside me, and it feels terrible.” He swallows, with great difficulty. God. “I need to– I need to eat you.”

    or, Ilya never knew love can hurt this good

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    27 Apr 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    “And you’re sure there’s nothing for you?” David says suddenly. “You’re not—you’re feeling okay? You’re not sick? Shane wouldn’t have any reason to think that you’re sick?”

    Ilya blinks and turns to him. “I am fine. Totally fine. Better than fine, even, before today.”

    “It’s just—Shane’s acting like you’re dying, Ilya.”

    “Not as far as I’m aware,” says Ilya. “And I do not think he would learn this before me.”

    The summer before Ilya joins the Centaurs, Shane wakes up nervous. It doesn't stop from there.

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    17 Mar 2026

    Bookmarker's Notes

    more than heartwrenching and beautiful…. fuck

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya Rozanov has spent ten years circling Shane Hollander. Ten years of hotel rooms and secret phone calls. Ten years of pretending he doesn't feel it, doesn't need it, doesn't wake up reaching for someone who's already gone. Ten years convincing himself he's not good enough. That he's not worth it.

    Then a plane needs to make an emergency landing near Montreal, and Yuna Hollander is on it.

    So when Shane calls him from a bathroom floor, unable to breathe, Ilya stops pretending.

    After five hundred miles of frozen highway, three and a half hours of driving like a man possessed, a hospital waiting room full of people who have every reason to hate him, and a boy who looks at him like he's something worth keeping, Ilya may have learned a thing or two about what it means to be loved—and to let himself love freely.

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    17 Mar 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    “Is my favourite thing.” Ilya murmurs.

    The rain has started to slow down a little. Barely any lightning strikes anymore. Soon, the sky will clear.

    “What is?” Shane asks.

    Ilya brings their joined hands up to his face and presses a small, tired smile to the back of Shane’s hand. “You and me.”

    (or: they’re best friends who go on a roadtrip together.)

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    15 Mar 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Shane watches helplessly as Ilya is sent headfirst into the boards, spine twisting, skates lifting off the ice as his body folds under the force. The sound of impact is thunderous and wrong - echoing - louder than the crowd, louder than the goal horn, louder than the pounding of his heart against his chest, as Ilya’s body finally crumples into the ice.

    Ilya had no time to brace, Shane knows he had no time to brace because Shane had no time to brace.

    And he’s not moving.

    “Ilya!”

    _____________

    Or what it means to break, and come together again.

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    28 Feb 2026