RachelsShitShow



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    Alternate Title: Shane Hollander: Stanley Cup Winner, Accidental Dog Sitter

    Shane: Is this Ilya Rozanov?
    Unknown number: no
    Shane: Oh, but the dog collar had this number.
    Unknown Number: What? What dog collar? What are you talking about?
    Shane: I'm Shane Hollander.
    Shane: I have your dog.
    Unknown Number: Is this ransom threat?
    Unknown Number: Did you kidnap my dog?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    7,626
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    465
    Kudos:
    13,028
    Bookmarks:
    1,997
    Hits:
    58,452

    03 Jun 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    “Alexei, I fucking told you to never call me again, you fucking piece of—”

    “Am I speaking with Ilya Grigorievich Rozanov?”

    Ilya went silent immediately. That was not his brother’s voice. Nor was it Katia’s, his sister-in-law. It was an aristocratic, cold voice. He went completely still.

    “Yes.”

    “I’m calling from the Child Services Department, Ilya Grigorievich,” the woman continued, and Ilya frowned deeply. “Your brother Alexei Rozanov and his wife died yesterday in a car accident.”

    Twice in his life, Ilya had felt like this. The ice around his heart melted just enough for the numbness to vanish and give way to a sharp, stinging pain. It lasted only two seconds before he managed to compose himself. He didn’t want to feel anything for Alexei, so even if Katia’s death carried a trace of sadness—she was a mess, but she always tried to smile at him and cook warm meals for him when he visited Russia—, he dismissed the feeling entirely.

    “So what?”

    “You are the only living family member of their daughter. Your brother named you as her legal guardian, Ilya Grigorievich.”

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    116,221
    Chapters:
    9/12
    Comments:
    2,261
    Kudos:
    14,735
    Bookmarks:
    4,755
    Hits:
    477,196

    01 Jun 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    As a straight man, Ilya Rozanov has never had a gay roommate before, but it’s going pretty well. Shane Hollander is kind, silly, and an even bigger hockey nut than Ilya.

    So when Shane starts bringing men over, and Ilya begins to want to bash their fucking heads in, Ilya comes to a startling conclusion: He must be homophobic.

    (He’s jealous.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    40,186
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Comments:
    3,043
    Kudos:
    25,157
    Bookmarks:
    7,749
    Hits:
    344,506

    28 May 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    That thought settles into his brain dangerously. Ilya’s been with everyone. Girls. Guys. Others. What's another person on the list?

    If Shane wants experience…

    If he wants to stop feeling behind…

    Why not Ilya?

    Yes, he was a complete asshole that Shane wished he could choke to death sometimes and his brother's childhood bestfriend, but it wouldn’t mean anything. It's for the experience, the education of it all.

    For hockey.

    Obviously.

    Or: Ilya Rozanov has always been Shane Hollander’s older brother’s best friend. He was never supposed to become Shane’s first everything.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    65,917
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Comments:
    1,435
    Kudos:
    9,252
    Bookmarks:
    3,074
    Hits:
    247,715

    25 May 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    After insulting a suspiciously vindictive fortune teller at a street fair, Ilya Rozanov wakes up cursed with the ability to hear people’s thoughts through touch.

    Which becomes a serious problem when he discovers his coworker Shane Hollander, who supposedly can’t stand him, is apparently thinking about him in extremely inappropriate ways constantly.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    13,579
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Comments:
    908
    Kudos:
    9,992
    Bookmarks:
    2,232
    Hits:
    162,020

    24 May 2026