PantryJesus
Fandoms
- Dead Boy Detectives (TV) (28)
- Teen Wolf (TV) (8)
- Merlin (TV) (4)
- The Sandman (TV 2022) (2)
- Jennifer's Body (2009) (1)
Recent works
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Summary
Jennifer had always been stubborn. Always had to have the last word. And god, hadn’t she managed that—sinking her teeth into Needy’s flesh and not killing her, not eating her, but shoving in the same evil that was charring her own soul from the inside out. Like she couldn’t die without making sure some part of her was stuck in Needy forever; shrapnel from the atomic explosion of their friendship.
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“This is highly unprofessional,” Edwin huffs, a few ticks after the cupboard door clicks shut behind them. “We are here on a case, Charles.”
Series
- Part 7 of Brief Moments
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An Excerpt from the Journal of Edwin Payne: Trust by PantryJesus
Fandoms: Dead Boy Detectives (TV)
13 Feb 2026
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Summary
I enjoy exposing you.
It is incredibly uncouth of me; I know this, and there is a great measure of shame in me because of it.
Series
- Part 4 of To be so Known
- Part 9 of Brief Moments
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Summary
There's another little part of Charles—a quiet, shivery, tucked-way-down-deep little part of him—that… that likes it, more than he ought to. A part of him that likes Edwin pressed against him and holding him still and clamping a hand over his mouth to keep him quiet.
All at once, he's thinking back to Hell—but not in the bad way he's been having those thoughts, lately. He's remembering how Edwin did this same thing down there: his hand over Charles's mouth, keepin' him hush.
Series
- Part 8 of Brief Moments
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Summary
Crystal’s never had anything she was this afraid of losing before. She’s never had anything—anyone—that’s tried so hard to stay. And she might have just fucked it all up for good.
Crystal blinks hard, swallowing down the knot that’s started to rise in her throat. She grabs her phone off the night stand, opens Niko’s contact, and spends a minute debating over what to say before eventually sending a single message:
Can we talk?
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In Clue terms: Crystal palace, in the not-so-guest bedroom, with Niko Sasaki—trying to be better.
Series
- Part 2 of And They Were Roommates
Recent series
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Summary
Collected Dead Boy Detectives drabbles and ficlets, mainly but not exclusively Payneland.
- Words:
- 8,428
- Works:
- 9
- Bookmarks:
- 3
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Summary
After getting together, Charles and Edwin explore power dynamics.
OR: an unintentional deep-dive into submissive Charles and dominant Edwin.
- Words:
- 17,134
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 25
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Summary
A collection of Crystal-and-Niko-centric fics, set in miscellaneous universes in which Palasaki become roommates after Niko's return.
- Words:
- 3,308
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 1
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Summary
Or: A series of rescues conducted on Friday nights at an American university.
(A modern alive AU where Charles and Edwin meet and become friends at university in the States, along with Crystal and Niko.)
- Words:
- 3,704
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 3
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Summary
A collection of various disconnected Payneland AUs (mostly modern/alive AU, but not exclusively).
OR: Charles and Edwin finding each other in every universe.
- Words:
- 9,361
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 2
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
Hello! This is my first post, although I am a frequent visitor to this subreddit and have been for years. I have loved hockey all my life, but my real guilty pleasure is staying on top of all the behind the scenes gossip. As you can imagine, Scott Hunter kissing his boyfriend on the ice was a huge day for me!
I recently noticed something with Ilya Rozanov that I don’t think many other people have, and I decided to finally post about it here to see if anyone else shares my opinion. Every hockey fan I’ve talked to in my real life has brushed it off because Rozanov is known as such a womanizer, but I genuinely think he’s in some kind of serious long-term relationship.
Or the year before Ilya transfers to Ottawa, Shane and Ilya learn three things. Creating a charity is a fuck ton of work, coming out isn’t something you do just once, and the whole world seems to think Ilya Rozanov is in a committed relationship.Oh, and Ilya is addicted to Reddit hockey gossip.
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
10 Jun 2026
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you all the way down by inkingbrushes for chaentics
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
08 Feb 2026
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Summary
“Is my favourite thing.” Ilya murmurs.
The rain has started to slow down a little. Barely any lightning strikes anymore. Soon, the sky will clear.
“What is?” Shane asks.
Ilya brings their joined hands up to his face and presses a small, tired smile to the back of Shane’s hand. “You and me.”
—
(or: they’re best friends who go on a roadtrip together.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 40,755
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 384
- Kudos:
- 4,861
- Bookmarks:
- 2,168
- Hits:
- 104,442
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
10 Jun 2026
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Summary
Shandry's Third @shaneybaby
uhhh so im on r/shanehollander rn and some guy is claiming to have cloned shane’s dad’s phone and uploaded it to the internet?? has anyone else clicked on this link will it give me a virus if i do
7:03 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 135.1k retweets | 232.1k likes
Shandry's Third @shaneybaby
okay I googled his dad and he’s a 52 year old forensic accountant who thinks fashion peaked with ralph lauren polo shirts. am I enough of a hollander simp to risk my laptop just to look through the phone of his dad who acts like sandals and bermuda shorts are a risqué choice. yes.
7:04 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 137.1k retweets | 235.9k likes
Shandry's Third @shaneybaby
oh my god his password for everything is ShaneHollander24. pov you love your son so much that it compromises your bank account
7:04 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 143.7k retweets | 250.7k likes
Shandry's Third @shaneybaby
HOLY FUCK
7:19 P.M. | 12 Jan 2018 | 337.1k retweets | 413.3k likes
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 71,911
- Chapters:
- 7/?
- Comments:
- 4,517
- Kudos:
- 18,361
- Bookmarks:
- 6,569
- Hits:
- 367,829
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
09 Jun 2026
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Summary
When Shane pulls away, he swallows audibly and the breath catches in his throat when he says, “There’s something you should know, too. Um, before.”
Ilya traces a thumb over his lips, pouts his own to show he’s listening. “Hm?”
“I’m a man,” Shane says, carefully.
Ilya scoffs. “Obviously. I’m not—”
“No, no, I mean—I’m a man. You need to remember that. Because—”
“Oh,” Ilya murmurs. He brings his other hand up, settles it in the curve of Shane’s neck. “I understand."A hockey player and the most beautiful man he's ever seen walk into a bar.
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
07 Jun 2026
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true blue by scarlettroses
Fandoms: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
29 Mar 2026
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Summary
"He said it was just a stronger edible," Wyatt says. "Apparently it was supposed to be super natural, and relaxing and rejuvenating, not the weak Canadian shit, and—"
"You say a bad word, Hazy," Ilya interrupts, pointing a tiny finger at him.
"Right." Wyatt winces. "Sorry, kid."
Rejuvenating. Shane turns the word over in his mind a few times, while readjusting Ilya’s little body in his arms.
Jesus fucking Christ.
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or, with the help of some mysterious russian candy and a very loving husband, ilya rozanov heals his inner child.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,633
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 539
- Kudos:
- 5,338
- Bookmarks:
- 1,214
- Hits:
- 37,638
Bookmarked by PantryJesus
06 Jun 2026