OhEmGee_13
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“So. How can I help you? Oh, don’t look so stricken; I’m not going to to tell anybody about your sordid little sex games, not that I think anybody cares. Anyway, who'd believe me? For that matter, do you really think my customers would continue to patronise my establishment if I was gabbing about them? Use your brain, Potter; I do know you have one.”
“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, I think,” Harry said.
Malfoy crossed his arms. “It’s been six years; I’m out of practice. Now tell me what you need.”
Harry stood there for a moment. He hadn’t really thought this through before he knew that it would be Draco Malfoy he was talking to. He felt utterly unprepared for the conversation.
Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, his ex-girlfriend was there.
“Harry wants a prostate orgasm and his boyfriends are all terrible,” Ginny said.
Draco’s eyebrows shot up. Harry’s face got hot. Ginny made a face at him and said, “Look, it was going to take you forever to say that.” Then she turned and walked away, leaving Harry alone, with Draco Malfoy, who knew that he wanted to have a prostate orgasm.
Bookmarked by OhEmGee_13
23 Mar 2026
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Harry agrees to present the inaugural Great Magic Bake Off as a favour to a friend. He does not expect Draco Malfoy to be among wizarding Britain's top twelve amateur bakers.
Bookmarked by OhEmGee_13
08 Mar 2026
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Draco crossed his arms and tried not to pout. “I don’t care. It’s humiliating.”
“What’s humiliating?” Harry pushed Draco’s knees aside and worked his way past him to sit between Draco and Blaise.
“Draco lost a little game we sometimes like to play,” said Pansy, making a face at Draco’s patented “if you breathe a word of this you’ll be dead to me and I shall make you pay” look and continuing without a single sign that she was worried about being dead to Draco or being made to pay, the tart. “We were playing a game, and he lost. And he now has to be punished, according to the rules that he himself devised,” she repeated, staring pointedly at a glowering Draco.
Or: Draco has to grow a beard for two months. Absolutely no one is ready for his beard to come in ginger. Especially not Harry.
Bookmarked by OhEmGee_13
22 Feb 2026
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Mysteries needs a translator.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 72,869
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 124
- Kudos:
- 240
- Bookmarks:
- 72
- Hits:
- 4,457
Bookmarked by OhEmGee_13
19 Nov 2025
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Harry’s post-war “eighth year” back at Hogwarts was supposed to be a time for reflection, healing, and maybe even naps. Instead, he’s sharing a dorm with Draco Malfoy, who owns a cat Harry suspects is planning his demise, criticizes Harry as a pastime, and weaponizes passive-aggression like a Slytherin art form. What begins as a series of petty arguments and suspiciously smug eye contact slowly morphs into something far more dangerous: feelings. Unfortunately, Harry might just be falling in love—out of spite.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 114,800
- Chapters:
- 34/34
- Comments:
- 272
- Kudos:
- 887
- Bookmarks:
- 227
- Hits:
- 21,219
Bookmarked by OhEmGee_13
29 Jul 2025