FicFan46



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    Shane can’t look at him. He can’t really look at anyone but he manages to lift his head and stare right back into Troy’s glistening eyes.

    “I never had that advantage, Troy. I never got to take it out on anyone, for any of it. All the times I got on that ice to play some hockey and some… fuckwit idiot like Kent, or whoever was calling me slurs— whether they were gay ones or racist ones… I couldn’t just hurl them back and call it a day like you did.”

    He swallows hard. He thinks he might be sick a little bit in his mouth.

    “You know how fucking lucky you are? To have gotten away with it? They love you, Barrett. This team loves you! You’re fucking celebrated because you overcame this big, terrible thing but for me it’s—”

    He thinks about his mom in that very split second. His beautiful, wonderful mom who’d coached him his entire life on how to be polite, how to be well behaved. How to answer to teachers the right way, to coaches, to cops to the press to the general public to his fucking teammates—

    He looks away. The fight suddenly drains right out of him and he goes back to his bag.

    or: shane decides to confront troy if no one else will

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    26 May 2026

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    Shane is heavier than he used to be; his weight bears down on Ilya in a new way. He’s put on pounds of muscle since Ilya last touched him like this. Ilya flattens his palms, skims them under Shane’s undershirt, feels the flat solidity of his abs, the bulk of his lats, the swell of his chest. It’s the same and it’s new, this body; it’s the boy he couldn’t stop thinking about when he was 18 and the man he loved enough to let go at 26 and the person who somehow always comes to find him when he’s lost.

    A stranger, and the love of his life.

     

    or, Ilya's father doesn't die in 2017; Ilya breaks up with Shane instead of confessing his love. They get older, but not any less stupid about each other. Shane gets a boyfriend; Ilya gets on medication; they work on becoming whole people. And they always find their way back to each other.

    OR a story for those who love Shane and Ilya's baby love but ALSO think it's hot when people in their thirties make active choices about who they are and what they want in their partner!!

    Note: the "cheating" tag refers to the relationship between Shane and his aforementioned BF, not to Shane and Ilya cheating on each other.

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    21 May 2026

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    The Boston Bears group chat had sixty-three new messages in the span of three minutes.

    His coffee forgotten, Ilya swiped open the chat, scrolling quickly to find the source of the commotion. A link to The Athletic, posted by Jensen, their captain, followed by a string of exclamation points. Ilya tapped it, the headline materializing on his screen like a blow to the chest:

    BREAKING: MONTREAL VOYAGEURS’ SECOND DRAFT SHANE HOLLANDER ANNOUNCES RETIREMENT

    Ilya's pulse jumped, hard and sudden in his throat. The mug slipped from his hand, not falling but landing too heavily on the counter, coffee slopping over the rim. He set it down properly, his movements mechanical, and forced himself to read the rest of the headline:

    20-YEAR-OLD ROOKIE OF THE YEAR STEPPING AWAY TO PURSUE HARVARD BUSINESS DEGREE

    Or

    Shane Hollander has spent his entire life living and breathing hockey. At twenty, at the height of his career, he makes an unthinkable choice: he walks away to discover who he is beyond the ice.

    But some things don’t stay behind.

    What happens when the rivalry between him and Rozanov ends, but the pull doesn’t?

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    14 May 2026

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    Loud beeps from his phone startled Ilya, and he slowed down, reaching for the device he’d put on the bar between his legs. Jane. He smiled to himself when he saw the notifications, and, checking Marlowe was absorbed in his own fitness, opened it quickly, smiling in anticipation of Shane's words.

    The smile was wiped off his face almost instantly.

    The blood drained from his face, and Ilya felt like the bottom had just fallen out of his world.

    *****

    Maybe he was naive, but Ilya always thought he had time. Time with Shane. Time to tell him what he truly meant to him.

    That, somehow, one way or another, Shane would always be there.

    But a text message late one night threatens to destroy the future that Ilya has spent the time carefully constructing in his mind.

    Maybe Shane wasn't always going to be there. That Shane would be cruelly snatched away from him before he had a chance to be honest.

    That he would be left behind. Alone.

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    21 Mar 2026

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    "Why are you not scared?"

    "I am scared," Ilya admits. "I just am tired. Of hiding me. Of hiding you. Of hiding how much I love you. I want to go to the rink— how do you say it? Authenti."

    "Authentically," Shane supplies, automatically.

    "Yes. Authentically. I want to go to the rink authentically, as me," Ilya confirms.

    Ilya looks at Shane, pauses until Shane meets his eyes. "I want to say: I, Ilya Rozanov, love a man, and that man's name is Shane Hollander."

     

    -

    Or, sometimes it takes a little more time, and some courage, to be with the one you love.

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    02 Mar 2026