BlueEyesDevil
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GREEDY, UNGRATEFUL, AND IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE by WhatMurdah
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
21 Jul 2024
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Summary
“Sweet Salazar’s poxy dick, what is that?” said Theo, stepping from the floo into Draco’s dimly lit study.
“This is Mrs. Malfoy’s progeny,” said Draco dryly. The orange abomination sat on his desk, too close to his ledger for comfort. The animal’s expression was excessively judgmental. Draco sneered back. “I am not allowed to kill it.”—Chapter 5, BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
A one shot about books, biscuits, and rodentia (or: the perils of gift-giving) inspired by Draco and Crooks in BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Series
- Part 3 of Related to BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Bookmarked by BlueEyesDevil
22 Jun 2026
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Summary
"His face was numb from vodka, his shirt was unbuttoned, he was sliding onto a leather banquette in a club with bottle service, and a girl was running her hand down his chest, asking how he got his scars. "Cursed," he told her.
When his house arrest was done, Pansy dragged him along behind her to meet up with the pureblood scions who’d been too smart or too callow to get too involved, who definitely wanted to party but weren’t sure yet whether they wanted to party with Draco. They went to Muggle London—the supremacist kids always wanted to slum it there—and tried to pretend it was before the war.
The purebloods couldn’t decide if they wanted to suck up to him or take the piss out of him, but they knew he wasn’t fun. He and Theo both—they fought too much and too sloppy; they didn’t care how much they got hurt and they didn’t care whether they won."—Chapter 5, BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
One shot inspired by BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Series
- Part 2 of Related to BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC
Bookmarked by BlueEyesDevil
22 Jun 2026
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Summary
“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 195,969
- Chapters:
- 21/21
- Comments:
- 7,497
- Kudos:
- 31,450
- Bookmarks:
- 12,476
- Hits:
- 1,912,877
Bookmarked by BlueEyesDevil
22 Jun 2026
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Summary
Happy 2023!
This one-shot takes place in the AVO universe, about 7 years after the end of the main (pre-epilogue) story from AVO.
If you haven't read AVO, please do not read this! Spoilers abound!
Series
- Part 2 of The AVO Chronicles
Bookmarked by BlueEyesDevil
19 Jun 2026
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Summary
After three years of dating, Ron admits he cheated on Hermione for two of those years with Daphne Greengrass--and Harry knew all about it. Reeling from the betrayal by her friends and family, Hermione must rebuild her life and discover new bonds with an unlikely group including Theo Nott, Blaise Zabini, and Pansy Parkinson.
What happens when Draco Malfoy, her first and deepest love, suddenly reappears in Hermione's life and she finds that her feelings have only grown deeper with time?
OR: Hermione and Draco secretly dated at Hogwarts, he left after his trial, and now he's returned to win her back.
Series
- Part 1 of The AVO Chronicles
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 288,120
- Chapters:
- 32/32
- Collections:
- 31
- Comments:
- 2,649
- Kudos:
- 24,028
- Bookmarks:
- 10,063
- Hits:
- 1,726,507
Bookmarked by BlueEyesDevil
18 Jun 2026