14 Bookmarks by BetterAlive
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Stede Bonnet's brother, Jack, is engaged to Mary Allamby to secure a critical business merger, but when he's distracted by the cook's son, Edward Teach, it's up to Stede Bonnet to run interference to make sure the wedding goes forward as planned. But can Stede keep his mind on business as his heart grows ever closer to Ed? I think we all know the answer to that...but let's watch the story unfold!
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My son (11 years old in December) was inspired by looking at the list of Fluffvember 2025 prompts when he was scrolling through my phone at dinner. He sat down and wrote the first two chapters when we got home, and I promised him I would publish it. So, here it is! Be kind, please!
Now with beautiful art by @rysiutokwiat
Bookmarked by BetterAlive
14 Nov 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
I love everything about this! Finding the perfect ring setting and the perfect mountain setting to propose. Combining the shops is so sweet too. You have a great voice, and I'd really love to see more stories from you in the future 🏴☠️💜
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The Age of Aquarius by Temptress_of_Dalliances
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV), The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
07 Jul 2025
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At 40, Stede Bonnet has mastered the art of a carefully curated life, complete with homemade marmalade, Survivor nights, and a wardrobe that would make a fashion editor blush. But when his coworkers invite him to trivia night, Stede’s well-kept secrets start to unravel.
Between surprising everyone with his encyclopedic knowledge and navigating awkward truths about his love life (or lack thereof), Stede begins to wonder if stepping out of his comfort zone might lead him to more than just a victory.
Maybe, just maybe, he’ll find the connection he didn’t know he was missing.
[TL;DR: this is basically 40-year old virgin, but you know without a lot of the "hitting on drunk witches" and other things like that but keeping the other elements that weirdly has endeared me to the movie all these very very long years. But with like Stede being Andy, which you know is a pretty great idea.]
Bookmarked by BetterAlive
13 Feb 2025
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The 40-Year-Old Virgin
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Edward Teach, lead vocalist for a metal band, has been taking wedding singer gigs at a local event venue for the past few months, finding it a fulfilling change of pace in his life. A hopeless romantic, Ed is engaged to be married in less than a week and is completely in his element when he meets Stede Bonnet, a recently relocated professional attending a wedding where Ed is performing. Stede is swept away by Ed’s charismatic performance and the two hit it off right away. Stede promises that once he eventually sets a date for his own wedding with Mary, he wants Ed to be the wedding singer for theirs as well. Tragedy strikes when Ed’s fiancé leaves him at the altar, sending Ed spiraling into depression and swearing off wedding gigs entirely. In an attempt to help Ed get back on his feet (and hopefully spend more quality time with his new friend), Stede convinces Ed to help him plan his own upcoming wedding. Needless to say, as Stede’s wedding grows closer, so do Stede and Ed <3
This story is loosely based on The Wedding Singer (1998) and inspired by the parallels between Ed's Episode 10 songs and the infamous "Somebody Kill Me Please" scene from the movie.
Series
- Part 1 of Grow Old With You
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 194,142
- Chapters:
- 93/100
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 567
- Kudos:
- 308
- Bookmarks:
- 77
- Hits:
- 15,384
Bookmarked by BetterAlive
18 Jan 2025
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The Wedding Singer
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2021.
Notting Hill, London, U.K.
Stede had a mid-life crisis and gay awakening simultaneously, which resulted in an amicable separation from his wife, a not-so-amicable separation from his father, a complete wardrobe overhaul, and the purchase of a bookshop.
This left him more content with life than he had ever been, but also made him crave someone to share it with. He’d never craved anything before.
Los Angeles, California, U.S.A.
Ed Teach shot to higher levels of fame than he’d ever imagined he would. He truly loved acting, but it became a chore when suddenly the whole world knew his face and he couldn’t ever let the mask slip, even when the cameras weren’t rolling. He missed home, he was tired, and he was just so bored.
He needed something to change before he lost his mind.
An 'Our Flag Means Death' Social Media AU, originally posted on Twitter.
COMPLETE
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Stede has been stuck alone on this planet for a millennium. He’s fine with it.
Until one day he’s not alone anymore.
Series
- Part 1 of Robo Love
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Paleoclimatologist Stede Bonnet can see all of the warning signs of an impending climate catastrophe, but no one ever listens to the scientists. Conditions tip over into disaster much sooner than he expects, and his son, Louis, is stranded in a New York City that's half underwater with the most deadly blizzard in human history brewing. Stede needs to get to Louis. So what if that guy from Louis' favorite tv show keeps telling him he doesn't have the survival skills to make it to New York.
Survival expert and "famous television guy" Ed Teach is on filming hiatus (because the weather has been absolute shit) when the world ends. His mom is in New York City, which just got slammed by a massive tsunami. And according to that annoying blond scientist, a globe-altering snowstorm ever is on the way. Ed is abso-fucking-lutely going to NYC to get his mom. He'll figure out where to get the gear along the way.
Stede's annoying as shit (Ed's words), but he's got the arctic gear, and Ed's an egotistical asshole (Stede's words), but he's also got the advanced survival training. So they grit their teeth and reluctantly team up. Because they also have a common goal: rescue the people they love.
Bookmarked by BetterAlive
18 Jan 2025
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The Day After Tomorrow
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Romance novelist Stede Bonnet is quite content with the quiet life he’s built for himself, publishing a series of popular novels featuring the dashing hero (and man of Stede’s dreams), Geoffrey. His world is turned upside down when he receives a frantic call from his ex-wife, Mary. Her longtime lover and new husband, Doug, has been kidnapped during their honeymoon in Barbados, and now she’s in trouble too. It seems that only Stede can save them. Meanwhile, Ed Teach is minding his own business in the jungles of Barbados, blissfully unaware that a fastidious blonde is about to come crashing into his life.
This is a Romancing the Stone/OFMD modern AU.
Written for JanuAUry Day 13: Any Movie
Planning a MWF posting schedule.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,993
- Chapters:
- 10/10
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 60
- Kudos:
- 56
- Bookmarks:
- 9
- Hits:
- 746
Bookmarked by BetterAlive
14 Jan 2025
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Bookmarker's Notes
Romancing the Stone
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Ed Teach is a freshly minted lawyer who is given what he thinks is a routine job - transfer of property to someone with limited ID. Easy, right? Instead he’s faced with Stede, a unique robot owned by the Bonnet household. And Stede's unique brain allows him to grow, and develop a creativity and an individuality that he was never meant to have, and most importantly, to want.
It’s bad enough, in this world, that humans want. Ed has spent his whole life pushing that urge down, to work towards what he’s supposed to aim for. Has fought hard not to stay in the mould that he was destined for, but has had to fight just as hard to tamp down his own wants to fit into the one he’s chosen. Has cut bits off and tried to forget how to want them. He can see why unbridled desire appearing in a robot - no shame, no need for conformity, only logic pathways and the Three Laws to guide them - would freak them out.
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“Do I sound like the classic American to you, carbón?" Jim laughs into the radio. "Y aquí pensé que era estúpide.”
But they suppose there’s something to it, even if their look doesn’t quite fit the part. They’re still barefoot, clad in jeans and a white tank top that’s getting increasingly grimy as the night goes on, smeared with blood and dirt. Smoking a cigarette, machine gun in hand, another at their hip. The lone ranger, locked in a fucking tower with terrorists.
“Sí, sure, I can be a cowboy if you want. Lots of good muchachos in Spanish westerns.”
There’s a loud, irritated sigh before Prince Ricky’s drawl returns. “Do you really think you have a chance against us, cowboy? You’ll be much better off if you just give up now.”
Across the floor, the elevator pings. Jim drops their voice to a whisper, pressing through the door to the stairwell as they reply. “Yipee-ki-yay, motherfucker.”
High above the city of L.A., a team of terrorists has seized a building, taken hostages and declared war. Jim has managed to escape, and hides somewhere inside. They're alone, tired... and the only chance anyone has got.
It's Die Hard.
Series
- Part 1 of live hard or die trying
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Stede Bonnet wants love, he just can’t seem to find it with any of the women he dates. Then one day, he meets Edward Teach and everything seems to fall into place. There’s just one problem. Stede is pretty sure that Ed has murdered all of his previous spouses.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,409
- Chapters:
- 11/?
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 121
- Kudos:
- 209
- Bookmarks:
- 37
- Hits:
- 4,061
Bookmarked by BetterAlive
30 Dec 2024
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So I Married an Axe Murderer
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Based on 1995 film French Kiss.
Stede Bonnet wants to settle down but his boyfriend Jack has very different ideas. Like running away to France and finding himself a younger model to shack up with. Stede goes to find out what the hell is going on but joins up, quite accidentally, with Edward Teach, a petty conman with a heart of gold.
Maybe Jack Rackham isn't what Stede really wants after all.
CW: Minor criminality, fear of flying.
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Dear Mrs. Allamby,
Mr. Edward Teach has had Mr. Stede B. Bonnet erased from his memory. Please never mention their relationship to him again.
or, an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU