Smut Oneshots
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Listing Series
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Pet by Cupcake_Princess
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
20 Oct 2025
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Summary
“Unhand me, foul wretch.”
The seemingly harmless face that had greeted him when the blindfold was removed was that of a male hobbit... although there was something different about this creature. For one, there was an odd sheen to his skin, its paleness almost translucent beneath the faint green glow of the cave he’d been dragged into.
Then, of course, there were the tentacles.
Acorns and Oak Leaves/Tolkien Pinup Calendar Kinktober 2025, Prompts 1, 11, 17, 21 and 29.
Series
- Part 1 of Smut Oneshots
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Stolen Silverware by Cupcake_Princess for Lampmoss
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
29 Aug 2025
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Summary
Lobelia resented the insinuation that she was a thief. It was utterly inaccurate and highly offensive that much of Hobbiton thought her such. In recent days – after that blasted Bilbo Baggins’ discovery of his missing spoons – she had noticed half of the Shire clutching their purses a little closer whenever passing her in the marketplace, holding their belongings behind skirts and deep in pockets.
Ludicrous, really. The very thought that she, Lobelia Bracegirdle, was no better than a common pickpocket or other ne’re-do-well was laughable.
No, Lobelia rather thought she was better than that.
In fact, before the bloody teaspoons, she had never once been caught. In her estimation, that made her so much more than a mere thief.Or: Lobelia steals some more silverware. Dís catches her.
Series
- Part 2 of Smut Oneshots
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She Might Be Your Girl (But She's Calling Me Daddy) by Cupcake_Princess
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
03 Aug 2025
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Summary
“You took somethin’ of mine, and I want it back.”
The woman laughed, her ridiculous earrings jangling as she gestured down over the equally ridiculous green thong and bra she was wearing.
Just ridiculous. Absolutely not enticing as hell.
“Then I guess you’ll hafta search me for it, love,” she purred, pausing to hook a thumb behind the strap of her thong to make it lie flat against her curvy legs. “Not many places it could be.”Or: the fem!Nwalin strip club AU.
Series
- Part 1 of The Queer Strip Club AU
- Part 3 of Smut Oneshots
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If You're Comin' Over (Put Those Papers Away) by Cupcake_Princess for skatesfullofsunshine
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
13 Aug 2025
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Summary
“You move fast, don’t you?”
“Mm, but is it working?”
Ori cast their eyes down, flicking them over Fíli’s jacket and shaggy blonde hair… and most importantly back to the photo of the book.
“It… might be,” they murmured after a minute. “You have my attention for half an hour, idiot number one. Don’t waste it.”Or: the Filiori little gay sidequest AU.
Series
- Part 2 of The Queer Strip Club AU
- Part 4 of Smut Oneshots
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Ladies First (Baby, I Insist) by Cupcake_Princess for Youbetyourbuttons
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
10 Sep 2025
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Summary
“Do…” Thorin trailed off, thinking back to her previous words and praying to whatever god would listen that she was right. That this wasn’t too forward. “Do you know how to make a woman like me come?”
Bilbo paused, her brightly coloured drink frozen halfway to her mouth.
“That would be telling,” she murmured, taking a sip. “I could describe – in detail, mind you – exactly how I would go about such a thing… or you could meet me in the bathroom in two minutes, and I could show you.”Or: the inevitable fem!Bagginshield club hookup AU.
Series
- Part 3 of The Queer Strip Club AU
- Part 5 of Smut Oneshots
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Hypocrisy And Other Moral Failings by Cupcake_Princess for Melibe
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
18 Feb 2026
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Summary
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
And there he was.
Standing in the entrance to the alleyway, the soft light of the various buildings on the main thoroughfare silhouetting him like some sort of avenging hero in the night, was Dwalin, Son of Fundin.
He was furious.Or: Nori's Very Sensible, Not At All Immoral Plan To Ask Dwalin, Son Of Fundin, To Court.
Series
- Part 1 of Virtuous Indecencies
- Part 6 of Smut Oneshots
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Indulgence And Other Questionable Pursuits by Cupcake_Princess for Youbetyourbuttons
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
03 Jun 2026
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Summary
“You’re sure you won’t get cold over there all by your lonesome?” Nori purred, slipping an arm around Bofur’s shoulders in a slightly-too-friendly squeeze.
To his credit, the miner laughed. “Oh, I’m sure I can think of a thing or two that’ll keep me warm. You just snuggle up nice and good with your... whatever the two of you are callin’ yourselves these days.”
Inclining his head to where Dwalin was already lying down on their little nest of threadbare blankets at the other end of the cell, Nori smirked. “He wouldn’t mind.”
He bloody would. Nori was rather counting on it.Or: Nori's Extremely Well Thought-Out Plan To Distract Himself From The Inevitable And Get Railed Into The Floor.
Series
- Part 2 of Virtuous Indecencies
- Part 7 of Smut Oneshots