OFMD is a sitcom
Funny OFMD fics that lean into the tone of the show. Usually lighthearted, not necessarily angst-free.
(Open, Unmoderated)
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Summary
Stede can’t help crying out in pain, in the next beat, finally giving in when an instinctive sound comes up. It’s loud, and the crew goes dead silent around him.
Stede doesn’t even notice. He’s just trying to breathe, skin tugging painfully, when a door bangs open at the opposite end of the ship.
“What the fuck was that?” Ed demands from afar, voice heard easily over the crash of the sea around them. “Was that Stede? Where the fuck is he?”
“Oh, no,” Lucius says quietly.
“If you jump overboard, babe, I swear I’ll come back for you,” Black Pete promises him.
or: lucius accidentally gives stede a flesh wound, and ed loses his mind like they're not all pirates.
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The Mêlée Island Solution by johnsonthedinosaur
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV), Monkey Island
18 Jun 2022
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Summary
Stede's journey to win back his life and love introduces him to new friends and hidden strengths. Meanwhile, Ed discovers unexpected allies as he attempts to recover from Stede's betrayal, and the crew tries to keep it together long enough to get back together. What will it take to reunite the co-captains of the Revenge and repair their wounded family?
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“Now, remember,” Stede informs them all, “the night is yours to do with as you wish. So long as you don’t get arrested, and you’re on the ship again by noon tomorrow,” and he points at them each in rapid turn, “then you can consider this your time off. Like a— a little weekend!”
The crew is silent, for a moment.
Then, Oluwande hesitantly raises his hand.
“Yes,” Stede calls on him, “Oluwande.”
“Like a vacation?” he asks.
“Ah— Yes, I suppose so,” Stede replies. “Yes, like a mini-vacation. Do whatever you’d like— within reason— and— Well.” He claps his hands together a second time, then spreads his arms, forever a showman. “Have fun, my friends!”
or: ed treats stede to a night out on the town in nassau, where they share drinks, tattoos, pleasure, secrets, and— much,
much more. -
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Summary
This ship is weird, Ed thinks. He’s been here about a week now and he’s been paying attention. It’s odd. They’ve got a bit of down time today so Ed has situated himself in the crow’s nest sharpening his knife and enjoying the long view to the horizon, just having a think.
So, firstly, everyone is shagging, and that shouldn’t be weird - it’s not like Ed hasn’t taken some pleasure in a crewmate now and again, but this isn’t just people getting off with someone willing to lend a hand out of a small number of choices. Ed doesn’t think anyone would ever accuse him of being a prude, but there’s honest to god relationships going on here like they’ve met at a fucking dance or something. And that’s the least disturbing aspect of what he’s learned about this crew’s sex life.
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In which Ed muses on all the things which are just fucking weird about being on the Revenge, especially the cute, strange, lunatic captain.
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“No,” Stede interrupted Ed. “What happened after the duel? You said you almost died. Somebody was there to- take care of you?” His fingertips were still right there, light but steady on Ed’s rib. The tenderness in his voice was suddenly unbearable, and Ed moved away, tugging his shirt back down sharply to cover the ancient wound. For a short moment, a new silence grew between them. Then, just as Ed knew Stede was about to apologize for pushing too far, asking too much, he answered.
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Ed doesn't know how to receive kindness, and Stede doesn't know how to give anything but. This is set between episodes 7 and 8, in Ed & Stede's Co-Captaining era
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In exchange for Stede’s freedom, Ed offers himself up to the British and is sentenced to 5 years in prison. Thanks to a very intrepid mail delivery seagull, they’re able to exchange a series of increasingly stupid, silly, smutty, and romantic letters during their time apart.
Series
- Part 1 of Time in a Bottle
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Enemies, Two Lovers (And Enemies Again) by Jazzxdaffy
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
21 Aug 2022
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“...And it’s the fucking disrespect of it!” Stede ranted, pacing his room furiously. Edward leaned against the wall beside the locked door and watched him with rapidly decreasing patience, arms crossed, waiting for him to finish his tirade about Izzy Hands.
“Yeah, mate, he can be a handful sometimes. Anyway, speaking of handfuls, about your dick–”
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A subversion of the "Enemies to Lovers" trope, as told in three acts.Series
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Summary
Ed realizes that wooden objects make Lucius happy and attempts to whittle him things. It doesn't go as planned.
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In Bed, Asleep, Where They Do Dream Things True by atreus_von_swinburne
Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)
27 Jul 2022
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Through various machinations and plot contrivances, the crews of the Revenge and The Queen Anne's Revenge, in varying combinations, all end up sleeping in Stede's comfy bed, in a sort of easy peasy puddin' n' pie version of hot racking it.
Title from Romeo & Juliet, Act 1, Scene IV
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Summary
“Gotta warn ya, mate,” Ed said in that same unusually-bright-given-the-circumstances tone from earlier, “rooms at these kinds of places are usually too small to fit two beds. We’ll probably have to share.” Ed punctuated the warning by whistling a few sing-songy notes as they arrived at their room and he fit the iron key into the lock.
“I see,” Stede said, feeling that thrill again. Likely from the authenticity of sleeping in close quarters, like a real pirate. Really thrilling stuff, that. “I suppose we could get a second room, if–”
“NO,” Ed interrupted loudly, startling them both. He cleared his throat and began again at a more location-appropriate volume. “No, the innkeeper said this was the only room left–” he turned the lock– “so we’ll have to make do with whatever’s here.”
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A subversion of the Only One Bed Trope, and a love letter to OFMD fanfic everywhere.Series