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Summary
Killua’s voice was a whisper. “I’m not like other people, Gon. I try so hard to be. But I miss things. I don’t understand faces. I say the wrong things. I freeze. I overreact. I don’t know how to be around people unless I study them. And even then…”
He buried his head in his arms.
“Even then I get it wrong.”
Gon looked at him for a long time.
Then, softly:
“Killua, I don’t want you to be like other people.”
or...
Killua has always struggled with understanding social cues and fitting into his family's rigid expectations. Growing up under the oppressive weight of his family's rejection, he never learned to be the person they wanted him to be. But when he meets Gon, something changes.
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“I’m okay now. Really,” Killua lied, unconvinced by his own words. “I just couldn’t sleep, no biggie.”
Gon cocked an eyebrow, seemingly unsatisfied by that answer. Even he could read through his pathetic lie. Killua averted his gaze as he ducked his head down.
“Killua, you were shaking and crying just now,” Gon recalled, trailing his fingers under his chin as he firmly lifted his head up again. “You shouldn’t have to keep whatever’s bothering you all to yourself. Let me be here.”
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Machi asked, “What were you two doing up here? Strangers aren’t allowed, especially mortals like yourself. But you already knew that, didn’t you?”
Killua clenched his jaw, breathing heavy through his nose. The Phantom Troupe couldn’t know.
They couldn’t find out that he and Gon had come here to save Alluka after she’d been randomly snagged by the Troupe as a free meal; they couldn’t discover that Killua was Alluka’s older brother; they couldn’t learn what Killua specifically represented to the vampire community-
Because if they found out that they had Killua Zoldyck in their grasp- the prized son and heir to the country’s official Vampire Hunter, the same son of the man who stabbed a wooden stake through their boss’s dead heart twenty years ago- it was all over. For him and Alluka both.
Killua met Gon’s wild-eyed gaze and swallowed thickly around the lump lodged in his throat.
It was going to be a long night.
(written for the 2017 HunterxHunter Big Bang!)
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“Eh? What’s wrong with your friend there?” Nobunaga asked.
Killua couldn’t let him know. He couldn’t let the Spider know that Killua was going Down, that the Void was clawing at him. The other was a Dom, no doubt.
Even if he didn’t touch Killua, he was sure to know other Doms that would have no qualms in doing so. Killua knew what usual Doms were like. He wanted no part of that, didn’t want pain even if he had learned to ignore it. So he absolutely could not let the Spider know that-!
“Killua’s going Down,” Gon said, bringing Killua’s thoughts to a screeching halt.
Series
- Part 2 of Question of Desire
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Gon knows Killua’s going to drop soon, so he suggests Whale Island as their next destination. Killua doesn’t have any other place in mind after Heaven’s Arena and Gon makes the void lurking at the edge of his mind just a little quieter.
He didn’t realize what his friend was planning once they arrived at the island.
Series
- Part 1 of Question of Desire