Chapter Text
The fireworks going off to Appa’s left were impressive, but Zuko had seen better. He looked over at Aang, frowning. They really needed to talk. Alone would have been best, but with everything going on, Zuko had never managed to find the chance.
“Wow, the view is amazing,” said Katara, staring at the fireworks.
“It is,” said Aang. “Thanks, buddy,” he said, patting Appa’s head. The bison rumbled underneath them.
From below, Zuko could hear the sound of cheering.
“Sounds like the Earth King just announced the Harmony Restoration Movement,” said Toph. She turned to Sokka. “Hey, wanna know what fireworks are like for me? Close your eyes.”
Zuko turned to watch. “Boom!” yelled Toph.
Sokka jumped, yelping.
“Oh Toph,” said Katara. “Don’t be such a grump. You’re out with friends on a beautiful night, celebrating the fact that we saved the world.”
“True,” Toph conceded.
“You too, your new majesty Fire Lord Zuko Sir! Turn that frown upside-down! It’s happy time!” said Aang, grinning far too wide to look anything but ridiculous.
“Zuko?” said Aang, losing the smile.
Zuko was leaving tomorrow afternoon. Wrong time for this, but he was out of time. “I visited my father in prison the other day... I’ve been meaning to ask you for a favor, Aang.”
“Sure,” said Aang.
“If you ever see me turning into my father I want you to... I want you to end me.”
Aang blinked at him, a confused expression on his face.
“Even now, after everything that’s happened, my family’s legacy is still a part of me. That’s why it’s my duty to heal the scars that the Fire Nation has left on the world. But the Fire Lord’s throne comes with a lot of pressures, and if I’m honest with myself... I need a safety net. The world needs a safety net. That’s what I need you to be, Aang, the safety net.”
“Zuko, are you asking me to kill you if you go bad?” asked Aang.
Zuko nodded.
Zuko, no! You’re not your dad! And you’re my friend! How can you expect me--” cried Aang.
“I would rather die than turn into a monster like my father.”
“Why are you afraid you’ll turn out like that?” said Sokka. “Didn’t you already face that choice back in that war meeting where your father decided burning down the Earth Kingdom was a good idea? And here we are,” he gestured at the cheering crowd below.
“Running the Fire Nation is hard. I don’t know what I’m doing, and everyone expects me to act like Ozai all the time. I don’t know how to change things, and when I so much as raise my voice people act like I’m about to kill someone, because when Ozai raises his voice, he is. It would be so easy to lose control, and if I do people will obey it and it could restart the war and I fail at diplomacy and some of my advisors are monsters and I don’t always know which ones or if they’re lying to me. And that’s when my messenger hawks telling certain generals they have to ‘stop occupying area x and retreat to y’ aren’t mysteriously going missing because the generals don’t want to do it. I’m not good at this!”
“And we all know how much Sparky like to yell when he gets annoyed,” said Toph. “You set anyone on fire yet?”
“No,” said Zuko. “Of course not.”
“You ordered anyone killed who didn’t deserve it?”
“No!”
“Then you can’t be doing that badly.”
Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. How did he explain this?
“I didn’t even kill Ozai when he was in the middle of trying to burn down the Earth Kingdom,” said Aang. “I’m not going to kill you. Not now, not ever. If you do start acting like your dad, which you won’t, I will stop you hurting people, but I am not killing you.”
“OK,” said Zuko. “Just so long as I don’t stay in charge of the world’s most deadly military if I do go over the edge. I don’t expect you to ever have to do this, but I want to be certain that that particular nightmare doesn’t come true.”
“You having nightmares?” asked Toph.
“Sometimes, “ said Zuko, feeling his face heat up. “When Uncle pushed me into challenging Azula for the throne, I didn’t really get how hard this was going to be. If I do one thing, the Earth Kingdom gets mad at me, if I avoid that, then the people at home get mad at me.”
“So sort of like walking on certain thicknesses of Sikuaq.” Sokka looked at Zuko’s confused expression. “A type of ice. There’s a specific thickness that can carry you if you walk at exactly the right speed, but breaks if you get it the slightest bit wrong, and then you’re in the water.” Sokka waved a hand. “Anyway. That’s rough, buddy.”
“I guess so,” said Zuko. “I’m starting to think taking down Ozai and ending the war was the easy part.”
That shut everyone up for a few moments. “Isn’t there anyone in your government you can trust?” asked Katara.
“Well, there’s Minister Piandow, and Fire Sage Shyu, I suppose. There’s a group I can trust to do their jobs competently and be loyal to whoever’s in power, but there isn’t really anyone I can really talk to.”
“Why is your uncle Iroh running a tea shop in Ba Sing Se?” asked Sokka. “He’s got loads of experience at governing and war and stuff, and isn’t he the one person in your life who you really trust not to lead you astray?”
“Uncle doesn’t think he should be running the Fire Nation because the Earth Kingdom will freak out at having the Dragon of the West anywhere near the Fire Nation military. Also, the old guard of the government at home keeps referring to him as ‘that bleeding traitor’ when they think I’m not listening. I think they blame him for my turning against my father.”
“Didn’t say he had to run the military. Surely there’s a role for someone on your council to just be, like, a generalized advisor, or something?”
“That’s called a member at large, or a minister without portfolio,” said Zuko, “but yes.”
“Then why haven’t you made him one?”
“Because he wants to retire, and’s given up so much for me already. Way too much. And he’s safer here as Mushie the tea shop owner than he would be in the Court at home. I couldn’t stand it if someone killed him to get at me.”
Sokka bit his lip. “I can see why you’re worried, but-”
“If you’re so scared you’re asking Aang to kill you if you go bad, you can ask the man who pushed you into taking the job to give you a hand,” said Katara.
“Your uncle is the Dragon of the West. I think he can handle a few wannabe assassins,” said Toph. “And if you think your ministers are lying to you, I could come by for a few weeks and play lie-detector.” She grinned like a sabershark. “I love getting to intimidate generals and pompous officials!”
Everyone laughed at that, even Zuko cracking a smile. “Thanks, Toph,” he said. “I’m taking you up on that.”
“And we’re all descending on your uncle after the fireworks and speeches are over,” said Sokka.
“The speeches!” said Aang.
Zuko paled. “We need to get down there right now, or we’re going to keep everyone waiting,” he said.
Aang pushed Appa into a dive.
“Aren’t you supposed to be wearing something more officially Fire Nation?” asked Katara.
“Yes,” said Zuko, “but there isn’t time to change. Formal Fire Lord robes take ages to get into. Not to mention help from someone else.”
“Never mind,” said Aang. “Just pretend you did it on purpose, in honour of the peace with the Earth Kingdom.”
They didn’t make to the Jasmine Dragon and Uncle until the next morning.
________
It was about half an hour before the Jasmine Dragon’s official opening time when his nephew and his friends knocked on the door. Iroh’s eyebrows rose at the sight of the most powerful youngsters in the world peering through the doorflap. He smiled and opened the door. Sokka stumbled inside, Iroh grabbing his arm before he could fall. “Hello, Nephew, Aang, Toph, Katara - and Sokka,” said Iroh. “You haven’t all suddenly turned into Firebenders, to wake with the sun even after a party?”
“We need to talk to you,” said Aang.
“Go ahead,” said Iroh, tilting his head. “Shall I make tea?”
“That might be a good idea,” said Sokka. A few minutes later, they had settled in at one of the tables, with a pot of jasmine tea steeping in front of them.
“So, what is the problem?” asked Iroh, looking from one to the other.
The youngsters traded glances. Toph elbowed Zuko in the ribs, but he hunched his shoulders and didn’t say anything. This must be about my nephew, and he is being bullied into talking about it by his friends. Interesting.
It was Sokka who spoke up. “So, I hate to say this, but why are you running a tea shop rather than helping Zuko run the Fire Nation?”
Oh. “Do you want help?” Iroh asked Zuko.
“He asked me to kill him if he started turning into Ozai,” Aang burst out.
Iroh dropped the teaspoon into the tea. What? “That doesn’t sound good,” he managed. “Zuko, what’s going on?”
“He’s terrified of being Fire Lord,” said Katara.
“I’d say you have a responsibility to help him with it so he doesn’t get eaten alive,” said Sokka, taking out his new boomerang and bouncing it from hand to hand. “Isn’t the Fire Nation your responsibility too, as the only other sane, decent royal they have? I’m not ready to run the Southern Water Tribe if something happened to my dad. The men would pick someone with more experience, even if he wasn’t Hakoda’s son. Zuko’s barely older than I am, and being Fire Lord is way, way scarier than being Chief. So why have you abandoned him?”
“I never meant to do that,” said Iroh. “Nephew, why haven’t you asked me for help, and what did you ask Aang to do?”
Zuko’s face was red, and he looked like he wished he could earthbend himself through the floor. “I thought you wanted to retire, and you’ve given up so much for me already,” he mumbled.
Iroh closed his eyes and refrained from facepalming. He should have considered his nephew might react like this. Always all or nothing with the boy, and probably still feeling guilty over Ba Sing Se. “Just because I should not be Fire Lord and have no desire to run the Fire Nation doesn’t mean that I cannot help you do so. I can hire someone to manage the Jasmine Dragon for a year or two if you need me. What precisely has gone wrong? I thought you were doing rather well. The crowd outside certainly seemed happy last night.”
“But my advisors aren’t. Murasashi and Ukarno are totally against giving up any of the Colonies. You know we can’t defend half of them against a determined offensive from the Earth Kingdom anyway, but the industrialists don’t care; all they are worried about is resources and money.”
Zuko glanced at Aang and Toph. “But we’re leaving. I’m not leaving nearly a million of our people where I can’t defend them. Even if I could trust the Earth King not to attack, which I can’t, some of his generals and subkings would attack the colonies anyway. All the freedom fighers would do the same. If the Earth Kingdom attacked, I’d have to defend them, and that would restart the war. And a lot of people might be dead before I could get the army there to defend them.”
“You can keep everybody happy some of the time, or some of the people happy all the time, but no one can keep everybody happy all of the time,” said Iroh.
“I’d figured that out myself, Uncle. But I don’t think I’m keeping enough of the people happy enough of the time.”
“You have worked something out with the Earth King to assure a reliable supply of coal, iron ore and rice?”
“Sparky, the Earth King and my parents sat down and talked that out,” said Toph.
"Good. That’s critical to the industrialists, and should keep them from becoming too fractious.”
His nephew winced. “I wish. They don’t like the terms. Anyone would thing we hadn’t just lost a hundred-year-long war we started. I can’t give them what they want and still end the war. It’s not possible.”
“Why exactly did you ask Aang to kill you? That seems an extreme response to having difficulties governing. Like asking him to remove a fly from your head with a hatchet.”
Both Aang and Zuko winced.
“Only if I started turning into Ozai. And we agreed he wouldn’t, but would find another way to remove me from power if I became a major threat to world peace.”
Iroh relaxed a little. At least his nephew didn’t seem to be actively suicidal, and Aang and his friends seemed to have responded sensibly. “Why are you so scared of turning into Ozai? You are quite different from your father in personality, even if you do look similar to him. Apart from your scar, which he would never have had either the courage or the ethics to earn.”
“I went and spoke to my father a few days ago --”
“Oh. Why? And were you alone with him?”
“Except for the guards. I wanted to know where my mother is, but he wanted to talk about the Fire Nation, and I never did manage to get him to tell me where Mother is or what happened to her.”
Iroh closed his eyes, opened them and leaned forward. “Zuko, I really don’t think you should be alone with Ozai. You’ve only just gotten over trying desperately to please him, and you know how manipulative he is. With the way you helped humiliate and ruin him -- which he richly deserved – he hates you and will probably try to destroy you, and the Fire Nation with you, if he can.”
Zuko grimaced. “You are probably right, but I really do want to find my mom. And I know enough not to let him get to me.”
Sokka snorted. “Zuko, you just asked Aang to promise to kill you based on whatever he said to you. We defeated the Loserlord. You can’t let him control you from his jail cell. That’s stupid.”
“I’d hoped that once my mother heard the news that Ozai was no longer in power, and I was, that she might come looking for me,” said Zuko. “But it’s been two months, and I haven’t heard a thing. The only person who might know where she is is my father. If she’s locked up in a cell somewhere rotting away and I don’t even know where to look --”
“Zuko, what makes you think she’s still alive?” asked Katara. “How long has it been since she disappeared?”
“Six years,” said Zuko. “Father said he didn’t kill her, but he could have been lying. I couldn’t tell.”
“I would go with you to talk to my brother, but I tried to speak to him after he was taken down. All I got for my pains was curses, death threats, and his conviction that I turned you against him.” Iroh snorted. “He did that himself. I think we should leave him to stew in his hate and pain. He’s not going to tell you where your mother is, especially now he knows how much you want that knowledge.”
Zuko nodded. “I guess I just have to accept that I will likely never see my mother again.”
Katara made a small sound, and squeezed Zuko’s hand. Zuko squeezed back.
“She could still be out there, and the message not have reached her yet,” Aang said. “Aren’t there hundreds of little mountain villages in the Fire Nation where people go in and out a few times a year?”
“Yes, though with the airships being developed for civilian use I’m hoping they will be less isolated soon,” said Zuko.
“Have my parents asked to buy some of those yet?” asked Toph.
Zuko frowned, trying to remember. “I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised. They would be useful to their business, wouldn’t they?”
“Fast transportation method that doesn’t need to deal with the Earth Kingdom’s crumbling roads or the Sihuang Desert? Oh yeah. Trust me, if they haven’t asked yet they’ll be beating down the doors along with every other major trading house in the Earth Kingdom.”
They chatted for a while, and Iroh finally retrieved the teaspoon and got the tea served. Then one of the tea servers reminded him that the Dragon would be opening shortly. Iroh quickly agreed that he would come to Caldera two weeks from now in a balloon Zuko would send for him.
His nephew and his friends left, Iroh moving to finish off the tasks he’d left undone, his mind whirling. Two weeks should give him enough time to find someone to run the Dragon for a year or so, shouldn’t it? Well, it looked like the Avatar’s little group had turned his life upside down again. They had a bad habit of that. But really, he should have offered Zuko help earlier, insisted even.
He was awfully lucky Aang and the others had had the sense to come to him about this before things became critical. He imagined what might have happened if Aang had promised to kill Zuko if he turned into his father, but had not done anything about Ozai’s meddling or seen to it that Iroh knew his nephew was struggling. Iroh imagined... and shuddered.