Chapter Text
Four months later
“They accepted our offer.”
Sebastian looks up, as Chris skids into the room, sliding on the wood floor in his socks. He’s holding his phone out, eyes wide and lips slightly parted, a pretty flush on his cheeks. Sebastian’s eyes widen, too. “Really?”
Chris nods, tossing his phone over and bouncing up and down excitedly. “Glen just texted. They accepted it, Seb.”
Sebastian fumbles as he barely catches the phone, looking at its screen to see for himself. A series of texts from their real estate agent, with plenty of exclamation marks. He looks back up at Chris. “Did we just buy a house?”
Chris smiles so wide it threatens to split his face in half. “We just bought a house.”
Sebastian sets the phone down and gets up, barely makes it two steps before Chris is closing the distance between them and pulling Sebastian into a tight hug. He laughs, sounding delirious, in Sebastian’s ear, and then kisses him, quick and a little rough, passion overflowing. Sebastian cups his face, thumbs moving through his beard, shorter right now than it had been yesterday because Chris just trimmed it. The bristles tickle the pads of his fingers. Chris’s lips soften against his, but he stays close, sharing air and body heat, soaking up the poignance of the moment.
“You’re sure you won’t miss this place?” Sebastian asks.
Chris laughs again. “Are you nuts? I haven’t even lived here a full year. There’s still boxes in the basement I never got around to unpacking. The only reason this house ever felt like home is because you were here with me for most of that time. Anywhere we go is home as long as you’re there.”
Sebastian swallows over the surge of unexpected emotions that rises in his throat. “Chris.”
“That came out a little more cheesy-Hallmark-card than I meant it to,” Chris amends. His smile could light up Times Square. “I mean it, though. Someone who’s less of a meatball could express it more seriously, but I mean it. You’re my home.”
“God dammit, Evans,” Sebastian complains, disingenuously, tipping his head forward to rest against Chris’s shoulder to give himself a chance at keeping it together. If he keeps looking into all that sweet, earnest sincerity in Chris’s eyes, he’ll definitely burst into tears.
“Big clumsy meatball,” Chris says again. He tightens his arms around Sebastian’s waist and kisses his hair.
“My meatball, though.” Sebastian kisses his neck, just above the collar of his t-shirt. “My home, too.”
“We take possession October 1st.”
“We have a house.”
“Yes we do. One that’s ours. Not me absorbing you into my life or you absorbing me into yours. Our house, filled with our things and our memories and us. Together.”
“Maybe you should write for Hallmark,” Sebastian suggests. His voice comes out thick and wavering.
Chris chuckles, and nudges Sebastian’s face up to kiss him. “Love you. So fucking excited to start a life with you.”
“Me too.”
“We should have a house-warming party, once we’re settled in. A big one. Invite Hayley and Anthony, and Scott and my sisters, and some people from work, and just … everyone. Everyone we can convince to show up and celebrate with us.”
“Sounds perfect.”
* * *
Sebastian runs the pad of his thumb slowly down Chris’s nose, feeling over the slight bump in the bridge. Then he runs it back up, over Chris’s left eyebrow, back down to brush over his cheekbone.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispers.
It still overtakes him, just as hard as it had the very first time he saw Chris, across the room at a banquet. Sebastian looks back now and finds it difficult to recognize himself from a year ago. Everything is so radically different. He’d believed he was getting by. Not quite happy, but something close enough to it that he could get out of bed in the morning and teach his classes and write his books and spend time with his friends. He hadn’t realized how much he was faking it, until he relearned what genuine happiness feels like.
Chris blushes and smiles softly, turning his face into the pillow.
“What, you don’t agree?” Sebastian teases.
“I believe you mean it,” Chris answers. It’s not self-deprecating, it’s gentle and teasing like Sebastian was.
“Good.” He keeps touching, light fingertips over Chris’s perfect face. Gets sappy again, because he can. “I’m so lucky I found you.”
“Me too.” Chris’s fingers curl over Sebastian’s ribcage, under the covers. “And back at you, by the way. Speaking of unfairly beautiful. I won some kinda lottery, that you ever wanted me back.”
“Wanted you since the first second I saw you.”
“Lucky me.” Chris smiles a little more, and his eyes sparkle, and Sebastian has seen spectacular sunsets over the ocean that are less stunning than Chris when he smiles. “Are you nervous?”
Sebastian swallows. He moves in a little, lifts his head for a moment so Chris can get his arms around him and cuddle him close. They’re going to Constanţa tomorrow. Renting a car in the morning and driving to New York so they can board an overnight flight to Istanbul, and then a second flight to the Romanian city on the Black Sea. It will take them almost 24 hours to get there, all travel included, and that part Sebastian really isn’t looking forward to. He doesn’t mind planes, but he’s never been on a 10-hour flight before. It sounds fairly nightmarish. And that’s just the getting there. What awaits in his first home is a much bigger, scarier unknown.
“A little. Yes,” he admits. He’s been working with his therapist on being more honest. Working on what she calls speaking his truth and trusting that the people who love him will keep on loving him all the way through it. “But you’ll be there.”
“I’ll be there,” Chris confirms.
“A lot of bad things happened there, you know?” Sebastian asks. He tucks his head under Chris’s chin, where it’s safe. “Not to me necessarily, but things I saw. Things I heard about. I don’t know how it’s all gonna come back. I’m not … I don’t think a full-on breakdown is in the cards or anything, but. I just don’t know. How it’ll all go down.”
“That’s okay. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it. I’ll be right there beside you.”
“I don’t think I would’ve ever done this, without you.”
“Yes, you would’ve. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
“I wasn’t me, anymore. Not for a long time. Loving you helped me figure that out.”
“I wasn’t me anymore either. Or I was a version of myself I didn’t like. Or something.” Chris kisses his hair. “Point is, we found each other at the right time. And I’m proud of you for going back. Even if it’s shitty, you know? I’ll be there with you, and we’ll be okay.”
“There’s really nice beaches. Wouldn’t be so horrible to lie with you on a beach while I can’t stop crying.”
Chris chuckles warmly, the low sound vibrating through Sebastian’s chest. “Yeah, that sounds nice. I can’t wait. Sunburnt and snot everywhere and sand in the crack of my ass. Dream vacation.”
It makes Sebastian laugh, and spreads warmth down his extremities. “Good.”
* * *
The flight is as endless as Sebastian was imagining. He tries to sleep but can’t, too anxious about the trip, so Chris stays up with him. They play cards and talk about the draft of his book Chris just sent to his editor, and watch a movie while cuddled under one blanket, as much as they can in awkward airplane seats. The layover in Istanbul is a few hours, but not long enough for it to be worth leaving the airport and seeing a bit of the city, so they wander through the gift shops and have breakfast and just wait. By the time wheels touch down in Constanţa, they’re both exhausted and irritable from being exhausted, and Sebastian just wants to get to the hotel and sleep for a full day.
He speaks in imperfect Romanian to a taxi driver, communicating where they need to go, and then stares out at the city through the window as they drive. He remembers more of it than he was expecting, given how young he was when they left. It feels like seeing ghosts, to take in familiar buildings and parks and street art, as if 30 years went by in the blink of an eye and he’s right back to being 7 years old in this place. Chris’s hand slides over and takes Sebastian’s, squeezing it. Sebastian squeezes back. He should have warned Chris that they can’t be quite as overt, here, in a slightly more conservative and religious country than their own. Luckily the taxi driver is singing quietly along to the radio and doesn’t pay them any notice.
They do collapse into the queen bed, once they get to their hotel. Sebastian is too tired to bother showering or changing, he just takes off his jeans and crawls under the blankets, and Chris crawls in with him and holds him close and Sebastian drifts off to sleep in only minutes. It’s dark out, when he wakes up, finding Chris already awake and sitting up against the headboard looking at his phone, Sebastian’s head pillowed in his lap.
He stretches and smiles up at Chris. “How long have you been awake?”
“Not that long. Maybe a half hour. You looked peaceful, I didn’t want to bother you.” Chris’s fingers slide into Sebastian’s hair, petting, and Sebastian leans into the touch.
“What time is it?”
“3:30,” Chris answers.
“In the morning?” Sebastian groans, and then laughs. “Shit, we slept for like 11 hours.”
“We needed it.” Chris keeps stroking his hair. His stomach growls next to Sebastian’s cheek, and he grins sheepishly. “I apparently am hungry.”
“I have no idea where we’re going to get food at 3:30 in the morning. Might have to just be hungry for a few hours before breakfast places open up.”
Chris shrugs. “I’ll live.”
He puts his phone onto the nightstand and slides down, the two of them rearranging themselves so Chris can lie with his head on Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian trails absent-minded fingers up and down his spine, through his soft shirt.
Another loud growl of his stomach, and Chris noses up under Sebastian’s stubbled jaw and jokes, “maybe I should eat you.”
Sebastian snickers. “I don’t think sucking me off and swallowing is the same as actual food.”
“Better than nothing,” Chris kisses his chin, but then doesn’t make any effort to move. Sebastian closes his eyes and relaxes with Chris in his arms.
* * *
“It’s the same,” Sebastian says, staring from the curb at the six-storey apartment building where he’d live for most of his childhood. He can’t believe it looks the same. It’s been nearly three decades, Sebastian was sure the old building would have been torn down, or at least painted or renovated. But it’s exactly the same. He can see the window, on the fifth floor, that was his bedroom. Can remember looking out that window and watching people pass by on the street below. Remembers watching nervously in the later years, before they ran, as tensions heated and the streets became empty expect for soldiers.
It’s early in the morning, so the street is relatively deserted. Chris moves in behind him, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s waist and hooking his chin over Sebastian’s shoulder. Sebastian leans against him a little, letting Chris take some of his weight; letting Chris support him.
He points, to a spot across the street. “I saw a man get shot, there,” he says quietly. “By a soldier.”
Chris makes a small, hurt noise and turns his nose into Sebastian’s hair. “Fuck.”
“I was home alone, after school. I never told my Mom. Never told anyone. I thought if I did, they’d come after me, too.”
“Sebastian,” Chris whispers. “That’s so fucking horrible. You must’ve been so scared.”
His hands shake as he remembers it, remembers the way the man’s body had fallen like a puppet with cut strings, just dropped to the ground and lied there motionless as the soldiers laughed and jostled each other like it was a game. Sebastian remembers dropping down as well, hiding under his bed until his Mom got home and wanting to tell her what he’d seen, but terrified of what might happen if he did. He turns in Chris’s arms, burying himself in a strong, solid embrace, where he’s always felt safe, since the first time Chris hugged him.
“Can we go?” he asks, voice breaking.
Chris nods. “Of course we can.”
He might come back. They’re here for a week, before they’ll carry on to Greece for the more enjoyable part of their vacation. Sebastian might be able to convince himself to come back in a few days, to sit here on the side of the road and process the memories he’d locked up for so long. Just not today.
* * *
They do go to the beach. It’s one Sebastian remembers playing at when he was little, with friends from school. His Mom sitting on the sand with the other parents while he ran along the shoreline and splashed his friend Emil and traded shovels and plastic buckets to dig in the sand while the salt water licked at their feet. They find a spot near the end of the open stretch, where no one is around to see them. Chris sits against a brick barricade wall, bare-chested and smiling, and Sebastian settles between his legs, leaning back against him like he had earlier on his old street but more completely this time. Chris hugs around his middle, fingers gently petting his stomach and lips brushing along the side of Sebastian’s face.
“I’m proud of you,” he says softly. “I know this is difficult. But you’re here.”
“You’re coming with me, tomorrow, right? To the meeting?” Sebastian has been communicating with a charity organization that works with children, figuring it better to offer his help to an existing operation rather than attempting to start his own in a country where he doesn’t live and has no contacts. He’s meeting with their director in the morning.
“Wouldn’t miss it. You’re gonna do so much good, here. Help out so many kids who’re like you were. I’m …” Chris sounds emotional, and rubs his nose against Sebastian’s cheek. He repeats, “really fucking proud of you. And love you so much.”
Sebastian tilts his head back, finding Chris’s mouth and sliding his own against it. When their lips part, he leaves his head resting on Chris’s shoulder and looks out over the water. Sparkling blue in the sunshine, extending so far into the distance that it disappears beyond the horizon. Endless.
“It’s beautiful, here,” Chris says softly.
Sebastian nods. It is, and he can see that, beyond the memories that darken it. If he closes his eyes and relaxes in Chris’s loving embrace, he can almost hear distant echoes of his own laughter, bright and sparkling like the water, as the shadow of his child self runs along the beach. Splashing, playing, carefree and happy.
That little boy didn’t know the things that would happen, not too far into the future, things that would ruin his innocence and leave him with scars that might last a lifetime. But he didn’t know other things, either. He didn’t know he’d make friends who would stick by him through anything. He didn’t know in the future he’d work hard, and push through setbacks, and land his dream-job at one of the best schools in the world. He didn’t know his future self would be back here, decades later, lying on this same beach in the arms of someone who loves him.
For a quiet moment, in the sunshine, Sebastian feels more connected to that little boy than he’s ever been. For the moment, they’re both carefree and happy.
* * *