Chapter Text
A video playback.
It's taken on Sero's phone. The video's shaky, bright linoleum blurring in the frame. Wheels of a tray carrying dental equipment and a slim nozzle over a sink tug at the edges of the screen. Sero's snorts are fuzzy and deafening so close to the microphone.
"Oh my god, this is precious," Ashido squeals, barely muffled by her own hands. She's slapping her thighs, biting down her laughter on her knuckles. "Where the heck is Kaminari? He needs to see this...!"
"Think he went off to flirt with the assistant," Sero shrugs, snorting still. He's practically vibrating with how hard his shoulders are shaking — the video definitely won't come out well on his phone. "His loss — this is high-grade stuff."
"Grade...?"
Kirishima's blinking blearily on the patient chair of the dental room, mouth stuffed with cotton rolls and eyes unfocused. Then he scrunches his face hard, wrinkles creasing his brows and the bridge of his nose till he looks like a raisin. "But I already graduated..."
The words snowball and turn to slush in his mouth. He knocks his head aside with the force of speaking, tongue about to loll out between his puffed cheeks. Sero's got the camera trained on him, sitting next to Ashido and grinning in sheer delight. He owes much to the side-splitting laughter that online compilations of patients on laughing gas have routinely gifted him. This one was for giving back to the community.
"How you feeling, Kirishima?" he prods, making sure to zoom in on Kirishima's dazed face.
"M'good. So good." He rolls his head to his other cheek, humming. Then he open his eyes, and his eyes bulge like he's moving in jelly when he sees Ashido. "Hoooly, shiiit… I fucking," he blinks slow, "love. Cotton candy." He blinks again, eyes wide as plates when his arm moves like a crane, reaching for her hair. "Can I...have some? Pllll...ease?"
"I change my mind." Ashido's voice is absolutely flattened as Sero cackles beside her. "No one needs to see this."
"What, Ashido?" Sero wheezes. "Can't he have some, puh-leease?"
"— The fucking shit!"
The door bangs open at the shout, and Ashido nearly jumps out of her chair. Sero swears, fumbling to not drop his phone. Bakugou's glare fixes onto them like laser-sight, his face mask below his chin to showcase his nostril-flaring, pearly-white snarl.
"I leave you shits alone to wash my hands for five goddamn seconds and you can't fuckin' behave?!" he barks. He glances around the room, and his groan claws its way out from the deepest recesses of his lungs when he massages the bridge of his nose. "Where the fuck's the twink."
Ashido actually spits. The flecks catch in the white light when she clutches her sides. "The twink — "
"Went to bug the assistant," Sero bites on his smile while Ashido's on the floor.
"Great. Fuckin' great," Bakugou throws his hands up in the air, his sigh roaring like the rev of a chainsaw. "You know what? Fine. Fifteen patients, four root canals, and a wisdom tooth in a day — she can go get laid with that impy anime Grease Lightning. Better than giving her a raise."
"Stop, stop...!" Sero keels over laughing by Ashido, who tries crawling back up to her chair and fails spectacularly. "She's already dead...!"
Bakugou rolls his eyes, walking past the two legal adults cracking up in his office and operating room — he'd have to sterilise the place again tonight — to go check up on his patient.
And boyfriend. His patient, and boyfriend, Kirishima. Boyfriend-patient.
Bakugou's a professional.
"Those two nerds aside," he mumbles, letting his shoulders relax at Kirishima's side. "Let's see how you're..."
He trails off, because Kirishima is gaping at him.
Wide-eyed and slack-jawed, a long noise leaves his mouth like a broken monitor. Bakugou wonders for a moment if he should check him for brain damage.
Then Kirishima's mouth claps shut, swallowing the drool in his mouth with a loud gulp, his cheeks completely red, and Bakugou feels the skin on his face bristle with heat.
"M'in heaven," Kirishima mumbles. His head rocks from side to side with his body, and it occurs to Bakugou that he's shaking his head. "The angels in heaven r'so hot. No one told me." He snaps his head to Sero and Ashido, who watch like tourists in a zoo. "Why'd you guys not tell me...?"
Kirishima looks back to Bakugou, love and fluorescent lighting shining in his eyes. Bakugou's face is in his hands.
"Nooo, angel, y'r so pretty! Don't hide your face…!" Kirishima whines, head knocked back. Bakugou's ears go bright as flares behind his hair.
"You getting this, Sero?" Ashido mumbles on the side. Sero's arms rise on command, phone glued in his hand.
"Every sweet second of it, Ashido."
"I mean, I'm free Sunday, you're free Sunday, The Pussycats are even better live than in studio..." Kaminari put his hands up, pout innocent, shrug casual. "Sounds like a good deal to me."
He walked side-long by Jirou on their way back to Bakugou's office. She played a bit with the gauge at one of her earlobes, hum exaggerated at Kaminari's playful, hopeful look.
"Interesting," Jirou nodded long and slow, smirking as they reached the office. "I'll consider it. Have my people talk to your people."
"Knew we could come to an arrangement." Kaminari's arms make a cradle for the back of his head, his cheeks are buzzing with a smile showing teeth.
Then they come into Sero and Ashido spluttering raspberries, trying to shut each other up as Sero's filming. Bakugou looks perpetually two seconds away from cussing them out while he tries and fails to comfort Kirishima, who has tears gushing down his cheeks as he sniffs like only a plumber could unblock his nose.
"Uhh..." Kaminari blinks at the scene, wary before Sero pulls him in and whispers in his ear.
"What's going on?" Jirou frowns, coming up to Kirishima's side.
"Nothing, dammit, it's not — " Bakugou hisses. Then a new wave of tears onsets onto Kirishima's splotchy cheeks in a cracking sob, and Bakugou swears again, flustered and desperate as his eyes flit over his face. "No, no, it's not nothing, shit, just — dammit, Kirishima, stop crying — "
"It's not — Kirishima just — " Ashido tries to explain, but she's completely pink in the face, clutching her gut, nothing but air coming out. "Bakugou — 'n' Kiri — I can't — "
Jirou blinks. She's about to announce she's learnt a grand total of zero before Kaminari bursts out with a laugh, cooing with a hand to his forehead. She catches his eyes, pointedly glancing at Kirishima and back at him, before he just shakes his head, grinning.
"Kirishima's sad," he says, "'cause he asked if Bakugou's single and he said no."
Jirou squints. Looks at Sero and Ashido, and Bakugou hovering over Kirishima like a nervous angry gay hummingbird while Kirishima's crying like a baby. Her eyes go shut very slowly, and she presses her temples.
"...Well, that's what nitrous oxide does to you," she decides, officially not giving a fuck. "How much footage did you guys get?"
She joins the others by Sero, who gives her a thumbs up and a grin. Bakugou's holding onto Kirishima's hand now, thumbing away his tears and swearing up a storm. His brow knots and his cheeks dimple from how stupid and adorable his boyfriend is, and his cheeks won't cool down as Kirishima sniffles up at him.
"Why d'you have to have a bo-hoy-friend..." Kirishima wails, voice wracked with despair. "You're so manly 'n' beautiful and ta-hay-kennnn...!"
Great globules of snot bubble at his nose as he looks up at him all watery- and doe-eyed, face patchy red from crying, teeth sharp and white behind his sobbing mouth. He has to be the ugliest crier that Bakugou's ever seen.
"Dunno," he mutters, smirking. "Ask the dumbass who's going out with me."
"Nooooo...!"
He shakes his head violently, face crumpled in sadness. Hand still clasped in Bakugou's and Bakugou smirks wider. Full of warmth when he kisses Kirishima on the forehead. Smiling as Kirishima keeps whining. His sigh comes out nothing but fond.
"What an idiot..."
A chorus of coos echoes by him, and his joints lock up.
"Oh, this," Kaminari points at him and Kirishima, and looks to Jirou and the others in a grin. "This is beautiful."
"Uh," Sero peeks out from behind his phone, "you're not gonna make us emigrate to Canada and delete the video, are you?"
"I'm only worried about one of those outcomes," Ashido pipes up.
Bakugou's eyes narrow at them in a baleful glare. That glare slides to Jirou, who only raises a brow at him, thoroughly amused at the whole display.
In that moment, Kirishima squeezes his hand. All his tension leaches out of him in a sigh.
"Send me a copy when you're done."
It takes a blink for Sero, Ashido, and Kaminari to copy. They look at each other, before letting out a great whoop, Kaminari wheedling Jirou into joining in. Bakugou goes back to tending to Kirishima, who's crying less and swooning more beside him.
Kirishima giggles dumbly up at him, lashes sticky from leftover tears. Bakugou lets out a huff, getting a tissue to clean up his face, planting another kiss on his cheek. He'll have time to sterilise the room tomorrow.