Chapter Text
"Stephen? Are you okay?"
Define 'okay', he thought. "Of course. Just a slight headache," he said.
'Slight' was the understatement of the century though, if it wasn't anatomically impossible he would have been afraid that his brain might explode any second now. Then, at least, he would have been delivered from the constant agony of the last few days.
"Right. Do I look like I believe you?"
Tony, tactile being that he was, tried to reach out Stephen shied away from his touch as if it might burn. "Please don't." Despite the pain he could see the flash of hurt on Tony's face at his rejection and it made him feel even worse than he already did. "I'm sorry. It's just… I don't like to be touched when I'm in pain." Understatement of the century.
Tony nodded but looked unconvinced. "You don't like to be touched in general, I've noticed. Care to elaborate why?"
No, I don't. But Tony deserved more than just another cold reaction; especially after what happened a couple of days ago and how he was acting now. "Bad experiences. Lots of them," he offered instead and wanted to take the words back the moment Tony's expression changed from one of baffled hurt to horrified realization.
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
Go away and leave me to die. Typical Tony Stark; see someone in pain and offer assistance. It was as adorable as it was predictable and Stephen hated himself for the split-second where he was tempted to take the offer. "No, thank you. I think that I'll just go home and try to sleep it off."
"You haven't been able to sleep this thing off for days now, Stephen. Maybe you should try more than sleep and herbal tea or whatever and take some actual pain medication."
It was good advice, really, and for it to come from Tony - who hated to take pills at least as much as Stephen did - demonstrated just how fucking awful he must look by now. "Maybe I will," he said but Tony still looked unconvinced.
[He wants to be the one who gives you the pills and then make sure that you get sleep. Maybe he'll even watch over you while you rest. Keep you safe. Wouldn't that be wonderful?]
It would be Heaven on Earth, actually. But I can't. Stephen shoved the insidious voice inside his head aside with the ease of long practice; something that got harder to do each and every day.
"Please, do that. Are you good to go home? I can get you…"
Stephen forced a smile onto his face. "I have made portals under far worse circumstances than a headache. But thanks for the offer." To demonstrate his abilities he conjured one up.
Tony didn't even flinch, another clear sign of his worry. Stephen felt awful for putting him through that. But not for much longer, judging by how horrible he felt by now.
"I'll check in with you tomorrow, okay?"
"I didn't know that you cared so much."
Stephen waved and vanished through the portal before Tony could react and so he never saw Tony's face or heard his soft: "You have no idea how much I care."
He stared at the empty space where the portal had been for long minutes before he shook himself out of his increasingly dark thoughts. "FRIDAY?"
"Yes, boss?"
"How's he doing?"
In answer a holographic screen popped up before Tony and he studied the furtive scans FRIDAY had made of Stephen during his short visit.
Nothing. Nada. Niente. Absolutely no explanation for the headache Stephen had been complaining about for the last four days. And it was more than a headache, Tony was sure of that. Stephen's movements had been even more careful and measured than usual and Tony suspected that he was suffering from dizziness. His neck must hurt, too, his posture had made the clear. The pain in his hands and wrists was also worse than usual; Tony had never before seen him fiddling around and holding his own wrists so much. Come to think of it this had been the first time Tony had seen Stephen's bare wrists. Why hadn't he put on his usual supportive bonds?
The list grew longer and longer the more Tony thought about it. When he finally came back from the depths of his thoughts he found himself sitting on his floor, still staring at the space where Stephen had vanished.
"What's happening to you, Stephen?" he asked the air. "And why won't you let me help?"
Stephen's cold rejection hurt, no question about that, and Tony couldn't understand it. He could see that Stephen didn't mean his words, that he longed to take Tony up on his offer. He'd stopped counting how often Stephen had reached out to him today, before shying back at the last second. They'd made the first few steps from being friends to something more but then, a few days ago, Stephen had suddenly withdrawn. Right around the time he'd started to mention his headaches, actually.
Stephen was hurting, badly, and Tony wanted nothing more than to take him into his arms and try to make it better.
"Let me help, please," Tony whispered again. He didn't even notice the tears in his eyes and the empty, hollow feeling in his heart, too consumed by worry. Filled with a cold sense of foreboding he stood up, ready to go over to the Sanctum and demand some answers.
Or beg for them. Whatever. He was prepared to do both.
[Let him take care of you. It's what you both desire. What you need. Why are you so damn stubborn? I'm only trying to help but you make it so fucking difficult!]
What Stephen needed was peace and quietness. No more pain would also be nice but he didn't want to be too greedy. He hissed as he tried to massage his left wrist but gave up when the fingers of his right hand protested against the movement. Now he was paying for his laziness in the morning. He hadn't wrapped his wrists up and without their usual support they ached even more than usual, which in turn spread out into his fingers and increased the pain there even more.
"Fuck!" He squeezed his eyes shut, already half blinded by the tears of pain his stupidity had brought him.
The Cloak carefully grabbed both of his hands before he could try again. It immobilized his right hand and carefully began to massage the left one while Stephen stumbled over to his bed. He didn't even dare to take his clothes off, neither through magic nor the traditional way. Instead he tried to relax into the soothing touches of the Cloak as well as he could.
"Thank you," he whispered and took the edge of the fabric between his fingers to rub it in appreciation before rolling to his side and curling up. The Cloak hugged him tightly, still holding on to his wrists and keeping him from hurting himself further, while doubling as a blanket.
[So stubborn], the parasite inside his mind told him once again. [Just give in to your desires. You know what'll happen otherwise.]
"Shut up!" The Cloak still held his hands or he would have clapped them over his ears in a futile attempt to shut the voice down. "Leave me alone!"
[Only when you give in.]
"Never."
[Then you'll die in agony while your soul withers away piece by piece. Is this truly what you desire?]
"I'm not going to shackle Tony to a useless wreck like me. He deserves better."
[That's not how soulmates work, Stephen, you know that.]
"He's better off without me."
Finally, the voice hadn't had anything to offer in return and Stephen drifted off into an uneasy sleep; plagued by nightmares and constant pain.
"Stephen? Stephen! Wake up! Please!"
Someone was shaking him and screaming his name.
"Leave me alone," he tried to say but didn't manage anything more than some garbled nonsense.
He was understood anyway. "Never," Tony said but he stopped his insistent shaking.
Stephen could feel the dip in the mattress as Tony sat down beside him. His hand was still on Stephen's shoulder, his fingers right over his pulse-point. Why are you here? How did you get in? He has questions, but Tony's careful touch betrayed its purpose and somehow that was all that mattered right now.
"Are you checking my pulse?" This time the words were audible.
"It's too slow. What's happening to you, Stephen?"
My soul's dying and my body's not far behind. He didn't have the strength for a denial and it would be useless to protest now anyway. "I'm sick," he finally admitted, his eyes still closed.
Tony's fingers on his throat tightened for a moment before he relaxed and stroked over the spot in apology. "I can see that. What is it?" The gentleness in his voice almost broke Stephen and he had to actively fight against tearing up.
"Nothing you can help me with."
"Something magical?"
Stephen nodded and hissed when the movement aggravated the pain in his neck and head.
"Shh, stay still." Tony's hand moved from his throat to his neck and carefully stabilized it while the other one was put on Stephen's forehead. "You don't have a fever. You're rather cool, actually. Care to share?"
Why the hell not? It'll be over soon anyway.
[Tell him. Tell him that he's the only one who can save you. Tell him how he can make you feel better. He loves you. More than anybody else has ever loved you.]
I don't deserve him and he deserves better than me.
"It's a parasite," he confessed. "It's in my mind and it's poisoning my soul little by little and while it's at it it's also shutting down my body."
"That's why you're heartbeat's so slow and you're temperature down. Fuck, you're actually dying right in front of my eyes and I didn't notice." It wasn't a question and Stephen couldn't even nod in confirmation since Tony still immobilized his neck and head.
"I didn't want you to notice."
"Why not? Don't I deserve to know?"
He didn't know how to answer that. Tony deserved it more than anyone else, including Wong who was thankfully away and couldn't see his decline. Tony couldn't know. Had to be kept safe from the knowledge of what exactly was happening.
"Tony," he tried but broke off, completely at a loss of words.
There was some shifting around and Stephen found himself with his head in Tony's lap and Tony's hands on his shoulders, holding him. The Cloak was still spread over him, trying to keep him warm in a world that continued to grow colder with every passing second.
[Tell him.]
"Sorry," Stephen said after long minutes of silence and Tony's continued gentle touches. He dared to open up and looked into Tony's beautiful eyes. They were filled with tears and full of sorrow and defiance. "For everything." The dim light of his bedroom hurt his eyes and he closed his eyes with a soft sigh.
"Stephen? No, no, nonono, there has to be… stay with me, damn it! Please, open your eyes. Please. You promised me, remember?"
"I'm here for you", he'd told Tony after their first kiss, with Tony's head on his shoulder. "You're never going to be alone again."
He hadn't even been able to keep his promise for a week; just one more reason in the long list of reasons why he wasn't the right one for Tony. Tony deserved so much better.
[He's your soulmate. He neither deserves nor wants anyone but you.]
Stephen didn't have the strength to answer the parasite. He'd never wanted to hear and see Tony cry again. And now Tony was crying over him and it was awful to hear and be unable to do anything to console him. But there was nothing.
"Let me go," he finally whispered, feeling himself fade away again. "Please. It's better that way."
"Never. I love you, you realize that, right? I refuse to let you go. Stephen! Please, open your eyes." He tried, he really did. He managed to open his eyes a little bit and was rewarded with Tony's uncertain smile. He bent down and kissed Stephen on the lips. "Stay with me, baby," he whispered, pushing their faces so close together that they shared the air they breathed for a moment. One hand continued to support Stephen's neck, the other was busy stroking his shoulder.
"Sorry," Stephen managed with the last of his strength. Tony's wordless sound of denial haunted him as he finally slipped into unconsciousness.
[You're breaking his heart], was the last thing he heard.
Better that than ruining his life for good, was his last coherent thought.
Tony looked down at the man resting - not dying, damnit! - in his arms and could feel the coldness of death creep into his own body.
"What's happening to you?" One more reason to hate magic - now it was threatening to take the man he was in love with away from him. "Not on my watch," he vowed. "FRI, darling?"
"Yes, boss?"
"Get searching. Everywhere you can. You know for what."
"Will do so, boss."
"Good girl." He bent down and touched his lips to Stephen's forehead. He wouldn't kiss him on the lips again until Stephen was awake and could reciprocate. They had waited too long, he realized with horror. They had spent so much time dancing around each other like two insecure teenagers which wasn't acceptable. Not with the dangerous lives they both led, where they could lose each other any second.
"Courtship is over," he whispered against Stephen's skin. "I can't lose you, you know that, right? I've lost almost everybody else that ever meant something to me, I can't let you go, too. Not even if you might want to…" He trailed off as the horrifying realization hit.
Fuck.
Stephen hadn't even been fighting; he's just calmly accepted his fate and had surrendered to death right here in Tony's arms. Despite knowing how Tony felt for him and despite what happened a week ago. He hadn't been subtle in his flirting and touching and until a few days ago Stephen has responded very well to his advances.
Stephen's whole behavior had indicated that he wanted to be courted and seduced and Tony had no problem doing that. The rather slow pace had only helped him in realizing that yes, Stephen was the one he wanted. Body and soul and mind - Stephen was incredible down to his very last atom; almost as if he'd been made for Tony and Tony alone.
They'd shared their first kiss five days ago, the night before the headache started. Stephen had melted against him, trembling hands on Tony's hips, while Tony had one hand on the back of Stephen's neck and the other low on his back, almost on his ass. He had all but begged Tony to take him to bed but timing had been against them.
Stephen had been forced to go to take care of some minor incursion of something or other and when he came back he'd been hurting, almost cold and trying to keep his distance from an increasingly worried Tony while still searching him out on a daily basis.
They'd waited for too long and now Stephen was dying in his arms after just one short evening of kissing and one tearful declaration of love from Tony.
It wasn't fair. This couldn't be it.
"Boss?"
FRIDAYs voice broke through his increasingly desperate thoughts. "What is it?"
In answer the holographic projector in his wristband activated. "I've taken the liberty to contact Master Wong and present him with the facts. He said, and I quote, He's a fucking idiot and should really know better than to just offer himself up on a plate. He also sent scans of the relevant books and apologizes for not being able to aid you in berating Doctor Strange and begs you to do it on his behalf as soon as you've saved the Doctor..."
"What books?" he asked but was already busy scanning the pages the moment he'd heard 'saved the Doctor'.
FRIDAY, bless her, knew when to ignore him. "These are the relevant passages." A few paragraphs highlighted and jumped out at Tony.
A little bit of history, a little bit of what it did, and one paragraph of what might be done so save the afflicted person from certain death.
"So, soulmates," Tony said to the unconscious man in his lap after a couple of minutes of frantic reading. "Typical that I get saddled with the one guy who's able to out-stubborn even me." Now that he knew what to do he could relax a little bit. Now he only had to get Stephen to accept the inevitable… Tony grinned, delighted, and could feel the heaviness leave his body. He could do this. Totally. No problem whatsoever. He'd always been told that he was too clingy, he could and would cling to Stephen for forever if that was necessary to save him. He could live with magic if he could also have Stephen at the same time.
He gently caressed Stephen's face and watched him just breathe for a few moments. God, Stephen was truly beautiful, even exhausted and dying. Tony could barely wait to see him when he was rested, well-fed and preferably happy. Soon, he vowed. He wanted to see that beautiful body spread out before him, he wanted to explore it and he wanted to make Stephen cry from pleasure, to claim him as his. He wanted to cuddle with him and talk technology and magic for hours on end while the Cloak acted as their blanket. He wanted to take Stephen's hands between his and take his pain away. He wanted Stephen's fingers on the scars on his chest, soothing the phantom pain of bones long gone and replaced by implants.
He wanted to be there for Stephen when he woke up from the inevitable nightmares and he wanted to wake up in Stephen's arms and be soothed when he woke up from his own.
He wanted so many things, so much more than anyone could have given him before. Before…
"You're truly mine, hmm? It's nice to know that there really was someone for me out there all the time. Waiting." And going through hell itself while doing it. Tony wasn't a fan of this part but really? What else could he expect from his soulmate? "We weren't in a competition, you know?" he murmured and shifted them so that Stephen's head could rest on the pillow beneath him. "You didn't have to beat me in the 'has horrific things happen to him' Olympics, really."
He carefully moved out from under Stephen's upper body and nodded his thanks when the Cloak helped him by slipping its edges under Stephen's body and keeping him up until Tony was free before it lowered him down. "Thanks." The stroked the fabric absently before stretching his own sore muscles. "Keep watch for a moment, okay? I'll be back in a second."
Now that he knew that there was still time left and that Stephen wasn't going to die from one second to the next he had the luxury to take a few minutes to do this right. He looked down at Stephen, went to his knees in front of the bed and put a hand on Stephen's cheek. "When you wake up you'll feel better," he promised and bent forwards to brush a light kiss against his forehead again. "And when you're really well again I'm going to yell at you for being a fucking idiot that prefers to die than to open his mouth and tell me what's up."
He got up to do the necessary preparations.
"Hey, Stephen? Come on, sweetheart, time to wake up."
Stephen groaned, tried to move and had to realize that he couldn't.
"Shh," Tony said before his dazed brain could even think about panicking. "It's just me. You were starting to have trouble breathing so I put you into an elevated position."
He blinked, already dreading the light hitting his sensitive eyes but was pleasantly surprised to find his bedroom in darkness, only lit by a few candles scattered across the room.
It gave the room an almost romantic flair.
He was half sitting, half leaning against Tony's chest he realized, and Tony's hand where holding him steady while the Cloak was spread out over him. It waved a greeting at him and Stephen tried to smile back but feared that it became a pained grimace instead. Most of his clothes were gone and he was just in a loose pair of pants and a shirt. Still, he felt warmer than he had in days. Safe. Protected.
"Contact is important, or so I've gathered, and that was the easiest way as long as you were… asleep." Unconscious. Dying. The words were unsaid but present.
"Tony," he started and then the rest for the words hit him. "You know," he whispered.
In answer Tony drew him even closer, holding on to him almost painfully tightly. "That you're my soulmate? And willing to die before you admit it? Yes, I know. And I'm sorry."
Confusion. "Sorry? What for?"
"That you got hit by this bug that made you seek out the one your body and soul longs for on every level there is," Stephen recognized that quote from his own research and winced. "And that it made you seek out me. You could do so much better, Stephen, don't think that I don't realize that. But here we are and is it really better do die in agony than spend the rest of our lives together? I think we've built a pretty solid foundation those last few months. We can make it work."
Stephen, too stunned by the barrage of words, could only stare straight ahead and try to find the words to protest the utter garbage that had just come out of Tony's mouth. But his eyes were drawn to his left wrist and he stared, too surprised to do anything else.
"Ah, yes, that." Tony's left hand stayed on his chest, supporting and restraining him at the same time, while he took Stephen's left wrist with his right one and brought it up so that Stephen could better look at it. It was encased in red and gold - nanotech, no doubt about it. "Your Cloak showed me that it was hurting, badly, and that it's better when it's supported. I realized that you weren't wearing anything today and before I inflict my bandaging on you I decided to do it this way."
"It almost stopped hurting," Stephen said full of wonder. And the tremors where minimal.
Tony nodded and Stephen could feel the motion against his head and shoulder. "It's the nanotech. It adapts automatically, supports and puts pressure where it's needed. How do you think I can stay up and in battle despite having been seriously hurt? I have a high pain tolerance, granted, but this stuff works wonders." He hugged Stephen even tighter. "I'm going to look into it. For you, I mean. If you want me to."
Generous, wonderful, beautiful Tony. Stephen smiled without wanting to and relaxed into the tight hold. "Let's talk about it later. First…" He held out his left hand, palm upwards and waited until Tony put his hand atop of it, palm to palm. He couldn't entwine their fingers, the pain and his limited mobility didn't allow that, but this was the next best thing. He could almost feel the pressure of the touch even through the nano-tech, better than on his naked, damaged fingers, actually.
"Why didn't you tell me? I thought you wanted to be with me; is the prospect of staying with me really so awful that death is preferable?"
Without looking he knew that Tony's eyes were swimming with unshed tears. Fuck. Tony's insecurities came out to play at the most inconvenient of times and clashed horribly with Stephen's own.
[You're made for each other. What else did you expect?]
Shut up. I'm trying to salvage the situation here.
[Finally.]
"It's not you, it's me." He winced at the cliché words but to his relief Tony didn't laugh at him.
"Don't tell me that old bullshit that I deserve better because believe me - I don't. I don't even deserve to be alive right now and here I am. I like the idea that I'm still here for a reason and if that reason is you? I can live very well with that." There was a short pause. "Can you?"
Oh, Tony. Great, now he was crying, too. What a pair of idiots. "If we do this," he began slowly, still searching for the right words. "This is it. We'll be bound to each other. You can't go back to Pepper and you won't find anyone else. Ever. It'll be me, for as long as we both are alive. Maybe even beyond that."
"I know. Wong sent scans of the texts." There was no resignation in Tony's voice, but maybe a hint of excitement.
Of course he did.
"I don't want anyone but you. Haven't for ages, actually. Pepper and I are… dust. Paster than past. You and I? We can have a future together. If you…"
"… if I surrender and allow my soul to bind itself to yours."
"I'm sorry that it can't be the other way round. If you would have told me…"
[You always knew that it would happen like this. You're his. He's yours. He's already accepted it. Now all you have to do is the same. Surrender and let the inevitable happen.]
"There's no way you're letting me go now, is there?" He said it half-jokingly but his true meaning was clear.
"Never."
He was starting to like that word, actually. With Tony's help he sat up and turned around - for this he had to look into Tony's eyes. He only saw love and understanding, no hint of fear or uncertainty. His already half-formed 'are you sure?' died unspoken. Tony had never looked more sure of anything and had never been more beautiful. He put a hand on the back of Stephen's neck and pulled him in for a soft, chaste kiss. Through that little gesture alone Tony communicated his willingness to wait for anything more strenuous until Stephen was well again. If it had been possible he would have fallen even more for Tony in that very moment.
"Mine," he whispered against Stephen's lips.
"Yours," Stephen whispered back, surrendering to the inevitable.
[Not quite. Words alone are not enough, Stephen. Give in. Control through surrender. Remember?]
They kissed for a moment, hands wandering, before Tony drew back, laughing. "You know what would happen right now if this was some spicy fantasy novel, right?"
It took a moment before Stephen managed to switch gears but when he had it he groaned and punched Tony in the arm. Then he hid his face in the excitedly fluttering Cloak to hide his blush. "Shut up, douchebag," he muttered, not at all turned off by the possibilities conjured up by Tony's words. Maybe, someday, when he was feeling better and not like warmed up death… they could reenact that whole scene with added… spice. "Always with the romance. I really know how to pick them." He wanted to offer up himself to Tony right now, actually, but he wanted to feel better before they added sex to the whole mix.
"So do I." Tony's voice had become incredibly gentle and he pushed the Cloak aside. "Look at me, Stephen." It took all his willpower but he did. He was rewarded with the most stunning smile that had ever graced Tony's face. "You're even more beautiful with a little bit of color on your face," Tony said and somehow managed to make it sound truly sincere.
Stephen could feel his face blazing but didn't try to hide anymore. Still staring straight into Tony's gorgeous eyes he searched for and found Tony's hands. It took him a moment and he needed a little bit of help but he managed to grab and hold on to Tony's left hand with his right one. There was no hope to do the same with his left but he smiled when Tony took his left wrist and squeezed it gently. The nanotech was really sensitive enough to let him feel it. Incredible. They ended up palm to palm again and with Tony's fingers closed around his hand. It would do.
"I'm yours," he said, finally submitting to the inevitable. Simple words but he could feel the power they unlocked between them. Tony stared in stunned disbelief as golden bands of magic appeared between them, first binding their hands together and then moving on to envelope their bodies.
[Finally. Took you long enough.]
"You're really never going to leave me," Tony said one or two eternities later, when the glow of magic had faded and the bond between their souls had begun to settle down.
"I wouldn't have left you anyway," Stephen replied. "I love you." He suddenly realized that he'd never said the words out loud before. He brushed his fingers over Tony's face and followed with a kiss. "I've loved you since Titan. I'm just an idiot that can't talk about what he wants." And needs.
"My idiot." Tony caught his hand and pressed a kiss against the palm. "Typical that I get someone who has to contract a magical parasite and almost dies from it before he finally manages to confess his undying love to me."
"Hmm. 'Undying love', I kind of like that actually. Especially the not dying part of it."
"Thank God. I don't want to be bound to a suicidal idiot." Tony became serious. "You don't…?"
"No, I don't. I was influenced by outside forces." Tony's relief was palpable and Stephen didn't have it in him to tell him the truth. Besides, it was the past now. It would rear its ugly head again soon enough, no doubt about that, but it was best to let sleeping dogs lie for now.
"Come here." Tony settled them down on the bed, himself on his back with Stephen curled up on his side; his head on Tony's chest. The position gave him access to Stephen's back and the began to stroke him like one might pet a cat. Stephen nearly began to purr at the sensual contact and just wished that there was no fabric between them. He looked at his left wrist, laying on the mattress on Tony's other side, still encased in red and gold, and almost pain free for the first time since his accident. He could barely believe that he deserved all that.
Another time. For now they would spend the next few hours in close proximity, waiting for the enormity of the situation to sink in and the last vestiges of magic to fade.
For the first time in far too long Stephen was looking forward to what the future might bring.
"Mine," Tony whispered over and over again, full of wonder and awe.
Stephen just smiled and snuggled even closer to him. Yours, he silently mouthed against Tony's chest. He liked the sensation those two words awoke in him.
[You did good, Stephen. Have a happy life. You both deserve it.]
The voice of the Ancient One faded from his subconscious for good but Stephen barely noticed it, too busy feeling content, happy, safe and protected.